Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH, TWICE? - T-SHIRT ~ Darynda Jones

God created whammy bars for people who don't know how to solo. ~ Dave Mustaine

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. ~ Mark Twain

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ~ Steven Wright

The more you complain the longer God lets you live ~ Bertrand Russell

There are three kinds of people: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those who move. ~ Benjamin Franklin

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. ~ Erma Bombeck

If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. ~ Wes "Scoop" Nisker

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. ~ Steven Wright

He who laughs last, thinks slowest. ~ Larry The Cable Guy

Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation reflected in his hot new bumper sticker, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry.' It's cute and a lot more tasteful than the alternative version, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry, Finger-Banged Kucinich.' ~ Jon Stewart

We're being sold a brand new idea of patriotism. It never occurred to me that patriotism had to be advertised. Patriotism is something you deeply felt. You didn't have to wear it on your lapel or show it in your window or on a bumper sticker. That kind of patriotism does not appeal to me at all. ~ Sam Shepard

After all, as it says on a needlepoint sampler or throw pillow or the occasional bumper sticker: Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls go everywhere. In high heels. Or mules by Manolo Blahnik, the strappy, tangly kind that give you blisters. And when their feet start to hurt, they bitch about it a lot, until someone agrees to carry them home. Bad girls understand that there is no point in being good and suffering in silence. What good has good ever done? We women still only make seventy-one cents, on average, for every man's dollar. We still have to listen to studies telling us that a single woman over the age of 35 had best avoid airplanes because she is more likely to die in a terrorist attack than get married. ~ Elizabeth Wurtzel

No, not in a creepy way. I am anti-incest. It says so on my bumper sticker. ~ Laurel Ulen Curtis

The only decoration on the gray segments of her cubicle was a bumper sticker, AT LEAST THE WAR ON THE ENVIRONMENT IS GOING WELL. Her colleagues' cubicles were covered with photos ~ Jonathan Franzen

IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT'S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. - BUMPER STICKER ~ Darynda Jones

Supporting the troops has got to mean more than bumper stickers on pickup trucks, my friends. We need to give them what they need. ~ Solomon Ortiz

I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!'
Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders. ~ Celia Rivenbark

Genius has its limitations.
Insanity ... not so much -Bumper Sticker ~ Darynda Jones

Sex gets people killed, put in jail, beaten up, bankrupted, and disgraced, to say nothing of ruined - personally, politically, and professionally. Looking for sex can lead to misfortune, and if you get lucky and find it, it can leave you maimed, infected, or dead. Other than that, it's swell: the great American pastime ... You probably won't see it on a bumper sticker, but sex kills. ~ Edna Buchanan

Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. ~ George Carlin

'Cold Case Files' and similar shows do bang up business, which points to a certain thirst for details in the viewership, but it seems like all the news chat shows continue to force the myth that Americans can't stand detail and have no interest in an idea that can't fit on a bumper sticker. ~ Hal Sparks

Myself, I have never seen a bumper sticker saying " Hate if you Love Jesus ", but I sometimes wonder why not. It would be a good slogan for the religious Right. ~ Simon Blackburn

Stuff Happens.' That's the G-rated version. That's a bumper sticker that
only a straight white upper middle class male could have made. Because anyone who
isn't straight, anyone who isn't male, anyone who isn't white, anyone who isn't upper middle class knows that stuff doesn't just happen. Stuff gets done by people to people. Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is random. This isn't osmosis. And so we act as if it's this passive thing, but yet that's not the case. ~ Tim Wise

Live your life true.,
That way the preacher won't have to lie at your funneral. ~ Unknown - Saw On A Bumper Sticker

Hook up with us and see a quick return on your premiums.' I like it, Sammy. Think we can fit it on a bumper sticker? (Dean) ~ Jeff Mariotte

If I had to sum up my philosophy of fuckness in a few words so I could cram it on a bumper sticker or t-shirt, those were the words I would have chosen: "Fuck it. ~ Andersen Prunty

Dina listens to conservative talk radio, belongs to a fundamentalist Christian church, and has a "Guns don't kill people - abortion clinics do" bumper sticker on her car. ~ Christina Baker Kline

Have you ever seen a bumper sticker on a Lamborghini? ~ J.C. Cliff

President Obama's version of America is a divided one - pitting us against each other based on our income level, gender, and social status. His policies have failed! We are not better off than we were 4 years ago, and no rhetoric, bumper sticker, or campaign ad can change that. ~ Mia Love

For folks who have that casual-dude energy coursing through their bloodstream, that's great. But gays should not grow up alienated just for us to alienate each other. It's too predictable, like any other cycle of abuse. Plus, the conformist, competitive notion that by "toning down" we are "growing up" ultimately blunts the radical edge of what it is to be queer; it truncates our colorful journey of identity.

