Golfing Quotes

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

The late American golfing coach and writer, Harvey Penick, held that any who played golf was his friend – in the politer sense of Arcades ambo, I gather. … I myself hold with Honest Izaak that there is – and that I am a member of – a communion of, if not saints, at least anglers and very honest men, some now with God and others of us yet upon the quiet waters. … The man is a mere brute, and no true angler, whose sport is measured only in fish caught and boasted of. For what purpose do we impose on ourselves limits and conventions if not to make sport of a mere mechanical harvest of protein? The true angler can welcome even a low river and a dry year, and learn of it, and be the better for it, in mind and in spirit. So, No: the hatch is not all that it might be, for if it is warm enough and early with it, it is also in a time of drought; and, No: I don't get to the river as often as I should wish. But these things do not make this a poor year: they are an unlooked-for opportunity to delve yet deeper into the secrets of the river, and grow wise. … Rejoice, then, in all seasons, ye fishers. The world the river is; both you and I, And all mankind, are either fish or fry. We must view it with judicious looks, and get wisdom whilst we may. And to all honest anglers, then, I wish, as our master Izaak wished us long ago, 'a rainy evening to read this following Discourse; and that if he be an honest Angler, the east wind may never blow when he goes a-fishing. ~ G.M.W. Wemyss

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot. ~ Dave Marr

I like to have a sense of accomplishment through work. I'm busy golfing and attending activities, but I think of holding a meeting as playing golf. I think my approach is very good. I don't feel I lose a lot of fun things in life even though I am busy all day. ~ Liang Wengen

Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies. ~ Bobby Jones

In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference. ~ Dan Quayle

Relaxing, going on vacation, sleeping, having fun when I want, golfing when I want, do whatever I want - I am going to enjoy it. ~ Landon Donovan

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

What if I accidentally hit somebody? Because my dad took one of his friends golfing, and it was, like, one of his first times and he knocked out a duck. Like, I'm scared that's going to happen. ~ Jessica Simpson

I never learned anything from a match that I won. ~ Bobby Jones

You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about. ~ Bobby Jones

I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible. ~ Lee Trevino

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. ~ Tommy Bolt

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare. ~ Denis Leary

I started golfing at a young age, and growing up with two older brothers, it made me mature a lot younger. ~ Lexi Thompson

It is today an accepted principle of golfing architecture that the tiger should be teased and trapped and tested, while the rabbit should be left to peace, since he can make his own hell for himself. ~ Bernard Darwin

Only one man I love enough to do something like golfing for, and it's not Dad. ~ Kaje Harper

My hobbies are painting, crafts, and I like golfing. ~ Nancy Kerrigan

I ain't never had much fun. I ain't never been two inches away from a football. Here guys go fishing on the day of the game, hunting, golfing, and all I want to do is be alone, studying how not to lose. ~ Bear Bryant

It would be too much for me to deal with to be sitting up there next to God, Bon Scott, Sid Vicious, and Jimi Hendrix, and hear somebody read my obituary from below:
NIKKI SIXX DIED TODAY ... FUCKING GOLFING ~ Nikki Sixx

The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple who're still glaring.
"Don't you have something to better to work on?" I hiss. "Like golfing or eating prunes or dying?"
The old lady looks shocked.
"Okay, sorry, not dying. But seriously, prunes are good for you. ~ Sara Wolf

Everybody can see that my swing is homegrown. That means everybody has a chance to do it. ~ Bubba Watson

And so it was on the second Thursday of September, these five men kissed their spouses and children good-bye and climbed aboard the rented RV for a fun filled weekend of golfing, drinking, taking drugs and having sex with women who were not their wives. ~ Helen Argiro

My doctor asked me if I smoked, and I said only when I'm working, golfing, or drinking. Then I realized the only time I don't smoke is when I'm home. I didn't even realize I'd become a smoker. ~ Dennis Franz

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners. ~ Henry Beard

In golf as in life, it's the follow through that makes the difference. ~ Ben Wicks

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. ~ Tom Mulligan

Good golfing temperament falls between taking it with a grin or shrug and throwing a fit. ~ Sam Snead

I think there came a time - probably when I was about 13 - when I started to struggle with an increasing volume of schoolwork and the demands from my golfing schedule and aspirations. I'm not sure if the decision to leave school was very clear in my mind then but I did know that in the juggling between the two, my energies were most definitely in the golfing direction. ~ Rory McIlroy

I have to admit," I said when he finished a lengthy discussion on the types of drivers, "I've been golfing and it's about the most boring thing I've ever done. Old men drive around in golf carts pretending they're sporty and getting grouchy if there's any noise. It's like the nursing-home Olympics."
Nick's mouth dropped open. "It takes great athletic ability to know how to aim and drive the ball that far."
"I get more exercise shopping at the mall," I joked. "I don't come home and tell everyone I won at shopping." Although those red shoes I got on sale the other day felt like a win. ~ Cindi Madsen

And yeah, my handicap was down to a 10 when we were at the thick of it. I trained for six or seven months, golfing every day for six hours, seven days a week, with eight trainers. It was intense. ~ Shia Labeouf

