Funny Travel Quotes

I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about. ~ Dave Barry

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep? ~ Billy Connolly

I decided that adventure was the best way to learn about writing. ~ Lloyd Alexander

They have just succeeded in raising the two thousand pounds here, by subscription, that was wanted towards an exploration fund, for fitting out an expedition, that will probably start for the interior of our continent next March. ~ William John Wills

When I travel I normally eat club sandwiches or I bring my own food. When you go into a new town, it's very had to find a good place to eat. ~ Paul Prudhomme

During a trip to Iraq last fall, I visited our theater hospital at Balad Air Force Base and witnessed these skilled medical professionals in action and met the brave soldiers whose lives they saved. ~ Melissa Bean

Exeter City's trip to Old Trafford will be a great day for their fans but that is about it - they won't get the result they want against Manchester United. ~ Mark Lawrenson

The need for this clinic is clear to me, to the veterans who are currently forced to travel hours to receive care, and even to the Veterans Administration that itself identified creation of a clinic in this part of our state as a priority to be completed by 2006. ~ Doc Hastings

Democracy is an extraordinary adventure. It's difficult, full of daring and risk and danger. But it's the greatest gift we have. ~ Jon Voight

Travel and society polish one, but a rolling stone gathers no moss, and a little moss is a good thing on a man. ~ John Burroughs

Never get behind old people. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left ~ George Clooney

Men of vision. Oh, I love the fine names men give each other to hide their greed and lust for adventure. ~ Charles MacArthur

Just to travel is rather boring, but to travel with a purpose is educational and exciting. ~ Sargent Shriver

Having my first number one single and being able to travel to places I've never been before has been amazing. The tour was also fantastic. There are so many things which I've experienced this year which I never even dreamed of. ~ Gareth Gates

The great social adventure of America is no longer the conquest of the wilderness but the absorption of fifty different peoples. ~ Walter Lippmann

Travel like Ghandi, with simple clothes, open eyes and an uncluttered mind. ~ Rick Steves

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

I am not unconscious of the persuasive power exerted by these considerations to drag men along in the current; but I am not at liberty to travel that road. ~ Benjamin F. Wade

Better far off to leave half the ruins and nine-tenths of the churches unseen and to see well the rest; to see them not once, but again and often again; to watch them, to learn them, to live with them, to love them, till they have become a part of life and life's recollections. ~ Augustus Hare

Space offers extraordinary potential for commerce and adventure, for new innovations and new tests of will. As Americans, we can't help but reach for the stars. It's our nature. It's our destiny. ~ Bill Frist

You have all these people in the city and everything has become centralized. If you live outside the city and you need a birth certificate or some official paper from the government, you have to travel to the city. ~ Edwidge Danticat

Here for business or pleasure, Mr. Wheeler?"
"Redemption," Shane says. ~ Jess Walter

Uncontrolled, the hunger and thirst after God may become an obstacle, cutting off the soul from what it desires. If a man would travel far along the mystic road, he must learn to desire God intensely but in stillness, passively and yet with all his heart and mind and strength. ~ Aldous Huxley

Arguments of convenience lack integrity and inevitably trip you up. ~ Donald Rumsfeld

I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags. ~ Guy Clark

A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike.
An all plans, safeguards, policies and coercion are fruitless.
We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. ~ John Steinbeck

Shall we ever see the 10 million things of the universe simultaneously in order to be the all? I am convinced that to live is to travel towards the world's end. ~ Ella Maillart

I've always traveled, as a kid my parents moved me around, a different place in Germany every four years. But I got the travel bug when I was a kid, living in different countries. ~ Dominic Monaghan

My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. ~ Dennis Miller

We are not coaching on a daily basis because we often travel with our charity and commercial interests. ~ Nadia Comaneci

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home. ~ Louis C.K.

