Funny Comedian Quotes

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Quotes About Funny Comedian

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I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. ~ Donald Glover
Funny Comedian quotes by Donald Glover
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. ~ Steven Wright
Funny Comedian quotes by Steven Wright
I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny. ~ Maya Rudolph
Funny Comedian quotes by Maya Rudolph
I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. ~ Maya Rudolph
Funny Comedian quotes by Maya Rudolph
When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it. ~ Woody Allen
Funny Comedian quotes by Woody Allen
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Funny Comedian quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I myself grew up when radio was very important. I'd come home from school and turn on the radio. There were funny comedians and wonderful music, and there were plays. I used to pass time with radio. ~ Kurt Vonnegut
Funny Comedian quotes by Kurt Vonnegut
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? ~ Jerry Seinfeld
Funny Comedian quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's funny, because I'm a funny comedian. I'm an entertainer. ~ Lil B
Funny Comedian quotes by Lil B
In a sec.......let's see if this will help. Once there was a bunny that was very sad
cause his ears were long and floppy and he stepped on them all the time."
"Like my shoelaces?"
"Yep, just like that. One day a beautiful fairy,,,,,,,,"
"The shoelace fairy?"
"Yep. She landed on the bunny's head and.........."
"Didn't that hurt? Does she have a wand?"
"Nope. She lifted up the bunny's ears and crossed them over like an x."
"I can cross my eyes.........look."
"Lovely. She put one ear through the bottom of the x and she pulled."
"She pulled the bunny's ears..........bad fairy."
"No, she was trying to tie his.........."
"Dan," Jordan laughed, "Stop. That is the worst thing I've ever heard."
"Well, it's better than the teepees and the arrows and crap," Danny huffed.
"Can I go see Andy now?"
"Yes, go see Andy and his Velcro sneakers," Jordan snickered. "We give up. ~ Grasshopper
Funny Comedian quotes by Grasshopper
They sent the shrink round yesterday. He's put me on Prozac. Prozac! He thinks I'm depressed.'
'Aren't you depressed?'
'I wasn't depressed.'
'You did try to kill yourself,' I pointed out.
'Yes. That's what he said too. Apparently that's a classic symptom. It's not thought a sane plan of action for someone in my situation. ~ Gavin Extence
Funny Comedian quotes by Gavin Extence
I asked of Echo 't other day (Whose words are few and often funny), What to a novice she could say Of courtship, love, and matrimony. Quoth Echo, plainly, Matter-o'-money. ~ John Godfrey Saxe
Funny Comedian quotes by John Godfrey Saxe
Max's scarred brow crinkled. He reached for the coffee mug on his desk. "Motive is tricky. See, what might be a good reason for me to kill someone might not be a good enough reason for you to kill someone."
Swift stared at his hands loosely clasped around his ankle. "I wouldn't. Deliberately hurt anyone."
"And my impulse is to hurt anyone who hurts you." When Swift's gaze lifted to his, Max said, "See how that works?"
He did, and while it wasn't intended as a compliment, it did warm his heart in a funny way. He managed to joke, "Why, I think that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me. ~ Josh Lanyon
Funny Comedian quotes by Josh Lanyon
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. ~ Maureen Johnson
Funny Comedian quotes by Maureen Johnson
The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't. ~ Tony Lema
Funny Comedian quotes by Tony Lema
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. ~ Frank Carson
Funny Comedian quotes by Frank Carson
Hey. You know what the shark said to the clown?"
"No."
"You taste funny. ~ Ted Bell
Funny Comedian quotes by Ted Bell
Mathematicians can be persnickety about logical niceties. We're the kind of people who think it's funny, when asked, "Do you want soup or salad with that?" to reply, "Yes. ~ Jordan Ellenberg
Funny Comedian quotes by Jordan Ellenberg
You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Funny Comedian quotes by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If you cry 'Forward' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions? ~ Anton Chekhov
Funny Comedian quotes by Anton Chekhov
Elect the king or queen - what a funny concept. Everyone knew that elections only worked for judges and Congress. Making the executive branch pander to the people, go out begging for votes - that could only end in disaster. That structure would attract the wrong sort of people: power-hungry people with twisted agendas. ~ Katharine McGee
Funny Comedian quotes by Katharine McGee
It's funny, my agent came up to us and said, "That line, when Nicholas says, 'I'm gonna bust this thing wide open,' what film's that from?" I said, "I think it's from every film." It's just like you get into that kind of mode of generic dialogue, it's fun to do. ~ Edgar Wright
Funny Comedian quotes by Edgar Wright
I've made it my business to observe fathers and daughters. And I've seen some incredible, beautiful things. Like the little girl who's not very cute - her teeth are funny, and her hair doesn't grow right, and she's got on thick glasses - but her father holds her hand and walks with her like she's a tiny angel that no one can touch. He gives her the best gift a woman can get in this world: protection. And the little girl learns to trust the man in her life. And all the things that the world expects from women - to be beautiful, to soothe the troubled spirit, heal the sick, care for the dying, send the greeting card, bake the cake - allof those things become the way we pay the father back for protecting us ... ~ Adriana Trigiani
Funny Comedian quotes by Adriana Trigiani
Who are you?" I ask, opening the door the rest of the way and crossing my arms over my chest.
His eyes move to my arms and then back up, and his smile gets wider. "Aye."
"What?" I frown when he chuckles.
"Name's Aye."
"Like when a pirate says yes?" I inquire. Then I growl, "What's so funny?" when he bends over, holding his stomach and laughing.

~ Myla ~ Aurora Rose Reynolds
Funny Comedian quotes by Aurora Rose Reynolds
You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. ~ John Oliver
Funny Comedian quotes by John Oliver
You're thinking really loudly. ~ Emma Mills
Funny Comedian quotes by Emma   Mills
If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock." ~ Mitch Hedberg
Funny Comedian quotes by Mitch Hedberg
My parents were funny. My brothers were funny. We just laughed and had a good time. Growing up, it breeds that. It breeds your funny. It breeds your creativity. ~ Kym Whitley
Funny Comedian quotes by Kym Whitley
Joaquin Jackson's frank and colorful account of his long career as a modern-day Texas Ranger thrills like an action novel, yet the stories are true, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, but always gripping. I could hardly put the book down ... The writing is superb. ~ Elmer Kelton
Funny Comedian quotes by Elmer Kelton
Lobsters," Aithinne says again, just in case I misheard her, and I rather hoped I had. "I hear they're biologically immortal," she explains, "and exempt from greed. And they're funny looking, so I've decided they're my favorite... what do you think of a lobster for a pet?" Aithinne asks suddenly, as if she's thought long and hard about this. ~ Elizabeth May
Funny Comedian quotes by Elizabeth May
There are just so many funny kids and teenagers. They're just not aware of how funny they are. ~ Vanessa Bayer
Funny Comedian quotes by Vanessa Bayer
Can I just ask, after we find this guy, can we talk about the Vibrator Ceremony? I'm thinking of making us all kind of choir like robes to wear but with sequins and some satin sashes as belts. Maybe in chartreuse. ~ Kristen Ashley
Funny Comedian quotes by Kristen Ashley
He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable ~ Emma Goldrick
Funny Comedian quotes by Emma Goldrick
Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. ~ Hobart Brown
Funny Comedian quotes by Hobart Brown
Comedians ... they're different from actors. There's more ego there. They create the whole thing, I guess, so they're more precious. ~ Sharon Horgan
Funny Comedian quotes by Sharon Horgan
Through lightest dark or darkest light, You dont need no bling to join the fight. We're mercs with mouths and so much more, Yippee-ki-yay, we're the Deadpool Corps! ~ Deadpool
Funny Comedian quotes by Deadpool
You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap. ~ Steven Tyler
Funny Comedian quotes by Steven Tyler
Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world. ~ Lily Tomlin
Funny Comedian quotes by Lily Tomlin
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?" ~ Steven Wright
Funny Comedian quotes by Steven Wright
And I like the light-up."
"The what?"
"The light-up," he'd say. "You know, that look people get when they finally realize you're for real. It's like electricity. It makes me tingle all over. Like a blanket full of static."
Ew. "Really? I've never heard that."
"Yeah, and I like it when people realize we're out here."
I leaned in close once and asked him, "Do you want your mom to realize you're out here? Do you want her to know?"
"Nah. It took her too long to get over me."
All in all, he was a good kid. ~ Darynda Jones
Funny Comedian quotes by Darynda Jones
I am not schizoid. A little manic-depressive, maybe."
"'Know thyself.'"
"We try, sir. ~ Lois McMaster Bujold
Funny Comedian quotes by Lois McMaster Bujold
Now the point of comedy is not just looking funny, it's use of language. We have at our disposal a great language ... and the imaginative, creative use of that language can be at the service of humour. ~ Barry Humphries
Funny Comedian quotes by Barry Humphries
I love Felicity Jones. It was funny because I went to go see the 'Rogue One' set, and I was like, 'Oh my God, I love you.' And she's so tiny, and elegant, and she's just so small. Everyone's so much smaller than they seem. ~ Daisy Ridley
Funny Comedian quotes by Daisy Ridley
Because of this.
Because your funny.
Because you know Lolita.
And Nabukov and James Mason too.
Because you're cute and funny and i'm kind of sad and you haven't tried hitting on me once.
Because you weren't even trying ... ~ Matt Fraction
Funny Comedian quotes by Matt Fraction
The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States. ~ Dave Barry
Funny Comedian quotes by Dave Barry
It's funny, I worked with a lot of directors in the many years that I've been doing this, and generally when you hear a director yelling on set, everybody scatters in the other direction. ~ Gregory Nicotero
Funny Comedian quotes by Gregory Nicotero
The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope. ~ Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
Funny Comedian quotes by Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
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