Funny Mayan Calendar Quotes

When the Mayan Calendar runs out there will be another day. Just like there was with Y2K. ~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

I'm really into sci-fi. I always have been. In addition to that, I've always had a tremendous fascination with the lure of the Apocalypse or Judgment Day or the Mayan calendar, etc., etc. ~ Bryce Dallas Howard

She had finally learned the significance of the ending of the Mayan calendar: Elvis and Liberace were clearly coming back from the dead. ~ Marianne G. Petrino

These months drive us to listen within. ~ Charol Messenger

The Mayan system made more sense than the Western system does. Since the Western calendar was created at a time when there was no zero, we never see a day zero, or a year zero. This apparently insignificant omission caused a great deal of trouble; it kindled the controversy over the start of the millenium. The Mayans would never have argued about whether 2000 or 2001 was the first year in the twenty-first century. But it was not the Mayans who formed our calendar; it was the Egyptians and, later, the Romans. For this reason, we are stuck with a troublesome, zero-free calendar. ~ Charles Seife

We are not less because we have less ~ A Mayan Priest

The days before December 21st, 2012 there were all sorts of TV specials about the end of the world and the Mayan calendar. I always thought it cut off there because some guy said, 'Hey Bob, don't you think we've gone far enough in the future for this thing? ~ Nicole Sheldon

The calendar was a mathematical progression with arbitrary surprises. ~ Paul Scott

My first calendar was a combination of photos taken from different shoots including golf and casual. ~ Natalie Gulbis

Yesterday was not your defining moment. The calendar moved forward; why not you? ~ Steve Maraboli

I have my whole life organized on an 11x17-inch tear-away weekly calendar. ~ Brooke Burke

The priests say the new dawn will be like the rain that fertilizes the soil before we begin to plant our corn. It will renew the natural cycle of life. The Mayan people will once again flourish. I believe in this very strongly. The holy men say we are entering a period of clarity. We are rediscovering our Mayan values. ~ Rigoberta Menchu

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time. ~ Gilbert Gottfried

I'm very antischedule. Except for board meetings, I don't really schedule things or keep a calendar. I think appointments are caustic to creativity. ~ David Karp

If we do not require a calendar to be geared to a tropical year (earth's orbit), but only that it be geared to some part of the celestial clock, then the Maya calendar was more accurate than the Julian calendar, more accurate than the Babylonian (solar-lunar) calendar; it intermeshed the "gear wheels" of Sun, Moon and Venus, and was based on a more accurate "gear ratio" than the other calendars, repeating itself only once in 52 years. ~ Petr Beckmann

I don't wait for the calendar to figure out when I should live life. ~ Gene Simmons

Without a calendar, where would the week go? ~ Anthony T. Hincks

Tomorrow is only found in the calendar of fools. ~ Og Mandino

As I ran a few blades of grass between my fingers, enjoying the breeze as it caressed my face, I contemplated the cycle of life. As this year would host the long anticipated arrival of the Mayan Doomsday, marking the end of their long count calendar, I wasn't alone in my ponderings. The whole world was focused on the potential that we would be the last generation; the witnesses of the world's end. ~ J.M. Northup

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar! ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I'm so organised. I never screw up. I've done it maybe twice before. I check my calendar seven times a day. ~ Anna Paquin

All was predicted by the mathematical cycles of the Mayan calendars.
It will change
everything will change. Mayan Day-keepers view the Dec. 21, 2012 date as a rebirth, the start of the World of the Fifth Sun. It will be the start of a new era resulting from and signified by the solar meridian crossing the galactic equator and the Earth aligning itself with the center of the galaxy. ~ Carlos Barrios

If forensic analysts confiscated your calendar and e-mail records and Web browsing history for the past six months, what would they conclude are your core priorities? ~ Chip Heath

I have a calendar life that is complicated, so I use BusyCal and Google Calendar. I keep two different browsers open to avoid some confusion. ~ Steve Wozniak

Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat. ~ Todd Stocker

Mexico, as it was in the 1970s - and isn't now - was my Paris. With Mexicans, Europeans, and Americans I celebrated life and the journey, which took on qualities of a pilgrimage in which every moment was a movable feast and every place was a shrine. Among the intricately carved ruins in the jungle at Palenque, I partook of the Mayan sacrament, the sacred psilocybin mushroom, and there I learned to see. ~ Mason West

The calendar and the clock are all set by football season and the offseason. ~ Tom Coughlin

The friend that always finds time to spend with you without consulting his or her calendar is a true friend. ~ Ellen J. Barrier

If I had my way, I would remove January from the calendar altogether and have an extra July instead. ~ Roald Dahl

Pantomime is a big thing in the cultural calendar of my country, you know. So subtlety's not my forte. ~ Alan Cumming

The Jewish calendar, which is lunar, is a calendar of witness. The Sanhedrin, Jewry's Congress, met in Jerusalem toward the end of every month to wait for the new moon. ~ Joshua Cohen

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar ~ Robert Brault

My 2005 calendar we actually did a shoot in Lake Las Vegas. Since I had requests do some swimwear and athletic shots we tried them and they came out good so we inserted them into the new calendar. ~ Natalie Gulbis

The ancient Egyptian calendar is Precessionally Sexagesimal (Besides being theologically/decanally decimal). That means that the toggling between its "enhanced" Civil Calendar (i.e., 365 days yearly) and the geometrical Original Calendar (i.e., 360 days yearly) is based on the precession of the equinoxes (rather than being solely anchored in the solar system); where 148 squared over 365 equals to 60; and 148 multiples of 360 over 365 equals to the height of the Great Pyramid. ~ Ibrahim Ibrahim

Brother Zachariah," Isabelle said. "Months January through December of the Hot Silent Brothers Calendar. What's he doing here?"
"There's a Hot Silent Brothers Calendar?" said Alec. "Do they sell it? ~ Cassandra Clare

You have to calendar time for yourself even if you have no idea what you're going to do with it. ~ Susie Bright

Ix who?"
"Ix Caut. Your name in this life meant 'Little Snake.'" Bill watched her face change. "It was a term of endearment in the Mayan culture. Sort of."
"The same way getting your head impaled on a stick was an honor?"
Bill rolled his stone eyes. "Stop being so ethnocentric.That means thinking your own culture is superior to other cultures."
"I know what it means," she said, working the band into her dirty hair. "But I'm not being superior. I just don't think having my head stuck on one of these racks would be so great." There was a faint thrumming in the air,like faraway drumbeats.
"That's exactly the sort of thing Ix Caut would say! You always were a little bit backward!"
"What do you mean?"
"See,you-Ix Caut-were born during the Wayeb',which are these five odd days at the end of Mayan year that everyone gets real superstitious about because they don't fit into the calendar. Kind of like leap-year days.It's not exactly lucky to be born during the Wayeb'. So no one was shocked when you grew up to be an old maid. ~ Lauren Kate

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

There is a riddle about a man who is locked in a room with nothing but a bed and a calendar, and the question is: How does he survive?
The answer is: He eats dates from the calendar and drinks from the springs of the bed. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

Faced with a time shortage, we squeeze tasks into the nooks and crannies of our calendar, leaving less and less time to switch between them. As a result, we become less and less productive exactly when we need to be most productive. ~ Sendhil Mullainathan

Of the five House Calendars, the Private Calendar is the one to which all Private Bills are referred. Private Bills deal with specific individuals, corporations, institutions, and so forth, as distinguished from public bills which deal with classes only. ~ Howard Coble

It is a new day, new month, new year, but it isn't a new you. You are the same person dealing with the same problems that you cannot dispatch by tearing off the calendar page. Solutions come incrementally, however much the sliding into magical thinking seems permissible when grass lies under a foot of snow. ~ Thomm Quackenbush

