Funny People Quotes

Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people. ~ Richard M. Nixon

You put funny people in funny costumes and paint them green and we could talk about anything we wanted to, because that was the only thing that fascinated Gene about this particular genre. ~ Majel Barrett

Of course there are certain things that get to me, but I try and lead by example and show people that, especially with haters, that you should just ignore them. ~ Kesha

I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up. ~ Lynda Barry

It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld. ~ Don Marquis

I'm an Asian with a Southern accent. To a lot of people, that right there is funny. ~ Henry Cho

I very rarely read the responses to my Salon pieces, because (as you may have noticed) the trolls can be SO evil. So violent in their hostility to me and my work. OK, wait, wait, wait. That's a lie. I do read the responses
and get mesmerized, like cobra hypnosis. But I laugh (mostly) at the trolls, and think about what tiny little weenies they must have. (They seem to be mostly men.) And then ALL these smart, funny people leap to my defense, which is medicine, and fills me with love and thankfulness. ~ Anne Lamott

I was fooling everyone by surrounding myself with funny people. But then I put myself out there - writing my own sketches, going on stage with nobody surrounding me - and for some reason people were still laughing. ~ Carly Craig

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. ~ Doug Larson

I often carry things to read so that I will not have to look at the people. ~ Charles Bukowski

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? ~ George C. Wallace

People like you are the reason People like me need medication. ~ Cheyenne McCray

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. ~ Alphonse De Lamartine

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?' ~ Robin Williams

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans. ~ Mike Birbiglia

As an actor, when you're doing comedies, you're around fantastic, funny people and you hopefully have a really good time doing it. ~ Ari Graynor

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor'
always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own. ~ Chelsea Handler

I think a lot of times we don't pay enough attention to people with a positive attitude because we assume they are naive or stupid or unschooled. ~ Amy Adams

At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried an insane stunt like that on the New York City subway. The other passengers would take it as a sign of weakness, and there'd be a fight over who got to keep your ears as a trophy. ~ Dave Barry

It's funny; people get so doctrinaire about music. It should be the last thing you don't have an open mind about. ~ Randy Newman

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

I love working with smart-funny people. ~ Tom Bergeron

Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. ~ Allison Jones

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. ~ Chris Rock

Guests are people who come to your home to see you whine at the table, bark loudly, jump on women wearing pantyhose, and do other tricks which you wouldn't think of doing just for the family. ~ Peg Kehret

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! ~ Tom Lehrer

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. ~ Paul Fix

If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you're OK. ~ John Pinette

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string. ~ Jon Stewart

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. ~ Oscar Wilde

Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great. ~ Mark Twain

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. ~ Joe Rogan

I'd love to be able to fit in a box. Like one of those people who fit into small boxes. I'd love it. ~ Robert Pattinson

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. ~ Jeff Garlin

Everywhere I go, I hear 'Welcome back.' But everywhere I have been, I have always been with myself. I'm with myself now more than ever. It's funny people say 'Welcome back' when I haven't gone anywhere. ~ Ricky Williams

He thought of how when you went out and listened to what people said, you heard all kinds of things, people washing their dirty linen in public, talking about friends and business and,gash, and it made him think how the world must be, at every minute, so full of people fighting, and jazzing, and dying, and working, and losing jobs, and it was a funny world, all right, full of funny people, millions of them. And he was only one out of all these millions of people, and they were all trying to get along, and many of them had gotten farther than he. ~ James T. Farrell

Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists. ~ Dan Quayle

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. ~ Frank Zappa

I'd rather be the bloke laughing at other people. I don't need to make people laugh. I surround myself with funny people. I laugh all the time. ~ Jennifer Garner

It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons; I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate. ~ Sloane Crosley

These were people ... who built redwood decks on their mobile homes and have no idea that smart-aleck Yankees think that is somehow funny. People of the pines. My people. ~ Rick Bragg

It's weird ... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then? ~ Mitch Hedberg

Mick Jagger's lips' so big, black people be going, "You got some big-ass lips!" ~ Eddie Murphy

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion. ~ Richard Jeni

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from ... you heterosexuals. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. ~ Chelsea Handler

A hundred people is rather a large handful for the four of us to take on," Malcolm pointed out. "Do you have any ideas about how we're going to handle that task?"
"Simple," Halt told him. "We'll surround them. ~ John Flanagan