Said another way, it's like living in West Hollywood and working a gay job by day and working it in the gay nightlife, wearing delicate shiny shirts picked from up the gay dry cleaners, yet coquettishly left unbuttoned to reveal the pec implants purchased from a gay surgeon and shown off by prancing around the gay-owned-and-operated theater hopped up on gay health clinic steroids and wheat grass purchased from the friendly gay boy who's new to the city, and impressed by the monstrous SUV purchased from a gay car dealership with its rainbow-striped bumper sticker that says "Celebrate Diversity." Then logging on to the local Gay.com listings and describing yourself as "straight-acting."

Let me make myself clear. This is not a campaign for everyone to be like me. That'd be a total yawn. Instead, this narrative is about praise for the prancy boys. Granted, there's undecided gender-fucks, dagger dykes, faux-mos, po-mos, FTMs, fisting-top daddies, and lezzie looners who also need props for broadening the sexual spectrum, but they're telling their own stor ~ Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty. ~ Carl Hiaasen

Ordinary" has to be one of the loneliest words in our vocabulary today. Who wants a bumper sticker that announces to the neighborhood, "My child is an ordinary student at Bubbling Brook Elementary"? Who wants to be that ordinary person who lives in an ordinary town, is a member of an ordinary church, and has ordinary friends and works an ordinary job? Our life has to count! We have to leave our mark, have a legacy, and make a difference. And all of this should be something that can be managed, measured, and maintained. We have to live up to our Facebook profile. It's one of the newer versions of salvation by works. ~ Michael S. Horton

The car housed a hysterical bumper sticker: Save the Planet, and I permitted a moment of contemplation to truly bask in this thought. Save the planet? What a joke. Save the planet from what? From ourselves? And save it for what? For ourselves? It was a kind of perpetual stupidity in a tug-of-war battle over trivial matters. Only imbeciles see things in black and white: liberal or conservative, yes or no, this or that. Those in power laugh at those people in their morally inverted shades of grey, basking in the labels they've created so the people are easier to control. ~ Bruce Crown

That bumper sticker everyone has down in Philadelphia, the one that says, 'Only the Lord saves more than Bernie Parent,' really isn't true. God couldn't have made all the saves that Parent made against us. ~ Jerry Korab

Good places for aphorisms: in fortune cookies, on bumper stickers, and on banners flying over the Palace of Free Advice. ~ Mason Cooley

Mom was adamantly pro-choice. She had a bumper sticker on the car that read If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child? But in her case the choice was to keep me. ~ Gayle Forman

I have a bumper sticker that Bowen created that says Regardless of my kids grades, they have an 'A' in my book'. Without play the child that still lives in all of us will always be incomplete. And not only physically, but creatively, intellectually, and spiritually as well. ~ George A. Sheehan

November 4, 1987 Chicago I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read I LOVE KILLING COMMUNISTS. The word love was replaced by a heart shape I'm guessing they'll put on the typewriter keyboard any day now, right beside the exclamation point. The bumper sticker was on a Ford Fairlane on Montrose Avenue. ~ David Sedaris

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.' ~ Demetri Martin

You want to know whether we're better off? I've got a little bumper sticker for you: Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive. Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive! Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive! ~ Joe Biden

There are a lot of things that fit on a bumper sticker in terms of either liberty or equality or progress that when made more concrete just don't pan out. ~ Laurence Tribe

I see the whole field of environmentalis m and population as nothing more
than the survival of the human species. I have wanted to have some bumper
sticker made up saying 'Save the Humans'. At the bottom of it all, we are
trying to save ourselves. ~ Ted Turner

What does it mean to be an advocate?
In its broadest sense, advocacy means "any public action to support and recommend a cause, policy or practice." That covers a lot of public actions, from displaying
 a bumper sticker to sounding off with a bullhorn. But whether the action is slapping something on the back of a car or speaking in front of millions, every act of advocacy involves making some kind of public statement, one that says, "I support this." Advocacy is a communicative act. Advocacy is also a persuasive act. "I support this" is usually followed by another statement (sometimes only implied): "...and you should, too." Advocacy not only means endorsing a cause or idea, but recommending, promoting, defending, or arguing for it. ~ John Capecci And Timothy Cage