Funny Old Black Man Quotes

You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them. ~ Harrison Ford

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny. ~ Adam McKay

I just dress like ... I'm an old black man. Sorry! Like I'm an old Jewish black man. I just dress like it's still the '50s. ~ Amy Winehouse

Before you contradict an old man, my fair friend, you should endeavor to understand him. ~ George Santayana

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress." ~ Greg Giraldo

I have just read your lousy review. You sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an eightulcer man on a four ulcer job ... I have never met you but if I do, you'll need a new nose, a lot of beefsteak for black eyes, and a supporter below. ~ Harry S. Truman

Black man cleans the streets but mustn't walk freely on the pavement; Black man must build houses for the white man but cannot live in them; Black man cooks the white man's food but eats what is left over. Don't listen to anyone bluff you and say Black and white are brothers. ~ Es’kia Mphahlele

The Black Man... He can, he does, he WINS. ~ Stephanie Lahart

The black man in North America was sickest of all politically. He let the white man divide him into such foolishness as considering himself a black 'Democrat,' a black 'Republican,' a black 'Conservative,' or a black 'Liberal' ... when a ten-million black vote bloc could be the deciding balance of power in American politics, because the white man's vote is almost always evenly divided. ~ Malcolm X

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it. ~ Oscar Wilde

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. ~ Sarah Silverman

I think it's always funny when you see kids do Shakespeare. ~ Steve Coogan

What you fought was a dead man, possessed by a disease.' - Setrakian
'What
like a pinche zombie?' - Gus
'Think more along the lines of a man with a black cape. Fangs. Funny accent. Now take away the cape and fangs. The funny accent. Take away anything funny about it.' - Setrakian ~ Guillermo Del Toro

Very early, I knew that the only object in life was to grow. ~ Margaret Fuller

Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists. ~ Criss Jami

There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery - Cassel Sharpe ~ Holly Black

White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing. ~ Chris Rock

Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy. ~ Lewis Black

Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Sometimes I even feel funny to say I'm in a biracial marriage because people are like, 'Oh, he's Asian?' The subtext is, 'Who cares? You didn't marry a black person.' ~ Diane Farr

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly. ~ Jimmy Carr

Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious. ~ Carlos Mencia

Until the image of the black man in the mind of the black man has been changed, there will always be delinquency, parental and juvenile. The idea is not to change the attitude of the white man to the black man but to change the attitude of the black man to himself. ~ Malcolm X

I don't think of God as an old white man with no belly button, nor even an old black woman with no belly button. But I agree that God is something eternal. Something cannot come out of nothing. I believe God is Everything. And I believe in infinity. ~ Pete Seeger

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ~ Steven Wright

I've done movies for certain reasons; I did 'Anaconda' because the black man lives. Simple. The black man isn't dead in the first three pages, like Jurassic Park. It's like, 'The black man kills the snake with a Latino girl? Damn! I got to do this.' ~ Ice Cube

I have had a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~ Gavin De Becker

Look at how beautiful this ink is. Now do you understand why I needed clear water? Water is the brightness of the day and the whiteness of the paper. Black is the velvet of night and the satiny ink of the paintbrush. If you know how to make ink correctly, you will never again be afraid of nightmares." Hokusai (The Old Man Mad About Drawing) ~ Francoise Place

My husband was very special and very funny and outspoken, and he would have a black and blue every so often because under the table, I'd say, 'Don't say that!' ~ Blythe Danner

How can you be more subject; black woman in a white man's world? ~ Maureen Duffy

I know how to be funny to black audiences. ~ Brandon T. Jackson

Every addict takes junk to escape something, the Muslim explains. He explains that most black junkies really are trying to narcotize themselves against being a black man in the white man's America. But, actually, the Muslim says, the black man taking dope is only helping the white man to "prove" that the black man is nothing. ~ Malcolm X

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny. ~ Lewis Black

What I want to do is play roles as a black man, instead of playing black man's roles. You know? ~ Jim Brown

