Sarcastic Remark Quotes

Are there moments when our brains are not exercising?" I questioned. "That would be almost like being brain dead... ~ Vann Chow

So tell me about your eldest daughter. I assume you will say she is blond, blue-eyed,and beautiful beyond compare."
"Ranulf,you are far too cynical."
"You have said so before.So speak. Tell me of your temptresses and how their beauty can ensnare my men with a mere glimpse."
"And for that last sarcastic remark, I shall describe them in detail,and maybe someday you,too,will have daughters and understand the fear that lurks in my aged heart. ~ Michele Sinclair

I'm to have dinner with some people from the bookshop, which is as posh as the motel, at six, then read at seven-thirty. I will have to watch my mouth. Some sarcastic remark about gentrification is almost bound to slip out. Even though the topography is right, this doesn't even look like Vermont. Not a cow in sight, not a single shack held together with staples and Masonite. Where are my people? The ones who used to go to Canada automatically at age 18 and get all their teeth pulled out, a standard right of passage. The ones who believe you can't be an alcoholic if you drink nothing but beer. The ones who know how to roast a haunch of venison with onions and garlic and sage and mustard (and where to find the haunch in July). The ones who buy their clothes at rummage and their cars at the junkyard. The ones who used to be me. Here I am on my balcony with a finger or two of cognac, a cigar, and a laptop computer, wearing my black jeans and my Reeboks. God, it's awful. ~ Hayden Carruth

Are we all agreed? Excellent. Then Peabody had better retire to her bed; she is clearly in need of recuperative sleep, she has not made a sarcastic remark for fully ten minutes. ~ Elizabeth Peters

Familiarity breeds contempt and children. ~ Mark Twain

Please try not to be such a wiener-head. ~ Dave Barry

I love the sound of it," Trina whispers, as if speaking too loudly might interrupt the drumming patter of the rain outside. "It makes me want to sleep. Snuggle my head right up in your armpit and snore for three days."
"My armpit?" Mark repeats. "Good thing we all showered up in the storm this morning. My pits smell like roses. Go ahead and get comfy. ~ James Dashner

Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early. ~ George Will

You are so pure in mind and heart,
In aspect, too, so mild,
I wonder that you ever could
Implant your wife with child. ~ Martial

He made enemies as naturally as soap makes suds. ~ Percival Wilde

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin' eagles. ~ Ryan Lilly

If we thus recognise
that the aim is to equip the group with the
attributes of the individual, we shall be reminded
of a valuable remark of Trotter's, to the effect that
the tendency towards the formation of groups is biologically
a continuation of the multicellular character
of all the higher organisms. ~ Sigmund Freud

You make experiments and I make theories. Do you know the difference? A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.

{Remark to scientist Herman Francis Mark} ~ Albert Einstein

He will be company for you, you know. I wonder you do not have a dog already.'

'I do – in the country,' he replied.

'Oh, sporting dogs! They are not at all the same.' Mr Beaumaris, after another look at his prospective companion, found himself able to agree with this remark with heartfelt sincerity. ~ Georgette Heyer

The President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his brother's remark, There's more Arabs in this country than there is Jews! Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers. ~ Jimmy Carter

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? ~ Mae West

I feel your scorn, and I accept it. ~ Jon Stewart

When they [visitors to his studio:] learn about the six-week daily-strip deadline and the 12-week Sunday-page deadline, a visitor almost never fails to remark: "Gee, you could work real hard, couldn't you, and get several months ahead and then take the time off?"
Being, as I said, a slow learner, it took me until last year to realize what an odd statement that really is. You don't work all of your life to do something so you don't have to do it. ~ Charles M. Schulz

Oh, stop talking," I cried, in a hunted tone. "I can't bear it. If you are going to arrest me, get it over."

"I'd rather NOT arrest you, if we can find a way out. You look so young, so new to Crime! Even your excuse for being here is so naive, that I - won't you tell me why you wrote a love letter, if you are not in love? And whom you sent it to? That's important, you see, as it bears on the case. I intend," he said, "to be judgdicial[sic], unimpassioned, and quite fair."

