Funny Caffeine Quotes

I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless. ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank. ~ Alphonse Allais

Coffee in England is just toasted milk. ~ Christopher Fry

For lo! the board with cups and spoons is crowned.The berries crackle, and the mill turns round ... At once they gratify their scent and taste.And frequent cups prolong the rich repast ... Coffee (which makes the politician wise And see through all things with his half-shut eyes). ~ Alexander Pope

Given enough coffee I could rule the world ~ Terry Pratchett

Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all. ~ David Lynch

Espresso is to Italy, what champagne is to France. ~ Charles Maurice De Talleyrand

Good. Coffee is good for you. It's the caffeine in it. Caffeine, we are here. Caffeine puts a man on her horse and a woman in his grave. ~ Ernest Hemingway,

I don't see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter, I informed him. ~ Robyn Schneider

Friends, we live in a caffeine world. We think in a caffeine way and we live caffeine lives. ~ Caitlin Moran

...caffeine is a stimulant drug. Caffeine is also the only addictive substance that we readily give to our children and teens. ~ Matthew Walker

I can't wake up at all without caffeine. ~ Andrew Rannells

We have too many poisons in our diets now, like sugar and caffeine. ~ Jasmine Guinness

Caffeine is not a food supplement. Rather, caffeine is the most widely used (and abused) psychoactive stimulant in the world. ~ Matthew Walker

It's all I have left in my life, caffeine and a poodle. ~ Brad Garrett

Is my music indicative of a caffeine-surged green liquid? Probably not. ~ Alan Palomo

Maybe those verses in Ezekiel about the dry bones coming back to life were actually a prophecy in reference to caffeine. ~ Erynn Mangum

Widespread caffeine use explains a lot about the twentieth century. ~ Greg Egan

Actually caffeine is too hard on my system. I'm a delicate boy from Plano, Texas. ~ John Benjamin Hickey

Caffeine is a good thing. ~ Manoj Bhargava

I'm allergic to caffeine. When I have it, my throat gets sore, and I get a rash. ~ Kristin Gore

Couldn't start the morning without caffeine. ~ Ginnifer Goodwin

Up to a thousand milligrams of caffeine is considered safe for most people, which translates into about 10 cups of coffee a day. ~ Michael Greger

It's the fine balance of caffeine and alcohol that bookends my days ~ Tim Minchin

I'm not really allowed to drink a lot of caffeine, because I'm 11. ~ Willow Shields

We're machines for turning caffeine into physics ~ Nima Arkani-Hamed

Caffeine. The gateway drug. ~ Eddie Vedder

There is no such thing as sleep deprivation, there is only caffeine deficiency. ~ Richard Simmons

Caffeine dehydrates the brain and body. ~ Daniel G. Amen

Always drink at least 8 ounces of water or a sugar-free decaffeinated beverage with every meal or snack. If you are a heavy caffeine user, gradually reduce caffeine intake to zero whenever possible. ~ Barry Sears

A lot of people don't know the brain is 85% water, so anything that dehydrates you like caffeine or alcohol is bad for the brain. ~ Daniel Amen

I want vasopressin, washed caffeine, Jumpstart, ginkgo biloba, guarana, and any intelligence enhancer introduced in the last five years. ~ Warren Ellis

What has to do with your ability to fall asleep is not caffeine. It's having a clean conscience. I have a clean conscience so I can drink all the caffeine I want. ~ Bob Barr

Another advantage of avoiding sodas is that you will avoid the caffeine that is in many of them. Caffeine is a weak diuretic that causes calcium loss via the kidneys. ~ Neal Barnard

Never had a cup of coffee in my life. Dr Pepper is my caffeine delivery system of choice. ~ Steven Soderbergh

So I forcibly shove aside my prickles of pissed-off, which is easier than it sounds when millions of little sequined caffeine dancers are doing their big Broadway number on your internal stage. (Page 173) ~ Deb Caletti

