Bill Cosby Quotes

Among the guitarists, Wes Montgomery is fantastic. He's always good to let you know what the art form is all about. It's the same still life that everybody is painting, but in comes Wes Montgomery, and it's right there!

A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone.

Violence won't solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.

YOU are a genius! ... and I am a genius because I married you.

A pelican that is wet walks with a gaited limp, and the dry fish swims alone.

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I am not going to give in to people who try to exploit me because of my celebrity status.

There are times my stories become - what I feel - not only accessible to hearing me on television, but they make wonderful reading.

'I Spy' represents the absence of the tension of the black man or black woman or anyone of that color walking in, so that the white racist person can become entertaining to a viewer.

Romance is a different word than sexual contact.

gray hair is gods graffiti

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Tons of comedians have said, 'I grew up learning from Bill Cosby. He's great.' But that respect doesn't mean much to the young people. They like their ginger ale with hot sauce.

Too many people are waiting for Jesus to come along and cut your grass. And Jesus isn't going to come along and cut your grass.

You can not make everybody happy..

People say to me, 'Do you know who you look like?' And I say, 'I'm really tired of looking like that guy.'

How long can you tread water?

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

Don't let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.

You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

I think if a 30-year-old Bill Cosby sat on stage with a 72-year-old Bill Cosby, they would enjoy each other.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree.

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a mystery to most fathers and ... mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

I wanted to give the house back to the parents.

A white person listens to my act and he laughs and he thinks, 'Yeah, that's the way I see it too.' Okay. He's white. I'm Negro. And we both see things the same way. That must mean that we are alike ... So I figure I'm doing as much for good race relations as the next guy.

I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along.

I'm not saying looting is good, ... But I'm saying surely at a time when your child needs diapers and you need food, when does looting stop ...

You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job.

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.

You are more important to yourself than you think you are.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively.

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds.

I know people are tired of me not saying anything, but a guy doesn't have to answer to innuendos,

Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn't understand his use of profanity. He didn't use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire.

I think you need to make responsibility something that's not just a word.

The problem is that your daughter has given her heart to a 15-year-old boy, and a 15-year-old boy does not yet qualify as a human being.

I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

We are the only animals that let our kids come back home.

I use the exercise room early, because I don't want to get on the treadmill and everyone's going 'Oh, Bill Cosby,' and then they come around to see how fast I'm walking, and it becomes very competitive.

This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people ... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

I've said all along I've never competed with 'The Simpsons.' Not in my own mind.

The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them.

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.

Every romance does not lead to sex.

Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.

I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.

If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

When I was a boy if a girl got pregnant the shame was placed on her and the boy could get away.

If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk.
If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race.

only stupid one's

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, I love children because they're so honest. There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

While fathers are pleasant figureheads, there is a special bond between children and their mothers. 'Do you help your mother clean up the house?' I asked one girl of seven. 'No,' she sweetly replied, 'I help make the mess.' It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it.

My wife and I have five children. And the reason why we have five children is because we do notwantsix.

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.

On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar ... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

I love Twitter, but some people use profanity so much that at some point it's like saying, 'Pass the salt.'

The heart of marriage is memories.

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'

There's a gap between people knowing what I do and really believing that I still do that - and wondering what it is I really do.

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.

What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.

Your parents put a curse on you - Someday your kids are going to act just like you.

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.

Let me say this: I only expect the black media to uphold the standards of excellence in journalism and when you do that, you have to go in with a neutral mind.

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first ... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous.

If you listen carefully to what a child is saying to you, you'll see that he has a point to make. So I listen. And I answer them just as seriously as possible. And if I don't know the answer, I'll tell them I don't know.

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.

People have all kinds of approaches when they come up to me. Some of them are so nervous: 'You know, Mr. Cosby, you are my biggest fan!' I am? Some of them even claim that I raised them.

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.

I'm old, not dead.

You can't prove somebody is a racist unless they really come out and do the act and is found to be that.

Public education is a good foundation on which to build a better life for each of us. And if we want to prove to these children who never made the mess in the first place that education is worth the trouble, our schools have to inspire them so they can do what they ought to do.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'