Funny As Hell Quotes

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Quotes About Funny As Hell

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You take I-55 south, and you'll run into I-20. Or you could take ... "
I was about to be overloaded with information. "Oh that sounds just perfect. Let me do just that, or I'll lose track."
Sure, glad I could help."
Oh, you surely did."
We beamed at each other, just two nice women. I had to fight an impulse to say "I have a tortured vampire in my trunk," out of sheer giddiness. ~ Charlaine Harris
Funny As Hell quotes by Charlaine Harris
Who's stupid now, Jimbo?! ~ April Henry
Funny As Hell quotes by April Henry
She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is. ~ Margaret Watson
Funny As Hell quotes by Margaret Watson
when the cheese belongs to the mitten take the horns off the roller coaster ~ Zach Peterson
Funny As Hell quotes by Zach Peterson
A very large, gray cat waddled over and said, "Zelda…I have a bet going on with Jango that you can heal this sucker, so put all you have into it!" "If I do save him, Fat Bastard, you are splitting the winnings with me. Now quiet!" Zelda said, putting up a hand to silence him. He sidled off mumbling something not very pretty. ~ Claudy Conn
Funny As Hell quotes by Claudy Conn
Wishing he'd...get the hell out the door before I do something crazy like ask him to whip out his goober. ~ Stephanie McAfee
Funny As Hell quotes by Stephanie McAfee
You are a very threatening princess."
"Be Careful or I'll beat you up with my tiara. ~ Alyssa Rose Ivy
Funny As Hell quotes by Alyssa Rose Ivy
I can't kill him." Celena
"You can do it baby." Rafeal
"You told me just last night that you wanted to choke the life out of me." Rafael
That was for hogging the remote, and I wasn't serious. This is entirely different." Celena ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
It all jibed, and the books would close on Jasper as death by misadventure. Unofficially, Eve labeled it death by stupidity, but there wasn't a place on the sheet for that particular observation. - Lt. Eve Dallas on a drunk fall off the roof ~ J.D. Robb
Funny As Hell quotes by J.D. Robb
This was one of those non-glamorous parts about college that people never tell you about - worrying that the dilapidated apartment hosting a party would fall apart with you in it. ~ Alyssa Rose Ivy
Funny As Hell quotes by Alyssa Rose Ivy
Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly. ~ Carroll Bryant
Funny As Hell quotes by Carroll Bryant
We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home ~ Thabang Gideon Magaola
Funny As Hell quotes by Thabang Gideon Magaola
Ish #21 Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ~ Regina Griffin
Funny As Hell quotes by Regina Griffin
What they saw was a hero baby. That's what you are. A survivor. A strong woman. Beautiful... Funny as hell... Sexy... Sweet... ~ Lucian Bane
Funny As Hell quotes by Lucian Bane
Maybe it's some Bioterrorism test being run by the government. Don't drink the tap water or seafood until I do some testing." Bubba
"I don't normally drink my seafood Bubba, but" Nick ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
To be fair he is Lord Byron," Jane said. "I don't know many people who haven't slept with him at one time or another."
Jane Fairfax ~ Michael Thomas Ford
Funny As Hell quotes by Michael Thomas Ford
I'm going to take a wild guess here and say the hard-on you've been sporting all afternoon is not on account of Mr. Nicholson continually bending over to pick up the golf balls, right?"
"For fuck's sake, Dad!" James cursed, looking horrified at his father, who just shrugged his shoulders at his son's shocked expression.
"Whaaat? Just making sure," he added, hardly hiding his amusement. ~ Elle Aycart
Funny As Hell quotes by Elle Aycart
No comedian's wife thinks he's funny. The first few years of the marriage, maybe. I was funny as hell the first couple of years. ~ Tom Smothers
Funny As Hell quotes by Tom Smothers
Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch. ~ Lili St. Crow
Funny As Hell quotes by Lili St. Crow
I don't drink anymore myself, I'm moving on. And that's not to say I won't drink again. I'm not making any promises, but I don't think I was a great drinker. Some folks are great drinkers; they drink and tell jokes and laugh their asses off, and they are funny as hell. We buried one of those last week. Life is just a big test, and if you try hard, you fail. If you don't try too hard and fail a little but have a good time, maybe that is success. ~ Neil Young
Funny As Hell quotes by Neil Young
Cabal. Cabal. Cabal. I summon you to me. Now."
