Mark Russell Quotes

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

I think you can't write with anger. I think it always has to be with a wink. There always has to be an element of hope in what you write. Otherwise you're just getting mad and it's not going to be fun for anybody.

When he arrived at the town of Bethel, he was teased by a group of boys who called him "baldy." Elisha responded to their taunts by summoning a team of wild she-bears. The bears mauled the boys to death, leaving the bloody remains of forty-two children littered on the ground. Nobody knows why Elisha didn't just summon a full head of hair.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

Of course, with any new technology, the question in the back of everyone's mind is 'Can I have sex with it or use it to kill people?'
-Flintstones Vol. 2: Bedrock Bedlam

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

The world is on fire, young man. As writers, it is only proper that we do what we can to warn people.
But in telling the truth to the world, don't lie to yourself. Write whatever you want. Tell the truth.
Just don't imagine that you are changing anything.
Like I said, people just want to have a good time.

-Snagglepuss

The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!

We're just moving along as quick as possible.

Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.

Son, in life you do not fight battles because you expect to win...
...you fight them merely because they need to be fought.

-Snagglepuss

It might seem a little trite, all this trouble over a stupid wall. But you've got to understand, it was the wall that finally allowed people to return to Jerusalem without having to worry about being overrun by thieves, marauders, and rapists. A few hardscrabble pioneers can make a go of it in a lawless wasteland, but if you want the artists, priests, and scribes to come, then you need a wall to protect them. And those are the people who create your culture, write your history. It might be construction workers who build your nation, and soldiers who guard it, but it's the nerds who make it a civilization.

I think even the characters that are fundamentally evil and wrong, I want people to really love them. I think that's important to writing believable characters. They don't have to be likable but they have to be loved, at least by the author.

The sacred exists only at the expense of the truth.

I'll keep doing it until I die or the audiences die.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.

You have to imbue the characters with their own sort of feeling of justification and morality. Everyone has that, whether we see them as evil or not. So I try to bring the characters to life by making them likable or lovable, in the sense that they can be, at least to themselves.

The thing that you're faulted on today is not that you are too tough, or not that you aren't careful. It's that you might have been too soft. People want that red meat now because you have to keep up with the mood and the mood today is harsh. It really is.

You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game.

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

It makes me think. Maybe the only meaning to life is that which we get from each other.

When you trick somebody into participating in a small-time fraud, it's called a 'scam.' But when the scam is so big that people have no choice but to participate, it's called 'economics.

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

I try not to speak to critics. It only encourages them.
-Snagglepuss

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.