Natasha Leggero Quotes

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

Comedy is just one of the many professions that women are taking over.

There are different types of art, and you just have to follow where things take you. It helps me with my desire to perform live. That's something that a lot of actors and actresses don't get to experience on a regular basis.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

My comedy isn't about being attractive - it's about how the bar of dumb seems so low right now, and I desperately want to raise the bar of dumb just a tiny bit.

Doing TV is great, but TV is for starring on, not for watching.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

I'm not 'one of the guys.' I don't want to pretend to be one on stage. I'm not going to dress like a guy or carry myself like one.

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

There are some die-hard 'Chelsea Lately' fans, and that's where the majority of my fans come from. Chelsea is really helping make comedy audiences hipper and edgier.

The women's movement ruined a permanent vacation.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

You can always tell an actor by the bored look in their eye whenever someone else is talking.

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

If you look at NBC, two of their most successful shows - '30 Rock' and 'Parks And Rec' - are written by women, produced by women, and I think that's the future. Women are the new men.

The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

I always wanted so much glamour in my life, so I have always been obsessed with class, and from dating a few people who were from old money and a few from new money in my 20s, I just sort of became obsessed with this idea of clueless rich people.

I grew up as a child actress, not a child star. I was an actress - big difference.

Anything you can do to get more people to come to your live shows is good, because that's where you can really do what you do. Everyone's on the same page, and you don't have to win strangers over as much.

All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

I do think people are definitely sick of the Kardashians.

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

Coming from the Midwest, I didn't know about stand-up as an art. I just thought stand-up comedians were old men in suits talking about their wives.

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

I was very lucky when I started doing comedy because I hadn't seen much stand-up. I just got up on stage and did it without thinking.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

The chasm between rich and poor is becoming larger, and I think it's interesting terrain to talk about and expose.