Simi and Kody exchanged a look that said he was as crazy as he suddenly felt when nothing happened.
Great, Dad. I can look stupid on my own. Didn't really need you to help out on that front.
That was his thought until he heard a curse and something slammed into him, knocking him against the wall. Nick shoved his attacker away, then froze as he looked into a pair of familiar, startled brown eyes.
Now this was the giant badass-tough demon that Nick was used to.
"Malphas?"
Tense and braced to fight, Caleb turned around slowly, surveying every aspect of his new surroundings. He paused as he faced Kody and Simi. "Where the heck am I? And how did I get here?"
Kody pointed to Nick. "Apparently, Nick summoned you."
"Nick?" Caleb glanced right past Nick and kept searching the room with his gaze. "Our Nick? Where is the little booger?"
She gestured even more exaggeratedly at Nick's position. "Right there."
Caleb's jaw went slack as he faced him."Nick?"
"Caleb?"
The word had barely left his lips before Caleb grabbed him into a bear hug and held him tight. Which was extremely awkward and gross. Completely weirded out by it, Nick tried to disentangle himself from the demon. It wasn't like Caleb to show any emotion toward him other than irritation or frustration. Sometimes anger.
"Stop C! If you're going to hug me like this, you got to buy me dinner first, boy. And it's got to be ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
What do you have to say for yourself, boy?" Cgerise
"Sorry, Ma, I'm a sexy demon magnet?" Nick
"Cherise!" Bubba
"Don't you even take that tone with me, Mr. Triple-Threat-I-don't-have-to-listen-to-anyone-because-I'm-the-size-of-a-tabk. You're in the doghouse, buster. You might as well pack a bag 'cause you're going to be in there so long your name's going to be engraved on the mailbox." Cherise
"Ah, what'd I do, cher?" Bubba
"You dragged my baby into danger, and you-- Are you one of them?" Cherise
"I'm going with whatever answer doesn't get me swatted with that bat." Savitar
"Cherise, calm down. What are you doing here?" Bubba
"What do you think? I'm protecting my boys. Both of you ... Because Mark values his own life and inparticular his male body parts, he called me after he got off the phone with you to tell me what the two of you were doing. You didn't honestly believe that I've been ignorant of what you and Mark do at night all these years? Did you?" Cherise
"Um, yeah." Bubba
"Well then you're a fool,Michael Burdette. And I'm not." Cherise ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
You were upset. I don't want you feeling forced into anything, he pressed on, horrified at his own words. Mental. Since when did he let chivalry get in the way of a blowjob? Talk about boycotting oneself, jeez. ~ Elle Aycart
Funny As Hell quotes by Elle Aycart
If you've ever grown zucchini, you know they all ripen the same day. You wait all of June and July for zucchini. August rolls around, and one day - bam! You have more zucchini than you know what to do with. You start handing them out to your neighbors and friends at work because there's no way any single person can handle all that zucchini. Not even if you're smart and resourceful and have accumulated dozens of good recipes, not even a person who likes zucchini as much as I do.
Grace Savage ~ Gale Martin
Funny As Hell quotes by Gale Martin
I [dad] spent hours on the phone. Do you know with whom?'
'One of those psychic hotlines?' Dad gritted his teeth. 'If only ... ~ Rachel Hawkins
Funny As Hell quotes by Rachel Hawkins
There are human boys here somewhere?" Zoey asked.
Aurox's face scrunched up as he frowned at her. "Not here. Outside - out there. " He pointed in the general direction of the door to the field house behind them.
"Outside the field house!" she almost yelled.
"Zo, sometimes I think you don't listen so good," Aurox said. Still frowning at her, he continued speaking slowly, as if trying to get her to understand a foreign language.
"Two boys. Outside the wall. With the keg. And cups. They. Want. Hot. Vampyre. Chicks."
"Okay, I think I get it." Stark grabbed Aurox's arm and started to drag him toward the door and away from Z
before she went for his throat, although that would have been funny as hell. "You found two kids, with beer, trying to get over the wall, right?"
"See, you listen better." Aurox patted him on the back, almost knocking Stark over. "But they're just looking through the hole for vampyre pussy, not trying to get over the wall."
"If you say pussy one more time I'm going to smack the crap out of you," Zoey said, coming after them.
