Joe Rogan Quotes

To really appreciate life you got to know you're going to die.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We're designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.

Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box ... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed.

Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn't understand you and doesn't want to understand you ... There's no natural behaviour. Everyone is wearing clothes they don't want to wear. Everybody is showing up and doing something they don't want to do. They have no connection to it. That's the problem with our society ...

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.

You are one miniscule piece of a never-ending cycle. In fact, you're not even a piece. You're just a holder for billions and billions of other pieces. Whether that's organic components, living organisms inside your body, bacteria or whatever it is, you're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.

Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.

The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

You can't measure what's inside a man's heart.

So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV.

People for the most part can smell lies.

The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal.

I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you ... That can be an awesome motivating force that can improve your life if you choose to be inspired and not jealous. One (being jealous) has no benefit whatsoever, the other is an incredible resource for creating momentum and improvement.

Comedy is a funny thing, and it's really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title. You would never go to a club just to see "Live music," you would go to a jazz club to see jazz, a blues club to see blues, etc. But when you go to see "standup comedy," if you don't know the performers material, you really don't have any idea what you're gonna get.

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

The universe rewards hustle.

I'll go to church with anyone who's willing to smoke pot and look through a telescope with me.

A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.

For those that have said I seemed dickish to some of the nuttier guests on Joe Rogan Questions Everything - guilty as charged. As the season wore on I lost my patience with some of those folks unfortunately. I think I overdosed on ridiculous/likely fake stories. I certainly learned a lot about the kind of people that invest a large portion of their life on fringe subjects - they're all white. I think there's something interesting about the subjects, (UFOS, etc) but the study of them has often been overrun by silly thinking.

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

You could smell my ass from mars.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

Choose To Be Inspired.

There's a lot of people that I disagree with that I think I could have interesting conversations with. What I don't want to get into is manufactured conflict. I would much rather talk to someone like Dr. Rhonda Patrick or Randall Carlson and be mesmerized by information. I guess in a way that's selfish, or maybe not objective of me. The older (and hopefully wiser) I get the less interested I am in conflict. I don't mind disagreeing with people in a civil way, but I definitely don't want to go out of my way to have an argument unless it's a really important subject.

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.

I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that's the reward that you get for that.

I have this thing built into my contract that the club has to put up a sign that says my act "contains the strongest language and material content imaginable," but, believe it or not, I still get complaints. People want you to be what they want you to be. If they see you on TV and that's what they like, they want you to be EXACTLY like that when they see you live. And if you're not, some of them get upset.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. The first car ever made ran on hemp oil. Hemp seeds are also the healthiest food on the planet with the highest protein content out of any plant.

There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage;
1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.

If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.

Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow ... We know that inherently that feels great.

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.

There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever.

Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you.

In order to be truly great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.

We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.

There's a very famous Miyamoto Musashi quote. "Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things." The idea is once you understand what excellence is all about, whether it's in painting, or carpentry or martial arts, that you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline. I think that all the different things that I do enhance all the other things that I do.

It's been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.

I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh - t out of you.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.

You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.

I think it would do a lot of people good just to realize how vulnerable they are.

What people like are things to laugh at. Funny shows. It's all in the execution, the writing and the characters, not the setting. And the writing and the execution and the characters are GREAT on (Everybody Loves Raymond).

What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being - without a doubt.

Our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.

If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

Houston Alexander is for real!

Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

I've been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there's ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that's a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around.

Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere. It's not like there's only one city, and everybody's like 'What the f**k is this?' No, cities are all over the place. They're natural. You know what's not natural? You, in the middle of the mountains, in the middle of the winter.

When a ball goes into a net it only means something because we decided it means something. When somebody punches somebody in the face it always means something.

The quicker we all realize that we've been taught how to live life by people that were operating on the momentum of an ignorant past the quicker we can move to a global ethic of community that doesn't value invented borders or the monopolization of natural resources, but rather the goal of a happier more loving humanity.

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

We're constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We're finding it where we didn't think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We're finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we're having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what's possible on this planet alone.

Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.

Live your life like you're the hero in your movie.

Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith - and that nothing has to be proven.

The best way to pursue any discipline is the martial art way.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

I love existing in pre big bang conditions.

Once you understand what excellence is all about ... you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline.

I don't know much about the music business, but for just general advice for someone trying to create things, as simple as this sounds, I think the best thing you can do is constantly try to improve upon your work. Always focus on that first and foremost, and leave everything else (marketing, image) completely secondary. Obviously, easier said than done when you're trying to make a living, but if you can move along those lines and earnestly try to make things that you really enjoy it can only benefit you in the long run.

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

It's a very strange thing when you make nature illegal.

By putting yourself in that intense form of stress, it makes regular life more peaceful.

Prison is for rapists, thieves, and murderers. If you lock someone up for smoking a plant that makes them happy, then you're the fucking criminal.

The mind is the most important thing of the big picture and no one has a stronger mindset than amateur wrestlers.

We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.

Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

When you're jealous, especially of someone else's art or creations you automatically put up these selfish walls that reinforce your stupid ideas. It's hard to pull those walls down and look at what you're hiding. Look at your own weakness and realize that the jealousy came from knowing that you're intimidated by someone else's work, and that when you compare it to your own, you fall short.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.

For many people the reason why they're idiots is not necessarily that their brain doesn't work well, it's that they got in a terrible pattern.

Be the hero of your own story.