Funny Food Quotes

It's so funny because my mom is Thai and my dad is this big American guy - and our food tastes were so similar growing up. He was meat and potatoes, I was meat and potatoes. ~ Chrissy Teigen

We must have courage, faith, and lunch together sometime soon. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. ~ Jay Leno

Research tells us that fourteen out of any ten individuals like chocolate. ~ Sandra Boynton

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, cause it's GRAND SALAMI TIME! ~ Dave Niehaus

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing. ~ Fran Lebowitz

Destiny may ride with us today, but there is no reason for it to interfere with lunch. ~ Peter The Great

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of bread as really bland cake. ~ Jim Gaffigan

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one. ~ LIZ

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

You saw some lad with a face that'd got camels written all over it, and when he opened his mouth it'd turn out he had an Ankhian accent so thick you could float rocks. Oh, there's all the jokes about funny food and foreigners, but surely . . . Not very funny jokes, come to think of it. When you hear the bang, there's no time to wonder how long the little fuse has been fizzing. ~ Terry Pratchett

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans. ~ Ronald Reagan

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works. ~ Sherman Alexie

I do not like onions. It's so funny because I am probably one of the least picky eaters ever. Pretty much any type of new food, I'll try it, I'll eat it. But onions, and pork. Pork and onions. ~ Stacie Orrico

How can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like kleenex? ~ Julia Child

Life's too short. Start with Dessert! ~ Barbra Streisand

Everybody likes to have a place to think, to meditate, to eat a burrito ... ~ Sherman Alexie

Life is a nacho. It can be yummy-crunchy or squishy-yucky. It just depends on how long it takes for you to start eating it. ~ John Updike

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. ~ Douglas Adams

Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. ~ Audrey Hepburn

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~ Will Rogers

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~ Janette Barber

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. ~ Yogi Berra

Instead of past, present and future, I'd prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Never trust a skinny cook ~ Iain Hewitson

We will be victorious, and they will be defeated. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

You turn friends away before you discover they were good after all; you give up on your dreams before you realize you were very close to your success all that while. Be patient; don't rush things! ~ Israelmore Ayivor

All infants and children require and deserve comfort in order to develop properly. Soft cooing voices, gentle touch, smiles, cleanliness, and wholesome food all contribute to the growing body/mind. And when these basic conditions are absent in childhood, our need for comfort in adulthood can be so profound that it becomes pathological, driving us to seek mothering from anyone who will have us, to use others to fill our emptiness with sex or love, and to risk becoming addicted to a perceived source of comfort. ~ Alexandra Katehakis

Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris. ~ Thomas Gold Appleton

The female love interest is boring to me. A female that's interesting, smart, funny - that's what I'm drawn to. I wouldn't say that every character has to be smart, but she has to have one trait I can relate to. ~ Aubrey Plaza

sometimes when everything seems at
its worst
when all conspires
and gnaws
and the hours, days, weeks
years
seem wasted –
stretched there upon my bed
in the dark
looking upward at the ceiling
i get what many will consider an
obnoxious thought:
it's still nice to be
Bukowski. ~ Charles Bukowski

America's most dangerous export was, is and always will be our fast-food outlets. ~ Anthony Bourdain

It was funny - I'd sort of expected this place to be all dark and furtive, full of blokes darting nervous glances over their shoulders in case anyone they knew wandered in by mistake and saw them. Instead, it was all bright, gleaming white, the merchandise proudly displayed like a prozzie in an Amsterdam window. Only a lot less likely to give you the clap. ~ J.L. Merrow

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said. ~ Steven Wright

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. ~ Carol Burnett

Change for the better ... Let your change be purposeful and determined. Never repeat steps that always make you fail. Never change a step that brings you closer to excellence! You got to make a change! ~ Israelmore Ayivor

But attentiveness, consideration, compliments, small and large kindnesses, feeling truly loved, having someone put you first while you put them first because you're in cahoots to make each other's lives easier and better: most people do like that, when it's thoughtful and sincere. It's here, more than in the big gestures, that romance lives: in being actively caring and thoughtful, in a way that is reciprocal but not transactional.

And yet, for most of my life, I never would have asked for or expected such a thing. Many women wouldn't, even the ones who secretly or not-so-secretly pine to be treated like a princess. It's one thing to fantasize about a perfect proposal or an expensive gift; that's high-maintenance, sure, but it's also par for the course. It's asking something from a man, but primarily it's asking him to step into an already-choreographed mating dance. But asking to be thought of, understood, prioritized: this is a request so deep it is almost unfathomable. It's a voracious request, the demand of the attention whore.

Women talk ourselves into needing less, because we're not supposed to want more - or we know we won't get more, and we don't want to feel unsatisfied. We reduce our needs for food, for space, for respect, for help, for love and affection, for being noticed, according to what we think we're allowed to have. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we can live without it, even that we don't want it. But it's not that we don't want more. ~ Jess Zimmerman

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. ~ Sam Ewing

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. ~ Robert Orben

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. ~ Dave Barry

I definitely work pretty hard to stay present and focused. I've also tried to create a life for myself where I'm surrounded by honest, loyal, and funny people, because I like to laugh. ~ Rashida Jones

Sol? As much as I appreciate you making me this lovely womanly blanket ... you think we could try lying like normal people who don't want to merge into one being?"
"Can't have that. We'd make one gross merged being. Your ass and my ass together? The universe would run in terror. ~ Charlotte Stein

