Kids Funny Business Quotes

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain. ~ Ivan Stoikov

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear ... from my future Kids' Funny Business. ~ Ivan Stoikov

I wonder if Jack and Diane ever made it
After the drums and the guitars all faded
Was the best they could do good enough
Or did the heartland just swallow 'em up

How did my mom and my dad ever do it
If there were troubles then we never knew it
I guess they had each other and that was enough

You know you can't keep the ground from shaking, no matter how hard you try,
You can't keep the sunsets from fading, you gotta treat you love like
You're jumping off a rope swing maybe 'cause the whole thing is really just a shot in the dark
You gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart
You gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart

What am I gonna tell my kids when they see
All of this bull that goes down on TV
When the whole world is down on its luck
I gotta make sure they keep that chin up

Cry when it hurts, laugh when it's funny
Chase after the dream, don't chase after the money
And know we got each other, that's what's up

'Cause you can't keep the ground from shaking, no matter how hard you try
You can't keep the sunsets from fading, you gotta treat you love like
You're jumping off a rope swing maybe cause the whole thing is really just a shot in the dark
You gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart
You gotta love like there's no such thing as a broken heart

You gotta love like there's no s ~ Old Dominion

When I play discos in Belfast or freshers' week in Oxford, there are 1,800 kids dressed as me. It's odd, it's funny, and it pays really well. ~ David Hasselhoff

We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? ~ Dana Carvey

It's funny but when young people say to me "what can I study to be a force for change, should I study law or biology or business?" My answer is music, drama, journalism, communications. ~ Paul Watson

And it's funny how when somebody saves you, the first thing you want to do is save other people. All other people. Everybody. The kid never knew the man's name. But he never forgot that smile. "Hero" isn't the first word, but it's the first word that comes to mind. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me. ~ Sarah Silverman

Jackie had now changed her tune, clinging to me as if she liked it. "I'm irresistible, brother, he's swapping sides for me."
"I can't fight it any longer," I said, nonchalantly.
Wade shook his head at us. "I'll be sure to pass this news along to your husband, sis."
"He can have the kids," Jackie said, causing everyone to chuckle.
"We insist," I tossed in. ~ Ethan Day

Teaching is a funny business; you want to share these glimpses of something real and profound, but half the time students want only to know their next assignment and what they will need to study for the test. ~ Azar Nafisi

Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell her its time to go at noon so she gets those five hours to do what she needs to do. But were both kids at heart. She is the funniest person ever and she has a great sense of humor. We connect at a spiritual level. ~ Nick Cannon

I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things. ~ Rodney Carrington

Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds. ~ Dave Barry

I wish kids at school would quit calling me a porno dork-face, though. There wasn't any sex involved! I got knocked out, I panicked and called the cops. Okay, somewhere along the line everybody's clothes fell off, but that's not exactly a federal crime. Is it? I hope you don't work for the FBI. (You don't, do you?)
- Email Excerpt (Page: 21)
From: Douglas Bracken
To: Dr. Rita I. Milton
Sent: Friday, November 08 - 5:05 PM
Subject: Pressing Concerns ~ Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson

All the kids with fancy shoes or clothes, do you know what I got with a family of nine? When ever we said let's play poker, we had a full team of adults right there. ~ Julia Marriott

Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. ~ Robert Osborne

I'd even had business cards made up reading, ABIGAIL COOPER, P.I. with teeny-weeny little letters underneath in parentheses spelling out PSYCHIC INTUITIVE. Most people think I'm trying to be clever. The truth is, I'm a chickenshit. ~ Victoria Laurie

He stepped back with exaggerated courtesy. But when I walked past him, he swatted my rump. Hard enough to sting.
"You need to be more careful," he growled. "Keep interfering in my business and you might get hurt."
I said sweetly as I continued to Jesse's room, "The last man who swatted me like that is rotting in his grave."
"I have no doubt about it." His voice was more satisfied then contrite. ~ Patricia Briggs

I like to tell kids that I started thinking about stories when I first started reading stuff like Dr. Seuss and 'Go, Dog. Go!,' thinking, 'Oh yeah, that's funny. I'd like to do that.' And then writing throughout school, but at the same time I was studying pre-med stuff, because my mom told me I should be a doctor. ~ Jon Scieszka

For what it's worth, I'll share my intentions. You and me, we aren't practice for the real thing. It isn't that too much is at stake with family and friends, it's because I love you. You're funny, beautiful and you care about people. I like the way you look at me, especially when you think I don't notice it. I like that we have history and our kids will have a big family and share that history because there was never a time when their Mom and Dad weren't together. If you were a terrible lay, I might have second thoughts but you and I are dynamite together. I intend to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. If that freaks you out, tough, because now we've started this, there's no goin' back. ~ Kristen Ashley

I sold my first script when I was 21 - this kids' adventure movie that never got made. I just bought that one back, actually. I'm pretty psyched about it. ~ Jason Segel

Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up. ~ Bob Lemon

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. ~ Bill Cosby

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago! ~ Bill Cosby

If I had been born in the 1700's, presumably children had a bigger vocabulary than I had which means I wouldn't have been able to recite fairy tales to kids because I'm not smart enough.

