Humour Life Quotes

Age may catch up with you, just never let it over take you. ~ Benny Bellamacina

I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Where death gives you a sense of humour, life gives you a sense of love. ~ Athan Fletcher

My creative hands can't keep up with my creative mind, so I think I'll sit and rest on my creative behind ~ Benny Bellamacina

Sometimes the walk to the doctors is a better cure than the medicine you receive ~ Benny Bellamacina

Always recycle wasted time ~ Benny Bellamacina

In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick. ~ George Carlin

Bartleby is never happy, but he never can be, you know. Life in general offends him. Happiness is something that happens to other people, because life happens to Bartleby. It happens to him frequently and unwarrantedly, and every time he is forced to suffer it, he is always disappointed. ~ Michelle Franklin

What can you do if they're born stupid ,they're going to be stupid what can you do. ~ Lou Silluzio

PEOPLE always REMEMBER to FORGET ME. ~ Shaikh Mustafa

People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Sometimes the only way to succeed is to fail backwards ~ Benny Bellamacina

Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable. ~ Spike Milligan

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works. ~ Douglas Adams

If you want to leave a big mark in life, make sure you've got a bigger rubber ~ Benny Bellamacina

My condolences, you're still alive. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I used to be a know it all, then I learnt something else ~ Benny Bellamacina

If you're given a dirty look, wash it and give it back. ~ Benny Bellamacina

If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I'm just not ready to give myself up, Sammy. I mean, there's something perfect about virginity, and I haven't found someone who deserves to take that perfection from me ... "
"You're loco, Carlos. Insane. Totally crazy ... Most guys think they're imperfect for still being virgins past the age of seventeen. ~ Zack Love

If you were given the chance to be reborn after your death, buy you could only come back as a squirrel, would you complain? ~ Peter James West

I've been trying to get my career off the ground for so long, I've given up and decided to become a pilot. ~ Benny Bellamacina

Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

When you're going out of your mind always leave the door open! ~ Benny Bellamacina

Christmas comes but once a year, starts in August ends in July ~ Benny Bellamacina

Sharks don't eat seafood because they like it, but because chicken can't swim. ~ Michael J. Sullivan

Here is a story in the worst way. I have no business being anywhere in it. It comes between me and the life I have coming. ~ Gary Lutz

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman! ~ C. JoyBell C.

I had everything summed up in a nutshell unfortunately I lost the nut. ~ Benny Bellamacina

Always blow your own trumpet, blowing someone else's is unhygienic ~ Benny Bellamacina

Although life is hard in pace
Lose not thy calm and grace.
If thee are not tender
Vow not to surrender
Eternity lies right before thy face. ~ Ana Claudia Antunes

What could be worse than having to be seen resorting to your own life? ~ Gary Lutz

Most people are but a fake-art, and as real as a concealed fart. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Let us be absolutely truthful for once in our life. We human beings are basically assholes. As time goes by, some of us become a little better - a rascal. But most of us live and die as we were, and are. Plain-simply, assholes. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

When you reach the middle of your career ladder, turn it the other way around and slide down to the top ~ Benny Bellamacina

People soon get tired of things that aren't boring, but not of what is boring. ~ Haruki Murakami

In life, more than in anything else, it isn't easy to end up alive. ~ Roman Payne

I swear I've good morals. It's just that bad ones befriend me. I'm a friendly person, you know. But I will talk to them. Believe you me. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Question everything, unless it's the answer ~ Benny Bellamacina

I surround myself with all eight throw pillows while hugging two. "What is so bad and uninteresting about me, Alex? Peter was the fifth break up–
"–Sixth–"
"–Sixth break up in the last two years. And I'm always the dumpee. Are my conversations that boring that no man wants to stay?"
"Sandra, with this topic, yes. But usually, no. ~ Ambrosea Brown

Always walk as if you're running late, it's healthier. ~ Benny Bellamacina

I may not hate al of the people all the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time. ~ Kathy McCullough

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye ~ Richard Armour

My patience has dreadful chilblains from standing so long on a monument. ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Everywhere that we looked, were objects & artifacts reminiscent of a bygone age. of war & destruction, of mankind's determination to rule his neighbour, to prove how mighty he and his people are, yet a romance of days past that I am drawn to like a soul lost and hearing his lovers cries to him ~ Rob Shepherd

Anyone who thinks money can't buy happiness has never owned a cat [or any pet]. ~ Arya Riverdale

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead ~ Benny Bellamacina

.. when all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I'm going to live - or at least try to live - the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humour, with composure. ~ Mitch Albom

Never try to swim through a sharp rock.
Go around! Go around! ~ Peter James West

There was this other apocalypse this one time. And, well, I took off. But this time, I don't ... I don't know."
"Well, what's different?"
"Well, I guess I was kinda new to being around humans before. And now I've seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what they're capable of and I guess I just realize how amazingly ... screwed up they all are. I mean, really, really screwed up in a monumental fashion."
"Oh."
"And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die. Which they-they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane, and yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting. But they do. They never ... They never quit. And so I guess I will keep fighting, too. ~ Joss Whedon

