My Girlfriend Quotes

I loved my girlfriend, but we were two people separated by an 'and'; my father and I were anagrams. ~ Ben Moore

I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom. ~ Bert McCracken

Towers' is the name of the dormitory that I lived in in college; it's made up of these two towers – North and South – my girlfriend lived in one and I lived in the other. It's about falling in love, but also about what happens when you've long fallen out of love and those reminders are still there. You drive by them, these two buildings, and you look, and you realise that we really built that up. That we really built that love into these things, and for a long time afterward looking at them really made me feel sad; to see these empty buildings that I don't go in to anymore. But then, as time goes on, they start to become kind of joyous in their own way: you can look at them and think 'that love was great and these buildings still stand tall'. But there's also an element of the fact that they're just buildings – they're gonna fall down one day, and they're not that important because there's new love in your life and you've got to break things down that get built up. ~ Justin Vernon

I'm honestly kind of scared of horror films. My girlfriend always tries to expose them to me. Being in a scary movie and seeing all the fake blood and stuff definitely takes away from the magic and kind of humanizes scary movies to me now, though. ~ Chris Carmack

To keep the edge, you just keep doing something new. I'm not gonna say that working is easy, but while I'm doing it, I'm just a happy little moron - that's how my girlfriend describes me. The fact that nothing might happen with those things is not the point. The point is, I'm doing new things, and I have a good feeling in my soul. ~ Charles Pollock

I've seriously got to stop turning my girlfriends gay, but like I can really help it. It's my animal appeal. ~ Gena Showalter

My mind was quickly consumed with thoughts of my girlfriend and all the good times we had had, like one of those cheesy montages ni eighties movies, when the angsty protagonist envisions himself and his ex holding hands on the beach, feeding a small puppy, getting into some kind of zany wrestling match with whipped cream. I interrupted my cliché memories by saying aloud: "Ugh, I'm feeling pretty low about this whole thing."

"You just gotta try to put it out of your head," he said, folding the paper halfway down to look at me.

"I know, it's just hard. I mean, I still have stuff at her place. What am I going to do about that? I still have a TV...," I said.

"Fuck the TV. Leave the TV. Cut your ties."

"It's a fifteen-hundred-dollar TV," I insisted.

"Go get that fucking TV. ~ Justin Halpern

I'm a Fritos Burrito guy. Me and Taco Bell have a love relationship on Twitter; they follow me. Out of 16 people they follow me, so I'm very loyal to my girlfriend, Taco Bell. ~ Jacob Whitesides

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. ~ Adam Ferrara

In late March 2016, at a very bad Thai restaurant in the little town of Selfoss, Iceland, I and my daughters Alissa and Hannah sat with my girlfriend, Jennifer, and her daughters Sadie and Hannah (yes, two Hannahs) as Jennifer and I pressed forward with the difficult task of family blending. Jennifer's Hannah was talking about Black Lives Matter and the injustices that befall African Americans every day.

'Anti-Semitism basically doesn't exist in the United States,' she asserted.

I shocked myself with my response. I recoiled at her words and argued passionately that Jews must never think that anti-Semitism has been eradicated. Vigilance, I preached. The Jew can never be at peace.

I sounded like my grandmother. ~ Jonathan Weisman

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

I'm in awful shape. I'm trying to get in better shape. My girlfriend, she's in good shape. She gives me health tips sometimes, like, 'Hannibal, you're going to die.' Stuff like that. ~ Hannibal Buress

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.' ~ Gilbert Gottfried

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. ~ Bo Burnham

I was a happy boy until one day my girlfriend became invisible!!!!!
Yes, she really became invisible!!!!!! ~ Ekta Renu Chandna

I have never been in a situation thankfully where I haven't gotten along with my girlfriend's parents. I've been very lucky to have girlfriends that have had such amazing families that have brought me in. ~ Alex Pettyfer

'You claim to be the man, you want me for a lover,
So you can do my girlfriends and my sister and my mother?'
I said, 'You're very blunt,' with quickness to the cue,
'So whassup with your mother, does she look as good as you?' ~ Dres

