Tags Funny And Random Quotes

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ~ Regina Griffin

Um ... Falcyn?"Medea
"What's my brother doing?" Blaise
"Holding me in an awkwardly tight manner. It's very strange" Medea
"But is he sitting on you?" Blaise
" ... Why? should I be worried?" Medea
"Well, it means he's not trying to hatch you. Yet. That's always a bonus." Blaise ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Lying on the ceiling. Refusing to go to school. Not opening up to me. Climbing water towers. No, she's all right. ~ Kami Garcia

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired? ~ Christy Leigh Stewart

In between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in notebooks, and every so often there would be a test. The stories were very short, and there were a whole lot of them on every conceivable subject. "One day I went to the store to purchase a carton of milk," Mr. Remora would say, chewing on a banana. "When I got home, I poured the milk into a glass and drank it. Then I watched television. The end." Or: "One afternoon a man named Edward got into a green truck and drove to a farm. The farm had geese and cows. The end." Mr. Ramora would tell story after story, and eat banana after banana, and it would get more and more difficult for Violet to pay attention. ~ Lemony Snicket

A brick and a blanket together create a blick. That's it. That's all I got. ~ Amy Summers

My smile wavers as I revert to my natural state of being: nervous and weird. ~ Stephanie Perkins

This isn't a trunk monkey, is it." Nick
"No. It's not. It's a memento from your enemies." Caleb
"Yeah, well, at least it makes my heart surgery scar look cooler." Nick ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Darling Daddy,
This is Rose.
Saffy says everyone says it is Indigo's fault that their Head has two black eyes and a swelled-up nose.
Love from Rose.
P.S. Sarah who is here says to tell you love from wheelchair woman too.
Rose's father telephoned especially to tell Rose not to call Sarah Wheelchair Woman.
"That's what she called herself," protested Rose. "She thought of it! Aren't you worried about what I told you about Indigo and the Head?"
"What?" asked Bill. "Oh that! Two black eyes and a swollen nose! I don't think I can believe that one, Rose darling! ~ Hilary McKay

And Jack, who felt like he was on the cusp of being able to read minds and thought it would be all right if Luce wrote him down for that. ("I sense that you're okay with that, am I right?" He made a gun out of his fingers and clicked his tongue.) ~ Lauren Kate

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line. ~ Nenia Campbell

You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch ~ Carrie Vaughn

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping. ~ Christy Leigh Stewart

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator ~ Josh Stern

I'd say," the Ranger answered after a few seconds' deliberation, "that he'll be heading south now that he has the chance. Back into Araluen."
"How do you know that?" Horace asked. He was always impressed at the two Rangers' ability to read a situation and come up with the correct answer to a problem. Sometimes, he thought, they almost seemed to have divine guidance.
"I'm guessing," Halt told him. ~ John Flanagan

He looked earnestly at me, as if that was important to me. ~ Raymond Chandler

Remember, I'm the only person her who's paid to be nice to you. But not too nice. Give me any lip and I'll break your face. OK? ~ Orson Scott Card

Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it. ~ Judith Chambers

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up! ~ Tanya Masse

Please follow these instructions:
1. Stack the pages of this letter neatly.
2. Roll the pages up into a cylinder.
3. Smack yourself over the head with it.
4. Repeat. You complete ass. ~ Leah Thomas

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

It would be silly for a demon to dress up and go trick-or-treating. What would I be anyways, a human girl? Ha, it's funny. I kind of already am playing dress up. I get random treats, only to be taunted that they were but tricks. Turns out, it's not so funny. ~ Amy Lunderman

Remember. Make him cry uncle.
Cry uncle, my posterior. I'm going to make him cry like a girl who broke her mom's designer heels at the prom. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain. ~ Kyousuke Motomi

His green eyes blazed with desire; such a different look than I'd known before. Chase had studied me, reading my feelings. Tucker was only trying to see his own reflection. Disturbing on several levels. ~ Kristen Simmons