Everyone's face is odd, because we only get one. ~ Benny Bellamacina

What's a TH?"
"A Traffic Hazard," Heeb clarified.
"Oh you mean because the woman is so hot she'll take your eyes off the road?" Narc confirmed.
"Exactly. ~ Zack Love

I've just found out I'm allergic to nut-cases ~ Benny Bellamacina

Don't get me wrong, we're not the fucking Partridge family or anything. We don't all go on picnics and hold hands. ~ Neil Walker

Stop worrying about life, no one survived it. ~ A.J. Shazad

Best that all mischief be undertaken behind a squeaky door ~ Benny Bellamacina

Marcus looked down. "Ah, man! This was my favorite shirt. Who tore it?" he asked, trying to pull the ragged edges together. ~ Ripley Patton

Achieve everything and fail at the rest ~ Benny Bellamacina

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things. ~ Karl Pilkington

When the road ahead seems impossible, start the engine ~ Benny Bellamacina

The clown knows that life is cruel. The ancient jester's motley coloured costume turned his usually melancholy expression in to a joke. The clown is used to loss. Loss is his prologue. ~ John Berger

I got it! I got it!" Heeb declared triumphantly. Evan stopped in the middle of his kitchenette to hear Heeb's idea.
"Sex in the Title."
"Yeah, that's what you've been saying I need."
"No, that's the title: 'Sex in the Title.'"
"You want me to call my novel 'Sex in the Title?'"
"Yeah. Isn't it great? ~ Zack Love

I've found a great hiding place for all my money, down the drain ~ Benny Bellamacina

Nothing ever good came from a plan ~ J.E. Duah

Being under pressure is great, if it's all in the right place. ~ Benny Bellamacina

Now kneel, fools, and witness my ascension to GODHOOD!"
– Last words of Dread Empress Sinistra IV, the Erroneous ~ ErraticErrata

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. ~ Elbert Hubbard

So I figured I'd leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into meditating and she wasn't really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date. ~ Steven Wright

Short cuts make long delays. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

I get my first paycheck. We are paid once a month, which requires the kind of budgeting I am incapable of. Life is unpleasant after the twenty-third or so. I've been a graduate student for so long it's hard to fathom that one check can have four numbers and change. Then I see how much The Man takes. Damn The Man. ~ Roxane Gay

Sometimes the body gets out of bed an hour before the brain. ~ Peter James West

You can tell far too much about a person by which monopoly piece they play as. ~ Harry Styles

I envy the man to snatch him up. This will be the only time in life I'm siding with Freud and experiencing 'penis envy'. There will never be a repeat. Can't be associated with too much crazy, I'm juggling enough on my own. ~ Ambrosea Brown

I'm not into this whole "move with the times" thing. I reckon we should just decide on a year and stick with it. ~ R.D. Ronald

Always take a compliment, even if it's not yours ~ Benny Bellamacina

Life was a series of complicated tactical exercises, as complicated as the alignments at Waterloo, thought out on a brass bedstead among the crumbs of sausage roll. [p107] ~ Graham Greene

Bucquoy knew of him, and didn't like him because he took his wine in sips. ~ Stanley Goldyn

Today I tried to pick up something I was standing on. It didn't work out well. ~ Peter James West

If you can't laugh at yourself, maybe you're not funny ~ Benny Bellamacina

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills. ~ Guillermo Del Toro

I'm a serious sort of fella. But don't tell me your pal up in the sky exists, and mine does not. Then, my middle finger gets offended! For, my buddy up there nowhere, Mr. NOT, too insists without proof, that he is. Same as your god. Is Mr. NOT nuts? If he is, are you not? ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Always stay one step a head, unless you're already there ~ Benny Bellamacina

The day you start accepting that life is a bitch and laughing over it, is the day you won't seem to mind how many puppies she gives. ~ Manmeet Singh Narang

You ask me why I write. You might as well ask me why I breathe. I need oxygen to feed my body and ink to feed my soul. ~ Bryce Main

Learn to drive?"
"Never," said Quentin. "My mission in life is to be a passenger. ~ Diana Wynne Jones

Facing the backside of the future is the only way to move forward ~ Benny Bellamacina

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free. ~ Terry Pratchett

Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

You will suffer, son of Hades!'
What else is new? Nico thought. ~ Rick Riordan

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention. ~ Orson Scott Card

If you forget who you've become remember who you are ~ Benny Bellamacina

And as their penile pain began to subside, the two men were able to form more complex thoughts, resulting in a collaborative work: the development of a worldview that might be described as penilosophy. ~ Zack Love

Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people ~ Benny Bellamacina

After suffering a torn disc six months ago, then a car crash just when it was starting to heal, and then an attack of Bell's Palsy for variety, I realised something. When my life decides to go down the crapper, it doesn't forget to flush! ~ Greg Curtis

I wanted to give you advice. Adults are always doing that; it's one of their occupational hazards. ~ Maia Wojciechowska

There are a lot of funny women in my life. I never understand those movies where there's eight funny guys and two women who don't have any opinion or humour. ~ Melissa McCarthy

Please believe me. I've nothing against you personally. It's just that I laugh at all jokes. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind. ~ Benny Bellamacina

She probably thinks the spiritual path is a new style of pavers available at Bunnings. ~ Pj Mayhem