Will Rogers Quotes

If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

If we took Congress seriously, we would be worrying all the time.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

They call it the Latin Quarter because nobody there is Latin and nobody has a quarter.

A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.

America already holds the record for freak movements. Now we have a new one. It's called "Restoring Confidence." Rich men who never had a mission in life outside of watching a stock ticker are working day and night "restoring confidence." Writers are working night shifts, speakers' tables are littered up, ministers are preaching statistics, all on "restoring confidence."

The old horse is coming back in a high lope. Thousands of people are riding a horse today that five years ago couldn't sit in a Ford with all the doors locked.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

Say, did you read what this writer just dug up in George Washington's diary? I was so ashamed I sat up all night reading it.

Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

I never met a man I didn't like.

Congress knew Coolidge would veto the farm bill. There was more politics than relief in that bill.

You must judge a man's greatness by how much he will be missed.

I read where they are going to limit debate in the Senate. It used to be that a man could talk all day, but now, as soon as he tells all he knows, he has to sit down. Most of these birds will just be getting up and nodding now. Why, some of them won't be able to answer roll call.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

It ain't so much what a man doesn't know that causes him so many problems, but what he knows that ain't so.

You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it.

When I make a joke, nobody gets injured ... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law.

Politics pretty quiet over the week-end. Democrats are attacking and the Republicans are defending. All the Democrats have to do is promise "what they would do if they got in." But the Republicans have to promise "what they would do" and then explain why they haven't already "done it".

I'm not against (bull fighting). Some nations like to see blood, and some like to see their victims suffer from speculation ... They kill the bull very quick. Wall Street lets you live and suffer.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

I see by the papers that they are going to do away with all the nuisance taxes. That means that a man can get a marriage license for nothing.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.

Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put it in, and the politicians take it out

Well, the disarmament conference is off to a flying start. There is nothing to prevent their succeeding now but human nature.

We are sure living in a peculiar time. You get morefor not working than you will for working, and morefor not raising a hog than for raising it.

The Democrats and the Republicans are equally corrupt where money is concerned. It's only in the amount where the Republicans excel.

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

Some guy invented Vitamin A out of a carrot. I'll bet he can't invent a good meal out of one.

I don't see why a man shouldn't pay an inheritance tax. If a Country is good enough to pay taxes to while you are living, it's good enough to pay in after you die. By the time you die you should be so used to paying taxes that it would just be almost second nature to you.

Both political parties have their good times and bad times, only they have them at different times.

I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.

Money, horse racing and women: three things the boys just can't figure out.

If you don't have malice in our heart, it doesn't come across harsh.

One thing I will say about the Germans, they are always perfectly willing to give somebody's land to somebody else

Everytime a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing something so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said. Course perhaps he really haden't said anything, that's what makes it so hard to explain.

People learn more from observation that they do from conversation.

The American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible, exception of stupidity.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

Even if you are on the right track, but just sit there, you will still get run over.

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

Fanatical religion driven to a certain point is almost as bad as none at all, but not quite.

That's what a Congressman or a Senator is for
to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury.

Syntax must be bad, having sin and tax in it.

It will take America fifteen years of steady taking care of our own business and letting everybody else's alone, to get us back to where everybody speaks to us again.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.

The president says, 'There is lots of people worse off than the Farmers.' I don't know who it could be unless it is the fellow who holds the Mortgages on the Farms.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." -Will Rogers

The bankers just got a good cussing by everybody for loaning too much money. Well, they got some awful nice buildings. So when a banker fails, he fails in splendor.

Just read the farm relief bill. It's just a political version of Einstein's last theory. If a farmer could understand it, he certainly would know more than to farm. He would be a professor at Harvard.

People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his wealth.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

Those tax-exempt bonds were put in so that a town or a state or a government could sell more bonds than it ought to.

A senator got up today in Congress and called his fellow senators sons of wild jackasses. Now, if you think the senators were hot, imagine how the jackasses must feel.

It's great to be great, but its greater to be human.

Take me ham away, take away my eggs, even my Chili, but leave me my newspaper.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely

Congress meets tomorrow morning. Let us all pray: Oh Lord, give us strength to bear that which is about to be inflicted upon us. Be merciful with them, oh Lord, for they know not what they're doing. Amen.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The US is safest when Congress is in recess.

Of course nothing is ever done about a [presidential] commission report, except, they say, once a man at the state prison for the criminally insane actually read one once clear through. Then he did something about it. He made a bonfire that lasted a week.

Samuel Gompers has spent his life trying to keep labor from working too hard and has succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.

Steak on the plate went up. Steak on the hoof went down.

Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.

Common sense ain't common.

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

Spinnin' a rope is fun if your neck ain't in it

One thing we got to be thankful for our Soldiers can win wars faster than our Diplomats can talk us into them,

Polo, racing and horse shows all are doing great work to help the farmer and rancher to raise better horses.

Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.

My father was one-eighth Cherokee indian and my mother was quarter-blood Cherokee. I never got far enough in arithmetic to figure out how much injun that made me, but there's nothing of which I am more proud than my Cherokee blood.

The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it's in the way that it's spent.

When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.

A man that don't love a horse, there is something the matter with him.

I never met a man I didn't get a kind of strange and exciting tingling sensation from.

Say, this new home building idea of President Hoover's sounds good. They are working out a lot of beneficial things. The only thing is it took 'em so long to think of any of 'em. We ought to have plans in case of depression, just like we do in case of fire, 'Walk, don't run, to the nearest exit.'

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on Earth.

No party is as bad as its leaders.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

Every land or property owner in America would be tickled to death to pay 45 per cent of his profits, if he didn't have to pay anything if he didn't make it.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

They are each good when they are out, and each bad when they are in.

One of these days they are going to remove so much of the 'hooey' and the thousands of things the schools have become clogged up with, and we will find that we can educate our broods for about one-tenth of the price and learn 'em something that they might accidentally use after they escape.

Candidates have been telling you that if elected they would 'pull you from this bog hole of financial misery.' Now is a good chance to get even with 'em, by electing 'em, just to prove what a liar they are.

Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.