Louie Anderson Quotes

Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book.

I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody. I'm sorry it happened. And I hurt people.

I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. It's just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life.

I wish I'd gotten to know my dad better too," Kent nodded, "because when I did know him, he already wasn't himself. But the thing is, I never blamed him."
"Why's that?"
"I suppose because trying to place blame on someone always seemed like an impossible task. Like trying to find the start of something that's actually an endless cycle. I just figured it was better to be hard on myself and to make sure that I was a better person to those I loved. That way I could break the cycle."
Did you hear that, Dad? That's the kind of wisdom older brothers are put on this earth to dispense.

When I say, 'I can't stay long, I'm in-between meals,' that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images.

One time, I came off stage and a guy named Roman Decare, God rest his soul, he was a comic. 'Louie, if you do that family stuff, and you're a clean comic on stage, you'll become famous.' And, for some reason, a switch clicked, and I started doing the family stuff, and it became a giant part of my life.

Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.

You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family.

I started a big part of my career in Vegas.

Let me tell you about my family.

A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?

I really try to have fun. If I don't have fun, you won't have fun. That's what my gift is: to relieve people from a little of the pain and comfort in their lives by allowing my comedy to distract them. A good laugh is almost as good as any doctor visit.

After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I've never been better doing what I do.

Well, isn't every successful person in every family the bankbook?

I was kind of a Rickles comic to begin with. I was caustic, and I was abusive and mean to the audience.

Azhar Usman is a true original and will laugh the hate right out of you.

I have a very warm spot in my heart for Vegas.

I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.

I have about 1,000 hours of myself on tape in a vault in Los Angeles. But I also have a photographic memory about my jokes, because they're really about me; they're my stories.

It's so much easier to be cynical.

I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He's got a big snowblower that's actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn't even have to go outside. He's got the microwave and a satellite dish, it's all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time.

If I have food in the house and I'm laying in bed, I go, 'I bet that Captain Crunch is lonely in the cupboard.'

We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.

I'm at 23 feet, diving into 17 feet of water. I'm over 400 pounds. Who doesn't want to see that? I do. I'm always shocked that I can do it.

You can't open anything after your 50. You have to wait 'til people stop by the house. 'Oh my God, I'm glad you're here.'

I think I have always tried to connect my comedy to my art.

Everyone always comes to one point in their life as an artist where you can either let your heart guide you or your ego.

I can't stay long; I'm in between meals.

I have added a lot. There's some Vegas stuff and hotel stuff and a whole chunk on health.

At Thanksgiving, my mom always makes too much food, especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes. She's got to push it during the meal. "Did you get some sweet potatoes? There's sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven, some more in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's."