"I wrote a love letter" I explained, feeling rather cheered, "but it was not intended for any one, Do you see? It was just a love letter."

"Oh," he said. "Of course. It is often done. And after that?"

"Well, it had to go somewhere. At least I felt that way about it. So I made up a name from some malted milk tablets - - "

"Malted milk tablets!" he said, looking bewildered.

"Just as I was thinking up a name to send it to," I explained, "Hannah - that's mother's maid, you know - brought in some hot milk and some malted milk tablets, and I took the name from them."

"Look here," he said, "I'm unpredjudiced and quite calm, but isn't the `mother's maid' rather piling it on?"

"Hannah is mother's maid, and she brought in the milk and the tablets, I should think," I said, growing sarcastic, "that so far it is clear to the dullest mind."

"Go on," he said, leaning back and closing his eyes. "You named the letter ~ Mary Roberts Rinehart

Said all the dwarves. "Dark for dark business! There are many hours before dawn." "Of course!" said Bilbo, and sat down in a hurry. He missed the stool and sat in the fender, knocking over the poker and shovel with a crash. "Hush!" said Gandalf. "Let Thorin speak!" And this is how Thorin began. "Gandalf, dwarves and Mr. Baggins! We are met together in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator, this most excellent and audacious hobbit - may the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! - " He paused for breath and for a polite remark from the hobbit, but the compliments were quite lost on poor Bilbo Baggins, who was wagging his mouth in protest at being called audacious and worst of all fellow conspirator, though no noise came out, he was so flummoxed. So Thorin went on: "We are met to discuss our plans, our ways, ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

Sometimes a word, a sound, triggers an image or recollection of something forgotten. A search for the truth sounds romantic, a thoughtful quest. As often as not, it is as mind numbing as reading a list of names or looking through scores of obtuse documents in the hope of finding a clear pattern, divined by not much more than intuition and observation. A shrugged-off remark can lead to more truth than studied responses to severe cross-examination. ~ Jackson Burnett

We left the nursery in silence, Ma smoking a roll-up, looking like she hadn't slept in a week or maybe like she had slept for a whole week. When the nursery was just a grubby finger smudge behind us Ma looked down at me and said in her poshed-up telephone voice: "Will you speak to Janie about swearing? Fuckin' busybody!"

I laughed and swung our linked hands.

"Aye, fuckin' busybody."

Pleas of laughter escaped us and spiraled up into the hot, blue Scottish sky. We laughed all the way home ~ Kerry Hudson

A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster. ~ Earl Long

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. ~ Kurt Fuller

The name is somewhat familiar, but I can't recall a face to go with it."
Obviously disappointed in her reaction, her uncle said irritably, "You apparently have a poor memory. If you can't recall a knight or an earl," he added sarcastically, "I doubt you'll remember a mere mister."
Stung by his unprovoked remark, she said stiffly, "Who is the third?"
"Mr. Ian Thornton. He's-"
That name sent Elizabeth jolting to her feet while a blaze of animosity and a sock of terror erupted through her entire body. "Ian Thornton!" she cried, leaning her palms on the desk to steady herself. "Ian Thornton!" she repeated, her voice rising with a mixture of anger and hysterical laughter. "Uncle, if Ian Thornton discussed marrying me, it was at the point of Robert's gun! His interest in me was never marriage, and Robert dueled with him over his behavior. In fact, Robert shot him!"
Instead of relenting or being upset, her uncle merely regarded her with blank indifference, and Elizabeth said fiercely, "Don't you understand?"
"What I understand," he said, glowering, "is that he replied to my message in the affirmative and was very cordial. Perhaps he regrets his earlier behavior and wishes to make amends."
"Amends!" she cried. "I've no idea whether he feels loathing for me or merely contempt, but I can assure you he does not and has never wished to wed me! He's the reason I can't show my face in society!"
"In my opinion, you're better off away from that decaden ~ Judith McNaught