Caffeine is like a really attractive girl that has nothing to say. You get all jacked up on it and then you're left feeling hollow and empty. ~ Adam Levine

You can survive up to three weeks without food. You can only survive for three days without water. No one knows how many days you can survive without caffeine. ~ Andrew Shaffer

You can never have too much coffee", I said
He turned and smiled at me. "You think so, but the rest of us get a little OD'ed on your level of caffeine. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton

The moment my bare feet make contact with the wood floor, my breath catches in my throat. Blake swivels his body around to greet me.
"Morning, roomie."
His voice is like a shot of caffeine that ignites my body. How does he do that? ~ Alex Rosa

Zain poured skimmed milk over Weetabix, throwing in a handful of cashew nuts to add flavour. A glass of grapefruit juice to go with it, and green tea. He tried to avoid caffeine. Maybe the green pills were loaded with it, anyway. Alligator balls, snake venom and caffeine. He ~ Alex Caan

A 3K word story might well be done in some caffeine-and-nicotine-fuelled 36 hour session, and at the end of it, there'll be a few passes of editing required, but I basically have a polished draft. ~ Hal Duncan

Once I had a potentially heart attack-inducing eight double espressos in one day. I think my assistant secretly swaps my coffees for decaf as she doesn't want me to die of caffeine overdose. ~ Steven Soderbergh

I had a lot of it in my day, but I don't like it. It's a dumb drug. Your whole concentration goes on getting the next fix. I find caffeine easier to deal with. ~ John Lennon

Rewards can deliver a short-term boost - just as a jolt of caffeine can keep you cranking for a few more hours. But the effect wears off - and, worse, can reduce a person's longer-term motivation to continue the project. ~ Daniel H. Pink

When you find yourself pushing through and using caffeine or sugar to keep going, this is the time to listen to your innate ultradian rhythm and take a rest. ~ Candess M. Campbell

Heaven knows that alcohol is the worst thing in the world, but it's debatable whether cocaine is worse than caffeine or whether it's the same thing and they just changed the name. ~ Merle Haggard

I drink booze, I smoke, and I'm hooked on caffeine. I actually have been known to swear at times and belch and even raise my voice when provoked. And I'm not physically repressed! ~ Helena Bonham Carter

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight. ~ David Sedaris

I am running on fumes, so it's time to get centered again. I start with eating healthier and cutting out caffeine - at least cutting back on caffeine. I exercise and get outside to play. I reconnect with my spiritual practice, which is daily meditation and prayer. Most importantly, I reconnect with my family and friends. If all else fails, a few deep breaths. ~ Amber Valletta

Writing has so much to give, so much to teach, so many surprises. that thing you had to force yourself to do
the actual act of writing
turns out to be the best part. it's like discovering that while you thought you needed the tea ceremony for the caffeine, what you really needed was the tea ceremony. ~ Anne Lamott

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

The mind of a writer can be a truly terrifying thing. Isolated, neurotic, caffeine-addled, crippled by procrastination, consumed by feelings of panic, self-loathing, and soul-crushing inadequacy. And that's on a good day. ~ Robert De Niro

Her dark thoughts spilled like a large coffee overflowing in an espresso cup. The coffee was bitter and strong, full of caffeine. It was a drug she didn't like, an addiction of darkness that was embedded inside her. It was a coffee being served without a smile, and one that she didn't want to drink. ~ Arti Manani

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

I don't have hardly any caffeine, I don't drink alcohol and I watch my red meat intake. My diet at the minute seems to be verging towards the vegetarian, which is surprising me because I tend to just listen to what my body is fancying. ~ Jayne Middlemiss

Fitness has always been a big part of my life, so I train twice a day, every day, as I always have done, but also eating very healthfully. I don't eat sugar, I don't have caffeine, I don't eat wheat - I look after my body outside and inside. It's just a part of who I've always been. ~ Neil Jackson

Which has more caffeine--tea or coffee?