I've met the most interesting people while flying or on a boat. These methods of travel seem to attract the kind of people I want to be with. ~ Hedy Lamarr

Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation. ~ Elizabeth Drew

Mountains were once my big adventure but is is over since a long time; I still dream from the wonderful days sometimes, read also a few pages from a mountain book. But the thought of doing again active mountain climbing has faded. ~ Fritz Zwicky

We were doing it under the most extraordinary circumstances, but the first out of the tent in the morning would be David Lean. He said to me on the very first day of shooting, Pete, this is the beginning of a great adventure. ~ Peter O'Toole

Although by 1851 tales of adventure had begun to seem antiquated, they had rendered a large service to the course of literature: they had removed the stigma, for the most part, from the word novel. ~ Carl Clinton Van Doren

There is a whole genre of funny travel writers - that's very popular. There's Bill Bryson and people who follow that route and sell travel writing through making people laugh. It's a very difficult group to take. The line between comedy and mockery is sometimes a bit thin. ~ John Gimlette

Jet lag is for amateurs. ~ Dick Clark

The likelihood of getting lost is directly proportional to the number of times the direction-giver says, 'You can't miss it'. ~ Hal Roach

I have been able to travel all over the country and see many places that I probably never would have visited. I have also participated in many charity events for worthy causes. ~ Rob Mariano

Nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, they say, forgetful of the shadow`s speed. ~ Howard Nemerov

Although my book is banned I am still allowed to go to China and travel. There is no longer the kind of control that Mao used to have-there have been deep fundamental changes in society. ~ Jung Chang

Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way. ~ Dave Barry

My parents and my grandfather on my mom's side would travel the earth. They went to Australia and China, and they went to probably every soccer game I ever played. ~ Brandi Chastain

I sure love Ireland. The first trip I ever made was last year when I did this record in Dublin. ~ Michael W. Smith

I'm also very pleased that we were able to include a full orchestrated score for Dragon's Lair 3D. The 40 different music pieces blend with the action to make you feel more a part of the whole adventure. ~ Don Bluth

If you travel first class, you think first class and you are more likely to play first class. ~ Ray Floyd

I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too! ~ William Shakespeare

There is nothing safer than flying - it's crashing that is dangerous. ~ Theo Cowan

The idea in The Man that Would Be King was that the music should recreate all that majestic surrounding and emphasize the adventure, but also speak about the frustration or, rather said, the curse of both protagonists, even before happened what happens them. ~ Maurice Jarre

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage. ~ Bob Hope

I had a prejudice against the British until I discovered that fifty percent of them were female. ~ Ray Floyd

Liberalism, on the other hand, regards life as an adventure in which we must take risks in new situations, in which there is no guarantee that the new will always be the good or the true, in which progress is a precarious achievement rather than inevitability. ~ Morris Raphael Cohen

It's cool to meet your idols. It's a good opportunity to travel. Those kinds of things are good. ~ Meg White

I managed to take a family trip to the Bahamas and it was quite lovely. ~ Jackie Collins

If somebody asked me about my inspiration I would say that it's not the peopleand it's not the things, it's travel and experiencing different environments. ~ Marc Newson

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I never needed much, and I never thought I'd get more than what I had. A trip to Burger King was the biggest thing in the world to me. Heaven. ~ Dave Grohl

You know it's only 50 miles from Grand River to Canton, but it took me 67 years to travel that distance. ~ Don Shula

I am happy now, to recall that I was not only his son but his companion, and whenever there was a hunting expedition or any other pleasure, I was always with him. ~ John Philip Sousa

For an occurrence to become an adventure, it is necessary and sufficient for one to recount it. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre

I am living out my adolescent dream of travel and adventure. ~ Tim Cahill

As an actor, I travel around a lot and live in a lot of hotels, and many times I've been in a town where the only entertainment to be had is what you find in the hotel bar or lobby. ~ Beau Bridges

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

It was an amazing adventure, it was my dream to be in an American musical ... I really hope you are going to love what you are going to see. ~ Marion Cotillard

I think family is very important in West Virginia and has long been so because the mountains made travel difficult in the past, and family members had to depend on each other. ~ David Selby