I don't know. We have everything we need to be happy, but we're not happy. Something's missing. I looked around. The only thing I positively knew was gone was the books I'd burned in ten or twelve years. So I thought books might help."
"You're a hopeless romantic," said Faber. "It would be funny if it were not serious. It's not books you need, it's some of the things that once were in books. The same things could be in the "parlour families" today. The same infinite detail and awareness could be projected through the radios and televisors, but are not. No, no, it's not books at all you're looking for! Take it where you can find it, in old phonograph records, old motion pictures, and in old friends; look for it in nature and look for it in yourself. Books were only one type of receptacle where we stored a lot of things we were afraid we might forget. ~ Ray Bradbury

I knew I wanted to be in show business so I took the path of least resistance. I loved comedy. But you never know you are funny until people laugh. It's just what I was interested in. I could make people laugh, I guess, but doing it at school and doing it onstage are very different things. ~ Steve Martin

That's the funny thing about running. The deceptive thing about it. It may seem mindless, but its really mental. If the minds strong, the body acts weak, even if its not. ~ Wendelin Van Draanen

A funny thing, love. It was not always, or even mostly, a sexual thing. ~ Mary Balogh

He lay back for a little in his bed thinking about the smells of food ... of the intoxicating breath of bakeries and dullness of buns ... He planned dinners, of enchanting aromatic foods ... endless dinners, in which one could alternate flavor with flavor from sunset to dawn without satiety, while one breathed great draughts of the bouquet of brandy. ~ Evelyn Waugh

The Lone Star Card will make food stamp coupons obsolete. ~ John Sharp

In my experience, anybody besides your mom that feeds you is going to want something in exchange for it. ~ Karen Marie Moning

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career. ~ Marc Maron

One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway. ~ Steven Wright

I'm hungry," he whimpered instead.
"Food is on its way."
"No," he said. "The other kind of hunger."
P198 ~ Darren Shan

Food tastes better 2. My skin has a sheen and radiance to it 3. I sleep better 4. Sex is better 5. I don't get winded as easily 6. My sense of smell has improved one hundred fold 7. My concentration is better 8. My heart rate is normal 9. My blood pressure is normal 10. My clothes don't stink 11. My hair and skin doesn't stink 12. My eyes are clearer and less bloodshot 13. My automobiles don't smell 14. My bank account is healthier 15. I exercise more 16. I drink less alcohol 17. My stress levels are more manageable 18. I work longer and harder 19. My blood work and screening is much better 20. My appetite is much better 21. My hands and feet don't get as cold in the winter 22. My overall wellness and health is much better ~ James Tower

In the process of terrorizing an article on spring training, Butch glanced over at Marissa again, and V
knew the two were going to take off soon - but not because they were finished with their coffee.
Funny, he knew what was going to happen from extrapolation, not second sight or because he could read their minds: Butch was letting off the bonding scent, and Marissa loved being with her male ~ J.R. Ward

Fascinating," I said, turning toward Ian. "You never told me Simon went to Oxford."
"Simon went to Oxford, Sophie. ~ Fisher Amelie

If you go to Singapore or Amsterdam or Seoul or Buenos Aires or Islamabad or Johannesburg or Tampa or Istanbul or Kyoto, you'll find that the people differ wildly in the way they dress, in their marriage customs, in the holidays they observe, in their religious rituals, and so on, but they all expect the food to be under lock and key. It's all owned, and if you want some, you'll have to buy it. ~ Daniel Quinn

You could ask me to teach you."
"Huh?" This night is getting weird in a hurry. "Teach me like you're teaching a class or something? What are you going to call it: 'You Too Can Be a Sociopath 101'?"
"It would be more like a graduate-level class."
I start to snicker. His sense of humour sneaks up on you. Then I remember who's talking and bite it off. ~ Karen Marie Moning

She didn't use the misery of others to cultivate her own smugness, true, but at least I didn't go about eating all their food. ~ Martin Amis

If you're heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous ~ Rick Riordan

To cut a long story short, I'm a writer. ~ Carla H. Krueger

I will call bullshit on that so many times that the word bullshit will lose all meaning. -Milo ~ Cora Carmack

All praise and honor! I confess
That bread and ale, home-baked, home-brewed
Are wholesome and nutritious food,
But not enough for all our needs;
Poets-the best of them-are birds
Of passage; where their instinct leads
They range abroad for thoughts and words
And from all climes bring home the seeds
That germinate in flowers or weeds.
They are not fowls in barnyards born
To cackle o'er a grain of corn;
And, if you shut the horizon down
To the small limits of their town,
What do you but degrade your bard
Till he at last becomes as one
Who thinks the all-encircling sun
Rises and sets in his back yard? ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? ~ Steven Wright

There was a Gallup poll that said something like 70 percent of people in the United States do not enjoy their job - they work to put food on the table and get insurance to survive. So, what happens when technology can do all that work for us and allow us to actually do what we enjoy with our time? ~ Peter Diamandis

I survived a divorce, no children and come to Paris three days per week. My cat ran away on a love adventure; don't know when he will be back. ~ Tionne Rogers

In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table. ~ Cynthia Heimel

A home without a cat - and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat - may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? ~ Mark Twain

Sam came around the side of the car and stopped dead when he saw me. "Oh my God, what is THAT?" I used my thumb and middle finger to flick the multicolored pom-pom on top of my head. "In my language, we call it a HAT. It keeps my ears warm." "Oh my God," Sam said again, and closed the distance between us. He cupped my face in his hands and studied me. "It's horribly cute." He kissed me, looked at the hat, and then he kissed me again. I vowed never to lose the pom-pom hat. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

When I turned 18, I skipped my party to take my girlfriend on a road trip. It turned out to be an amazing birthday. ~ Josh Hartnett

Liver is my number one most hated food. Oh, God, I get sick talking about it! ~ Guy Fieri