Blokes Quotes

If this bloke's a Test match bowler, then my backside is a fire engine ~ David Lloyd

The rest of the Spice Girls wanted to invite the entire Bayern Munich team because they reckoned they'd never known blokes to be on top for 90 minutes and still come second. ~ Gary Neville

He didn't look anything like the blokes on that gay porn channel Rory had clicked on by mistake when he'd been trying to find out how to make a daisy chain for Leo. ~ J.L. Merrow

I still get blokes who say, 'Oh you hate men, don't you?' And I say, 'No, I just hate you.' I really love doing that, just to see the look on their faces. ~ Jo Brand

There's nothing the British like better than a bloke who comes from nowhere, makes it, and then gets clobbered. ~ Melvyn Bragg

I think it's better if blokes can admit that they can have crushes on other blokes. I've probably had crushes but never really sexual crushes on men. ~ Graham Coxon

I'd saw there were millions like me, but there aren't, really: lots of blokes have impeccable music taste but don't read, lots of blokes read but are really fat, lots of blokes are sympathetic to feminism but have stupid beards, lots of blokes have a Woody Allen sense of humor but look like Woody Allen. ~ Nick Hornby

And as an artist, as someone who writes stories and tries to make words into beautiful forms, it's vitally important to me, especially in a culture that's forgotten the value of beauty. It's a primary source or inspiration, I guess, when so much of what goes on around you is only about money and big swinging dick capitalism. It's important for blokes to be able to do beautiful stuff, impractical stuff, that adds to life. That's an early life-lesson from surfing.
~ Tim Winton

The Beatles were a phenomenon, but they were also ordinary blokes like anyone else. I was lucky enough to see that side. ~ James Taylor

Okay, I've only just found out the final lineup for Slytherin," said Angelina, consulting a piece of parchment. "Last year's Beaters, Derrick and Bole, have left now, but it looks as though Montague's replaced them with the usual gorillas, rather than anyone who can fly particularly well. They're two blokes called Crabbe and Goyle. I don't know much about them
"
"We do," said Harry and Ron together.
"Well they don't look bright enough to tell one end of a broom from another," said Angelina, pocketing her parchment, "but then I was always surprised Derrick and Bole managed to find their way onto the pitch without signposts."
"Crabbe and Goyle are in the same mold," Harry assured her. ~ J.K. Rowling

And when the governor kept saying how 'we' wanted you to do this; and 'we' wanted you to do that, I kept looking round for the other blokes, wondering how many of them there was. Of course, I knew there were thousands of them, but as far as I knew only one was in the room. And there are thousands of them, all over the poxeaten country, in shops, offices, railway stations, cars, houses, pubs - In-law blokes like you and them, all on the watch for Out-law blokes like me and us - and waiting to phone for the coppers as soon as we make a false move. And it'll always be there, I'll tell you that now, because I haven't finished making all my false moves yet, and I dare say I won't until I kick the bucket. ~ Alan Sillitoe

Shakespeare is just some bloke who keeps ranting "what light trough yonder window breaks" its the moon for god sakes! ~ Louise Rennison

I couldn't take my eyes from those plumes of spray, the churning shards of light. Was this what the old man was afraid of? I tried to think of poor dead Snowy Muir but death was hard to imagine when you had these blokes dancing themselves across the bay with smiles on their faces and sun in their hair. I couldn't have put words to it as a boy, but later I understood what seized my imagination that day. How strange it was to see men do something beautiful. Something pointless and elegant, as though nobody saw or cared. ~ Tim Winton

Women are odd. I really mean that. A woman doesn't know the effect she has on a man. Any woman affects every man with instant global tonnage every single time. But women all go about teaching each other it isn't true. God knows why. They reach for doubt, where we blokes go for hope. This accounts for much of their behavior. ~ Jonathan Gash

I'd like to be seen as an average Australian bloke. I can't think of ... I can't think of a nobler description of anybody than to be called an average Australian bloke. ~ John Howard

Bloody Jackson - he can land it on a 20 cent piece. Trouble is, it's usually in a bloke's pocket in the grandstand. ~ Craig Coleman

Good big blokes are better than good little blokes. Then again, good little blokes are better than dud big blokes. And dud big blokes should play something other than Rugby ~ Bob Dwyer

I'm quite British in the sense of not expressing my emotions much. I save it for my songs. If you ask about a death in the family, or a lover, I will not be emotional. I'd probably answer with a smile. Because that's what we British blokes do. ~ James Blunt

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. ~ Tim Vine

Across all Cinderella versions it was clear that the 21st century was not very much in evidence, particularly in the character of Cinderella so it seemed, it felt actually as though it hadn't been done for quite some time, not with the kind of lushness that we could do it with, with an absolute removal of the passivity of Cinderella and finding an amusing way, a lighthearted but significant way of making her proactive and not a girl who's life is about waiting for a bloke. ~ Kenneth Branagh

