Funny Business Quotes

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. ~ George Burns

No funny business. I'll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears ~ Penelope Fletcher

I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. ~ Jeff Dunham

I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. It's just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life. ~ Louie Anderson

Currently we don't have plans on conquering the world. ~ Sergey Brin

You're going to pay the bill," said Grahame. "Then I'll escort you and the young lady out to the car. And we'll go back to my place, for a proper talk. Any funny business, and I shoot you both. Capiche? "
Fat Charlie capiched. He also capiched who had been driving the black Mercedes that afternoon and just how close he had already come to death that day. He was beginning to capiche how utterly cracked Grahame Coats was and how little chance Daisy and he had of getting out of this alive. ~ Neil Gaiman

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain. ~ Ivan Stoikov

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. ~ Steven Wright

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. ~ Mark Twain

The tragedy is that Dell didn't win it - we lost it. ~ Steve Jobs

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it. ~ George Bernard Shaw

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it. ~ Colin Quinn

If you can't make it good, at least make it look good. ~ Bill Gates

For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business. ~ Tracy Morgan

Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. ~ Robert Osborne

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. ~ Milton Berle

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. She should go far. The sooner she starts, the better. The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind. ~ Joseph Stilwell

The general systems of money management today require people to pretend to do something they can't do and like something they don't. It's a funny business because on a net basis, the whole investment management business together gives no value added to all buyers combined. That's the way it has to work. Mutual funds charge two percent per year and then brokers switch people between funds, costing another three to four percentage points. The poor guy in the general public is getting a terrible product from the professionals. ~ John C. Bogle

I know an actor who would play one type of part but could never get cast as tough. Once he got cast as tough, as a cop, he only got offered cop roles. It's a funny business in that regard. It's all about perception. ~ Paul Dano

Medicine's a funny business. After all, dispensing chemicals is considered mainstream and diet and nutrition is considered alternative. ~ Charles F. Glassman

I wanted to be in show business, and I was funny. ~ Tom Smothers

In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss. ~ Edward Abbey

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear ... from my future Kids' Funny Business. ~ Ivan Stoikov

Funny business, a woman's career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder
so you can move faster
you forget you'll need them when you go back to being a woman. That's one career all females have in common whether we like it or not. Being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter what other careers we've had or wanted. And in the last analysis nothing is any good unless you can look up just before dinner
or turn around in bed
and there he is. Without that you're not a woman. You're someone with a French provincial office
or a book full of clippings. But you're not a woman. Slow curtain. The end. (from "All About Eve") ~ Bette Davis

I don't want any funny business, and above all I don't want to be dragged into other people's funny business. If it's to be my head on the block, I want to know that it's doing there, and not that it's some stupid things that other people have done. ~ Hans Fallada

Nobody has tried to swallow us since I've been here. I think they are afraid how we would taste. ~ Steve Jobs

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. ~ Sam Ewing

Due to budget cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. ~ Robert Townsend

Writing about why you write is a funny business, like scratching what doesn't itch. Impulses are mysterious, and explaining them must be done with mirrors, like certain cunning slight-of-hand routines. ~ Patricia Hampl

A company is known by the people it keeps. ~ Will Rogers

There's nothing so improves the mood of the Party as the imminent execution of a senior colleague. ~ Alan Clark

Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts. ~ Stephen Colbert

I do see things that are funny on the net. I Googled myself the other day and found out that I was worth $250m, and that I was the highest-paid guy in show business! I wish so hard it was true. It is, of course, the complete opposite. I'm neither rich nor do I make a lot of money. ~ David Crosby

Business is the most exciting game. ~ Max Aitken, Lord Beaverbrook

Alek coughed politely, "If I promise to avoid funny business, could you perhaps remove this knife from my throat? ~ Scott Westerfeld

Being effective at social media, whether for business or personal use, means capturing people who have short attention spans. They're only a click away from a picture of a funny cat, so you have to make your thing more compelling than that cat. And that can be a high bar. ~ Alexis Ohanian

Love is very funny business. And sex - well, let's face it, sex is hysterical. ~ Nora Roberts

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A budget tells us what we can't afford, but it doesn't keep us from buying it. ~ William Feather

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. ~ Aristotle.

