Ricky Gervais Quotes

… Science is constantly proved all the time. You see, if we take something like any fiction, any holy book… and destroyed it, in a thousand years' time, that wouldn't come back just as it was. Whereas if we took every science book, and every fact, and destroyed them all, in a thousand years they'd all be back, because all the same tests would [produce] the same result.

I can't stand it. I can't stand someone being embarrassed. I don't know why. If someone slips over and the first thing they do is look around, I pretend I haven't seen it.

[As a kid] I did enjoy making people laugh but I was also attracted to funny people. I'm [still] quite happy to not be the one trying to make other people laugh. I'm happy laughing at someone else. I enjoy laughing and I'll happily be the one just laughing all night if you can make me laugh.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

That's the amazing thing about life. You can just rub it out, like a blackboard, and start again.

Next time someone tells me they believe in God, I'll say 'Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra? ... ' If they say 'Just God. I only believe in the one God,' I'll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don't believe in 2,870 gods, and they don't believe in 2,869.

Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

I remember one review of The Office Christmas Special that compared it unfavourably to Dickens. What? You're saying I'm not as good as the greatest storyteller ever. Boo! Boo! I think I can live with that.

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Honor is a gift a man gives himself. You can be as good as anyone that ever lived. If you can read, you can learn everything that anyone ever learned. But you've got to want it.

Being an atheist makes someone a clearer thinking, fairer person. They [atheists] are not doing things to be rewarded in heaven; they're doing things because they're right, because they live by a moral code.

Enjoy life. Have fun. Be kind. Have worth. Have friends. Be honest. Laugh. Die with dignity. Make the most of it. It's all we've got.

We want to see a struggle. We want to see people falling over but getting themselves back up on their feet, and that's what's extraordinary- ordinary people and their struggle. There's nothing as interesting as real life out your window. You walk down the street for half an hour, I'll give you half an hour of drama.

Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

It's a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It's the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.

The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.

No one wants to see cool people doing brilliantly. I want to see the struggle. That's the fun bit.

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer

When I direct my own scripts, it's much easier as it's been in my head for a year already. What I love about this is having an idea and seeing it come to fruition onscreen. I would like to direct someone else's script one day, but I might not get round to it before I die - you can't legislate for being hit by a bus!

You want to see the people you've sort of come to know and love, or love to hate, you want to see them develop in some way. And I hope people get sort of caught up in that arc.

You can just keep getting it worse until you have to pull back and let the audience breathe. But yeah, I really love digging.

I had great memories of growing up in a working class estate. I remember it being sunny all the time. So we're putting that on screen. It's not people wallowing in degradation.

If you walked around like David Bowie in 1973 in Reading, you'd get beaten up. The 1970s in a small town was more like the 1950s.. and that's the truth. The backdrop was probably Victorian.

I've got three friends that you'd call famous, but I'm sure after 20 years, most of my friends will be famous or work in television, because that's the nature of what your work is. When I was working in an office, most of my friends worked in offices.

The world is not entirely comic and it's not entirely dramatic. You have a laugh and then someone finds a lump and you deal with that. Because that is what life is like.

Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that was done this year ... by cosmetic surgeons.

I think everyone has the ability to be loved.

The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese,

Comedy is a medicine - a healing process that can help people get through difficult times and understand things better

I don't think a comedian should even be concerned with being cool or sexy, as soon as you do, you aren't a comedian any more. Looks are still the most important thing for women when it comes to meeting a partner. And that's fair enough, but a sense of humour is really important too. For starters, it's a great indicator of whether you are going to get on. If the first time you go on a date you don't find each other funny, there's a fundamental problem.

Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a joke is based on an untruth, it's not funny.

Never fear the truth. No bad can come of discussing a true subject. No bad at all.

It breaks your heart when you throw something away, but it's what left that counts. It's like worrying about the bits of rock you have knocked off in order to make a beautiful statue. You've wasted half the rock, yeah, but it's the Venus di Milo!

There was a nobility in poverty when I was growing up. My mom was poor but she was planting roses and she was cleaning the steps, you know what I mean. You didn't feel sorry for yourself.

The service in L.A. is the best. You don't get sarcastic, surly, fed-up waiters and waitresses like you do in England. They're good at their job and they're there for the customer. The only depressing thing is a lot of them have written more screenplays than me.

Being on the edge isn't as safe, but the view is better

I'm a militant fundamentalist atheist. I'm going to get on a crowded train, unbutton my coat and say rational things. People will be hurt.

Science seeks the truth. And it does not discriminate. For better or worse it finds things out. Science is humble. It knows what it knows and it knows what it doesn't know. It bases its conclusions and beliefs on hard evidence -­- evidence that is constantly updated and upgraded. It doesn't get offended when new facts come along. It embraces the body of knowledge. It doesn't hold on to medieval practices because they are tradition.

It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying "Prove I can't fly." They'd go: "What do you mean 'Prove you can't fly'? Prove you can!"

I like every part [of the film process ] except the business and admin stuff. The initial idea. Writing. Re-writing. Casting. Directing, Editing. If I had to chose I'd say writing, followed by putting music on the picture. That is magical.

When you think of things like The Sopranos, The Wire, Damages, they are beating film on a regular basis. Most films are terrible. It's only the 2% that are good. There's things you can do on TV which you can't do on film. There is something about those episodic, serialisations that are grand and operatic.

If I do eat meat, it's got to be ethical. I want to know that it lived a great life before it was killed humanely.

