Funny Bones Quotes

A good thing to have up your sleeve is a sanctified funny-bone. ~ Charles Studd

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up. ~ Matt LeBlanc

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side. ~ Mark Twain

I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle. ~ Janeane Garofalo

Funny bones, to me, are more important than funny lines. If a comedian is just not likable and doing the lines, you could read them yourself. Whereas if someone [you like] shambles out, and they tell you what a bad day they've had, they don't have to say anything. I love them. I want to hug them because they've been through something. And it comes back to empathy, always empathy. ~ Ricky Gervais

In comedy you sometimes have to look at the funny bone a little bit. So, that was the hardest part - was not offending. I'm not laughing at anybody. We're laughing together about who we are - and the funnier part of who we are. I'm (sure) not writing this and calling you a stereotype. I'm not doing that. ~ Corbin Bernsen

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones. ~ Walt Whitman

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. ~ Reba McEntire

Artemis: I am not buoyed by that.
Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized.
Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone. ~ Eoin Colfer

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood. ~ Paul O'Grady

You'll pay for making Genos look like modern art! Lead the way! ~ ONE

So, how did you all meet? ~ Donna Air

(on the word "fuck")

'Oh, come on, Mum,' I sighed at her protest. 'It's just an old Anglo-Saxon word for the female organ which has been adopted by an inherently misogynist language as a negative epithet. It's the same as "fuck", it basically means the same as copulate, but the latter is perfectly acceptable. Why? Because copulate has its roots in Latin and Latin reminds us that we are a sophisticated, learned species, not the rutting animals that these prehistoric grunts would have us appear to be, and isn't that really the issue here? We don't want to admit that we are essentially animals? We want to distinguish ourselves from the fauna with grand conceits and elaborate language; become angels worthy of salvation, not dumb creatures consigned to an earthly, terminal end. It's just a word, Mum; a sound meaning a thing; and your disgust is just denial of a greater horror: that our consciousness is not an indication of our specialness but the terrifying key to knowing how truly insignificant we are.'

She told me to got fuck myself. ~ Simon Pegg

I don't think there's just one person for everyone. It would be very hard for me to be with a guy who was not bright or funny. And he'd have to see the absurdities of the world, not exactly as I see them necessarily. ~ Erica Jong

A couple from Sydney or Melbourne might leave on the same day for their holiday: the wife might go sun-bathing at Surfers Paradise, in Queensland, the husband ski-ing in the Snowy Mountains. A lucky country. ~ George Mikes

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. ~ Agnes Repplier

Afore me! It is so very late,
That we may call it early by and by. ~ William Shakespeare

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

A wish is many things. It is hope and desire and daydreams. It is impossibility and improbability and something in between. It is stardust and well water and spectrums of light in the sky. It is half-melted birthday candles and Christmas lists. It is broken turkey bones, It is the willing suspension of disbelief.
And sometimes it is desperation. It is a hole in your heart that wants filling. It is more-than-anything-in-the-world. ~ John David Anderson

It was as if the heart had been burned out of her and the sadness which remained was just another ghost, the memory of love haunting the bones of hate. ~ Stephen King

This is about more." He arched, tilting a little.
Billy set the weight swinging again. "Tell me what it's about."
"Uh ... It's ... I ... It's about everything. It's like you're inside me, like my bones. ~ Sean Michael

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary. ~ Daniel Tosh

Why do women love to read about sexually aggressive billionaire bad boy alpha males but condemn the same behavior in real life? ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking. ~ Chelsea Handler

It's a funny thing in my job: you remain perpetually lonely in a world where loneliness is the rarest commodity. ~ Brian W. Aldiss

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more. ~ Doug Stanhope

Funny that survival might hinge on being stupider than your enemy. ~ Joey Graceffa

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home. ~ Gabriel Iglesias

You couldn't speak to fear, couldn't tell it the truth: Fear lived in your bones. ~ Cassandra Clare

I have vanity and greed enough for one person. But at the same time, I feel in my bones you lose a lot of life's value if you don't see yourself as a member of the family of man. ~ Ralph Waite

But - why would she break up with you? Why was she crying?" At this, I laugh again.
" Because I," I say, pointing at myself, "am a monster."
Kenji looks confused. " And how is that news to anyone?"
I smile. He's funny, I think. Funny guy. ~ Tahereh Mafi

Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew - in jeggings. ~ Nenia Campbell

Couples are really funny, because if they are together, they can fight and do fun things together. In Jane Austen books, marriage is the end of the story, but I actually think a really funny couple could be a fun thing to watch. ~ Mindy Kaling

Love, he realized, was like the daggers he made in his forge: When you first got one it was shiny and new and the blade glinted bright in the light. Holding it against your palm, you were full of optimism for what it would be like in the field, and you couldn't wait to try it out. Except those first couple of nights out were usually awkward as you got used to it and it got used to you.

Over time, the steel lost its brand-new gleam, and the hilt became stained, and maybe you nicked the shit out of the thing a couple of times. What you got in return, however, saved your life: Once the pair of you were well acquainted, it became such a part of you that it was an extension of your own arm. It protected you and gave you a means to protect your brothers; it provided you with the confidnece and the power to face whatever came out of the night; and wherever you went, it stayed with you, right over your heart, always there when you needed it.

You had to keep the blade up, however. And rewrap the hilt from time to time. And double-check the weight.

Funny...all of that was well, duh when it came to weapons. Why hadn't it dawned on him that matings were the same?

(From the thoughts of Vishous) ~ J.R. Ward

Ray Parsons, you have no soul", she says, her voice gaining volume as she speaks. "You are a bag of skin. You are a pile of bones. Every cell that has ever split inside of you was a waste of energy. Where you walk you leave a vacuum. Your existence should cease. ~ Mindy McGinnis

Shahara grimaced at him. He was categorically insane-that was probably what the C.I. stood for. It had to be. "You have some severe mental problem I need to be aware of, don't you?"
He flashed a half-dimpled smile that sent shivers the length of her body. When he continued, it was in a strange accent that sounded more than just a little too creepy. "Just because I eat babies for breakfast and pick my teeth with their bones doesn't mean I'm nuts."
She rolled her eyes. Given who his father had been, he probably shouldn't be making jokes like that. No doubt that had been his father's favorite delicacy. "Any other weird habits I should be aware of?"
"Just my need to dance naked in the streets under the light of a full moon."
-Shahara & Syn ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence. ~ Terry Pratchett

It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' ~ Garrett Hedlund

Pretty was hardly the word. With her fierce curled lips, black eyes and clean angry bones she must have stood out in her graduating class like a chicken hawk in a flock of pullets. ~ Ross Macdonald

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny! ~ Richard Belzer

That was perfect. It was just the opposite from what I said yesterday. ~ Eugene Ormandy

The funny thing is, the more you know, the more passionate you feel about life, and the more joy you feel, and the more inspired you feel, but then also the more disgusted you are with humanity [...] [this is] the paradox of life. ~ Madonna