Teaching is a funny business; you want to share these glimpses of something real and profound, but half the time students want only to know their next assignment and what they will need to study for the test. ~ Azar Nafisi

Writing about yourself is a funny business. At the end of the day it's just another story, the story you've chosen from the events of your life. I haven't told you "all" about myself. Discretion and the feelings of others don't allow it. But in a project like this, the writer has made one promise: to show the reader his mind. In these pages I've tried to do that. ~ Bruce Springsteen

Studying the liberal arts is an intransitive activity; the effects of studying these arts stays within the individual and perfects the faculties of the mind and spirit. The study of liberal arts is like the blooming of a rose; it brings to fruition the possibilities of human nature. The utilitarian or servile arts enable one to be a servant - of another person, of the state, of a corporation, or of a business - and to earn a living. The liberal arts, in contrast, teach one how to live; they train the faculties and bring them to perfection; they enable a person to rise above his material environment to live an intellectual, a rational, and therefore a free life in gaining truth. ~ Miriam Joseph

I grew up in Middle America and I don't think my family was very funny, but I watched 'The Princess Bride.' I always wanted to be an actor. I didn't know anything about it. I'd never seen any plays or anything and I watched that movie over and over and over again. ~ Missi Pyle

My target audience is anyone who finds the world interesting and human behavior fascinating, terrible, inspiring, funny, and occasionally, mysterious. ~ Amy Bloom

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! ~ Herge

Loki in 'Thor' is the most incredible springboard into a sort of excavation of the darker aspects of human nature. So that was thrilling, coming back knowing that I'd built the boat and now I could set sail into choppier waters. ~ Tom Hiddleston

Now the smallest Particles of Matter may cohere by the strongest Attractions, and compose bigger Particles of weaker Virture ... There are therefore Agents in Nature able to make the Particles of Bodies stick together by very strong Attraction. And it is the Business of experimental Philosophy to find them out. ~ Isaac Newton

Remember that when a women gets the job you wanted or dates that bloke you fancied or wears a dress you loved but couldn't afford, she hasn't taken anything from you. There is time and space for you to do it too. One of the cleverest things the patriarchy did was make us believe that there is only one tiny sliver of success cake available; that we all have to fight over it; that a woman who tramples on her competitors to chow it down first is somehow 'ruthless' or to borrow a phrase from Apprentice-ese, 'a natural business mind.' This is a scare-mongering lie. There are so many cakes to eat. And if you can't find the slice you want, try baking one. Cake for everyone! Let them eat cake! I've got lost in the metaphor. ~ Scarlett Curtis

It's funny now, trying to socialise with people. There's this cautiousness about people which I just find really weird. ~ Robert Pattinson

Things that are bad for business are bad for the people who work for business. ~ Thomas E. Dewey

A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight. "Sure," said the farmer, "My wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they're off to college, and I'm all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up."
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him, "Didn't you hear what I said? I have lots of room."
"I heard you," said the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke. ~ Thomas Cathcart

Funny how the illusion of safety can make us careless. ~ Christopher Moore

A strong and capable leader can stand on their own two feet. A wimpy puppet of a leader needs to have their father, their father-in-law, mother, mother-in-law, sister, nursemaid, paid 'yes' people, etc. prop him up. That's fine if he is a baby, but not fine when he is a grown man. If he is capable of leading a company without the help of nepotism, then his workers will respect him and naturally get motivated to support him as a leader. - Strong by Kailin Gow ~ Kailin Gow

I have that working-class show-business blood coursing through my veins. ~ Jenny Lewis

'Big business' was a bad phrase in India. To be accused of being big business was the worst accusation you could make. All that has gone now. The whole mindset has changed. ~ P. Chidambaram

I used to be opposed to the idea of social entrepreneurship. I said let business be business, and philanthropy be philanthropy. Keep the two separate, don't mix it up, and this is what I did, and I did that rather successfully, but I now recognize that actually you do need to mix it up and I think there is room for social entrepreneurship. ~ George Soros