I sold my first script when I was 21 - this kids' adventure movie that never got made. I just bought that one back, actually. I'm pretty psyched about it. ~ Jason Segel

The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States. ~ Dave Barry

There is no certainty; there is only adventure. ~ Roberto Assagioli

I always thought it would be really cool to be playing the drums in the show and then have your astral body or whatever travel all through the audience and dig whatever it's like out there. ~ Bill Kreutzmann

It's wonderful to travel with somebody that you love and we never travel anywhere without one another. ~ Roger Moore

A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people. ~ Garrison Keillor

Even if you're specific about the character of the song, it's more exciting to place them, juxtapose them in such a way as to make an adventure out of the sequence of the songs. ~ Robert Wyatt

It is not because I do not love my adopted land - it is the natural feeling of one far from home, who remembers those happy, carefree days when life flowed at full tide, without responsibility, flashing past one like the drama in a fascinating story of adventure and romance. ~ Erich Von Stroheim

There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California. ~ Edward Abbey

I think that somebody with the resources and innovation and the idea is going to come out of nowhere and come up with a successful space travel program. ~ Kevin J. Anderson

Yeah. I've been pretty fortunate to travel I guess, all around the place. ~ Ben E. King

The man who never in his mind and thoughts travel'd to heaven is no artist. ~ William Blake

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

A review of summit day photographs will show that I was clothed in the latest, highest quality, high altitude gear, comparable, if not better, than that worn by the other members of our expedition. ~ Anatoli Boukreev

I kept my babies fed. I could have dumped them, but I didn't. I decided that whatever trip I was on, they were going with me. You're looking at a real daddy. ~ Barry White

The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse. ~ Peter Sagal

The simple fact is this: they are foreigners inside a country which has rejected them. Therefore, these foreigners wherever they go or travel they will be rained down with bullets from everyone. Attacks by members of the resistance will only go up. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

An insuperable obstacle to rapid transit in Africa is the want of carriers, and as speed was the main object of the Expedition under my command, my duty was to lessen this difficulty as much as possible. ~ Henry Morton Stanley

For anyone to open their heart, they need the right atmosphere, and something to prompt them. For my mother it was her trip abroad: she was in a very relaxed, understanding environment. I was very sympathetic towards her. ~ Jung Chang

This evening I wish to suggest that we Christians should accompany people on their pilgrimages. Specifically we should travel with people as they search for the good, the true and the beautiful. ~ Timothy Radcliffe

Interesting things come your way but as you get older, your lifestyle changes. I don't want to travel; I don't want to be in a hotel room away from my family. ~ Gary Oldman

The roughest part of that lifestyle is the travel and early mornings. ~ Josie Maran

This is my first opportunity to visit this part of North Africa, so I am going to be able to go back home and talk about this beautiful country and encourage Americans to travel here. ~ Donald Evans

Life is an adventure in forgiveness ~ Norman Cousins

Be advised that there is no parking in Europe. ~ Dave Barry

James's expedition to Scotland is wholly imaginary, though there appears to have been space for it during Henry's progress to the North to pay his devotions at Beverley Minster. ~ Charlotte Mary Yonge

Adventure is not outside man; it is within. ~ George Eliot

No one's going to be able to operate without a grounding in the basic sciences. Language would be helpful, although English is becoming increasingly international. And travel. You have to have a global attitude. ~ Rupert Murdoch

A shoe that is too large is apt to trip one, and when too small, to pinch the feet. So it is with those whose fortune does not suit them. ~ Horace

Science moves with the spirit of an adventure characterized both by youthful arrogance and by the belief that the truth, once found, would be simple as well as pretty. ~ James D. Watson

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. ~ Henny Youngman

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. ~ Lewis Grizzard

We all know we have a problem, a broad problem. Ninety-eight percent of the fuel that is used by our vehicles, our autos and trucks for personal and commercial purposes, for highway and air travel operates on oil. The world has the same problem. ~ John Olver

I really fall in love with my characters, even the bad ones. I love getting together with them. They tell me what to do; they take me on a wild and wonderful trip. ~ Jackie Collins