Maybe it is a reflection of our constant struggle to ward off sleep, or simply the desire for that scintillating buzz that comes from a good cup of Joe. In the United States, more than 80 percent of people consume caffeine in one form or another every day. Worldwide it is the most popular drug, far ahead of nicotine and alcohol. Some anthropologists speculate that its use may date as far back as the Stone Age. ~ Anahad O'Connor

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway

Free caffeine and sugar, a recipe for making friends. ~ Victoria Schwab

No coffee either, caffeine withdrawal the real tragedy here. ~ Lauren Groff

With caffeine, anything is possible. Without fear, everything is fun. ~ Unknown

Caffeine can be inhaled. ~ Marjorie King

Love is a beautiful man bearing caffeine. ~ Sierra Dean

I try to stay sane and grounded by hunkering down, eating right, and exercising. I make a routine of spin class, yoga, and Pilates, places I push my body so hard I can lose my mind. Cutting out caffeine and sugar, being mindful, and getting enough rest are important. ~ Jaime Murray

* Location: Break room.
* Caffeine Dependency: Approaching twelve-step program territory. ~ Qwen Slasbury

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

By now, it is probably very late at night, and you have stayed up to read this book when you should have gone to sleep. If this is the case, then I commend you for falling into my trap. It is a writer's greatest pleasure to hear that someone was kept up until the unholy hours of the morning reading one of his books. It goes back to authors being terrible people who delight in the suffering of others. Plus, we get a kickback from the caffeine industry ... ~ Brandon Sanderson

I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

If strangling Tristan would miraculously provide him with a large latte, he'd gladly do it. ~ Ofelia Gränd

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

I drink caffeine" she said calmly "lot's of it gives you pep ~ Ally Carter

Caffeine is safe and effective but not without a downside. Depending on one's sensitivity, it has a half-life of six to eight hours. Even if you have no trouble falling asleep after drinking coffee late in the day, you may wake more easily during the night because your nervous system is still aroused, your brain attuned to sounds and other stimuli that would otherwise go unheeded. The more poorly you sleep, the more caffeine you tend to consume the next day, and the more lightly you sleep the following night. And so on. ~ Mary Roach

...and woe betide anyone foolish enough to question my caffeine intake. ~ Kieron Gillen

Casting sarcasm ain't easy.. It needs hard work and a big mug of cappuccino! ~ Himmilicious

caffeine-infused tsunami of words. ~ Matthew Norman

At this point, caffeine wasn't for pleasure, it was sheer survival. ~ Stormy Smith

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

There's no mistaking what kind of potion I need. Caffeine - for alertness and rejuvenation. ~ Amy Alward

Anyone who doubts that caffeine is a drug should read some of the prose composed under its influence. ~ Anne Fadiman

The main thing I've noticed, however, is how unreasonable, self-absorbed and permanently outraged caffeine has made me. ~ Caitlin Moran

Those fruity drinks better have a lot of caffeine in them or I'll never make it through World Issues. ~ Lisi Harrison

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ~ Regina Griffin

...curiosity had the same impact on him as caffeine... (Commissario Soneri) ~ Valerio Varesi

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. ~ Nobita Nobi

Sleep is just a good idea. I bow to the god caffeine. ~ Jo-Ann Mapson

I do high heels better post-caffeine. ~ Lisa Renee Jones

There is great power associated with morning caffeine. It can make or break people. ~ A.L. Parks

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

I think I've reduced the amount of blood in my caffeine system to an acceptable level. ~ Alastair Reynolds

That was before I had my coffee. I'm not responsible for any information delivered pre-caffeine. ~ Irene Hannon

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. ~ Chris Messina

The blend she preferred was fragrant and so rich in caffeine that the fumes alone would cure narcolepsy. ~ Dean Koontz

I took a fresh mug of coffee. Grilling grieving families always goes down better with caffeine. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton