Veteran Funny Quotes

We all like to think we're pretty savvy when it comes to using our Macs, and in the case of the typical Macworld reader, that's usually true. But there's a funny thing we've noticed when we talk even to veteran Mac users: There's almost always some essential stuff - basic ~ Macworld Editors

The sanctity of our battlefields, monuments, and veterans institutions is of utmost importance to preserve military history and pay respect to those who fought. ~ Henry Waxman

When he and Wally stopped laughing, Homer said, 'I've never seen the ocean, you know.'
'Candy, did you hear that?' Wally asked, but Candy had released herself with her brief laughter and she was sound asleep. 'You've never seen the ocean?' Wally asked Homer.
'That's right,' said Homer Wells.
'That's not funny,' said Wally seriously.
'Right,' Homer said.
A little later, Wally said, 'You want to drive for a while?'
'I don't know how to drive,' Homer said.
'Really?' Wally asked. And later still – it was almost midnight – Wally asked, 'Uh, have you ever been with a girl – made love to one, you know?' But Homer Wells had also felt released: he had laughed out loud with his new friends. The young but veteran insomniac had fallen asleep. Would Wally have been surprised to know that Homer hadn't laughed out loud with friends before, either? ~ John Irving

Marriage - as its veterans know well - is the continuous process of getting used to things you hadn't expected. ~ Thomas Mullen

Because Vietnam was not a declared war, the veterans are not even eligible for the G. I. Bill of Rights with respect to education or anything. ~ Ronald Reagan

The need for this clinic is clear to me, to the veterans who are currently forced to travel hours to receive care, and even to the Veterans Administration that itself identified creation of a clinic in this part of our state as a priority to be completed by 2006. ~ Doc Hastings

Caring for veterans shouldn't be a partisan issue. It should an American one. ~ Jennifer Granholm

I don't think of myself as a comedian, but as an artist, a scientist and chemist who just happens to be funny. I started doing stand-up to add another level to my game. I feel that I'm a young rookie with a veteran's skill. ~ Marlon Wayans

Old Veteran also loved to go on adventures. On one such adventure, a coyote attacked Old Veteran. ~ Jeanie Vant

I think we are looked upon as a veteran band. ~ Lou Gramm

The other veteran said Listen, mate, everybody gets scared, and anybody says he don't is a damn liar ~ Eugene B. Sledge

As a Korean War Veteran, I know too well the troubling nature of war. This is why I will always support a diplomatic answer before military intervention. ~ Charles B. Rangel

Every veteran is a hero. ~ Joe Walsh

Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the world ~ Allan Donald

We are all dishonored when a veteran sleeps on the same streets that he or she has defended. We are all dishonored when a veteran's family has to live in a shelter while he or she is out fighting for us. WE NEED TO FIX THAT! ~ Tammy Duckworth

Veteran art creates a meeting place between veterans and civilians, or simply between veterans with different experiences. ~ Phil Klay

Those who cannot bravely face danger are
the slaves of their attackers. ~ Aristotle.

How different the new order would be if we could consult the veteran instead of the politician. ~ Henry Miller

The civilian wants to respect what the veteran has gone through. The veteran wants to protect memories that are painful and sacred to him from outside judgment. ~ Phil Klay

A Veteran is the one who takes up arms to save you before the ones who take up arms to kill you can succeed. ~Nkwachukwu Ogbuagu ~ Nkwachukwu Ogbuagu

More importantly, if you are in a position to hire, hire a veteran. They will be the best employees you have. ~ Eric Shinseki

Go to war, come home as a sickened veteran, and be denied your earned disability payments to live a life of extreme poverty and hardship. ~ Steven Magee

Veterans report that service dogs help break their isolation. People will often avert their eyes when they see a wounded veteran. But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, 'Hi' to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation. ~ Al Franken

As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time. You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can't understand what it means until you've read a few chapters and your eyes are glazed over and someone has to revive you with a defibrillator. ~ Kevin Hearne