I get cast gay a fair amount throughout my life. It's not the first time. Matt [Letscher] was kind of like, 'Jeff, um, I'm gonna pretend this is real easy and not a problem, but I've never done this at all.' And so you know, we were awkward for a while. And then he said, 'Let's go for it. Come on. I'm gonna pretend you're my girlfriend, my wife. Here we go.' And we had a lot of fun. ~ Jeff Perry

I'm not single, I'm just wait for my girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek. ~ Tim Walters

My girlfriend at the time convinced me to send these songs to Cavity Search. When they wanted to put out my record I was totally shocked. ~ Elliott Smith

Wow, I didn't even hesitate to call her my girlfriend. That's a first. ~ Collette West

I played a security guard, and I think it was in the State Department. This was my first acting role, really, and I remember rehearsing it on the couch with my girlfriend at the time. I had a real problem with saying the word "incendiary." Most of my rehearsal was spent on pronouncing the word "incendiary." ~ Kevin Nealon

There is an English expression: 'high-maintenance girlfriend,'" Csongor remarked. "Now, of course, Zula is not my girlfriend. Probably never would be, even if all this shit were not happening. And I think that if she were my girlfriend? She would not be high maintenance at all! She is just not that type of girl. However. Because of circumstances, today she is the most high-maintenance girlfriend since Cleopatra. ~ Neal Stephenson

Tucker: I'm glad it happened. because then I got to know who you really are.
Clara: Oh yeah? Who am I?
Tucker: A really, really spiritual, spoiled California chick.
Avery: Shut up.
Tucker: It's cool though. My girlfriend is an angel. ~ Cynthia Hand

Dear 2600: I think my girlfriend has been cheating on me and I wanted to know if I could get her password to Hotmail and AOL. I am so desperate to find out. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
And this is yet another popular category of letter we get. You say any help would be appreciated? Let's find out if thats true. Do you think someone who is cheating on you might also be capable of having a mailbox you don't know about? Do you think that even if you could get into the mailbox she uses that she would be discussing her deception there, especially if we live in a world where Hotmail and AOL passwords are so easily obtained? Finally, would you feel better if you invaded her privacy and found out that she was being totally honest with you? Whatever problems are going on in this relationship are not going to be solved with subterfuge. If you can't communicate openly, there's not much there to salvage. ~ Emmanuel Goldstein

What the hell is your problem?" Sputtered Jason, pushing his wet hair back from his face.
"Oh I don't know. One minute you're kissing my girlfriend and the next you're throwing her down a hill. ~ Kathleen Peacock

I like to buy girls shoes and jewelry. I buy stupidly expensive shoes. I got Louboutins for my mom and my girlfriend before. My mom was like, 'I can't wear these; they're too high.' I was like, 'Mom, you have to try them - they're so cool. They're red snakeskin!' She still wears them every so often, but she can't walk in them. ~ Ansel Elgort

I used to hate being different. I used to cry. I wanted to be blonde-haired and blue-eyed like all of my girlfriends. My mom and dad would feel so badly - 'No, it's OK. You'll be happy you're different later. ~ Kiana Tom

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. ~ Daniel Tosh

This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep. ~ Jarod Kintz

I realized I was ignoring my girlfriend. I couldn't remember, was it two in the pink and one in the stink? Three in the pink and two in the stink? How many went in the stink?" ~ Jeff strand ~ Jeff Strand

The negative about acting is that you have to spend a great deal of time away from your friends and loved ones, but it's not like working a 9-5 job and only having two or three weeks off a year. I may not have seen my girlfriend for two or three months, but then we can spend two or three months together solidly. ~ Douglas Booth

Not at all," I say sweetly. "See, I just watched the way you attempted to juggle multiple girlfriends and failed, and then did the exact opposite."
He glances at me then, a mocking smile on his face. "Oh, sweetheart. When did I ever claim you as my girlfriend?"
I suck in a quick breath, because it's one of the more hurtful things he can say - dismissing that summer as though it were nothing. ~ Lauren Layne

In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. ~ Josh Zuckerman

We'd better get a move on,' Shelby said, quickly doing up the fastenings on her own suit. 'Francisco said that the Professor has some cool new toys for us.'

'I believe he actually said assault weapons,' Wing said.

'Right,' Shelby said. 'New toys!'

'You know, I do worry about you sometimes,' Wing said, shaking his head.

'What can I say? I'm a twenty-first-century girl. Who wants flowers and chocolates, when you can have body armour and bullets?' Shelby said, giving Wing a quick peck on the cheek as she walked out of the room.

'Is it right that I should occasionally be slightly frightened of my girlfriend?' Wing asked as he watched her leave.

'As I understand it, that's perfectly normal,' Otto replied with a grin. ~ Mark Walden

I gave my girlfriend a gallon of my semen and a minivan and told her to fill it up with kids. Big mistake! I should have given her a bus. ~ Jarod Kintz

My work is always more emotional than I am. My characters say things to each other that I get accused of not being able to say to my girlfriend. ~ Adam Rapp

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. ~ S. Walden

If Solange was't trying to get herself killed, Lucy was.
I was beginning to think that all of my training wasn't actually about killing vampires anymore, it was about saving my girlfriend and her best friend from themselves. And it was a full-time job. ~ Alyxandra Harvey

I thought [when I was 16] my days were just going to be spent hanging out on a beach and my girlfriend was going to be Miss Teen USA and my best friend will be a dolphin. ~ Aasif Mandvi

Losing hope means ceasing to love my son and my girlfriend and many friends and people around the world. ~ Hassan Blasim

When I was in Japan with my girlfriend Jessica, she would have had acupuncture every day if she could. I can just about stomach going to a chiropractor and I visited a talented one when I was there, but when he tried a needle on me, it was horrible. My muscles tightened and it didn't work at all. ~ Jenson Button

I think the qualities I look for in a girl I'd like to be my girlfriend would be the way Lindsay's character is before she becomes a plastic. Very real. ~ Jonathan Bennett

I don't date Janet Jackson. She is my girlfriend; there is a difference. She is a very special and talented woman who never ceases to amaze me. ~ Wissam Al Mana

I got in a fight with my girlfriend," I said. "I was just driving around, blowing off steam, you know?"
Well, you should be more careful where you drive," the officer said. "You're making people nervous. You don't fit the profile of the neighborhood."
I wanted to tell him that I didn't fit the profile of the country but I knew it would just get me into trouble. ~ Sherman Alexie

I have the loving support of my girlfriend who still attends Wake Forest and is nearing graduation. She helps me cope with the everyday rigors of being an NBA player. ~ Tim Duncan

She is my girlfriend, I can do whatever I want to her. In fact, I'm going to take her home and fuck her from here to eternity, how about that? ~ Ani San

I've always been the go-to girl for all of my girlfriends in terms of relationship advice or clothing advice. ~ Molly Ringwald

They always say that the daughter will grow up to look like their mother. So, I asked my girlfriend if I could see her mother naked.
Needless to say.
It was a very short relationship. ~ Anthony T. Hincks

I spend a lot of time just, you know, with my girlfriend and my dog. And I mean, we don't have a lot of furniture in our house, so it's really simple. And we're trying to build products for everyone in the world, right. And you don't want to get isolated to do that. ~ Mark Zuckerberg

Well then, as your boyfriend, I order you to tell Zane that you are and always have been my girlfriend. -Fenn ~ Candace Knoebel

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" ~ Jimmy Carr

I can't go to bed with John Wayne, so I do the next best thing: I go to bed with my girlfriend, who once met the great man. That's how much I love westerns. ~ Clive Sinclair