Wilbur would remark that if he were to give a young man advice on how to get ahead in life, he would say, Pick out a good father and mother, and begin life in Ohio. ~ David McCullough

You're going on a date with the devil. All you need is some pepper spray and a fire extinguisher. ~ Krista Ritchie

You have sensible women here [in England] but then, they are very devils
censorious, uncharitable, sarcastic
the women in Scotland have twice
thrice their freedom, with all their virtue
and are very conversable and agreeable
their educations are more finished. ~ Fanny Burney

In fact this bad baronet died true to the conditions of his kind--mysteriously in his library, at midnight, while a great deal of snow was falling. ~ Michael Innes

It's so hard to tell with him. He always looks like he's working the customer service desk at the DMV." "I always thought he looked like a postal worker who's about one write-up away from losing it completely. ~ Shelly Laurenston

It's not enough to be able to lie with a straight face; anybody with enough gall to raise on a busted flush can do that. The first way to lie artistically is to tell the truth - but not all of it. The second way involves telling the truth, too, but is harder: Tell the exact truth and maybe all of it ... but tell it so unconvincingly that your listener is sure you are lying. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

A proper sense of proportion leaves no room for superstition. A man says, "I have never been in a shipwreck," and becoming nervous touches wood. Why is he nervous? He has this paragraph before his eyes: "Among the deceased was Mr. - . By a remarkable coincidence this gentleman had been saying only a few days before that he had never been in a shipwreck. Little did he think that his next voyage would falsify his words so tragically." It occurs to him that he has read paragraphs like that again and again. Perhaps he has. Certainly he has never read a paragraph like this: "Among the deceased was Mr. - . By a remarkable coincidence this gentleman had never made the remark that he had not yet been in a shipwreck." Yet that paragraph could have been written truthfully thousands of times. ~ A.A. Milne

With that, she pounced upon me, like an eagle on a lamb, and my face was squeezed into wooden bowls in sinks, and my head was put under taps of water-butts, and I was soaped, and kneaded, and towelled, and thumped, and harrowed, and rasped, until I really was quite beside myself. (I may here remark that I suppose myself to be better acquainted than any living authority, with the ridgy effect of a wedding-ring, passing unsympathetically over the human countenance.) ~ Charles Dickens

Understandably she had a lot of suitors, just like any other girls in China with two arms and legs. ~ Vann Chow

Marlboro Man opened the passenger door of the semi and allowed me to climb out in front of him, while Tim exited the driver-side door to see us off. That wasn't so bad, I thought as I made my way down the steps. Aside from the manicure remark and my sweating problem, meeting Marlboro Man's brother had gone remarkably well. I looked okay that evening, had managed a couple of witty remarks, and had worn just the right clothing to conceal my nervousness. Life was good.
Then, because the Gods of Embarrassment seemed hell-bent on making me look bad, I lost my balance on the last step, hooking the heel of my stupid black boots on the grate of the step and awkwardly grabbing the handlebar to save myself from falling to my death onto the gravel driveway below. But though I stopped myself from wiping out, my purse flew off my arm and landed, facedown, on Tim's driveway, violently spilling its contents all over the gravel.
Only a woman can know the dreaded feeling of spilling her purse in the company of men. Suddenly my soul was everywhere, laid bare for Marlboro Man and his brother to see: year-old lip gloss, a leaky pen, wadded gum wrappers, and a hairbrush loaded up with hundreds, if not thousands, of my stringy auburn hairs. And men don't understand wads of long hair--for all they knew, I had some kind of follicular disorder and was going bald. There were no feminine products, but there was a package of dental floss, with a messy, eight-inch piece dangling from the openin ~ Ree Drummond

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ~ George Carlin

Italian to the core, he did not for an instant doubt that a man could be passionately devoted to the wife he betrayed with other women. ~ Donna Leon