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. ~ Mark Twain

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. ~ Bill Engvall

Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over. ~ Dave Barry

Funny people, the Germans. When you got them in a bunch they were all Nazis (they had to be), but when you got the little people by themselves and worked on them for a while they didn't have any morale underneath. Inside they seemed naked and defenceless. ~ Paul Brickhill

Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow. ~ George Mikes

Why would you clone people when you can go to bed with them and make a baby? C'mon, it's stupid. ~ Ray Bradbury

Most people ignore most poetry because poetry ignores most people. ~ Adrian Mitchell

[As a kid] I did enjoy making people laugh but I was also attracted to funny people. I'm [still] quite happy to not be the one trying to make other people laugh. I'm happy laughing at someone else. I enjoy laughing and I'll happily be the one just laughing all night if you can make me laugh. ~ Ricky Gervais

I have a lot of people in my life who are truly ridiculous characters, and they're very, very funny people, but they don't really try to be. They're not cracking jokes. ~ Emile Hirsch

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time ... and last night, all those people were at my show. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. ~ Rita Rudner

I grew up a really shy kid, but I always surrounded myself with a lot funny people. It depends on the day - if I feel like being quiet, I will be. I'm not a complete goofball, though. ~ Manny Montana

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. ~ Christina Aguilera

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. ~ Erma Bombeck

Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment. ~ J.K. Rowling

One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one. ~ Ann Landers

There is definitely a pressure for funny people to be funny. People want them to perform all the time. ~ Marsha Thomason

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. ~ Oscar Wilde

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people. ~ Stephen Colbert

At the time, I used to say, "We should market this like Everybody Loves Raymond. It's just a guy dealing with his family." Instead, it was irresistible to show all these funny people. So, I actually think this could be more inviting to a new audience because they can just watch one character, find out what's going on in his life, and then meet another character and find out what's going on in her life, and then see how it intersects the other one. ~ Mitchell Hurwitz

If you associate enough with older people who do enjoy their lives, who are not stored away in any golden ghettos, you will gain a sense of continuity and of the possibility for a full life. ~ Tom Stoppard

I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.' ~ Jim Gaffigan

I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. ~ Steve Martin

It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment! ~ Garth Brooks

All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump. ~ Dave Barry

There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. ~ Robert J. White

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog? ~ Dave Barry

People with Tourettes ... What makes them tick? ~ Jimmy Carr

Most people sell their souls, and live with a good conscience on the proceeds. ~ Logan Pearsall Smith

As soon as you start to talk about your own mannerisms, you are screwed. Because if you are aware of your own mannerisms, or beyond that even what makes any one thing funny to people, I really ascribe to that that if you start deconstructing it too much, it is immediately not funny. ~ Steve Carell

I have always been of the opinion that your successes are due not so much to your medical skill as your dogged determination. No one would have the audacity to die when you are doctoring them. ~ Elizabeth Peters

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. ~ Dick Van Dyke

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate ... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead. ~ Mark Twain

Americans are funny people: first you shock them, then they put you in a museum. ~ Mick Jagger

Greg Gutfeld is funnier than all the smart people I know, and smarter than all the funny people I know. I don't know what that makes him. But one of the smartest, funniest people I know, is fair to say. ~ Matt Labash

You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people. ~ Donald Trump

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.'
You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it. ~ Bill Hicks

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death ~ John Oliver

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do. ~ Chris Rock

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

It's funny, people often ask me, "Why do you do bike tours where it takes three times the effort and you make one-third of the money?" My answer is that I'm trying to do it ethically. What does that mean, exactly? That conflict is a big part of my art. ~ Ben Sollee

I didn't plan on rock-n-roll. I wanted to learn jazz; I got to know some people doing rock-n-roll with jazz, and I thought I could make some money playing music. ~ Robby Krieger

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Socially, it is funny. People are annoyed because, really who is a clown?. ~ Eric Davis

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's funny - people ask me that, and I don't know what to tell them. ~ Mackenzie Rosman

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. ~ Robin Williams

A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. ~ Zig Ziglar

It's very funny. People do not want to achieve liberation or be happy. This is the basic guideline they teach you in Spiritual Training School. ~ Frederick Lenz

I've always been attracted to humor and funny people in general. It's a joy to make people laugh, but it's not as fun as laughing yourself. ~ Jennifer Garner

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. ~ George Carlin

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ~ W.C. Fields