Straight Face Quotes

I kept a straight face while my inner Neanderthal spluttered and then went on a mental rampage through a hypothetical produce section, knocking over shelves and spattering fruit everywhere in sheer frustration, screaming, 'JUST TELL ME WHOSE SKULL TO CRACK WITH MY CLUB, DAMMIT! ~ Jim Butcher

Whatever, Sam.
Whatever! Sam laughed, a booming guffaw. I love this word. It is my favorite from your generation.Decker smiled, unable to keep a straight face when Sam looked so awkward laughing. ~ Lizzy Ford

When asked about how he could have offered the Warren Report, full of inconsistencies, to the American people with a straight face, Dulles is reported to have said, "The American people don't read. ~ Michael C. Ruppert

I guess us folks in California are kind of straitlaced and old-fashioned.
Hahaha, I thought on the way downstairs. I never thought I'd say those words with a straight face ... ~ J.R. Rain

She turned to him with wide, shocked eyes. "Why did he..."
His lips twitched. No coarse language in front of the infants limited the ability to discuss the fountain of baby piss that had just arced halfway across the room.
"Twasn't you, darling. It's one of their favorite bath-time games.
"Something about the cool air on their naked...berries," he substituted at the last second....
"Do I have piddle in my hair?" she whispered, her eyes sparkling with laughter above her flushed cheeks.
"Not much," he assured her with a straight face. "You look almost becoming."...
"Decades from now, when our children ask how I fell in love with their mother, I'll say 'twas her sweet, gentle compliments during bath-time, and her fleetness of foot whilst dodging a flow of --- ~ Erica Ridley

Thanks," he said. "De nada," said Julius. "What does that mean?" said Charlie. "It's nothing, in Spanish." said Julius. "I mean, it means nothing, the word nothing, not that it doesn't mean anything, though of course it doesn't mean anything, it means something: it means nothing. Nothing is what it means. Not that it doesn't mean anything." "No, it means nothing, I know what you mean." said Charlie with a straight face. They started to giggle. ~ Zizou Corder

His eyes ran over her hungrily. "I couldn't get it out of my mind," he said, almost to himself, "the way it felt, back at my mother's house. I was never so hungry for anyone, but it wasn't completely physical, even then." He frowned. "I want you, Cecily, and I hate myself for it."
"What else is new?" She gestured toward the door. "Go home. And I hope you don't sleep a wink."
"I probably won't," he said ruefully. He moved toward the door, hesitating.
"Good night," she said firmly, not moving.
He stood with his back to her, his spine very straight. "I can trace my ancestors back before the Mexican War in the early 1800s, pure Lakota blood, undiluted even by white settlement. There are so few of us left…"
She could have wept for what she knew, and he didn't know. "You don't have to explain it to me," she said solemnly. "I know how you feel."
"You don't," he bit off. He straightened again. "I'd die to have you, just once." He turned, and the fire was in his eyes as they met hers, glittering across the room. "It's like that for you, too."
"It's a corruption of the senses. You don't love me," she said quietly. "Without love, it's just sex."
He breathed deliberately, slowly. He didn't want to ask. He couldn't help it. "Something you know?"
"Yes. Something I know," she said, lying with a straight face and a smile that she hoped was worldly. She was not going to settle for crumbs from him, stolen hours in his bed. Men were devious when desi ~ Diana Palmer

Because we've been lied to and lied to, and it hurts to be lied to. It's ultimately just about that complicated: it hurts. It denies you respect for yourself, for the liar, for the world. Especially if the lies are chronic, systemic, if hard experience seems to teach that everything you're supposed to believe in's really a game based on lies. Young Voters have been taught well and thoroughly. You may not personally remember Vietnam or Watergate, but it's a good bet you remember 'No new taxes' and 'Out of the loop' and 'No direct knowledge of any impropriety at this time' and Did not inhale' and 'Did not have sex with that woman' and etc. etc. It's depressing and painful to believe that the would-be 'public servants' you're forced to choose between are all phonies whose only real concern is their own care and feeding and who will lie so outrageously with such a straight face that you just know they have to believe you're an idiot. So who wouldn't fall all over themselves for a top politician who actually seemed to talk to you like you were a person, an intelligent adult worthy of respect? ~ David Foster Wallace

The Herondales have always been famous for their good looks," said Bridget, "but if you ask me, the Lightwoods are the more sexually charismatic of the bunch." Alec spit out his tea. Magnus seemed to be keeping a straight face, but with an effort. ~ Cassandra Clare

She tore through the wrapping and took out a blue velvet box. She glanced back at me as though unable to believe her eyes. After pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she lifted the lid. Two rolls of cushioned velvet sat inside. The slit that those cushions made should have held a ring, but it didn't.
Sucked to be her.
She gaped at me. "What is this?" she asked, appalled.
"It's a simple yes/no question," I said, trying to keep a straight face. I lay back, crossing my arms behind my head. "When I get an answer, you get the rest of your gift. ~ Darynda Jones

The most difficult thing about shooting guns instantly on film is to not pull a silly face while the gun is going off, because it's always a bit of a shock. So you find yourself sticking your tongue out or blinking or whatever. So the hardest thing is to keep a straight face while you're shooting a gun. ~ Helen Mirren

You may not personally remember Vietnam or Watergate, but it's a good bet you remember "No new taxes" and "Out of the loop" and "No direct knowledge of any impropriety at this time" and "Did not inhale" and "Did not have sex with that Ms. Lewinsky" and etc. etc. It's painful to believe that the would-be "public servants" you're forced to choose between are all phonies whose only real concern is their own care and feeding and who will lie so outrageously and with such a straight face that you know they've just got to believe you're an idiot. So who wouldn't yawn and turn away, trade apathy and cynicism for the hurt of getting treated with contempt? ~ David Foster Wallace

It was very hard to keep a straight face when I had seen a glimpse of her 'oh-so-propah' husband in pink women's underwear. There were few glimpses I'd ever regretted seeing, but that one was at the top of my list. ~ Tyra Lynn

Ingra just kept a straight face he hoped Vilenthe was joking. "Anyway." Ingra tried to bring the topic full circle ~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

My greatest qualification for writing fiction was my ability to lie with a straight face as a child. ~ Ashwin Sanghi

I tend to stay in character between scenes ... to be rather serious on set, but here's why, and I think people will find it surprising. I'm one of the worst 'corpses' on a movie set, which means you can't keep a straight face. You start to get the giggles and you can't stop. ~ Christian Bale

Jessica frowned at her. "It was very difficult to keep a straight face - but that wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was - " She let out a sigh. "Oh, Genevieve. He was so adorable. I wanted to kiss him. Right on his big, beautiful nose. And then everywhere else. It was so frustrating. I had made up my mind not to lose my temper, but I did. And so I beat him and beat him until he kissed me. And then I kept on beating him until he did it properly. And I had better tell you, mortifying as it is to admit, that if we had not been struck by lightning - or very nearly - I should be utterly ruined. Against a lamppost. On the Rue de Provence. And the horrible part is" - she groaned - "I wish I had been. ~ Loretta Chase

Men fuck up, you know. Except for Damien," she adds with a completely straight face. "He's perfectly perfect." She manages to hold it together for a minute, and then we both laugh. ~ J. Kenner

I think the best kind of comedy is the least self conscious. I think if you just sort of let the comedy happen without the elbow nudge, did you get it, did you get it. I love straight face comedy or subtle - relatively subtle comedy. ~ Betty White

I had learned bit by bit the art of meeting people with a straight face - no, that's not true: I have never been able to meet anyone without an accompaniment of painful smiles, the buffoonery of defeat. What I had acquired was the technique of stammering somehow, almost in a daze, the necessary small talk. ~ Osamu Dazai

Rosethorn had gone to her room the moment Niko started to cough. Now she returned with her syrup and a firm look in her eye. "I thought you were having trouble last night. Drink this." She poured some into a cup and held it out to him.
Niko looked at it as if she offered him rotten fish. "I am fine. I am per-" He couldn't even finish the sentence for coughing.
"It's not bad," said Tris, crossing her fingers behind her back. "Really, tastes like-like mangoes."
Niko looked at her, then took the cup and downed its contents. The four watched with interest as his cheeks turned pale, then scarlet. "That's terrible (exclamation point)" he cried, his voice a thin squeak.
"Maybe I was thinking of some other syrup," Tris remarked with a straight face. ~ Tamora Pierce

It's a remarkable experience to ask yourself identity-crisis questions from a comic book movie with a mostly straight face, but I don't recommend it. ~ Jonathan Talat Phillips

Oh, you are a little ray of sunshine today, aren't you? Now, look at your progesterone levels. Still higher than normal. Are you pregnant? Have you been throwing up?"
"No. But I get cravings. Will I get stretch marks?" said Fi.
Gilamar kept a straight face. "Yeah, say goodbye to your figure. Everything sags from now on. ~ Karen Traviss

The man shoved a tongue depressor down his throat. Just as it started to tickle and would have made him cough, the doctor pulled it out of his mouth. "You have no gag reflex," the doctor said scribbling on a notepad.

"No reflex, huh?" John said with a salacious grin. "I could show you why that is."

The doctor tried to straight face it but failed. He was clearly disgusted. Maybe he'd pushed it a little too far. "They'll beat that out of you in the brig."

"No, I assure you, they won't. But they'll try. ~ Jennivie Wirries

It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens. ~ Cynthia E. Varnado

Because Scientology is perceived and conceived by Scientologists as being this salvation for mankind, you can have people that lie with a very straight face if they believe that what they are doing is protecting the Church of Scientology. ~ Mike Rinder

Mother?" I rested one hand on the doorpost, with its carved pattern of palm branches. "Mother, will you teach me how to hunt?"
She gave me a strange look. "Gladly. But why?"
"Because if I do choose to go back to the training ground and Father finds out and wants me to stop, I want to bring him a whole cauldron of stewed rabbit so he'll change his mind."
When Mother stopped laughing, she took me outside, off into the olive grove, and gave me my first archery lesson. I didn't hit anything, but as Mother told me (with a perfectly straight face), I did manage to scare the olives off a couple of trees. ~ Esther M. Friesner

Usually when people say, 'Nothing's wrong', they usually just don't want to talk about it," I told him.
"Yeah, but when they say that, they're actually dying to tell someone to relive them of some internal suffering," Uranus tried to say to exude an air of wisdom, but the look he was giving me countered it. He couldn't say it with a straight face, which made me crack a tiny smile. Ahh, Trent. ~ Not_present

