Funny Science Quotes

In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you. ~ Frank Wilczek

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ~ Albert Einstein

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses. ~ Peter Sagal

Obviously I was either onto something, or on something. ~ Larry Wall

A person who wasn't outraged on first hearing about quantum theory didn't understand what had been said. ~ Niels Bohr

The Second Law of Thermodynamics: If you think things are in a mess now, just wait! ~ Jim Warner

Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology. ~ Rebecca West

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out. ~ Jim Benton

Nature and Nature's laws lay hid in night:
God said, Let Newton be! and all was light. ~ Alexander Pope

I'm lazy. But it's the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't like walking or carrying things. ~ Lech Walesa

Yet another spunky li'l NASA robot lands and begins transmitting back photographs of rocks that appear virtually identical to the rock photos beamed back by all the other spunky li'l NASA robots, thus confirming suspicions that the universe has a LOT of rocks in it. ~ Dave Barry

Space flight still had a long way to go to catch up with the safety record of the milkshake industry. ~ Kevin Fong

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down. ~ Adam Savage

There are things done under the name of science which are ridiculous. But there is also stuff done which sounds funny but is really serious. ~ Margaret Geller

Darwin has interested us in the history of nature's technology. ~ Karl Marx

If you think research is expensive, try disease! ~ Mary Lasker

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. ~ Ambrose Bierce

The humble Cumulus humilis - never hurt a soul. ~ Gavin Pretor-Pinney

A typical triumph of modern science to find the only part of Randolph that was not malignant and remove it. ~ Evelyn Waugh

The table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise. ~ Lemony Snicket

[Science] works! Planes fly. Cars drive. Computers compute. If you base medicine on science, you cure people. If you base the design of planes on science, they fly. If you base the design of rockets on science, they reach the moon. It works ... bitches. ~ Richard Dawkins

A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty until found effective. ~ Edward Teller

I see no reason to suppose these machines will ever force themselves into general use. ~ Duke Of Wellington

The farther the experiment is from theory, the closer it is to the Nobel Prize. ~ Irene Joliot-Curie

So a scientist and an engineer are tossed into separate rooms, stocked with tools and parts, and told that they aren't allowed out until they've produced a working prototype for a radio receiver. After two days, the scientist has covered the walls in scribbling and looks like a mad man, raving about how not only is it impossible to build a receiver with the parts given but that he's proven that radio is theoretically impossible anyway. When they check on the engineer, they find that he'd built the receiver in less than a day, fashioned a crude speaker and antenna, and had found a radio broadcast he liked and hadn't bothered to tell them he'd finished. ~ Joshua Dalzelle

We call the one side [of humanity] religion, and we call the other science. Religion is always right ... Science is always wrong; it is the very artifice of men. Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems. ~ George Bernard Shaw

It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even I don't know how it works! ~ Ralph Bakshi

This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks - to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls. ~ Michael Swanwick

Before the first atomic bomb test, scientists took the time to calculate whether the blast would ignite the nitrogen in Earth's atmosphere and incinerate us all. The risk was low and the test went off, but Rees wonders what the odds would have had to be to discourage the bomb makers. ~ Dennis Overbye

Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ... ~ Isaac Asimov

Is that sex talk?" she asked uncertainly.
"It is."
"Why don't you just say sex then? It's always chalice and appetite and artifice with you. I never know what the hell you're saying. ~ R. Lee Smith

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. ~ Dave Barry

When I was younger I wanted to be a big movie star who'd get to be funny on talk shows and then I wanted to retire and write science fiction. ~ Scott Thompson

Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up and she is just so funny and cool and honest and slightly mad and she's all that matters. She is 100% true. She puts on no shows, because she is so comfortable with herself. ~ Evanna Lynch

The world,' he said, 'grows hourly more and more sceptical of all that lies beyond its own narrow radius; and our men of science foster the fatal tendency. They condemn as fable all that resists experiment. They reject as false all that cannot be brought to the test of the laboratory or the dissecting-room. Against what superstition have they waged so long and obstinate a war, as against the belief of apparitions? And yet what superstition has maintained its hold upon the minds of men so long and so firmly? Show me any fact in physics, in history, in archaeology, which is supported by testimony so wide and so various. Attested by all races of men, in all ages, and in all climates, by the soberest sages of antiquity, by the rudest savage of today, by the Christian, the Pagan, the Pantheist, the Materialist, this phenomenon is treated as a nursery tale by the philosophers of our century. Circumstantial evidence weighs with them as a feather in the balance. The comparison of causes with effects, however valuable in physical science, is put aside as worthless and unreliable. The evidence of competent witnesses, however conclusive in a court of justice, counts for nothing. He who pauses before he pronounces is condemned as a trifler. He who believes, is a dreamer or a fool. ~ Amelia B. Edwards

