Bruce Lansky Quotes

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.

Do not oversleep and miss the school bus-
you'll be late.
That's a habit teachers generally
don't appreciate.
Never tell your friends at school
that you still wet your bed.
They are sure to tease you,
and you'll wish that you were dead.

Never call your teacher a name
when she's not near you.
Teachers' ears are excellent,
so they can always hear you.

Do not read a textbook when your hands
aren't clean-it's tricky
to separate the pages when the pages
get real sticky.
When you go out for a team
it's always wise to practice.
When you are a substitute,
the bench can feel like cactus.

Do not copy homework from a friend
who is a dummy.
If you do, I'm sure that you
will get a grade that's crummy.

And if your report card's bad,
don't blame it on your buddy.
Kiss up to your parents quick,
or they might make you study.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

Parenting: Nobody really wants the job, but everybody thinks they can do better.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

I can't possibly go to school today," Michelle pouted, "I have nothing to wear." Her

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?