Well, even if she does get her way, we can keep it small. Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet."
I giggled. " That does sound better." It wouldn't feel very official if Emmett read the vows, which was a plus. But I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face. ~ Stephenie Meyer

Great. Now I knew what his penis looked like. I could never have breakfast with the Paulson Pack again. Eating sausage with a straight face would be impossible. ~ Roxy Mews

In a culture that is becoming ever more story-stupid, in which a representative of the Coca-Cola company can, with a straight face, pronounce, as he donates a collection of archival Coca-Cola commercials to the Library of Congress, that 'Coca-Cola has become an integral part of people's lives by helping to tell these stories,' it is perhaps not surprising that people have trouble teaching and receiving a novel as complex and flawed as Huck Finn, but it is even more urgent that we learn to look passionately and technically at stories, if only to protect ourselves from the false and manipulative ones being circulated among us. ~ George Saunders

I know I can never work in a comedy because I can't keep a goddamn straight face. ~ Evangeline Lilly

I have long said there are three distinct groups under the GOP's tent: theological warriors, who want to impose their social views on the rest of society; Tea Party zealots, who say with a straight face that they want the government to get out of their Medicare; and remnants of the pro-business moderates. ~ Eliot Spitzer

Scarlett Johansson has a smile she tries to suppress in every movie she makes. She's been trying to keep a straight face since she appeared with Bill Murray 11 years ago in her breakthrough, 'Lost in Translation.' ~ Steve Erickson

Are you a Dominant, Sir?"
"Yes." A smile played at his lips. Hearing her call him that would never get old.
"And I'm a submissive?"
"Absolutely," Law whispered in her ear. "You're the sweetest little sub I've ever seen."
A grin curled her mouth up. "So I call you my Doms?"
"Yes, pet."
Her smile widened until she looked as if she was trying to keep a straight face. "You're Dominic, the Dom."
He sighed. "Yes, pet. I think I was aptly named."
"You're Dom Dominic."
"While true, that's not exactly how you should phrase it." He frowned.
"You're Dom Dom." The smile zipped across her face. "I get to call you Dom Dom. ~ Shayla Black

On solemn asses fall plush sinecures, So keep a straight face and sit tight on yours. ~ X.J. Kennedy

And how old are you, Miss Beckett?"
"Seventeen."
"What!" There is no way she's seventeen. I inspect her face, studying it intently, but don't know what it is I hope to find. Laugh lines maybe?
She watches my face. "Is my age a problem for you?"
"Hell, yeah, seventeen is a problem." I throw my napkin on the table. All of this has been a waste. "Forget it all. This whole thing is off."
"I don't act seventeen. I'm very mature for my age."
"No way. You're not even old enough to be drinking that wine." I lean in and whisper so no one will overhear. "I'm almost twice your age."
"I don't mind. I have daddy issues." She breaks into a huge grin and I hear a girlish giggle. That's when I realize she's fucking with me and has the ability to lie with a straight face. I'll have to remember that for future reference.
I'm not amused. "I see I have a comedienne on my hands. ~ Georgia Cates

The image of Mac standing in front of a selection of penises, like a witness picking a criminal out of a line-up, was more than Rachel could bear with a straight face. ~ Suzie Quint

Dimity said, "I wrote him poetry!"
( ... ) "Dimity," Sophronia said, horrified by such an admission, "you didn't give him the poetry, did you?"
"Certainly not."
Sidheag tilted back in her chair, grinning. "Well, let's hear it."
"Oh, no. I don't think that's a good idea at all."
But Dimity was already dipping into her reticule and pulling out a scrap of paper. She gave it to Sidheag, who read it with a perfectly straight face, her tawny eyes dancing, and then passed it Sophronia.
"My love is like a red red rose
Occasionally he has a red red nose
He could keep me warm in the snows
I wager he has very nice toes."
Sophronia could think of nothing to say except, "Oh, Dimity. ~ Gail Carriger

So, what do you think? Better than four years with Byron?"

"Are you kidding?" I kept a straight face. "Those were the best days of life. ~ Rachel E. Carter

No one can make the album they made 10 years ago with a straight face. There are two reasons: one is you change as a person. To be a true artist, I have to be true to who I am now and write that way. And the second thing is these are different times. ~ Brad Paisley

Every week seems to bring another luxuriantly creamy envelope, the thickness of a letter-bomb, containing a complex invitation – a triumph of paper engineering – and a comprehensive dossier of phone numbers, email addresses, websites, how to get there, what to wear, where to buy the gifts. Country house hotels are being block-booked, great schools of salmon are being poached, vast marquees are appearing overnight like Bedouin tent cities. Silky grey morning suits and top hats are being hired and worn with an absolutely straight face, and the times are heady and golden for florists and caterers, string quartets and Ceilidh callers, ice sculptors and the makers of disposable cameras. Decent Motown cover-bands are limp with exhaustion. Churches are back in fashion, and these days the happy couple are travelling the short distance from the place of worship to the reception on open-topped London buses, in hot-air balloons, on the backs of matching white stallions, in micro-lite planes. A wedding requires immense reserves of love and commitment and time off work, not least from the guests. Confetti costs eight pounds a box. A bag of rice from the corner shop just won't cut it anymore. ~ David Nicholls