"You can't come!" Aurox stumbled to a stop. "You have legs and tits!"
"Oh. My. Goddess. I'm going to kill him!" Stark stepped between the two of them. He faced Zoey.
She'd gone from pale to bright red in zero-point-nothing seconds. "Z, I think this is something that a Warrior needs to handle."
Behind him, Aurox belched, sending a wave of beer air wafting over them.
Zoey narrow ~ Kristin Cast
Funny As Hell quotes by Kristin Cast
Dearly weird and motley beings, we're gathered here today for . . . yada, yada, yada. Seth say something profound and sweet to Lydia." Savitar
"My Lydia is like a star rising to guide me through the darkest night." Seth
"Look, kid, I can say the words for you, but I think she'd rather hear them from your lips. Ignore the assholes in the chairs. If one of them laughs, I'll gut him for you." Savitar
Lydia laid her hand against his cheek and kissed his lips. "Hey, hey, hey!" Savitar snapped. "You're jumping ahead, woman. It's your turn to make a vow to him."
"Love is paitent. Love is kind.
It does not envy. It does not boast. It does not proud.
It is not rude. It is not self seeking.
It is not easily angered> It keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, it always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Lydia
"Yeah, okay,beings . . . now you ." Savitar
"Alright then, to the handful here, let me present Mr. and Mrs. Demigod jackal beings." Savitar
"You know this would be much easier if some of us had last names." Savitar to Seth and Lydia
"Would you stop ruining this for them?" Ma'at
"I'm not ruining it, Mennie, I'm making it memorable," Savitar ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Here. There. Everywhere." He leered at his friend. "Thinking about you and Moira's
underwear. ~ Dana Marie Bell
Funny As Hell quotes by Dana Marie Bell
Its a good thing I'm here, big guy, because you have shit taste in friends."
Okay, I said the last part intentionally, knowing how Aaron would react. And right on cue, Aaron said:
"He's not my friend!"
"Well, I guess that settles it, Nick. You're not going to be rebound guy because, despite your predictions of woe, Aaron and I aren't breaking up. I'd say that we'll see you around, but I doubt that'll happen since you don't even rate friend status. ~ Cardeno C.
Funny As Hell quotes by Cardeno C.
Miranda: You say you were my guardian angel. Does that mean you watched me all the time? Like when I got my period or doctored a zit or took a shower or-
Zachary: I'm an angel, not a Peeping Tom. ~ Cynthia Leitich Smith
Funny As Hell quotes by Cynthia Leitich Smith
Remind me again why I followed you out here?"
Answer: Because curiosity killed the cat, Scarlett. You followed a good-looking stranger out into the dark and look where it got you – on the front porch, in the bitter cold.
"Don't beat yourself up about it – any one of those girls would have followed me out here, too."
Oh brother, he's modest too? "And why do you suppose that is?"
His broad shoulders shrug and damn, he must be freezing his ass off. "Captain of the baseball team. Handsome as fuck. Funny as hell."
"I don't…wow. I don't even know how to respond to that."
He gives me a tight-lipped smile. "It's a lot to take in all at once. ~ Sara Ney
Funny As Hell quotes by Sara Ney
You talked to your mother about Duncan's erectile dysfunction?" He glared down at her. "Has he considered taking your TV away? ~ Dana Marie Bell
Funny As Hell quotes by Dana Marie Bell
This ... this ... thing?"
"A parsnip?" Jem suggested
"A parsnip planted in satan's own garden," said Will. He glanced about. "I dont suppose there's a dog I could feed it to?"
"There dont seem to be any pets about," Jem-who loved animals, even the inglorious and ill-tempered Church-observed.
"Probably all poisened by parsnips," said Will. ~ Cassandra Clare
Funny As Hell quotes by Cassandra Clare
Are you wearing space pants?" Miranda asked him.
"What?"
How did it end? oh, right. "Because your butt is fine."
He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for straitjacket. "I think-" he started, then stopped and seemed to be having trouble talking. Cleared his throat three times before saying, "I think the line is 'because your butt is out of this world."
"Oh. That makes a lot more sense. I can see that. See, I read this book about how to get guys to like you and they said it was a line that never failed but i got interrupted in the middle and the line before it was about china-not the country, the kind you eat off of-and that is where the fine part was but i must have gotten them confused. He just kept staring at her. ~ Michele Jaffe
Funny As Hell quotes by Michele Jaffe
This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit.