I saw the Vietnam Veterans Memorial not as an object placed into the earth but as a cut in the earth that has then been polished, like a geode. ~ Maya Lin

Don't pretend to know everything. I've been blessed to work with a lot of veteran actors, and I soak up lessons from them like a sponge. ~ Michael B. Jordan

If the veteran only has a year or two left on his contract, teams are hesitant to trade a draft pick for a player in that position. Why pay a big cap number for a guy you might only have for a short time And then there's the reality that the veteran and the agent would probably want to be on the open market anyway, figuring they'll get more money that way. The system is not conducive to making a deal for a veteran. ~ Marty Hurney

I was a veteran, before I was a teenager. ~ Michael Jackson

Any veteran can tell you it is already hard enough to see a doctor down at the VA and get the health care they were promised when they signed up to serve this country. ~ Nick Lampson

The last point that I'd make. I had a hearing. I had all of the veterans groups in front of me. And I said to them, tell me when a veteran gets in to the V.A., understanding there are waiting lines and real problems, when a veteran gets into the system, is the quality of care good? ~ Bernie Sanders

There would be a paragraph about some veteran digging tunnels for the Germans in a slave labor camp, or something like that. Finally I decided to look it up and go further into it. ~ Charles Guggenheim

I'm hoping to learn something new every day. It sounds corny, but I really do come in here every day, listening and talking with the veteran guys and seeing what I can absorb. ~ Justin Verlander

After several years in the league, when a player becomes a vested veteran in the NFL, they play under a different set of rules. For instance, if you cut a vested veteran mid-season and they don't get picked up by another team, you owe them the remainder of their salary. ~ Brendan Daly

He didn't like very many people any more, or very many things either. He preferred not to be this way, but there it was, he was like that. His cynicism, a veteran's cynicism, was a thing that disturbed him all the time. ~ David Guterson

As a soldier and combat veteran, I believe American military forces should only be used in the defense and furtherance of our nation's vital interests. ~ Joni Ernst

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

There was a huge, tremendous amount of disabled veterans and the Veteran's Administration just wasn't geared up for it. I know for a fact that it's getting better and better. ~ R. Lee Ermey

I'm inclined to reserve all judgments, a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald

It's not like I'm some kind of veteran and there is this huge age gap. I identify with them more off the field. I need to set an example, which is great, and I look forward to doing just that. ~ Barry Zito

I am a veteran of the War on Christmas. I am just emerging from a battlefield strewn with dead trees and torn shreds of brightly colored wrapping paper. ~ Henry Rollins

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

As the daughter of a 25-year veteran of the armed forces, I am incredibly thankful for the sacrifices our women and men have made in Iraq, and continue to make in Afghanistan. ~ Barbara Lee

Were there atheists in foxholes during World War II? Of course, as can be verified by my dogtags . . . A veteran of Omaha Beach in 1944, I insisted upon including 'None' instead of P, C, or J as my religious affiliation. ~ Warren Allen Smith

But despite their heroic acts, the Vietnam Veterans of America continued to struggle to establish a combat badge in honor of these brave pilots and medics. ~ Tim Holden

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

We have a lot of young players and some veteran players who make you feel good and give you a lot of tips. They always want to make sure you're ready to play. ~ Carlos Gonzalez

Group Meditation is a castle that protects the new spiritual aspirants as well as the veteran meditators. Meditating together increases the degree of Self-realization of each member of the group by the law of invisible vibratory exchange of group magnetism. ~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

I failed, I think, seven [or] eight times before I finally got my first [championship]. It was just, you know, just about me growing up. Now that I'm an old, old veteran-age 29-I do things a lot differently. I don't go to the gentlemen's clubs anymore. I had to slow that down. ~ Shaquille O'Neal

It was Harry Patch, who was the last living World War I veteran; and by veteran I mean someone who actually fought in the war, he didn't just happen to be in the army at that time, in the Great War. And when the Iraq War started, he was interviewed, and they said, well what do you think of this? And he said, in a very sad voice, "Well, that's why my mates died. We thought we were going to end all that sort of thing." ~ Jacqueline Winspear