There," he said, admiring his own handiwork. "Good as new."
Violet glanced at the ridiculously huge Band-Aids on her knees and looked at him doubtfully. "You really think so? 'Good as new'?"
He smiled. "I think I did pretty good. It's not my fault you can't walk."
She narrowed her eyes at him. She wanted to tell him that it was his fault, that she would never have tripped if he'd just stayed the same old Jay he'd always been, gangly and childlike. But she knew that she was being irrational. He was bound to grow up eventually; she'd just never imagined that he'd grow up so well. Instead she accused him: "Well, maybe if you hadn't pushed me I wouldn't have fallen." She made the outlandish accusation with a completely straight face.
He shook his head. "You'll never be able to prove it. There were no witnesses-it's just your word against mine."
She giggled and hopped down. "Yeah, well, who's gonna believe you over me? Weren't you the one who shoplifted a candy bar from the Safeway?" She limped over to the sink while she taunted him with her words, and she washed the dirt from the minor scrapes on her palms.
"Whatever! I was seven. And I believe you were the one who handed it to me and told me to hide it in my sleeve. Technically that makes you the mastermind of that little operation, doesn't it?" He came up behind her, and reaching around her, he poured some of the antibacterial wash onto her hands.
She was taken completely off guard by the inti ~ Kimberly Derting

Breeze raised his dueling cane, pointing it at Ham. "I see my period of intellectual respite has come to an end."
Ham smiled. "I thought up a couple of beastly questions while I was gone, and I've been saving them just for you, Breeze."
"I'm dying of anticipation," Breeze said. He turned his cane toward Lestibournes. "Spook, drink."
Spook rushed over and fetched Breeze a cup of wine.
"He's such a fine lad," Breeze noted, accepting the drink. "I barely even have to nudge him Allomantically. If only the rest of you ruffians were so accommodating."
Spook frowned "Niceing the not on the playing without."
"I have no idea what you just said, child," Breeze said. "So I'm simply going to pretend it was coherent, then move on."
Kelsier rolled his eyes. "Losing the stress on the nip," he said. "Notting without the needing of care."
"Riding the rile of the rids to the right," Spook said with a nod.
"What are you two babbling about?" Breeze said testily.
"Wasing the was of brightness," Spook said. "Nip the having of wishing of this."
"Ever wasing the doing of this," Kelsier agreed.
Breeze turned to Dockson with exasperation. "I believe our companions have finally lost their minds, dear friend."
Dockson shrugged. Then, with a perfectly straight face, he said, "Wasing not of wasing is."
Breeze sat, dumbfounded, and the room burst into laughter. Breeze rolled his eyes indignantly, shaking his head and muttering about the ~ Brandon Sanderson

In case I'm not around to save your luscious ass, I wanted to know about the garage."
She tipped her head, then said with a straight face devoid of humor, "You think my ass is luscious?"
He fought off another grin and shrugged. "Even for a man with hands my size, it's big enough for a handful. But it's not out of proportion with your equally notable rack."
That must not have been the sweet talk Priss wanted, given her darkening expression.
Both hands fisted. "Pig."
"You asked. ~ Lori Foster

I close my eyes, back straight, face impassive. When I look, I will see someone capable and composed, a warrior and a leader all in one. ~ Sara Raasch

Yeah whatever," Andrew said impatiently. "He came back to the room that night and kept talking about this girl he'd seen at the stargazing. He was shy, and so I told him if he pointed you out, I'd try to finagle a meeting." I swear, Andrew's the only person in the world who could use a word like finagle with a straight face. "But he was talking about me," I said. Andrew shrugged. "When we figured it out, we had a good laugh about it," he said defensively. "But of course you were my girlfriend. So that was that. ~ Alicia Thompson

You know,' Wraith muttered, 'life was a lot easier when we hated all humans and didn't give a shit what happened to the lot of them.' He laughed. 'Okay, I couldn't say that with a straight face. I still don't give a shit'. ~ Larissa Ione

Oh, I see how it is. Baby finds her Johnny Castle, and all of a sudden, she forgets about the small matter of her BFF?"
There was only one person in the world who could deliver that line with a straight face. Until I'd heard his voice, I hadn't realized just how much I'd missed it.
"Devon!"
Chase stiffened as Dev's name left my lips, and Devon beamed at me, doing a good impression of someone who hadn't been bristling a moment before, when I'd buried myself in Chase's arms.
"In the flesh," Devon said. "When you call, Bronwyn, I answer. Always." It was a testament to the gravity of the moment that he didn't treat everyone present to an impromptu performance of "Ain't No Mountain." Lest Devon decide the situation did call for some tunes, I pushed on. ~ Jennifer Lynn Barnes

You keep asking me about my past lovers
and whether I still have feelings for them.
You become upset when I don't keep a straight face.
Yet, it is not my fault. I can't help but smile
when I think about later tonight
and how my fingers will through comb your hair. ~ Kamand Kojouri

Fantasy is an area where it is possible to talk about right and wrong, good and evil, with a straight face. In mainstream fiction and even in a good deal of mystery, these things are presented as simply two sides of the same coin. Never really more than a matter of where you happen to be standing. ~ Robert Jordan

