Happy Valentines Day Funny Quotes

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. ~ Helen Rowland

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ~ Dorothy Parker

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses. ~ H.L. Mencken

The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other gods. ~ Theodor Reik

Happy Valentine's day sir! Next year, happy anniversary na yan ha. ~ Toni Gonzaga

I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore! ~ Mike Birbiglia

It's funny. Friendships are Catch twenty-twos when you're single and in your thirties. Friends are your life rafts. You try to help each other meet people, you confide in each other, you spend Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, all those emotional land-mine holidays together. But sooner or later one of you is going to meet someone and be gone into the world of couples. ~ Will McIntosh

It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves. ~ John Bulwer

Valentines Day is the day we celebrate real love. A love so strong that two hearts become one. And when she's happy, you're happy. And when she's angry, you can still choose to be happy, 'cos, what's her deal ? You know, I'm happy. Why is she bringing me down, you know ? Oh great, now look, I'm getting all mad. I hope she's happy. Happy Valentines Day. ~ Christopher Titus

Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean. ~ Ingrid Michaelson

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!' ~ Russ Meneve

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
The match has been made.
I'm coming for you.

Happy Valentines Day, Lila ~ Lauren Palphreyman

Love requires commitment, flexibility, transparency and loyalty. Happy Valentines Day 2017. ~ Euginia Herlihy

Love is when each person is more concerned for the other than for one's self. ~ David Frost

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life. ~ George Gordon Byron

Valentines Day is a day we celebrate real love. A love so strong that two hearts become one. Yeah, when you're happy, she's happy. And when you're angry, she's angry. And when you start wallowing in self-pity because your hotrod shop tanks and everybody's against you so you start drinking. And then she moves out and goes and lives with her parents, pfft. Or was that the day after Valentines Day? Doesn't matter. I'll go get another one just like her. ~ Christopher Titus

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?' ~ Laura Kightlinger

You will never know the purest love you can give a person, until the day you hurt because they hurt. You genuinely want them to succeed in life and be free from all the chains that keep them from being happy, whether you are in their life or not. ~ Shannon L. Alder

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.' ~ George Lopez

Happy Valentine's Day, baby. No matter what, Gavin will always be your little boy. The first woman he ever asked to marry him. Even when he's in fifth grade and those little bitches pull out the big guns and start getting boob jobs and vaginal rejuvenation surgeries. ~ Tara Sivec

I wont cry for you, my mascara's too expensive... ~ Adriana Lima

Valentine's day: one day day to celebrate love, friendship, give hugs and say sweet things to your loved ones? C'mon, I need an entire year of that! ~ Rodolfo Peon

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ~ Santosh Kalwar

It's funny, I was talking to somebody who writes for a cop show, and he was saying how they aren't allowed to acknowledge Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, just because it has to be able to play forever. ~ Hannah Simone

I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. ~ Mindy Kaling

In women everything is heart, even the head. ~ Jean Paul

Love is a sweet aroma, it fills the room with a wonderful atmosphere. Happy Valentines Day. ~ Euginia Herlihy

I love making friends ... it's people I can't stand. ~ Linus Torvalds

Valentine's Day isn't about religion. It's all about love & friendships, no matter what religion, faith or race that we are. It's about appreciating people, even the ones we don't know or those we even dislike. This is a small world, and an even smaller home, but with big hearts we can make it better for everyone.

Happy Valentine's Day ~ Anthony T. Hincks

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. ~ Kristen Schaal

I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day. ~ Mo Rocca

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. ~ David Letterman

In a recent Valentine's Day posting on her fan website, Britney Spears says that - oh, who cares? ~ Amy Poehler

To love someone is to give her or him your entire heart and she or he should give that love back to you 100% as well. That's called two way street relationship. Happy Valentines Day 2017. ~ Euginia Herlihy

Love is a courageous device, it gives you the ability to see things in a positive way. Happy Valentines Day. ~ Euginia Herlihy

It's hard to think it's important to try out as cheerleader when you're starring on Broadway. But you do kind of miss the things that I now see my children doing. I'm just happy they are not actors. The Valentine's Day dance is really important. Pitching in Little League is very important. And the medals and the scouts are really important. ~ Bonnie Bedelia

I'm tired of love; I'm still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time. ~ Hilaire Belloc

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter. ~ Martha Stewart

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all. ~ Jimmy Fallon

Happy Valentine's... Let's wear costumes! ~ Ray Palla

They were just passing the Evanses' house, Rose making gruesome faces in case they were spying out their windows, when Abby felt someone take her elbow, and she turned to find Zander Burley, his arm now linked with hers. "Happy Valentine's Day," he said, "one day late." He withdrew his arm and loped ahead of Abby and Rose, along the sidewalk and across the lawn to his front door. Abby watched him, thinking that he moved very gracefully for a boy, and noticing that his jaw had grown squarer and his shoulders broader. "Abby has a boyfriend!" Rose chanted when Zander was out of earshot. "No, I don't. ~ Ann M. Martin

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man can do only what he can do. But if he does that each day he can sleep at night and do it again the next day. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Just stop it. Seriously. Whatever it is. Just stop it. If only for an hour, a day, a week. Stop doing it long enough to get a glimpse of what the change would actually look like. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher