Schoolmaster Golf Quotes

You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about. ~ Bobby Jones

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~ Paul Gallico

I never learned anything from a match that I won. ~ Bobby Jones

I'm the best. I just haven't played yet. ~ Muhammad Ali

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. ~ Woodrow Wilson

Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But such is certainly not the case. ~ Bobby Jones

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~ Lee Trevino

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. ~ Bob Hope

In golf as in life, it's the follow through that makes the difference. ~ Ben Wicks

There are three types of golf: golf, tournament golf and Major championship golf. ~ Grantland Rice

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. ~ Tom Mulligan

Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well. ~ Craig Stadler

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner

One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. ~ George Archer

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. ~ Dave Barry

I'm really good at mini-golf. You know, maybe not big person golf, but little person golf. ~ Natalie Portman

A good, very good, not to say admirable schoolmaster, but then he is only a schoolmaster. ~ Henry George

Never concede the putt that beats you. ~ Harry Vardon

Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies. ~ Bobby Jones

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot. ~ Dave Marr

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray. ~ Lee Trevino

I do not see why the schoolmaster should be taxed to support the priest, and not the priest the schoolmaster. ~ Henry David Thoreau

You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. ~ Lee Trevino

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do ~ Joan Rivers

You know what they say about big hitters ... the woods are full of them. ~ Jimmy Demaret

Golf is a game you can never get too good at. You can improve, but you can never get to where you master the game. ~ Gay Brewer

Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap. ~ Bobby Nichols

I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart. ~ Brent Musburger

Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game. ~ Jack Nicklaus

I always like to see a person stand up to a golf ball as though he were perfectly at home in its presence. ~ Bobby Jones

Enjoy the game. Happy golf is good golf. ~ Gary Player

Mistakes are part of the game. It's how well you recover from them, that's the mark of a great player. ~ Alice Cooper

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again. ~ Lon Hinkle

I like playing a bit of golf. But, if people went around beating people to
death with golf clubs, I'd say, 'Ban golf. I'll take up tennis' ~ Stephen Merchant

Going to the golf course every day for work? That's a good job. ~ Dennis Quaid

Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game. ~ Phil Blackmar

The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth. ~ Ed McMahon

Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. ~ Sam Snead

It's Star Wars golf. This place was designed by Darth Vader. ~ Ben Crenshaw

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot. ~ Don Adams

There are no maladies in my golf game. My golf game stinks. ~ Jack Nicklaus

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff. ~ David Feherty

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart. ~ Dave Barry

Pete Dye introduced me to golf course design back in the 1960's. He came to my hometown Columbus, Ohio to work on The Golf Club. ~ Jack Nicklaus

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it. ~ Bob Hope

If he's got golf clubs in his truck or a camper in his driveway, I don't hire him. ~ Lou Holtz

The only thing I fear on a golf course is lightning ... and Ben Hogan. ~ Sam Snead

I like going there for golf. America's one vast golf course these days. ~ Edward VIII

Playing golf is like eating. It's something which has to come naturally. ~ Sam Snead

Players need to remember they didn't make golf. Golf made them. ~ Arnold Palmer

I've noticed the sound of the golf ball being hit by the golf club is different, and much more realistic, with the hearing aids. The sound with the hearing aids makes sense, and better represents what I know is happening to the golf ball. So you could say that the hearing aids help give me confidence regarding my golf game. ~ Arnold Palmer

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot." ~ Bill Engvall

Besides good schools, a good airport, and the Cowboys, Dallas had golf courses, and golf was fast becoming an obsession with me. ~ Charley Pride

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes. ~ Carol Mann

As if we don't have enough volence on television. After her husband accidentally hit two spectators with golf balls during a celebrity golf tournament. ~ Barbara Bush

I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. ~ Bill Cosby

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt. ~ Fletcher Knebel

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. ~ Tommy Bolt

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt. ~ Sam Snead

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. ~ Lyndon B. Johnson

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett

I don't play golf. Mark Twain is golf to me. ~ Hal Holbrook

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~ Lee Trevino

I'm not a golf player. I think golf and fishing are the same, but at the end of the day, you can't fry up and golf ball and dip it in tartar sauce. So I'm a fisherman. ~ Daymond John

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit that far. ~ Jacob Braude

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course ~ Larry David

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

The older you get the stronger the wind gets - and it's always in your face. ~ Pablo Picasso

I don't believe there is anything like a natural golf swing. A golf swing is an unnatural thing, and it has to be developed. ~ Ben Hogan

A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave. ~ Jack Nicklaus

It's odd that the word 'atheist' even exist. I don't play golf, is there a word for non-golf players ? ~ Neil DeGrasse Tyson

After playing Ballybunion for the first time, a man would think that the game of golf originated here. ~ Tom Watson

I found that golf saved me from going to the pub every day, so instead, I play golf with other unemployed actors. I'm a member of the Stage Golfing Society, and I play golf with all sorts of people. ~ Phil Daniels

My dad was a big believer of having a golf club that fit me. Always have a golf club that fits you, so you don't have to make any swing compensations for that particular golf club. ~ Tiger Woods

Golf is meaningless, but it means so much. ~ Dennis Quaid

I have been attempting to meditate more. Golf is my state of peace, though. The tranquility of a golf course, all of the trees, the oxygen. It puts me right at ease. ~ Mpho Koaho

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~ John Updike

The interesting thing is that everyone in golf is just nice. You learn a lot about people playing golf: their integrity, how they play under pressure. ~ Donald Trump

I like going there for golf. America is one vast golf course today. ~ King Edward VIII

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't. ~ Tony Lema

A big part of managing a golf course is managing your swing on the course. A lot of guys can go out and hit a golf ball, but they have no idea how to manage what they do with the ball. I've won as many golf tournaments hitting the ball badly as I have hitting the ball well. ~ Jack Nicklaus

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? ~ George Archer

Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. ~ Colleen Ferrary Bader

I always thought of myself as some sort of athlete until I started playing golf a couple years ago. ~ James Caan

We were all born with webbed feet and a golf club in our hand. ~ Old Tom Morris

I'll tell you what, I've been in some seriously bad places playing golf and it's just part of the game. ~ Tiger Woods

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything. ~ Michael Bamberger

There are no accomplished golf tour operators in Indonesia, so a golf holiday there is a do-it-yourself operation. But don't let that deter you. ~ Raymond Bonner

I've been playing golf as long as I've been dancing, since I was 13 or 14. I play off six. I like to get out on a golf course as often as I can. ~ Anton Du Beke

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

They have been playing golf for 800 years and nobody has satisfactorily said why. ~ Alistair Cooke

Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built. ~ Ed McMahon

When Tiger was 6 months old, he would sit in our garage, watching me hit balls into a net. He had been assimilating his golf swing. When he got out of the high chair, he had a golf swing. ~ Earl Woods

If there is one thing I have learned during my years as a professional, it is that the only thing constant about golf is its inconstancy. ~ Jack Nicklaus

It's nice to worry about playing golf and not all the other stuff. ~ John Daly

I'll watch golf while I work out. I'm your average golf fan. ~ Terry O'Quinn

I am decidedly unfriendly during a golf game, from the first hole to the last. ~ Rafael Nadal

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied. ~ Bruce Lansky

If I had one golf course, from a design standpoint, one that I really love, it would probably be Pinehurst. There's a totally tree-lined golf course where trees are not a part of the strategy. ~ Jack Nicklaus