Sam raises an eyebrow. "You know this guy?"
"Listen," I say, taking one look at White Guy and am glad he's wearing a blue button-down instead of his coral shirt. It's still geek city, but at least I can keep a straight face when I say, "This guy's been in jail more times than me. He might look like a complete pendejo, but underneath that fucked-up hair and lame shirt he's a complete badass. ~ Simone Elkeles

A straight face is an ignorant man's attempt to appear knowledgeable. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Tell me how much you love me."
"More than my bike, less than my dick," he answered with a straight face. ~ Nicole Jacquelyn

Everett Walsh!" Chloe exclaimed. I fell off the bed laughing.
Liz folded her arms and tried to scowl at us, but I could tell she was having a hard time keeping a straight face. "What's wrong with Everett Walsh?" she sputtered."I didn't know when she wrote this in seventh grade that Hayden would hook up with him later.I saw him first."
"He's so straitlaced," Chloe said. "Not exactly the ideal hero of a romance."
"Watch out for his mama," I advised Liz.
"I was answering the question you asked," Liz told Chloe self-righteously. "If your family threatened you with an arranged marriage in the 1800s,you'd want someone on your side who was very mature and organized,who could approach the situation logically and help you out of it.In the 1800s, Everett Walsh would have been a barrister.He'd be perfect for the job."
"I'd rather have the evil viscount," I said. ~ Jennifer Echols

You can be our critic. Would you dig that? (Yes, he was the last Man in America who could say "dig" with a straight face without referring to the process of using a tool to remove dirt from the ground.) ~ Jordan Sonnenblick

In the end, all that time I spent in the 'Star Wars' universe fostered galaxies of creativity and made me a better person here on Earth, because it taught me that everyone counts. That's why I can sincerely and with a straight face say: 'May the Force be with you.' ~ Chris Hardwick

Get me some Midol, all right?"
Benjamin all but choked. Leon studies the ceiling with a great deal of interest, a smile twitching at the corners of his thin mouth. While Benjamin looked ready to sink into the floor, Leon looked highly amused.
I decided I liked him.
"I think you should pick your own Midol." Graves even said it with a straight face, but there was a ghost of a grin quirking his lips ... "Cause, you know, there's different types. ~ Lili St. Crow

It's painful to believe that the would-be 'public servants' you're forced to choose between are all phonies whose only real concern is their own care and feeding and who will lie so outrageously and with such a straight face that you know they've just got to believe you're an idiot. ~ David Foster Wallace

There's an organic grocery store just off the highway exit. I can't remember the last time I went shopping for food." A smile glittered in his eyes. "I might have gone overboard."
I walked into the kitchen, with gleaming stainless-steel appliances, black granite countertops, and walnut cabinetry. Very masculine, very sleek. I went for the fridge first. Water bottles, spinach and arugula, mushrooms, gingerroot, Gorgonzola and feta cheeses, natural peanut butter, and milk on one side. Hot dogs, cold cuts, Coke, chocolate pudding cups, and canned whipped cream on the other. I tried to picture Patch pushing a shopping cart down the aisle, tossing in food as it pleased him. It was all I could do to keep a straight face. ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

September felt panic burn through her like gasoline. Why couldn't he understand her? But I didn't [choose]! I have hardly had a chance to breathe since I got here and it's always like that in Fairyland. Everything is always happening and all at once. And I am growing up, Saturday! I am growing up and I have read books, so many books, and I know that growing up means you can't keep going to Fairyland the way you did when you were a child! Something happens to you and suddenly you have to keep a straight face and a straight line and I am afraid! I want something grand and I don't want to know what it is before it happens! ~ Catherynne M Valente

Then she turned, punched me in the arm, and ran in her
bunk. I said with a straight face. ~ Phil Wohl

Most smart people tend to feel queasy when the conversation turns to things like "certain death" and "total failure" and the idea of a "doomed generation." But not me. I am comfortable with these themes. There is nothing new about them, except when they come all at once. Any conversation that can make smart people confront a mix of Death, Doom, and Failure with a straight face is probably worth listening in on. They don't come around real often, and when they do it almost always means that at least two of the people doing the talking are in very serious trouble. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

But even as he reached out to cup he face he heard an angry buzzing, and a huge black bee dive-bombed him from out of nowhere. With an oath, Thomas jumped back, swatting ineffectually at the persistent insect. As his left foot came down he turned his ankle and nearly fell.
Alexandria's hand covered her mouth in horror. Aidan, stop it right now!
I cannot imagine what you are accusing me of, Aidan returned innocently from the living room. But I have not done anything. He smiled and moved slowly toward her. Yet.
"Marie!" In a panic, Alexandria called out as loudly as she could.
Aidan laughed as the housekeeper hurried in. Little coward, run while you can.
Though they were half a room apart and Marie was squarely between them, Alexandria felt the brush of his fingers on her skin, her face, her throat. They trailed lower, feather-light, to touch the aching swell of her breast before the sensation was gone.
"What is it, Alexandria?" Marie asked, her hands on her hips, glaring at Aidan.
He held up a placating hand, laughing. "I am innocent. I was a perfect gentleman to her visitor."
"He spilled Thomas's coffee, made him sneeze, smeared whipped cream over him, and chased him with a bee," Alexandria accused.
While Marie struggled to keep a straight face, Alexandria delivered a final outrage. "And he was going to wither my flowers."
"Aidan!" Marie reprimanded sharply, but there was laughter in her eyes. ~ Christine Feehan