-Ty Henderson ~ Madeleine Urban
Funny As Hell quotes by Madeleine Urban
I don't know how many times a phone call or e-mail starts with, "I don't agree with anything you say but you're funny as hell so I listen to your show, I love your show." ~ Stephanie Miller
Funny As Hell quotes by Stephanie Miller
If life is unfair with everyone, doesn't that make life fair ~ Thabang Gideon Magaola
Funny As Hell quotes by Thabang Gideon Magaola
The problem is, these days you have to listen to too many parts of your body. Sometimes I go with my gut feeling, some say go with what your heart says - it's only a matter of time before my appendix will have an opinion. This is probably why there are so many helplines these days. No one knows who to bloody listen to! ~ Karl Pilkington
Funny As Hell quotes by Karl Pilkington
I think we're avoiding the most important question here. What matters most. What means the most to men like us."
Conall growled at Billy Dunwich's sincere face. "I am not telling you if she swallows."
Dunwich smiled. "Just tell me if she's a good girl ... or if she's a very good girl? ~ Shelly Laurenston
Funny As Hell quotes by Shelly Laurenston
Oh, you're an expert in crazy people now?"
"A month with you and I feel I have a master's degree in the subject. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout
Funny As Hell quotes by Jennifer L. Armentrout
Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. ~ Tom Hiddleston
Funny As Hell quotes by Tom Hiddleston
She stared into his eyes and announced, "A good-bye kiss."
It was at that Raid stopped dead. "What?"
"Raiden, the gig is up," she declared, and Raid closed his eyes.
Jesus, how could the woman be so infuriating and so fucking cute all at once?
He opened his eyes and asked, "The gig is up?"
She leaned into him and hissed, "Yes."
Fuck, he wanted to kiss her.
He also wanted to shake her.
"Baby, it's jig," he corrected, and her head jerked, which made that mess of hair on her head jerk, which reminded him he wanted his hands in that hair.
Then elsewhere.
He needed to speed this shit up.
"Sorry?" she asked, sounding confused, and he looked from her hair to her eyes and saw she was, in fact, confused.
Yeah. Infuriating. And fucking cute.
"The jig is up, not the gig," he told her.
Her eyes narrowed. "Seriously? You're correcting my street lingo?"
"Think that street lingo was the street lingo about eight decades ago, Hanna. So now it's just lingo. ~ Kristen Ashley
Funny As Hell quotes by Kristen Ashley
So," V'Aidan said as she thumped a cantaloupe, "what are you listening for?"
She held it up to his ear and thumped. "This one is to ripe." Then she held up another one and let him hear the difference. "This one isn't."
She put the good cantaloupe in the cart, then turned around to catch him thumping bananas. Erin quickly grabbed them away from him. "We don't thump those."
"Why?"
"It'll bruise them."
"Oh." He looked around, then paused. "What about those?"
She turned to see the grapes. "Only thump if you want to turn them into whine."
He pulled her into his arms. "What about if I thump you?"
She smiled. "I'd probably make all kinds of interesting noises. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Hello, beautiful. Just wrap those long, sexy legs around me and I'll ride you anywhere, any time you want." Talfryn
"This one's all yours. Go ahead, brother, wrap your long, sexy legs right around his waist and ride him all night long." Cadegan ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny As Hell quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug. ~ R.L. Mathewson
Funny As Hell quotes by R.L. Mathewson
Ash went over to the closet, and Sloane maintained his stoic expression. There was no way Dex would be hiding in the closet. It was too obvious. Ash opened the door, looking unimpressed. "There's a fuckwit naked in your closet."