While you were out JUDGING others, you left your closet door open...and guess what fell out!....Ooops ~ Karen Gibbs

Hooray for me, I'm so very lucky. Not only do I have the biggest piece of cake, it's a corner piece with a sugar-paste flower on top, and everyone else is sick with envy. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I miss your smile. I mean, it's really annoying to hear your sarcastic toneless laugh, but I miss that crooked smile on your face when you do that."
"That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me this past few months."
"I'm touched."
"Thank God for me."
"Yeah, I didn't tell you where I was touched. ~ Rea Lidde

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary. ~ Victor Borge

The cat looked as if it were about to say something sarcastic. Then it flicked its whiskers and said, Challenge her. There's no guarantee she'll play fair, but her kind of thing loves games and challenges. ~ Neil Gaiman

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?' ~ Laura Kightlinger

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem? ~ Will Smith

Advertisers in general bear a large part of the responsibility for the deep feelings of inadequacy that drive women to psychiatrists, pills, or the bottle. ~ Marya Mannes

One day, the infielders were having a pretty bad time and were making some bad throws to me at first base. After digging a few out of the dirt, Joe Orengo called over to me, 'Atta boy, John, you look like a big cat.' Some of the writers overheard the remark and asked Joe about it later. The nickname has stuck with me ever since. ~ Johnny Mize

Feeling the slight tremor of his fingers against her skin, Daisy was emboldened to remark, "I've never been attracted to tall men before. But you make me feel - "
"If you don't keep quiet," he interrupted curtly, "I'm going to strangle you."
Daisy felt silent, listening to the rhythm of his breath as it turned deeper, less controlled. By contrast his fingers became more certain in their task, working along the row of pearls until her dress gaped open and the sleeves slipped from her shoulders.
"Where is it?" he asked.
"The key?"
His tone was deadly. "Yes, Daisy. The key."
"It fell inside my corset. Which means… I'll have to take that off too."
There was no reaction to the statement, no sound or movement. Daisy twisted to glance at Matthew.
He seemed dazed. His eyes looked unnaturally blue against the flush on his face. She realized he was occupied with a savage inner battle to keep from touching her.
Feeling hot and prickly with embarrassment, Daisy pulled her arms completely out of her sleeves. She worked the dress over her hips, wriggling out of the filmy white layers, letting them slide to the floor in a heap.
Matthew stared at the discarded dress as if it were some kind of exotic fauna he had never seen before. Slowly his eyes returned to Daisy, and an incoherent protest came from his throat as she began to unhook her corset.
She felt shy and wicked, undressing in front of him. But she was encouraged by the ~ Lisa Kleypas

Nonetheless, I can't help but be flattered that you noticed the latest addition to my collection," he said.
She rolled her eyes. "Because personal injuries are such a dignified thing to collect."
"Are all governesses so sarcastic? ~ Julia Quinn

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting. ~ George Sanders

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Because of his gift for language and his endless practice at arguing at Hatfield, my father was effective at holding his own, verbally, in this bear garden. He noticed that an offensive personal remark, however irrelevant, was often the best way of fighting back. After one boy with a long, foolish sharp-ended chin had baited him insistently for minutes on end, he came out with 'your remarks, unlike your chin are utterly pointless' - with a deflating result far better than he could possibly have hoped. ~ Hugh Cecil

I cannot help remembering a remark of De Casseres. It was over the wine in Mouquin's. Said he: The profoundest instinct in man is to war against the truth; that is, against the Real. He shuns facts from his infancy. His life is a perpetual evasion. Miracle, chimera and to-morrow keep him alive. He lives on fiction and myth. It is the Lie that makes him free. Animals alone are given the privilege of lifting the veil of Isis; men dare not. The animal, awake, has no fictional escape from the Real because he has no imagination. Man, awake, is compelled to seek a perpetual escape into Hope, Belief, Fable, Art, God, Socialism, Immortality, Alcohol, Love. From Medusa-Truth he makes an appeal to Maya-Lie ~ Jack London