You know…?

I'd have to be like…..uh:
In time passed, though not long ago, there lived three pigs in stature, little in number, three, who being of an age both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune did set about to do thusly.
When they had traveled a distance, pig numbered first spake saying, "Harken Brethren, head this impetuous realm! Tarry me far from hearth and home I fear we shall fair *snort* not well!" And so being collectively agreed, but individually impaled, the diminutive swine sought each to erect himself an abode..... ~ John Branyan

Dear Mr. Chance and Ms. Brattle. Sorry about the mess. Great bed. Loved it. As a matter of fact, loved the whole house. Actually, I tried to kill your kids when I found them here. Yeah, funny story. Maybe not funny, hah hah.'"
Astrid heard nervous laughter from the media people, or maybe just from the hotel staff who were hovering around the edges grabbing a glimpse of the Hollywood royalty.
"'Anyway, I missed and they got away. I don't know what will happen to Sanjit and that stick-up-his butt Choo and the rest, but whatever happens next, it's not on me. However . . .'"
Astrid took a dramatic pause.
"'However, the rest of what happened was on me. Me, Caine Soren. You'll probably be hearing a lot of crazy stories from kids. But what they didn't know was that it was all me. Me. Me me. See, I had a power I never told anyone about. I had the power to make people do bad things. Crimes and whatnot. Especially Diana, who never did anything wrong on her own, by her own will, I mean. She - and the rest of them - were under my control. The responsibility is on me. I confess. Haul me away, officers.'"
Astrid suddenly felt her throat tightening, although she'd read the letter many times already, and knew what it said. Rotten son of a . . . And then this.
Redemption. Not a bad concept.
Well, partial redemption.
"It's signed Caine Soren. And below that, 'King of the FAYZ.'"
It was a full confession. A lie: a blatant, not-very-convincing lie. Bu ~ Michael Grant

The general systems of money management today require people to pretend to do something they can't do and like something they don't. It's a funny business because on a net basis, the whole investment management business together gives no value added to all buyers combined. That's the way it has to work. Mutual funds charge two percent per year and then brokers switch people between funds, costing another three to four percentage points. The poor guy in the general public is getting a terrible product from the professionals. ~ John C. Bogle

What's the best practical joke you've ever played on another camper? Connor: The golden mango! Travis: Oh, dude, that was awesome. Connor: So anyway, we took this mango and spray painted it gold, right? We wrote: "For the hottest" on it and left it in the Aphrodite cabin while they were at archery class. When they came back, they started fighting over it, trying to figure out which of them was the hottest. It was so funny. Travis: Gucci shoes were flying out the windows. The Aphrodite kids were ripping each other's clothes and throwing lipstick and jewelry. It was like a rabid herd of wild Bratz. Connor: Then they figured out what we'd done, and they tracked us down. Travis: That was not cool. I didn't know they made permanent makeup. I looked like a clown for a month. Connor: Yeah. They put a curse on me so that no matter what I wore, my clothes were two sizes too small and I felt like a geek. Travis: You are a geek. ~ Rick Riordan

We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended."
"Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist."
"I'm not kidding!" he protested. ~ Rick Riordan

I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup. ~ Gwyneth Paltrow

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison-if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. ~ Milton Berle

The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. ~ Seann William Scott

I wouldn't know anything about opera music if it wasn't for Bugs Bunny. That was my entire introduction to opera music. I wouldn't know anything about classical music if it wasn't for "Fantasia." They didn't have to do that stuff. They chose to base this ridiculous, funny, intriguing, creative story on this beautiful classical music. It's the combination of the high and the low that I thought was very cool. But I had no concept of it as a kid. ~ Jon Hamm

There were also times when they didn't kiss and roam nonstop. The in-between times. That's when they just held each other and whispered. Marnie, of course, heard it all. Adam would try to make Robyn laugh, and she would, whether it was funny or not. She would tease him and he would tell her what it was like before. And they talked about what it would be like after. It was as if they were two normal kids in love, sitting on a sofa in a warm living room, telling each other almost everything and sorting out the world with someone's mom puttering annoyingly in the background. Except, of course, they weren't two normal kids. Would never be. ~ Teresa Toten