Here's the problem: when every sin is seen as the same, we are less likely to fight any sins at all. Why should I stop sleeping with my girlfriend when there will still be lust in my heart? Why pursue holiness when even one sin in my life means I'm Osama bin Hitler in God's eyes? Again, it seems humble to act as if no sin is worse than another, but we lose the impetus for striving and the ability to hold each other accountable when we tumble down the slip-n-slide of moral equivalence. All of a sudden the elder who battles the temptation to take a second look at the racy section of the Lands End catalog shouldn't dare exercise church discipline ont he young man fornicating with reckless abandon. When we can no longer see the different gradations among sins and sinners and sinful nations, we have not succeeded in respecting our own badness; we've cheapened God's goodness. ~ Kevin DeYoung

The next person that shows my girlfriend a picture of me wearing one of Mom's bras is a dead man! ~ R.L. Mathewson

I would love to introduce you all to my girlfriend, she's ... Imaginary ~ Haresh Daswani

Call me close-minded, but hearing my girlfriend talk like a five-thousand-year-old male god was not on my top ten list of Things I Find Attractive. ~ Rick Riordan

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.' ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Are you in?" I roll my eyes and try to kiss him again, but he won't let me. I pinch his nipples, and all he does is wink and growl at me. "Say it."
"Fuck you"
"We'll get there, Naomi. Be patient. But first, you have to say it." I keep glaring, but I feel my body melting, my shields and my walls crashing down in flames. "Say you're mine, tell me that you're my girlfriend."
"You're my boyfriend," I say, and the words nearly kill me. "That's all you get for now. Best I can fucking do. ~ C.M. Stunich

In chemistry class I write Peter a note
You were right about Josh.
I tap him on the back and slip the note in his hand. When he reads it, he sits up straight and immediately scrawls something back.
Be more specific.
He kissed me.
When Peter stiffens, I am ashamed to say that I feel a little bit vindicated. I wait for him to write back, but he doesn't. As soon as the bell rings, he turns around and says, "What the hell? How did that even happen?"
"He came over to help us trim the tree."
"And then what? He kissed you in front of Kitty?"
"No! It was just the two of us at the house."
Peter looks really irritated, and I'm starting to regret mentioning it. "What the hell is he thinking, kissing my girlfriend? It's fucking ridiculous. I'm gonna say something to him."
"Wait, what? No!"
"I have to, Lara Jean. He can't just get away with it."
I stand up and start packing up my bag. "You'd better not say anything to him, Peter. I mean it."
Peter watches me silently. And then he asks, "Did you kiss him back?"
"What does it matter?"
He looks taken aback. "Are you mad at me for something?"
"No," I say. "But I will be if you say anything to Josh."
"Fine," he says.
"Fine," I say back. ~ Jenny Han

A dream my girlfriend and I have is to move to New York for a year or two because we just love the city. I would take some acting classes. ~ Daniel Bruhl

I am hopeless, romantic, and I love to spoil my girlfriend ~ Orlando Bloom

I remember when I was a teenager thinking my girlfriend was cheating on me, and going around riling myself up. Pretending to cry. It was totally illegitimate-I actually didn't feel anything. I went to some pub and then went crying all the way home. And I got into my dog's bed. I was crying and holding on to the dog. I woke up in the morning, and the dog was looking at me like, 'You're a fake.' ~ Robert Pattinson

Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia. ~ Frankie Boyle

I didn't bat an eye before answering, "I made out with one other girl while I was with my girlfriend." Excitement filled her eyes. "I was setting her up to take the fall for my girlfriend. Some other asshole wanted to hurt someone I cared about." Seeing Matteo and Drew come through the doors, I stood. "I gave him someone else that I gave no shits about. ~ Tijan

When I first met my girlfriend, I was super intimidated. I wanted to impress her. I was thinking, Don't mess this up, man. You've gotta play your cards exactly right. ~ Henry Cavill

You're my girlfriend, Cami, unless you don't want it that way." He opened his eyes, looking at me.
I swallowed. "I want it that way."
"Good, because I think we've established I'm never going to get my fill of you. ~ Lacey Weatherford

I'd always walk my girlfriend home, i'm too protective! ~ Niall Horan

My high-school years were so mediocre - I moved out when I was 16 and started living with my girlfriend who was 10 years older. Apart from that, I was just a video nerd. ~ Jason Reitman

For a long time I had a vintage stall, where I sold men's vintage clothing, and my girlfriend was convinced it was just to do with a problem I had where I just couldn't stop buying senseless clothes, even if they didn't fit me. ~ James Norton

She's not my girlfriend. We're just friends," I said automatically.
"Shut up. You're so whipped I should buy you a saddle." Which he would've said about any girl I talked to, talked about, or even looked at in the hall.
"She's not. Nothing's happened. We just hang out."
"You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet. You like her, Wate. Admit it." Link wasn't big on subtleties, and I don't think he could imagine hanging out with a girl for any reason other than maybe she played lead guitar, except for the obvious ones. ~ Kami Garcia

Let me know if you're in any pain, we're going through your groin with a tiny tube up to your heart." Doctor Casey said.
"Really, that's how my girlfriend does it. Only she doesn't have to medicate me first. ~ Lori Lesko

She smiles like a Whatsapp Emoji"
-My Girlfriend ~ Bandile M. Matsenjwa

I told you, we're heading to the bus!' he yells as he spins around to face the party. 'We'll be done in a few hours. I'm going to make my girlfriend scream for a bit. ~ Corinne Michaels

When I first met my girlfriend, Mercy Malick, she asked me if there was anything I should tell her that could put her off me if she found out later. So I told her that I was a total 'Star Wars' geek and had boxes of 'Star Wars' toys in storage. ~ Joseph Gatt

You've read about the goddesses, come on. They're an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart. ~ Charlie Sheen

The saddest moment of my adolescence was when I suddenly realized that my girlfriend did not have a boyfriend. ~ Ernest Kinnie

My girlfriend is as reasonable as Lady Justice, and just as blindfolded. She's tied up in the trunk this very moment. ~ Jarod Kintz

It may not feel too classy, begging just to eat
But you know who does that?
Lassie, and she always gets a treat

So you wonder what your part is
Because you're homeless and depressed But home is where the heart is
So your real home's in your chest

Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone's got villains they must face
They're not as cool as mine
But folks you know it's fine to know your place

Everyone's a hero in their own way
In their own not-that-heroic way
So I thank my girlfriend Penny
Yeah, we totally had sex
She showed me there's so many different muscles I can flex

There's the deltoids of compassion,
There's the abs of being kind
It's not enough to bash in heads
You've got to bash in minds

Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone's got something they can do Get up go out and fly
Especially that guy, he smells like poo

Everyone's a hero in their own way
You and you and mostly me and you
I'm poverty's new sheriff
And I'm bashing in the slums
A hero doesn't care if you're a bunch of scary alcoholic bums

Everybody!

Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone can blaze a hero's trail
Don't worry if it's hard
If you're not a friggin 'tard you will prevail

Everyone's a hero in their own way Everyone's a hero in their... ~ Joss Whedon

If you were my girlfriend I would give you a hundred lightning bugs in a green glass jar, so you could always see your way. I would give you a meadow full of wildflowers, where no two blooms would ever be alike. I would give you my bicycle, with its golden eye to protect you. I would write a story for you, and make you a princess who lived in a white marble castle. If you would only like me, I would give you magic. If you would only like me. ~ Robert McCammon

Asaoka: The next one's from Yoh.

Yoh: Huh? Aren't I just a guest? Are you telling me to sing under these circumstances in front of my girlfriend?!

Asaoka: But you still dare to choose a song, huh?