How could Digital's collapse be so precipitous? It's because, in many ways, financial performance data is misleading. As you move up to the top of the market, you're getting rid of the less profitable products at the low end and adding business with more attractive margins at the high end. The rate of unit volume growth might be tapering off as you pursue these smaller markets, but your margins actually look better. So Wall Street rewards your stock price until you hit the ceiling. ~ Clayton Christensen

There are three kinds of people: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those who move. ~ Benjamin Franklin

It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. ~ John Mellencamp

American business men must learn human nature to the point of accepting as necessary the Rabble Rouser of the Right ... To get fast action somebody must stir millions to genuine anger over conditions which are adversely affecting their lives. ~ Walter B. Pitkin

Housing is the favorite investment of the middle class and moderately well-to-do, but true wealth always consists primarily of financial and business assets. ~ Thomas Piketty

I wish there were jokes in the cat world," Buddy sighed. "Want to try to one? Let's think of a prank we can pull on the boys. ~ Gretchen Preston

Data is great, but strategy is better ~ Steven Sinofsky

To delete the mistakes of the past you just need to create. ~ Meir Ezra

She stared into his eyes and announced, "A good-bye kiss."
It was at that Raid stopped dead. "What?"
"Raiden, the gig is up," she declared, and Raid closed his eyes.
Jesus, how could the woman be so infuriating and so fucking cute all at once?
He opened his eyes and asked, "The gig is up?"
She leaned into him and hissed, "Yes."
Fuck, he wanted to kiss her.
He also wanted to shake her.
"Baby, it's jig," he corrected, and her head jerked, which made that mess of hair on her head jerk, which reminded him he wanted his hands in that hair.
Then elsewhere.
He needed to speed this shit up.
"Sorry?" she asked, sounding confused, and he looked from her hair to her eyes and saw she was, in fact, confused.
Yeah. Infuriating. And fucking cute.
"The jig is up, not the gig," he told her.
Her eyes narrowed. "Seriously? You're correcting my street lingo?"
"Think that street lingo was the street lingo about eight decades ago, Hanna. So now it's just lingo. ~ Kristen Ashley

Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do. ~ Eddie Griffin

It's because his wife left him. That's why he's acting funny. She left him the other night. While she was putting her bags into the taxi he was outside on the footpath begging her to stay. On his knees! Why are men so embarrassing?
Bev ~ Louis Nowra

I'm turning left. Look, everyone, my blinker is on, and I'm turning left. I am so happy to be alive, driving along, making a left turn. I'm serious. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing at this moment: existing on a Tuesday, going about my business, on my way somewhere, turning left. ~ Amy Krouse Rosenthal

It really matters when the work we are doing doesn't. ~ Scott Mautz

Just do this one thing: promise yourself you'll never deal underhanded to anybody. You'll be honest in all of your business dealings. That is hard. Conquer that one. Demand it of yourself. Demand a higher standard for yourself and your children and do it. ~ Glenn Beck

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. ~ William Feather

Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women.
They squinted out at Ranger. "Yes," they said."Your partner."
"He's homeless. He's looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in renting Singh's room."
Mrs.Apusenja's eyes widened. "We could use the income."She looked at Nonnie and then back at Ranger. "Is he married?"
"Nope. He's single. He's a real catch."
Connie did something between a gasp and a snort and buried her head back behind the computer. "Thank you for everything." Mrs.Apusenja said. "I suppose you are not such a bad slut. I will go talk to your partner.:
"Omigod," Connie said, when the door closed behind the Apusenja's. "Ranger's going to kill you." The Apusenjas stood beside the Porsche, talkig to Ranger for a few long minutes, giving him the big sales pitch. The pitch wound down, Ranger responded, and Mrs. Apusenja looked disappointed. The two women crossed the road and got into the burgundy Escort and quickly drove away. Ranger turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. His expression was still bemused, but this time it was the sort of bemused expression a kid has when he's pulling the wings off a fly.
"Uh-Oh,"Connie said. I whipped around and faced Connie. "Quick, give me an FTA. You're backed up, right? For God's sake, give me something fast. I need a reason to stand here until he calms down!" Connie shoved a pile of folders at me. "Pick one. Any one! Oh shit, he's getting out of his car.".... ~ Janet Evanovich