Dex looked up at Ash with wide eyes. "This isn't what it looks like. I dropped some change, it rolled under the closet door, and when I went to pick it up, my clothes fell off. True story. ~ Charlie Cochet
Funny As Hell quotes by Charlie Cochet
He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself," Bones added. "Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of 'how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck' to make me want to stake myself. ~ Jeaniene Frost
Funny As Hell quotes by Jeaniene Frost
That face. That body. And you know he's packing. Look at the angle on that dangle. ~ Jeaniene Frost
Funny As Hell quotes by Jeaniene Frost
What's clarity like? Try to remember that funny feeling inside your head when you had math problems too difficult to solve: the faint buzzing noise in your ears, a heaviness on both sides of your skull, and the sensation that your brain is twitching inside your cranium like a fish on the beach. This is the opposite sensation of clarity. Yet for many people of my era, as they aged, this sensation became the dominant sensation of their lives. It was as though day-to-day twentieth century living had become an unsolvable algebraic equation. ~ Douglas Coupland
Funny As Hell quotes by Douglas Coupland
If I could go into the woods and kill a bear myself, I'd wear it proudly as a trophy. ~ Nigella Lawson
Funny As Hell quotes by Nigella Lawson
It was funny the way memory obliged the heart. His happy recollections were always afloat in his soupy subconscious where so many of his darker memories had sunk to the underbelly of his past and been as good as lost forever. But without conscious instruction, memory had edited and enlarged the finest moments of his life and stored them like masterpieces in the private gallery of his personal history. ~ Nanci Kincaid
Funny As Hell quotes by Nanci Kincaid
I love the sound of it," Trina whispers, as if speaking too loudly might interrupt the drumming patter of the rain outside. "It makes me want to sleep. Snuggle my head right up in your armpit and snore for three days."
"My armpit?" Mark repeats. "Good thing we all showered up in the storm this morning. My pits smell like roses. Go ahead and get comfy. ~ James Dashner
Funny As Hell quotes by James Dashner
Everything funny in a not-funny-at-all kind of way. Sarcasm as something you practiced like karate. Later concealing your mute fury when nobody fed you the opening lines. ~ Jonathan Lethem
Funny As Hell quotes by Jonathan Lethem
As a youngster, my mother and father always drilled into my head having something to fall back on. My father was kind of funny. I'd score 40 points. I'd come home and say, 'Look dad, I scored 40.' He'd never have a smile on his face. He'd be like, 'I saw that move you did. What if you'd hurt your knee?' ~ Shaquille O'Neal
Funny As Hell quotes by Shaquille O'Neal
The lawyer was a short, ugly, little man. He stood about three feet taller than his desk's two foot eight inch frame and he had dark eyes. Lois couldn't tell if they were black or an extremely dark brown. His hair was dirty blonde and very messy. He looked as if he had just crawled out of bed. His white button up shirt was tucked in on only one side and the other side hung out freely. He wore a pair of tan khakis and a pair of black loafers. His skin almost matched the khakis which was extremely creepy and Lois kept thinking the man wasn't wearing pants. ~ Rebecca McNutt
Funny As Hell quotes by Rebecca McNutt
[ ... ] and I switched to English literature, where so many frustrated poets end as pipe-smoking teachers in tweeds. ~ Vladimir Nabokov
Funny As Hell quotes by Vladimir Nabokov
As a consumer of culture, I like a wide range of emotions to be touched in art. It's funny but on the other side of it, I do feel that people that are trying to sell culture would like to see a narrower range of expression from their content-makers. Easier to sell I guess. ~ Erin McKeown
Funny As Hell quotes by Erin McKeown
This sweet, determined, sexy-as-hell blonde walked into my life and gave me a reason to live. ~ Abbi Glines
Funny As Hell quotes by Abbi Glines
If you describe yourself as "Atheist," some people will say, "Don't you mean 'Agnostic'?" I have to reply that I really do mean Atheist. I really do not believe that there is a god - in fact I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one. It's easier to say that I am a radical Atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it's an opinion I hold seriously. It's funny how many people are genuinely surprised to hear a view expressed so strongly. In England we seem to have drifted from vague wishy-washy Anglicanism to vague wishy-washy Agnosticism - both of which I think betoken a desire not to have to think about things too much. ~ Douglas Adams
Funny As Hell quotes by Douglas Adams
Might as well," she spit. "You know what it feels like, being friends with you guys? Do you have any idea how it sounds when you talk about how crappy this town is and how you'd rather die than end up saddled with a baby, living in a trailer park, broke as hell? Every time you say that, you're describing my life. A life I'm actually okay with - I'm sure as hell a lot happier than either of you. ~ Heather Demetrios
Funny As Hell quotes by Heather Demetrios
Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang. I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works. ~ Tammy Blackwell
Funny As Hell quotes by Tammy Blackwell
What did the lawyer say?" I couldn't stop the little snicker that slipped out as I sat back up in the seat and laced my fingers behind my head.
"Before or after I kissed her?"
"Zeb!" My mom gave me a hard look and my sister just shook her head. ~ Jay Crownover
Funny As Hell quotes by Jay Crownover
The conversation, as usual, switched back to sex.
"It's difficult with you sometimes though, babe," Dominic said to Bronagh. "I'm constantly torn between wanting to fucking destroy you, but I also want to bring you flowers and chocolates and treat you like a princess."
Bro, TMI!
Bronagh didn't bat an eyelid. "Why not do both?"
Sis, TMI!
"That right there," Dominic snapped his fingers, "that's why I love you ~ L.A. Casey
Funny As Hell quotes by L.A. Casey
It's funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it's time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's a good idea. ~ Steve Pavlina
Funny As Hell quotes by Steve Pavlina
His favourite word, one for which I have a great deal of time myself as a matter of fact, was "arse." Everyone was more or less an arse most of the time, but I was arsier than just about everyone else in the school. In fact, in my case he would often go further - I was on many occasions a bumptious arse. Before I learned what bumptious actually meant I assumed that it derived from "bum" and believed therefore with great pride that as a bumptious arse I was doubly arsey - twice the arse of ordinary arses. ~ Stephen Fry
Funny As Hell quotes by Stephen Fry
At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy. ~ Dave Barry
Funny As Hell quotes by Dave Barry
As we sat there, the door opened, just barely, and a hand slid inside and dropped a set of keys on a side table.
"Thanks, Garrett!" I called out.
He gave me a thumbs-up and closed the door.
"How do you suppose he knew we were performing sexual favors on each other?" I asked, snuggling against my man again.
"Possibly because you screamed my name about seven times. ~ Darynda Jones
Funny As Hell quotes by Darynda Jones
Let's go out to the parking lot so you can get some air," he says, putting an arm around me and hustling me out the door and through the restaurant.
We step outside, and I sway on my feet a little. Peter's trying not to smile. "You're drunk."
"I guess I'm a weightlight!"
"Lightweight." He pinches my cheeks.
"Right. Weightlight. I mean, lightweight." Why is that so funny? I can't stop laughing. But then I see the way he is looking at me, with such tenderness, and I stop. I don't feel like laughing anymore. I feel like crying. Look at the way he made my dad's bachelor party so special. Look at all the ways he loves me so well. I have to love him back just as much. ~ Jenny Han
Funny As Hell quotes by Jenny Han
You're only as sick as your secrets. Either it comes out their way or my way. I talk about myself behind my back. And I'm funny about it. ~ Carrie Fisher
Funny As Hell quotes by Carrie Fisher
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Funny As Hell quotes by Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Sexy as hell and stubborn as a mule. ~ R.G. Alexander
Funny As Hell quotes by R.G. Alexander
Hip-hop as a culture itself goes through stages. It grows - it's breathing, living. I've noticed that we usually start off conscious, then we wind up very highly sexual, and then we thug it out. Then things get a little funny again, with comedy and that kind of thing. ~ KRS-One
Funny As Hell quotes by KRS-One
She looked slick as hell; polished, neat, and with that feminine deadliness that can drive you nuts. They work on it till they get complete control of the situation. There's no use trying to break them down. They've made it. ~ Gil Brewer
Funny As Hell quotes by Gil Brewer
When I was going for my graduate degree, I decided I was going to make a feature film as my thesis. That's what I was famous for-that I had my thesis film be a feature film, which was 'You're a Big Boy Now.' ~ Francis Ford Coppola
Funny As Hell quotes by Francis Ford Coppola
Sometimes people are just misunderstood. People and animals. We can't just assume they are thinking one thing and can avoid temptation. it's hard as hell to avoid that red flag when it's waving in your face. ~ Magan Vernon
Funny As Hell quotes by Magan Vernon
That heightened dynamic can produce interesting, funny ideas that are phrased in ways that surprise even you, as the performer. ~ Ted Alexandro
Funny As Hell quotes by Ted Alexandro
Speaking as a black person, welfare is the worst thing that's ever happened to us. ~ Charles Evers
Funny As Hell quotes by Charles Evers
Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?
I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself! ~ Terry Pratchett
Funny As Hell quotes by Terry Pratchett
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