One compensation of old age is that it excuses you from picnics. ~ William Feather

It was now pointed out that the black male child, even in a black school using white textbooks, could early come to the conclusion that all the heroes in history were white men. Furthermore, with the exception of nationally known black civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King, Roy Wilkins, James Farmer, and others, the black male child frequently saw the adult black male as ineffectual and defeated. The old picture of the white man leading the black man by the hand toward the solution to his problems again gave the black male child a view of the adult black male as something not worth becoming, and killed his spirit and his will to become an adult, problem-solving individual. ~ John Howard Griffin

I definitely don't consider myself a kid anymore. I feel like an old man, an old 28-year-old. ~ Sergio Garcia

Going to church will not get you the black man you seek and it never will. Page 98 ~ Deborrah Cooper

Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there. ~ Will Rogers

White people made up the n-word, they knew about racial jokes before anybody, and in their old movies and old cartoons they made fun of everybody, especially black folks. Racial jokes were not new to them. ~ Paul Mooney

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde

One thing that the white man can never give the black man is self respect. The black man in the ghettos, have to start self correcting his own material moral, and spiritual defects, and evil. The black man need to start his own program to get rid of drunkenness, drug addiction and prostitution. The black man in America has to lift up his own sense of values. ~ Malcolm X

I did a film called 'Black Dynamite' that was very, very funny. That seems to be a film that's kind of a cult classic. ~ Kevin Chapman

Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle
down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club.
You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always
some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the
club. ~ Chris Rock

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive. ~ W.C. Fields

Watch the old man. Watch how the old man keeps the guys who aren't playing happy. ~ Mickey Mantle

Old man with a young mind is much younger than the young man with an old mind! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

Within, stood a tall old man, clean shaven save for a long white moustache, and clad in black from head to foot, without a single speck of colour about him anywhere. He held in his hand an antique silver lamp, in which the flame burned without a chimney or globe of any kind, throwing long quivering shadows as it flickered in the draught of the open door ~ Bram Stoker

I do not miss ITV, God no! Have you seen ITV lately? ~ Cilla Black

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Harrison Ford may be getting old, but he can fight like a 28 year old man. ~ Harrison Ford

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

But pearls are fair; and the old saying is:
Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies' eyes. ~ William Shakespeare

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Speaking as a black person, welfare is the worst thing that's ever happened to us. ~ Charles Evers

Dear Young Black Males… Our Future Black Kings: I'm 100% rooting for you, I wholeheartedly believe in you, I deeply care about you, I genuinely love you, and I honestly want to see you succeed in EVERY area of your life. ~ Stephanie Lahart

Not only is the old man twice a child, but also the man who is drunk. ~ Plato

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man. ~ Samuel Goldwyn

A friend often says I'm an old man in a young man's husk. I like that. I am old-fashioned in some ways. ~ Daniel Radcliffe

I'm a black man that is proud to be black, and I want to help the black community, but I love all mankind. ~ Common

There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more. ~ Roseanne Barr

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. ~ Lewis Black

First time I got the full sight of Shug Avery long black body with it black plum nipples, look like her mouth, I thought I had turned into a man ~ Alice Walker

If the government can't get the black man justice, then it's time for the black man to get some justice for himself. ~ Malcolm X

It's funny how a film about a murderous old English toff can help you. ~ Jim Broadbent

She's an old lady," Barron says. "And she's been locked up for years. Let her have some fun. She needs to blow off steam. Seduce old dudes. Lose money at canasta. ~ Holly Black

I am for Obama, all the way. I don't support Obama just because he is a black man; I support him because he is an educated black man. He is making black people proud. ~ Tony Yayo

I'm grounded in who I am, and I am a confident black man. A confident, Nigerian, black, chocolate man. I'm proud of my heritage, and no man can take that away from me. ~ John Boyega

The black man should seek to be, and he should be encouraged to be, the best possible black man and not the best possible imitation of a white man. ~ Warren G. Harding

It's a funny old world. ~ Margaret Thatcher

I've had days when I go in my bedroom for 24 hours at a time. I call them my Cilla Black days, and they're literally black days. It's like the old Boomtown Rats song 'I Don't Like Mondays.' You just want to shut the whole day down. ~ Cilla Black

Look at me
a big old black man under all of this makeup, and if I can look beautiful, so can you. ~ RuPaul

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it. ~ Laurence J. Peter

Black is an old wrinkled-face queen sitting on a porch while rocking away her last days, thinking of her grandchildren
Black is the old lady's grandchildren yelling "Revolution!" so that their grandmother would die free ~ Umar Bin Hassan

It is better to beAn old man's derling than a yong man's werling. ~ John Heywood

When people say 'Charlie Chaplin' I still think now of the guy in the moustache and bowler hat and funny walk - I don't think of an old man who was my grandfather. ~ Oona Chaplin

I try to think of something catchy to say, but there's nothing but irritation that something that was funny yo an eleven-year-old boy is still funny to a seventeen-year-old one. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

He was a good guy, my old man: simple, old-fashioned. Physically, he was built like a feather-weight, and he wore these thick, black Ronnie Barker glasses. He would say to me,'You might not have a good education, but good manners don't cost you anything.' And he practised what he preached: he'd always give up his seat on the bus for a woman or help an old lady across the road.
A good man. I really miss him. ~ Ozzy Osbourne

I don't want to see a 70-year-old on television. ~ Cilla Black

But i am a black man whose black mama's body and spirit were terrorized by another black man's hands and words. Sexism and patriarchy are not part of the revolution. I am a gender-maneuvering gay black man whose spirit was terrorized by other straight black men. Hetero-sexism and heteronormativity are not a part of our revolution. I am a black man who has ignored the plights of so many of my brothers. Separation because of difference and elitism based on class is not a part of the revolution. ~ Kiese Laymon

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!" ~ Lewis Black

Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but black and white films still hold an affectionate place in my heart; they have an incomparable mystique and mood. ~ Ginger Rogers

We grow neither better or worse as we get old, but more like ourselves. ~ Bernard Baruch

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now. ~ Natasha Leggero

Either a peaceful old age awaits me, or death flies round me with black wings.
[Lat., Seu me tranquilla senectus
Exspectat, seu mors atris circumvolat alis.] ~ Horace

To an old man any place that's warm is homeland. ~ Maxim Gorky

Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. ~ Stevie Wonder

An old man drinks tea and reads the newspaper
forgetting age for a moment. ~ Mason Cooley

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful. ~ Bill Cosby

The city belongs to the black man. The white man was a convenient target until there were no white men left in Detroit. What used to be black and white is now gray. Whites got the suburbs and everything else. The black machine's got the city and the black machine's at war with itself. The spoils go to the one who understands that. ~ Charlie LeDuff

If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit! ~ Chris Rock

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?' ~ Lewis Black

The black man today will only find solitude in one place: prison. ironically, he becomes most free while incarcerated. ~ Darnell Lamont Walker

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. ~ Lewis Black

America's most dangerous and threatening black man is the one who has been kept sealed up by the Northerner in the black ghettos - the Northern white power structure's system to keep talking democracy while keeping the black man out of sight somewhere, around the corner. ~ Malcolm X

The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery. ~ Frederick Douglass

[Black nationalism] is not designed to make the black man reevaluate the white man
you know him already
but to make the black man re-evaluate himself. Don't change the white man's mind; you can't change his mind. And that whole thing about appealing to the moral conscience of America
America's conscience is bankrupt. ~ Malcolm X

I think there's an interesting contradiction of having a young face and an old soul. There's something funny about it, and it also allows you to reinvent being old. ~ Matt Smith

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. ~ Chris Rock

It's kind of low brow, but the show 'Bob's Burgers' is hilarious, and being from the Midwest, I can kind of relate to a lot of the jokes. 'Orange is The New Black' is a Netflix Exclusive, I think - that's really funny. ~ Gracie Gold