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

A calendar helps you plan work, gives you concrete goals, and keeps you on track. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a calendar method that helps him stick to his daily joke writing. He suggests that you get a wall calendar that shows you the whole year. Then, you break your work into daily chunks. Each day, when you're finished with your work, make a big fat X in the day's box. Every day, instead of just getting work done, your goal is to just fill a box. "After a few days you'll have a chain," Seinfeld says. "Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You'll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain." Get a calendar. Fill the boxes. Don't break the chain. ~ Austin Kleon

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Your calendar never lies. All we have is our time. The way we spend our
time is our priorities, is our strategy. Your calendar knows what you
really care about. Do you? ~ Tom Peters

why has almost everyone done the calendar thing, but almost no one has moved everything else in their life into a similar zone, by capturing it all and creating the habit of assessing it all appropriately? Three reasons: First, the data that is entered onto a calendar has already been thought through and determined; it's been translated down to the physical action level. You agreed to call Jim at noon on Monday: there is no more thinking required about what the appropriate action is, or where and when you're going to do it. Second, you know where those kinds of actions need to be parked (calendar), and it's a familiar and available tool. ~ David Allen

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan? ~ Jay Leno

Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear. ~ Me

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

If 2012 is the end of the world can I have a table for two at Ground Zero? ~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

At the end of each year, I sit on the floor and go page by page through the old calendar, inking annual events into the new one, all the while watching my year in 'dinner withs' skate by. When I'm done, I save the old calendar in the box of the new one and put it with the others on a shelf. ~ Sloane Crosley

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ~ Regina Griffin

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. ~ Nobita Nobi

The earliest example known to me of replaced body parts is exemplified by a Mayan skull dating back to 1400 BC. In this skull, false teeth made of stone had been implanted. ~ John Gurdon

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

As for all your latest Mayan discoveries and poems, I want to hear every word of it if you want to transmit it, or tell it when we meet, but don't expect me to get excited by anything anymore. ~ Jack Kerouac

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. ~ Chris Messina

Ish #21 Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ~ Regina Griffin

Instead of adapting, their leaders clung to power and strove instead to be the last ones to starve to death. The Mayan civilization in South America did the same, and I expect our own civilization will do likewise. ~ Daniel Suarez

I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny. ~ Christopher Walken

The bounds of our past hold no restrictions on our minds, other than those imposed by our minds" ~ Alex Just ~ Alex Just

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything. ~ Steve Martin

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny. ~ Maya Rudolph

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ~ Tracey Ullman

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. ~ Chris Rock

When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We can make the way somebody walks funny. The makeup can be funny. ~ Mitchell Hurwitz

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up. ~ Matt LeBlanc

Making modern games funny would be easy as pie if it was anybody's goal to actually make a funny game. ~ Doug TenNapel

There is nothing so intractable as a calendar. ~ Margery Sharp

The calendar? A mere convention ... ~ Irina Ratushinskaya

I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. ~ Paula Pell

My death will not be penciled in on someone's calendar. ~ Richelle Mead

But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie. ~ Thomas Haden Church

You know ... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time ... husband!!! ~ Bill Maher

Age is in the mind, not in calendar. ~ Anonymous

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. ~ Tommy Chong

There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. ~ Robert J. White

Nature knows no calendar, the seasons move in a circle. ~ Flora Thompson

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. ~ Mark Russell

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny. ~ Alan King

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood. ~ Paul O'Grady

I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. ~ Trevor Noah

I come from a long line of miserable people. ~ Arlene Schindler

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny. ~ Ken Dodd

I removed the freeway from its temporal context. Overpasses, cloverleafs, exit ramps took on the personality of Mayan ruins for me. Without destination, without cessation, my run was often silent and empty; there were no increments, no arbitrary graduations reducing time to functional units. I abstracted and purified. ~ Tom Robbins

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. ~ Helen Rowland

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn't like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. ~ Jay Leno

I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. ~ Julie Brown

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time. ~ Cloris Leachman

You think you're funny." "Oh, I know I'm funny. Unappreciated, but funny. ~ Jim Butcher