If you call me sweetheart, do I get to call you something, ah, special, too?"
"I'm not one for nicknames. What did you have in mind?"
"Something simple."
I could live with that. "Like?"
"Dick," she stated with a straight face.
"No."
"Why not? It's a short form of your name, and it, ah, suits you, on so many levels. ~ Melanie Moreland

But you never said anything! Not one frigging word, Lara Jean!"
Automatically I say, "Don't say 'frig.' "
"Not one frigging word," Kitty repeats with a shake of her head.
Peter cracks up, and I give him a dirty look. "It all happened really fast," he offers. "There was barely time to tell anybody - "
"Was I talking to you?" Kitty snaps. "No, I don't think so. I was talking to my sister."
Peter's eyes widen, and I can see him trying to keep a straight face. ~ Jenny Han

Have that spatula ready when I return," Ian sang out to her.
"I don't even want to know what that means," were my first words when he climbed into the RV.
"You don't? Shame on you, Crispin. Married how long, and you haven't spanked your wife with a metal spatula yet?
"We prefer blender beaters for our kitchen utensil kink," I said with a straight face.
Bones hid his smile behind his hand, but Ian looked intrigued.
"I haven't tried that.....oh, you're lying, aren't you?"
"Ya think?" I asked with a snort. ~ Jeaniene Frost

My therapist played your interview in front of everyone I know. I was the only one who hadn't seen it. I had no idea what was going on and everyone stared at me the whole time. I had to watch that interview with my father standing over my shoulder. It was so embarrassing."
Brian crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. "My love for you is embarrassing?"
Miracle of miracles, I managed to keep a straight face. "There's such a thing as subtlety, Brian. You could benefit from a few lessons on the subject."
I'd been doing well, but when Brian's face fell into a pout I burst into laughter. "I loved it. ~ Kelly Oram

What happened?" Violet asked Jay, when Mike went to join the girls in the kitchen, giving them a moment alone in front of the fire.
Jay shook his head, his expression dark. "You tell me. One minute you were leaning on me, and the next you passed out. It freaked the shit out of me."
"Claire actually screamed," Chelsea added, rejoining them. She sat down on a wooden chair across from Violet. "I can't believe you didn't hear her. I'm with Jay though-it was pretty scary. You're lucky he caught you before you hit the ground."
Violet cringed. She glanced up at Jay, humiliated. "You…caught me?"
He nodded, and she could tell from the look on his face that he was enjoying this part. A lot. "You're welcome," he said with a completely straight face.
She looked at him again and rolled her eyes, stubbornly refusing to thank him after he'd already so clearly patted himself on the back.
Megan came back in, carrying a mug of hot chocolate, and Claire trailed behind her.
"Be careful," Megan warned quietly, handing it to Violet. "It's kind of hot."
Their fingertips brushed as the mug exchanged hands. Violet locked eyes with the younger girl. "Thank you." She imparted as much meaning as she could in the two simple words and hoped that it was gesture enough, even if only for herself. She felt bad for the things she'd suspected her of doing.
Megan pulled her hand away and glanced down nervously. "You're welcome." Her voice was timid and hesitant.
~ Kimberly Derting

Is this some exercise in keeping a straight face? ~ Neal Stephenson

Marriage is a paradox second only to life itself. That at the age of twenty or so, with little knowledge of each other and a dangerous overdose of self-confidence, two human beings should undertake to commit themselves for life – and that church and state should receive their vows with a straight face – all this is absurd indeed. And it is tolerable only if it is reveled in as such. A pox on all the neat little explanations as to why it is reasonable that two teenagers should be bound to each other until death. It is not reasonable. It happens to be true to life, but it remains absurd. Down with the books that moralize reasonably on the subject of why divorce is wrong. Divorce is not a wrong; it is a metaphysical impossibility. It is an attempt to do something about life rather than with it - to work out the square root of –I rather than to use it.
Up with the absurdity of marriage then. Let the peasant rejoice. He is a very odd ball on a very odd pool table, and his marriage is one of the few things left to him that will roll properly in this game. And up with the marriage service. Let the peasant go back and read it while he rejoices - preferably in the old unbowdlerized version still used by the Church of England. It is full of death and cast iron. And it is one of the great remaining sanity markers. The world is going mad because it has too many reasonable options, and not enough interest or nerve to choose anything for good. In such a world, the marriage service is ~ Robert Farrar Capon

His straight face was disrupted by a smile that disappeared almost as quickly as a box of chocolates in my kitchen. ~ Katherine Bayless

He alienated his friends in the sciences by thanking them extravagantly for scientific advances he had read about in the recent newspapers and magazines, by assuring them, with a perfectly straight face, that life was getting better and better, thanks to scientific thinking. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

He's been given the boot!' Lofton insisted, directing his anger now at Mister Walton. 'And I think it wise not to interfere!'
'I don't like to benefit from another's misfortune,' said Mister Walton with a straight face, and never losing his peaceful demeanor. ' But the hotel's loss, in this case, is my gain, I fear.'
'Mr. Hubbard will be gravely offended!' said Lofton darkly.
'I can't imagine it,' quipped the bespectacled fellow. 'Only small people are easily offended.'
Lofton, who until now had done his best to appear offended, found himself at a loss for a response. ~ Van Reid

How can I say, with a straight face, you can be anything you want in this world - when I struggled and studied and excelled and still wound up on trial for something I did not do? ~ Jodi Picoult

You thought wrong. I'm a new man, bein's I'm in lurve and all. I'm a softer, more understanding man. A kinder, gentler - " Deacon snorted. "Fuck. I couldn't even say that shit with a straight face. ~ Lorelei James

See that mountain up ahead?" Jefferson points to a low, rounded mound on the horizon. "I think that's it."
"It's called Independence Rock, not Independence Mountain," I say.
"Everything is bigger out here. Just look at me." He straightens in his saddle and puffs out his chest and fails to keep a straight face.
"Your head is bigger, that's for sure ~ Rae Carson

The gunnery sergeant didn't crack a smile at the radio intercept of Faith's concept of a backup plan, an intercept that had caused Commander Bradburn, skipper of the Dallas, to literally fall out of his command chair laughing. Sands managed to watch the video stone-faced as she boarded the Voyage and began her "fifteen minutes of mayhem," set in the video to the tune of Chumbawamba's Tubthumping. He managed to keep a straight face the third time she popped back up like a jack-in-the-box after being dogpiled by zombies. He held it in during her overheard running commentary as the rest of the Marines, even the NCOs, started rolling on the deck.

It was when she got the Halligan tool stuck in a zombie's head and overbalanced that he snorted. When she unstuck her bent machete and it caught a male zombie in the groin he started laughing out loud. When the, admittedly not petite, girl stuck a boot knife in a zombie's eye then threw him over the side, tears started running down his face and he completely lost his composure as a senior NCO of the United States Marine Corps. ~ John Ringo

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know. ~ Ray Romano

If enough money is involved and enough people believe that two plus two equals five the media will report the story with a straight face always adding a qualifying paragraph noting that mathematicians however say that two plus two still equals four. ~ Susan Jacoby

I'm trying to tell him everything will be all right, but how can I say it with a straight face? My son's no idiot. He knows when I'm lying.
The medicine won't taste bad.
The bath is not hot.
Daddy will be safe.
Lies. ~ Suzanne Hayes

Further, Dr. Gold said with a straight face, the pill at optimum dosage could have the side effect of impotence. Until that moment, although I'd had some trouble with his personality, I had not thought him totally lacking in perspicacity; now I was not all sure. Putting myself in Dr. Gold's shoes, I wondered if he seriously thought that this juiceless and ravaged semi-invalid with the shuffle and the ancient wheeze woke up each morning from his Halcion sleep eager for carnal fun. ~ William Styron

while people go on chatting about a million and one things
I mostly sit and observe with ascended understandings
as they bring up the topic of death and of a person dying
I listen quietly while often accidentally smiling
at the absurdity of anybody ever believing in death
I don't mean to be insensitive towards a body's last breath
a higher Reality laid bare, bodily expiration is of no account
with this revelation incalculable life fears we surmount
the Sage is notorious for finding strange things funny
giggling at horrors and ridiculous events not so sunny
sometimes a straight face is merely for show
but spy the glint in his eye about a truth you don't know
an unfounded assumption is that we only live once
not a Mystic throughout history has avowed this occurrence
Christian ones may not have mentioned being reborn again
they also didn't deny it - their teaching was kept plain
just as the Buddha intentionally avoided the God concept
ultimately not essential, under the rug reincarnation is swept ~ Jarett Sabirsh

I don't know if I'd do an action movie because I don't know if I could keep a straight face; honestly, I just think it's so silly. Like, I love watching them but I can't imagine me doing one. ~ Chris O'Dowd

You can't be in here." Ian stated it as a fact.
Sam sank back onto the bed. He was definitely growing stronger, but standing could be troublesome on shaky legs. The pain of his wound had definitely receded. "Why not?" he asked a little belligerently.
"She can't; it's impossible. I was standing guard at her door." Ian's gaze met Azami's. "To protect you of course."
"Of course, because there are so many enemies creeping around your halls," Azami said, her voice soft and pleasant, a musical quality lending innocence and sweetness.
Ian's frown deepened as if he was puzzled. She certainly couldn't have meant that the way it came out, anyone listening would be certain of it. "Just what are you two doing in here anyway?" he asked, suspicion lending his tone a dark melodrama. He even wiggled his eyebrows like a villain.
Sam kept a straight face with difficulty. Ian was a large man with red hair and freckles. He didn't look in the least bit mean or threatening, even when he tried.
"Azami was just telling me how when she left her room to inquire after my health, there was a giant man with carroty hair snoring in the hallway beside her door."
"There was no way to get past me," Ian insisted.
Sam grinned at him. "Are you saying you did fall asleep on the job, then?"
"Hell no." Ian scowled at him. "I was wide awake and she didn't slap past me."
"You say," Sam pointed out, his tone mocking as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned ba ~ Christine Feehan