I didn't actually know what regret tasted like - but I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk. ~ Angela N. Blount

Poseidon's underpants! You can't be serious. ~ Rick Riordan

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch. ~ Nenia Campbell

The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Absolutely Disgusted! Your Father's Facing An Inquiry At Work And It's Entirely Your Fault! If You Put Another Toe Out Of Line, We'll Bring You Straight Back Home! ~ J.K. Rowling

I'm not like most designers, who have to set sail on an exotic getaway to get inspired. Most of the time, it's on my walk to work, or sitting in the subway and seeing something random or out of context. ~ Alexander Wang

Darling Daddy,
Poor Saffy. She had a big fight in the boys toilets on Monday, did you know? A very big fight and Sarah helped and it was terrifying. Said a boy in my class who has a brother who was there.
Saffy washed her hands and said Never Ever Never Dare You Touch My Brother. (Indigo). And the plug holes were blocked with hair.
Love from Rose.
-Sarah's mother has given us soup. Soup soup soup and then it was all gone.
L.F.R. ~ Hilary McKay

Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can't kiss people in the morning? ~ Holly Hood

Dear Fly,

I love you. If you are a mouse I am cheese. If you are a cat I am a mouse. You are a fly, so I want to be shit. ~ Casey Scieszka

And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finally

lost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned that

Netflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.

And if you're just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence. ~ Philip Rivera

I thought you'd be gone by now." Velkan
"Hardly, I have to much to do." Esperetta
"Such as?" Velkan
"Apologize to you." Esperetta
"Why would you do that?" Velkan
"Because I'm stupid and pigheaded. Judgmental. Unforgiving. Mistrustful
you can stop me at anytime, you know?" Esperetta
"Why should i? You're on quite a roll. Besides, you missed the worst flaw." Velkan
"And that is?" Esperetta
"Hotheaded." Velkan
"I learned that one from you." Esperetta
"How so?" Velkan
"Remember that time you threw your boots into the fire because you had trouble getting them off?"
"I never did that." Velkan
"Yes, you did. You also gave your favorite saddle to the stable master because it scratched your leg as you dismounted and told him he could have it but, personally, you'd burn it, too." Esperetta ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

This was a stupendously bad idea." William
"No bitching, Mr. Death I tried to get you to leave." Devyl
"Deeth! And I regret me decision, Captain. Seriously. Should have done it when you told me to."William ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

The random and most embarrassing moments are the ones that you'll remember the longest. Make them good ones. ~ BlackStar103

Darling Daddy,
This is Rose.
Very good news. Caddy is going to marry Micheal. In case you have forgotten because you have not been home for so long he is the one with the ponytail and the earring that you do not like. And Caddy says she will have a white lace dress and three bridesmaids, Saffron and Sarah and me, and a big party for everyone, all her old boyfriends too. Fireworks. A band. A big tent called a marquee. But where will we put it? Carriages with white horses for us all to go to the church. Afterward Caddy and Micheal will go for a holiday to Australia to visit the Great Barrier Reef. Caddy has it all worked out and Mummy says Yes She Can Of Course You Can Darling Of Course You Must Do That. Saffron said That Will Cost a Few Weeks Housekeeping and Mummy said Yes But We Do Not Need to Worry About That. DADDY WILL PAY.
Love, Rose. ~ Hilary McKay

Clouds are high flying Fog ~ Gaurav Rao

Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible. ~ Santosh Kalwar

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right? ~ Rachel Caine

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world? ~ Christy Leigh Stewart

Blankets on the other hand are incredibly needy as they are always trying to fill a "void". Are a bit whorish in that the instant you walk away from them in less than a minute they'll be all over someone else, and the moment you actually need them they're nowhere to be found. ~ Nicole McKay

Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they'll at least have something to keep them warm after they've lost all their money when the company goes under. ~ Amy Summers