Yoh: So, what?! ~ Kazune Kawahara

I was studying the football in my hands, running my fingers over the pigskin, across the letters of the brand name printed on the side.This elongated spheriod that didn't even weigh a whole pound. I was choosing this ridiculous ball of leather in my hands over my own flesh and blood. I was putting myself, my girlfriend, my scholarship
I was putting everything before this little boy that i loved more than anything in this world.
-Will ~ Colleen Hoover

I've always felt it's ridiculous to say, of any of the females in my life: You're my friend, you're my wife, you're my girlfriend, you're my co-worker. This is your box, and you're not allowed to stray outside of it. ~ Jack White

As hard as it is and as tired as I am, I force myself to get dinner at least once a week with my girlfriends, or have a sleepover. Otherwise my life is just work. ~ Jennifer Lawrence

My girlfriend always told me, 'Send roses while they can still smell them, tell people you love them while they can still hear.' ~ Manti Te'o

Ages ago, my girlfriend had this little park near her house, with a bridge running over a stream ... and I set up all these candles on the bridge. But when I called her and told her she said it was too dark and she wasn't coming out. ~ Harry Styles

And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying. ~ Gabriel Iglesias

Alex, I don't want to date you. I don't want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want us to be together for just a little while. I want you forever. I want us to look at each other, and say we love each other, and decide to be together forever. Alex ... I want to spend our lives together. If we ever decided we want to have kids, I want it to be me and you. ~ Charles Sheehan-Miles

I can't speak for all women, but I do think that ... I mean, me and my girlfriends, we definitely ... we're in crisis on a continuous basis ... or at least monthly, for sure, I don't know. ~ Helen Slater

My mouth went dry. I imagined Annabeth invoking hieroglyphs at Camp Half-Blood, blowing up chariots on the racetrack, hurling giant blue fists during capture the flag. 'So my girlfriend is a magician now, like, permanently? Because she was scary enough before. ~ Rick Riordan

I've died so many times. I'm 65. On my 40th birthday, my girlfriend gave me a reel with ways I had died, whether it was by knife, or electrocution or drowning or being thrown off a building or whatever it might have been. I've died a lot of times! ~ Jonathan Banks

I met my girlfriend at a bar. But I broke up with her because she was already there, hitting on another guy. ~ Jarod Kintz

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net! ~ Steve Coogan

I can be in the worst PMS, Mercury in retrograde, most awful circumstance - and then if my girlfriends and I are giggling about it, everything's okay. ~ Alanis Morissette

Have you tried this shrimp? It's freaking amazing. Would you get away from me? I hate you. You're so moody. Just because I kidnapped you and tried to force you to be my girlfriend. I thought you would be over that by now. ~ Meg Cabot

I really enjoy touring period! I had another band called Killing Machine, we went out on tour which was only fifteen shows & we went out in a really old motor home. That had to be the most fun. I didn't have to do radio at nine in the morning everyday. It was me & a bunch of friends. The singer was my tattoo artist. My girlfriend would fly in & we would sleep in a hammock above the bed the band were sleeping in [laughs]. I like that stuff that's really fun, I like the camping experience. ~ Tracii Guns

She's my girlfriend. - Park ( Eleanor and Park ) ~ Rainbow Rowell

Life to the last drop
If someone said to me again: 'Supposing you were to die tomorrow, what would you do?' I wouldn't need any time to reply. If I felt drowsy, I would sleep. If I was thirsty, I would drink. If I was writing, I might like what I was writing and ignore the question. If I was having lunch, I would add a little mustard and pepper to the slice of grilled meat. If I was shaving, I might cut my earlobe. If I was kissing my girlfriend, I would devour her lips as if they were figs. If I was reading, I would skip a few pages. If I was peeling an onion, I would shed a few tears. If I was walking, I would continue walking at a slower pace. If I existed, as I do now, then I wouldn't think about not existing. If I didn't exist, then the question wouldn't bother me. If I was listening to Mozart, I would already be close to the realms of the angels. If I was asleep, I would carry on sleeping and dream blissfully of gardenias. If I was laughing, I would cut my laughter by half out of respect for the information. What else could I do, even if I was braver than an idiot and stronger than Hercules? ~ Mahmoud Darwish

The director cleared her throat just a few shots in. "Um, so, is there anything you can do about that, Mr Cavendish? This is not an X-rated publication ... "
James, shameless bastard that he was, seemed completely unfazed. "You'll just need to shoot me waist up. You were the one who wanted my girlfriend in the shot, putting her hands on me. What did you think was going to happen? ~ R.K. Lilley