Once you confessed to someone that you had been very depressed when dining with her several months earlier. She was stunned, discovering her blindness like a time bomb. And you, faithful, kept a straight face. You ~ Edouard Leve

It's not enough to be able to lie with a straight face; anybody with enough gall to raise on a busted flush can do that. The first way to lie artistically is to tell the truth - but not all of it. The second way involves telling the truth, too, but is harder: Tell the exact truth and maybe all of it ... but tell it so unconvincingly that your listener is sure you are lying. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

You need to keep your strength up," Gavin said with a straight face.
"Fuck you, Gavin," she hissed.
"I can't wait. ~ Mia Knight

Lunch looks grand, Meg. You've really outdone yourself," James commented, loading his plate. He frowned down at an escaping carrot extending precariously over the plate edge and
eased it back with his fingertip, then grunted and promptly stuck the burnt digit in his mouth. "I've been trying to eat better, organic and all. Are these vegetables free range?" he asked with a straight face.
The table fell silent as several sets of eyes blinked owlishly back at him. With an equally straight face Beth speared a roasted wedge and studied it. "I don't think potatoes require much
grazing room, genius," she deadpanned. ~ Shannon MacLeod

Glancing up, I meet her gaze. "You can work on that mouth of yours."
"What's wrong with it?"
"It's running a little rough. Nothing a face-fucking can't fix, though."
Her eyes widen. "Big words for a guy who drinks Capri Sun."
I try to keep a straight face, but I crack at that, letting out a laugh. "Got me there. ~ J.M. Darhower

Shame on you, Crispin. Married how long, and you haven't spanked your wife with a metal spatula yet?"
I'd gotten used to Ian's assumption that everyone was as perverted as he was, so I didn't miss a beat.
"We prefer blender beaters for our kitchen utensil kink," I said with a straight face.
Bones hid his smile behind his hand, but Ian looked intrigued.
"I haven't tried that ... oh, you're lying, aren't you?"
"Ya think?" I asked with a snort.
Ian gave a sigh of exaggerated patience and glanced at Bones.
"Being related to her through you is a real trial. ~ Jeaniene Frost

I don't think I could, with a straight face, describe myself as a completely positive person, but I'm not overly negative, either. On the whole, most writers think plots through to their consequences, and it's not always a sunny place. I have an occupational temperament for anxiety. ~ James Lasdun

Need help washing other places?"
"Yeah. I'm really dirty."
"I can't believe you said that with a straight face."
"I can't believe you'll do it anyway. ~ S.E. Jakes

I haven't had to do too many, or many explicit ones. Everybody feels weird, and everybody is trying to tiptoe around and make you think they're not there. The last time I did a love scene, I couldn't keep a straight face. ~ Gretchen Mol

Ow!" he winced, stepping away from Rory as he rubbed the back of his head where it suddenly throbbed. He looked over his shoulder and found all five of her brothers watching them with innocent doe-like expressions on their faces. "It was a squirrel," Craig said, somehow keeping a straight face. "Vicious little bastards," Bryce added solemnly. "You should really be careful," Johnny added before mouthing "bitch. ~ R.L. Mathewson

Someone's going to recognize us," Lex said to Uncle Mort without looking at him or moving her lips.
"No, they're not," he said, staring forward, keeping the same straight face. "The guards aren't even watching."
He was right. What few guards were left in the lobby were scattered, disorganized. They shouted for the citizens to remain calm, all the while sounding fairly panicked themselves. No one knew what had happened, as the only witnesses were now casually strolling toward the front door without a single eye looking their way.
Until the receptionist let out a shriek. "There they are!"
Uncle Mort let out a huff of defeat. "Mar-lene," he whined. "I thought we were cool."
"So much for the Wink of Trust," Lex said. ~ Gina Damico

Kristin Bauer is so funny. Half the time I'm working with her I'm just trying to keep a straight face. ~ Rutina Wesley

My name is Samhain Corvus LaCroix. I am a necromancer.
Now, if only I could say that with a straight face. ~ Lish McBride

Very bad joke," Obi-Wan muttered. "D'you know, there are times when you and Bail Organa are uncannily alike."
Anakin kept a straight face, just. "Thank you."
"That wasn't a compliment," growled Obi-Wan, ~ Karen Miller

Kate makes good sausage," Jim said.

Six pairs of eyes stared at me. Thank you, Mr. Wonderful. Just what I needed.

"Oh yeah," Andrea snapped her fingers. "The links? The ones we had the beginning of the month? I didn't know you made those. I thought they were bought. They were so good." Her smile was positively cherubic. Of all the times not to be able to shoot laser beams out of my eyes...

"What do you put into your sausage, Kate?" Raphael wanted to know, giving me a perfectly innocent look.

Werejaguars with big mouths with a pinch of werehyena thrown in. "Venison and rabbit."

"That sounds like some fine sausage," Doolittle said. "Will you share the recipe?"

"Sure."

"I had no idea you were a sausage expert," Curran said with a completely straight face.

Die, die, die, die...

Even Derek cracked a smile. Raphael put his head down on the table and jerked a little.

"Is he choking?" Dali asked, wrinkling her forehead.

"No, he just needs a moment," Curran said. "Young bouda males. Easily excitable. ~ Ilona Andrews