I found that golf saved me from going to the pub every day, so instead, I play golf with other unemployed actors. I'm a member of the Stage Golfing Society, and I play golf with all sorts of people. ~ Phil Daniels

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot. ~ Don Adams

Golfing with Eisman wasn't like golfing with other Wall Street people. The round usually began with a collective discomfort on the first tee, after Eisman turned up wearing something that violated the Wall Street golfer's notion of propriety. ~ Michael Lewis

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray. ~ Lee Trevino

If there is one thing I have learned during my years as a professional, it is that the only thing constant about golf is its inconstancy. ~ Jack Nicklaus

Graduation is a big deal-bigger than getting a hole-in-one while golfing. People might think you're lying about the hole-in-one, but when you graduate, you get a diploma. ~ Anderson Cooper

When Babe Didrickson Zaharias, often called the 'athletic phenomenon of all time,' won the British woman's gold tournament, people said of her what they had said many times before: "Oh, she's an automatic champion, a natural athlete." When Babe started golfing in earnest thirteen years ago she hit as many as 1,000 balls in one afternoon, playing until her hands were so sore they had to be taped. ~ James Keller

All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse. ~ Eric Linklater

It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. ~ Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~ Paul Gallico

These golf people seem unnaturally obsessed. They dress kind of funny too, and it's become a running joke for Gretchen and I to e-mail the most ridiculous golfing pictures back and forth to each other. Sometimes she adds hysterical captions. She never puts them on PitchBitch, though. We can't threaten the gravy train. ~ Shawn Klomparens

The American public overwhelmingly regrets ObamaCare, our veterans are dying waiting to see doctors, the IRS intimidates conservative groups, the southern border is compared to a sieve and the president assures us not to worry - smiling, golfing and at this very moment partying ... Because the fundraising never stops - not when four Americans die in Benghazi, and not when Baghdad is at the brink. ~ Megyn Kelly

Golf is not a game of great shots. It's a game of most accurate misses. The people who win make the smallest mistakes. ~ Gene Littler

Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game. ~ Phil Blackmar

Concentrate on hitting the green. The cup will come to you. ~ Cary Middlecoff

Jeff walked beside her, sheltering them both under a red and white golfing umbrella. She smiled unconvincingly as she approached Richard. 'Hi, Richy.' He nodded in reply, catching the scent ~ Emily Organ

No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine. ~ Lee Trevino

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it. ~ Buddy Hackett

The earliest golfing memories that I have are of the Italian Open when I was about six years of age. Watching that event is how I really got started in the game. ~ Matteo Manassero

I know I will have to come to forgiveness and acceptance of what has happened for me to go on and be happy in the future. And I know I will get there eventually. I wish him all the best in the future, as a person and as an athlete ... I feel privileged to have witnessed a part of his golfing career. ~ Elin Nordegren

You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match. ~ Steve Sax

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't. ~ Tony Lema

One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. ~ George Archer

The best exercise for golfers is golfing. ~ Bobby Jones

To give yourself the best possible chance of playing to your potential, you must prepare for every eventuality. That means practice. ~ Seve Ballesteros

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. ~ Bob Hope

I was very competitive with my brothers when I was younger. Now we are all in completely different worlds. Im not in direct competition with my brothers for anything, ever. Stephen and I and Billy and I are better at staying in touch with each other. Danny is married, he has a new baby and he is very peripatetic, he goes to golfing tournaments and charity things. He really travels a lot. ~ Alec Baldwin

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything. ~ Michael Bamberger

On golfer Rory McIlroy's collapse in the final round of the 2011 Masters: We had hoped to compare the young Northern Irishman to the great Masters champions but instead had to reach for the compendium of great golfing train wrecks. ~ Matt Dickinson

There are no short hitters on the tour anymore - just long and unbelievably long. ~ Sam Snead

When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal. ~ Mac O'Grady

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? ~ George Archer

I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it. ~ Lee Trevino

I hope you're golfing today. ~ Colleen Ferrary Bader

I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play. ~ Lee Trevino

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~ Lee Trevino

I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy. ~ Jim Gaffigan

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt. ~ Sam Snead

Even the White House is weighing in on the deflate-gate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to 'be mindful of the way he serves as a role model.' And then President Obama stuffed out his cigarette and went golfing at noon on a weekday. ~ Jimmy Fallon

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt. ~ Fletcher Knebel

I am a proud product of Irish golf and the Golfing Union of Ireland and am hugely honoured to have come from very rich Irish sporting roots ... I am also a proud Ulsterman who grew up in Northern Ireland. That is my background and always will be. ~ Rory McIlroy

I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart. ~ Brent Musburger

This was my fourth summer with Luke, and every year I watched as all that good, healthy outdoor activity - running, surfing, golfing, kite boarding - multiplied the golden flecks on his nose like cancer cells. ~ Jessica Knoll

Not all activities are equal in this regard. Those that involve genuine concentration - studying a musical instrument, playing board games, reading, and dancing - are associated with a lower risk for dementia. Dancing, which requires learning new moves, is both physically and mentally challenging and requires much concentration. Less intense activities, such as bowling, babysitting, and golfing, are not associated with a reduced incidence of Alzheimer's. (254) ~ Norman Doidge

The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back in the bag. ~ Byron Nelson