I'd rather be the bloke laughing at other people. I don't need to make people laugh. I surround myself with funny people. I laugh all the time. ~ Jennifer Garner

A bloke's bowling at 150kph trying to rip the fingers off your arms or probably even worse. It gets your blood going and the adrenalin pumping. You are in a fight. And to me that's what Test cricket is all about. ~ Justin Langer

Delivering the State of the Union? That bloke couldn't deliver pizza. ~ Clive James

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Jew are sitting in a doctor's waiting room and each is told he has twenty-four hours to live. They are asked how they plan to spend their final day. The Englishman says, "I'm going to my club to smoke my pipe, sip some sherry, and chat with the blokes." The Frenchman says, "I'm going to call my mistress for a sumptuous dinner, a bottle of the finest wine, and a night of passionate lovemaking." The Jew says, "I'm going to see another doctor. ~ Steven Pinker

The problem wiv some blokes is that wen they ain't drunk, they're sober. ~ William Butler Yeats

I love watching 'UFC' - Ultimate Fighting Championship - I don't know why, because I'm more of a coward than a fighter, but I seem to be very drawn to these blokes actually smashing each other to bits. ~ Marc Warren

It seems like the older bands are bigger than ever. We get a mixed crowd where you have kids and old blokes like me. ~ Geezer Butler

I am going to become a writer for Cosmo - you don't have to make any sense at all. Or maybe I'll be a bloke, they don't have to make sense either. ~ Louise Rennison

I don't find offensive that I'm being labelled a babe by blokes. I'm absolutely flattered. ~ Kirsty Gallacher

'Paranoid' went straight to number four in the British singles chart and got us on Top of the Pops – alongside Cliff Richard, of all people. The only problem was the album cover, which had been done before the name change and now didn't make any sense at all. What did four pink blokes holding shields and waving swords have to do with paranoia? They were pink because that was supposed to be the colour of the war pigs. But without 'War Pigs' written on the front, they just looked like gay fencers.
'They're not gay fencers, Ozzy,' Bill told me. 'They're paranoid gay fencers.' ~ Ozzy Osbourne

Other blokes might take advantage, but to Tom, the idea of honor was a kind of antidote to some of the things he'd lived through. ~ M.L. Stedman

I like naked women. I'm a bloke. I'm supposed to like them. We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one ... When man invented fire, he didn't say, "Hey, let's cook." He said, "Great, now we can see naked bottoms in the dark" ... The story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. ~ Steven Moffat

You want to be appreciated for all your work as opposed to one performance, but I'll always be 'that bloke from 'Lock, Stock'.' You've got to embrace it. ~ Nick Moran

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'. ~ Jasper Carrott

When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's a drug addict,' 'this bloke f**ks all these women' because I was just making jokes about all those things already, so it made me some kind of incorruptible indefatigable, indestructible force. ~ Russell Brand

Gary Speed was honourable, trustworthy and a joy to manage. He was honest, he was a role model and he was a great bloke. An avid learner, he recognised responsibility and he was always fully committed. ~ Howard Wilkinson

I've never had knickers or marriage proposals. Most of my fans are blokes serving life in jail, troubled kids, and a lot of gay guys. I never get the mid-20s, beautiful women fanbase. ~ Kelvin Fletcher

Just smashing for a girl's confidence, that was. Nothing like having a bloke's attention wander when you were doing your best to divert him. ~ Kady Cross

I think that the ordinary bloke has an instinctive sense that it wouldn't be too bad if the weather warmed up. ~ Nigel Lawson

What do blokes do to prepare for weddings? I rack my brain, thinking about grooms in commercials. Tuxedos are out. I could get her a garter ...
Wait. Rings! Brilliant. And, where will we go afterward? We'll need a honeymoon suite somewhere. Look at me, already a pro at this husband business. ~ Wendy Higgins

To be fair, her expected hatred of all things male has not materialised because it is clear that she simply dislikes everyone. I suspect that this is an attempt to remain aloof from the minions but it has backfired badly. The women, who were looking upon her as a potential saviour, now regard her as a traitor to her sex.

The blokes are just relieved. ~ Dougie Brimson

The people in makeup would buff away the shine on the face of anyone in front of the camera, and the sound blokes would clip a microphone onto the lapel of a jacket so it looked like something other than an insect about to crawl onto the presenter's chin, but Steven Spielberg this group was not. This was a low-budget operation, thank you very much. ~ Elizabeth George

Where I live if someone gives you a hug it's from the heart. ~ Steve Irwin

'Anna Karenina' is just a story about a woman falling in love with a bloke who is not her husband. It's gossip, rubbish - on the other hand, it's the deepest story there could be about social transgression, about love, betrayal, duty, children. ~ Hanif Kureishi

Basically, a manager is a father figure to 20 or 25 blokes. It's about trying to get the best out of them and creating team spirit. ~ Alan Shearer

How did it feel, Fliss? Knowing I was watching that little tosser taste you? Knowing I was watching when you wrapped your lips around the that Sam bloke's cock? ~ Sibylla Matilde

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.' ~ Bill Bailey

Maybe if I'd not been able to kick a ball it would have been different, but I doubt it because all my mates are decent blokes now, just normal fellas with families. ~ Robbie Fowler

Who 'waits for inspiration' has probably never explored the brain. Its much larger than the entire internet. Writing, however, is partly stalking the big wave, and ride it when it comes. However, the thousands and thousands of blokes sitting at the shoreline trying to create waves by splashing their hands in the surf - it might be what they teach at writer workshops, but the sight is absolutely ghastly. ~ Martijn Benders

There is no such thing as 'social gambling.' Either you are there to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it
or you're a sucker. If you don't like this choice
don't gamble. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

That's Narmer with the spoon," I guessed. "Angry because the other bloke stole his breakfast cereal? ~ Rick Riordan

I'm wary of the word glam because I think that became the all-inclusive term with for any bloke with lipstick on, which is fine, you know, and that's what it is when it comes down to the public level. ~ David Bowie

Oh, fatherhood has a very humanising effect on a bloke like me in the military. As a dad, you become absolutely aware of your own human frailty and a need to be nurturing and compassionate and fatherly ~ Peter Cosgrove

It was funny - I'd sort of expected this place to be all dark and furtive, full of blokes darting nervous glances over their shoulders in case anyone they knew wandered in by mistake and saw them. Instead, it was all bright, gleaming white, the merchandise proudly displayed like a prozzie in an Amsterdam window. Only a lot less likely to give you the clap. ~ J.L. Merrow

I was worried I'd scared you off," I said as I slid into the passenger seat. "Being too gay and all." "No - I, er ... " He hesitated, and I looked at him sharply. Well, slightly less bluntly, anyway. My head still hurt. "I don't have a problem with you being gay, Jude. I'm ... well, I'm into blokes myself." "You are?" I may have squeaked a bit. "But you're so ... " Butch, I should have said. And manly, and muscular, and gorgeous, and I bet you're hairy too in all the right places. What came out was, "Straight. ~ J.L. Merrow

Carl reckoned that it was none of his affair until his life was on the line. Even if these two blokes shagged each other senseless every chance they got, he didn't see how that really affected him. ~ Abigail Roux

You never want an Australian with his back against the wall. You put any 12 blokes together and you'll get a job done. Whether it's getting a bogged four-wheel-drive off the beach or standing in front of a cricket wicket and making sure we're in a dominant position. It's the same dog, different leg action, so to speak. ~ Matthew Hayden

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry. ~ Jenny Eclair

I love how the men stand around cooking the barbie while the women have done all the work beforehand doing the marinade and making the salads and then everybody says, 'what a great barbie' to the guy cooking. A barbecue is just the ultimate blokes' pastime, isn't it? ~ Curtis Stone

My Aunt Dahlia, who runs a woman's paper called Milady's Boudoir, had recently backed me into a corner and made me promise to write her a few words for her "Husbands and Brothers" page on "What the Well-Dressed Man is Wearing". I believe in encouraging aunts, when deserving; and, as there are many worse eggs than her knocking about the metrop, I had consented blithely. But I give you my honest word that if I had had the foggiest notion of what I was letting myself in for, not even a nephew's devotion would have kept me from giving her the raspberry. A deuce of a job it had been, taxing the physique to the utmost. I don't wonder now that all these author blokes have bald heads and faces like birds who have suffered. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. To sink a few cold ones with the blokes is both an escape and a confirmation of belonging. ~ Rennie Ellis

Sad old blokes, I'm told, now dream of me with a whip in hand. ~ Anne Robinson

It's incredible, really, the amount of pain cricketers are prepared to put themselves through. Say you're an opening batsman who gets out for a duck in the first over on day one. What compels you to hang around for the rest of the day, let alone turn up the following Saturday for day two? Yet you do, lest 10 blokes who you don't even like think slightly less of you. You retain a sense of loyalty to the club, to your teammates, even though those same teammates will not hesitate to rate your girlfriend a 'six out of 10' in front of your face. During the time I've spent watching my teammates bat after getting out cheaply, I could have learned a language by now. I could be speaking Mandarin. Instead, all I've got to show for it is a career average of 13.6 and a 10 percent discount at our local pub. ~ Sam Perry

Blokes are different from girls," Sam informed her - still scowling. "We don't need to talk about every little thing. You don't hear me whining when I break a nail."
Finley's own brows pulled together. "Do you ever think before you open your mouth?"
"Did I offend your delicate sensibilities?" Sam asked sweetly. ~ Kady Cross

I say to the young blokes, when you get asked for an autograph, don't knock it back because there'll be a time where no one will ask you. ~ Brett Kenny