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway

Veteran print editors and reporters at places like the 'Times' and 'The New Yorker' manage to feed and clothe their families without costing their companies a million bucks a month, and they produce a great deal more valuable reporting and analysis than the network news stars do. ~ Eric Alterman

You can take the best team and the worst team and line them up and you would find very little physical difference. You would find an emotional difference. The wining team has a dedication. It will have a core group of veteran players who set the standards. They will not accept defeat. ~ Merlin Olsen

I'm a veteran, and I come from a family of veterans and people who served in that war. And the stories that I heard were a hell of a lot different than the movies that I was seeing, so I wanted to make a movie about the people that were really there. ~ David Ayer

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

As a 22-year Army Veteran who served in Operations Desert Storm and Iraqi Freedom, and as a Civilian Advisor to the Afghan Army in Operation Enduring Freedom, I understand both the gravity of giving the order, and the challenge of carrying it out. ~ Allen West

Postpartum depression is a very real and very serious problem for many mothers. It can happen to a first time mom or a veteran mother. It can occur a few days ... or a few months after childbirth. ~ Richard J. Codey

A youth loathes nothing more than his own callowness. Experience is his object. Experience, however ghastly, for the lad longs before all for the lined face and chiseled squint of the veteran. Even his submissions to terror, the very shit with which he paints his thighs under fire is trophy to him; he points it out to his comrades, laughing in the aftercourse of action as if it were a decoration for valour, for it makes him a salt, a veteran, an old hand. ~ Steven Pressfield

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

In ten minutes they will have arrived on campus. George will have to be George; the George they have named and will recognise. So now he consciously applies himself to thinking their thoughts, getting into their mood. With the skill of a veteran, he rapidly puts on the psychological makeup for this role he must play. ~ Christopher Isherwood

Valor is a gift. Those having it never know for sure whether they have it till the test comes. And those having it in one test never know for sure if they will have it when the next test comes. ~ Carl Sandburg

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ~ Regina Griffin

Toes are scarce among veteran blubber-room men. ~ Herman Melville

Gertrude was a veteran of the love wars. ~ Jerry Pinto

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. ~ Nobita Nobi

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

A veteran of the gender wars. ~ Lorrie Moore

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. ~ Chris Messina

Ish #21 Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ~ Regina Griffin

A whole generation of veteran composers has never taken a stand or provided an example and has produced in the music academies generations of docile workers for the music industry. What can you expect from downtrodden workers who see music as a type of profession, like stenography, and not an act of creation that by its nature is subversive? ~ Itay Talgam

I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny. ~ Christopher Walken

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything. ~ Steve Martin

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny. ~ Maya Rudolph

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. ~ Chris Rock

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ~ Tracey Ullman

When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We can make the way somebody walks funny. The makeup can be funny. ~ Mitchell Hurwitz

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up. ~ Matt LeBlanc

One thing I want to clarify - that every service member, veteran, wants us to remember - is that the vast majority of people returning from service come back completely healthy. But when we do come across someone who is struggling. We have to develop a culture of open arms and acceptance so that they feel comfortable saying, "I'm a veteran. And by the way, I need little help." This is something we need to do in this country around mental health as a whole - destigmatizing mental health. ~ Michelle Obama

Making modern games funny would be easy as pie if it was anybody's goal to actually make a funny game. ~ Doug TenNapel

I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. ~ Paula Pell

You know ... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time ... husband!!! ~ Bill Maher

But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie. ~ Thomas Haden Church

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. ~ Tommy Chong

There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. ~ Robert J. White

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny. ~ Alan King

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood. ~ Paul O'Grady

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. ~ Mark Russell

I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. ~ Trevor Noah

I come from a long line of miserable people. ~ Arlene Schindler

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny. ~ Ken Dodd

There are no veterans, only survivors. ~ Rick H. Blase

He was old and hoary and a veteran in evil. ~ John Gerard

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. ~ Helen Rowland

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn't like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. ~ Jay Leno