Comedy and drama are different sides of the same coin. And the thing about comedy and drama is about likability. It's about character first. It's about story. And for me, it's about empathy, and I think the realer someone is, the further you can go either way with them.

I've never been insulted by hateful satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

People have let me down in the past. I've loved something, and it's become a disgrace. I'd rather start again.

Of all the disciplines involved in making anything - TV, film or anything I do - the writing is the most valuable commodity.

My ideal meal would probably be the cheesiest pasta or pizza, followed by something creamy and chocolaty. I mean, just the worst things, really.

With 'The Office' and 'Extras' I've always snuck in a little bit of heart and pathos - and drama, which is fun.

The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth.

Whatever else is happening, things are better in the sun.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you're wrong.

I fought a bear once. But it started crying, so I let it off.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening - everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say, I did that.

Life is an amazing gift, but it's only a gift if you're able to enjoy it.

For every wacky postcard, there's a million people waiting to buy it, and for every $10 million of those things, there's one Rembrandt. Purposely, I think I want to aim at doing something that a lot of people won't like. I'm just worried that it looks like I've compared my work with Rembrandt. "Gervais says he's better than Rembrandt!".

Spirituality really lost its way when it became a stick to beat people with: 'Do this or you'll burn in hell.

You could easily spot any Religion of Peace. Its extremist members would be extremely peaceful.

Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!

Hollywood is responsible for some of the greatest and worst movies of all time!

Our challenge with "The Office" and "Extras" was to get it completely scripted but to find a cast that could make it look like they were saying it for the first time.

In a safe Western world where we're not being shot at and we're not starving, the worst thing that happens to us most days is someone's rude to us, or we accidentally insult someone. Social faux pas is the worst thing that happens to most people, most days, so we've got to concentrate on that, really.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.

What will it feel like after you die? Exactly the same as it felt for those billions of years before you were born.

I've got the attention span of a child.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do, if you're rational

To complain about critics in a business is like a sailor complaining about the waves. Go back to the beach if you don't like it.

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.

The most important thing in comedy - apart from empathy, which I think is important even if disguised - is surprise. I like surprising people with the fact that something's even a joke at all.

I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.'

You can't censor stupidity.

Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.

I feel that a lot of British comedy is often too bombastic, too obvious, dressing up and shouting and pulling funny faces.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

I used to believe in God. The Christian one, that is (There are a few thousand to choose from. But I was born in a country where the dominant religion was Christianity so I believed in that one. Isn't it weird how that always happens?). Luckily I was also interested in science and nature. And reason and logic. And honesty and truth. And equality and fairness. By the age of eight I was an atheist.

There are so many films now where you know the story is a supporting role to the visual effects.

Hotel bars are pretty good. No one bothers me there. Restaurants are safe. People are quite respectful when you're eating. But what I never do now is go to a busy bar on the weekend, or after 8 o'clock at night. That's the danger zone. Also being trapped. Never go on the Metro, or a bus.

I've never regretted saying no to anything, or finishing something. When I'm in the middle of doing something I love, I can have a better idea, and I'll go, "Oh God, I can't finish this." Maybe I've got some sort of disorder.

Sometimes I'll be confident and go into a shop and say, "Hello, yeah, all right," and then the next day, if someone looks at me or talks to me, I just don't know what to do. If you're walking down the street with a baseball cap, you might be fine. But if you're in a pub and you see someone look at you, you think the worst thing in the world now is if they come over. It's a really weird feeling.

I think what makes us human is those choices - whether to tell the truth or not.

Someone trying to be funny probably isn't as funny as someone who doesn't want to be funny but is and can't help it. Someone being serious or angry might be funny. If you get angry, the first thing I want to do is laugh because I don't know why you're getting that angry. Pathos makes me laugh, funerals make me laugh.

I don't think it matters if there is a god or not. I've met people who believe in God that are good and that are bad. And I've met people who don't believe in God that are good and that are bad. So, just be good. I'm good. Not cos I think I'll go to heaven but because when I do something bad, I feel bad. And when I do something good, I feel good.

Life is so interesting ... just every day life. I remember someone once saying: "Drama is real life with the boring bits taken out."

I think Hollywood's gotten more reactionary and conservative over the years, because there's no longer art in Hollywood. Art suffers in Hollywood.

If you try to please everyone you'll please no one.

I have to be excited, I have to have an adrenaline rush about doing something, or it bores me, I feel trapped.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

Being honest is what counts. To make the ordinary extraordinary is so much better than starting with the extraordinary.

Body language is more powerful than words.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth ... Then he said, "Let there be light." Which means he made the entire universe in the dark! How fucking good is that? He's brilliant.

You do your own thing and you see if you survive.

I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.

I'm a failed pop star. I always sneak a song into everything I do.

I think the best advice I'd say to any actor when you do comedy is play it straight.

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

I'm basically a 'do unto others' type person. I don't have any religious feelings because I'm an atheist, but I live my life like there's a God. And if there was he'd probably love me.

I never think of myself as a celebrity - or even an actor, actually. I think of myself as a writer-director.

I'm quite squeamish, really. I'm philistine and unsophisticated - not because of my great discerning palate but other reasons. Some are moral grounds, some texture.

If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.

I feel sorry for people in power. I feel sorry for the Queen, in a way, that she hasn't had a normal life. It'd difficult for me to hate anyone. Immediately someone's unpopular, I feel sorry for them.

Your critics want you to be as unhappy, unfulfilled and unimportant as they are. Let your happiness eat them up from inside