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

When I entered and shut the door, the Darkling gave me a small bow. "How are you, Alina?"
"I'm fine," I managed.
"She's fine!" hooted Baghra. "She's fine! She cannot light a hallway, but she's fine."
I winced and wished I could disappear into my boots.
To my surprise, the Darkling said, "Leave her be."
Baghra's eyes narrowed. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
The Darkling sighed and ran his hands through his dark hair in exasperation. When he looked at me, there was a rueful smile on his lips, and his hair was going every which way. "Baghra has her own way of doing things," he said.
"Don't patronize me, boy!" Her voice cracked out like a whip. To my amazement, I saw the Darkling stand up straighter and then scowl as if he'd caught himself.
"Don't chide me, old woman," he said in a low, dangerous voice. ~ Leigh Bardugo

One hand has surely worked throughout the universe. ~ Charles Darwin

But the world is still unpredictable and still we survive by the grace of chance and the strength of our choices. ~ Robin Wall Kimmerer

When asked to "define the difference between fantasy and science fiction," I mouth and mumble and always end up talking about the spectrum, that very useful spectrum, along which one thing shades into another. Definitions are for grammar, not literature, I say, and boxes are for bones. But of course fantasy and science fiction are different, just as red and blue are different; they have different frequencies; if you mix them (on paper - I work on paper) you get purple, something else again. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. ~ Chris Rock

It is hard for one who has not had a similar experience to imagine the terror that still gripped Taeko and Mrs. Tamaki and Hiroshi, so intense a terror that afterwards it seemed almost funny. ~ Junichiro Tanizaki

Jesus," I prayed silently, "please fix it so that my turn to read won't come around."
And then the nun called my name, but before I stood I thought, "I'll bet you think this is funny, huh, Jesus?"
I stood and stared at the sentence assigned to me and believed that, through some miracle, I would suddenly be able to read it and not be humiliated. I stood there and stared at it until the children started giggling and snickering and Sister told me to sit down. ~ John William Tuohy

Whatever may be the position of science, whatever may be the position of philosophy, as long as there is such a thing as death in the world, as long as there is such a thing as weakness in the human heart, as long as the human heart sheds a drop of tear in weakness, there shall be a faith in God and divinity. ~ Abhijit Naskar

People have now a-days got a strange opinion that every thing should be taught by lectures. Now, I cannot see that lectures can do as much good as reading the books from which the lectures are taken. ~ Samuel Johnson

We [entrepreneurs] required that you leave us free to function
free to think and work as we choose ...
free to earn our own profits and make our own fortunes ... Such was the price we asked, which you chose to reject as too high. ~ Ayn Rand

There is nothing in science which teaches the origin of anything at all. ~ Lord Kelvin

The selfsame procedure which zoology, a branch of the natural sciences, applies to the study of animals, anthropology must apply to the study of man; and by doing so, it enrolls itself as a science in the field of nature. ~ Maria Montessori

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart. ~ Buddy Hackett

My thesis is that what we call 'science' is differentiated from the older myths not by being something distinct from a myth, but by being accompanied by a second-order tradition-that of critically discussing the myth ... In a certain sense, science is myth-making just as religion is. ~ Karl Popper

Religion and science have a common ancestor - ignorance. ~ A.C. Grayling

A highbrow is a man who has found something more interesting than women. ~ Edgar Wallace

Cultural anthropology is more and more rapidly getting to realize itself as a strictly historical science. ~ Edward Sapir

It's funny, people talk about the characters they play and who do you sort of see yourself as or which ones maybe were closest to you and in some ways. ~ Gabriel Mann

Making LDL the "bad cholesterol" oversimplified the science considerably, but it managed to salvage two decades' worth of research, and to justify why physicians had bothered to measure total cholesterol in their patients. ~ Gary Taubes

All I need is
backup. He's the little angel that sits on my shoulder whispering in my ear,
"You can do it!" It's funny. I'm thirty years old now and I still feel like a little
girl. I'm still looking around to check and see what other people are doing
to make sure I'm not completely different; I'm still looking around for help,
hoping for a quick nudge and a whisper of advice. But I can't seem to be able
to catch anybody's eye. Nobody else around me seems to be looking around
and wondering what to do. Why is it that I feel like I'm the only person who
is confused and concerned about the choices I've made and where I'm
headed? Everywhere I look, I see people just getting on with it. Maybe I
should just follow suit and get on with it. ~ Cecelia Ahern

If I have been able to see further than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants ~ Isaac Newton

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. ~ Leo Tolstoy

To my knowledge significant progress has never been born of competition ... In science, being 'better' than others is of little practical value. Examples of how absurd the idea of scientific competition is are abundant. ~ Heinrich Rohrer

Sex is always funny. I don't find it sexy, I find it really horrifying. But it's an act that we need. And that need, that desire, is what makes it really funny. ~ Elizabeth Banks

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. ~ George Burns

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery. ~ Robert Benchley

Medicine is not a science; physicians must act. They must do the best they can, even when it is inadequate, even when they don't know all there is to know, even when there is nothing to do. So must we all. ~ Kathryn Montgomery