Funny Family Quotes

You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy-knows-best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together. ~ Russell Simmons

When I was in college, I was in the theater department, which for anyone who has been involved in any kind of theater program, you know that it's really wacky and tight-knit, a real family. Me and my good friends from college would do random shows and plays that were sometimes serious, but most of the time really goofy and funny. ~ Darren Criss

There was plenty of dysfunction in my family and I went to Catholic School with these psychotic nuns. I would always try to be funny to lighten the mood. ~ Julie Brown

You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family. ~ Louie Anderson

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. ~ Erma Bombeck

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary. ~ Victor Borge

I wasn't even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse. ~ Michael Bergin

It's so funny how my name has always been such a big deal. When I was growing up, my family was always moving. I had to meet new people all the time. And they'd laugh. ~ Calista Flockhart

Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue. ~ Moby

In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families - that they are least two-thirds incontinent. ~ Robert Breault

That's why I like to get out there, and get people to see the other side of Mitt, and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know, just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing, is letting people see the other side of Mitt. ~ Ann Romney

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. ~ Henny Youngman

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that. ~ Karl Pilkington

I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line. ~ Bob Newhart

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. ~ Bill Cosby

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. ~ Bill Cosby

I'm surrounded by friends and family who are not that impressed by celebrity. They don't have any problem telling me I'm acting like an idiot or I'm not that funny. ~ Paloma Faith

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him. ~ Henny Youngman

I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on. ~ Ugo Betti

It's funny how God will just keep using you, and our motto around our family forever has been, 'Just let Him use you.' ~ Kim Fields

I am an only child. I have one sister. ~ Woody Allen

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. ~ Wanda Sykes

The funny thing is while the grown-ups in the family may indulge, we really try to offer our son Duke clean food, as all his meals are made with organic ingredients as the rest of us eat cookies straight out of the freezer. ~ Bill Rancic

I always thought it would be funny to have the Parents Television Council write an episode of 'Family Guy' and give them full creative control. Then see how good the episode is. That's something we've actually discussed in the writers' room. We haven't proposed it yet, but if somebody from the PTC reads this, it might be worth discussing. ~ Seth MacFarlane

People just don't laugh when their family is violated, and you don't shrug it off. You band together and you defend together. It's a funny, primitive instinct. ~ Phillip Noyce

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. ~ Bill Cosby

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

It had been, in Robin's view, the most perfect proposal, ever, in the history of matrimony. He had even had a ring in his pocket, which she was now wearing; a sapphire with two diamonds, it fitted perfectly, and all the way into town she kept staring at it on her hand as it rested on her lap. She and Matthew had a story to tell now, a funny family story, the kind you told your children, in which his planning (she loved that he had planned it) went awry, and turned into something spontaneous. She loved the tramps, and the moon, and Matthew, panicky and flustered, on one knee; she loved Eros, and dirty old Piccadilly, and the black cab they had taken home to Clapham. She ~ Robert Galbraith

I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny. ~ Martin Short

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. ~ Paul Lynde

The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, 'What are you talking about?' Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it's not what people expect for you they kind of react funny. ~ Joan Jett

My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo. ~ Henny Youngman

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate. ~ Erma Bombeck

The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. ~ Thomas Jefferson

I grew up in Middle America and I don't think my family was very funny, but I watched 'The Princess Bride.' I always wanted to be an actor. I didn't know anything about it. I'd never seen any plays or anything and I watched that movie over and over and over again. ~ Missi Pyle

Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. ~ Rita Ora

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest. ~ Meg Cabot

I had this funny family. At one end, they were breeding dogs in south-east London - for greyhound racing - and at the other, my uncle was living in Downing Street. And I would actually go to Downing Street, which didn't strike me as funny. I'd get on the number 15 bus. ~ Michael Moorcock

I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there. ~ Rhys Darby

I can get up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and my family can look at me too and that's all that matters. ~ Lance Armstrong

The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope. ~ Pierre Teilhard De Chardin

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? ~ Casey Stengel

Stories in families are colossally important. Every family has stories: some funny, some proud, some embarrassing, some shameful. Knowing them is proof of belonging to the family. ~ Salman Rushdie

There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there are quite a lot of poems there that aren't funny at all. ~ Wendy Cope

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I still read the British papers, but I've never been a Royalist, ever. It's funny, there always seems to be much more of a fascination with the Royal Family over here then there does in England. ~ Paul Bettany

This may sound funny, but I feel my most beautiful when I'm clean, fresh out of the bath. I don't have to be dressed up. I could be in comfy clothes at home hanging out with my family. ~ Faith Hill

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". ~ Henny Youngman

You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. ~ Joseph Kesselring

To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. ~ Ricardo Salinas Pliego

In high school, I was too shy to perform. It's one thing to get laughs from your family, to be funny at parties and in class. It's another thing to get up on the stage. ~ Michael Keaton

My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

I'm the youngest in my family, and everyone is very funny, and I was always trying to keep up with them. I just loved making people laugh. ~ Lisa Kudrow

My grandmothers are Irish-American and German-American; my grandfather is from the Caribbean. My father is African-American. My family looked funny. I just started naturally imitating whoever I was talking to. I didn't want to be a phony, but I felt very authentic in the moment. ~ Sarah Jones

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. ~ Henny Youngman

The funny thing about my films is that you can make little piles of them. You could make little piles of the movie that were family movies, you could make a little art movie pile, you could make a little action movie pile. ~ Julianne Moore

There's something about comedy, funny things, that people want to pass them along. Serious things and personal things are much more privately enjoyed. That's why there are not a lot of sad viral videos. ~ Jonathan Coulton

If this prinicpal thinks blogging isn't educational, he needs his head examined: he should be seeking out every student blogger in the school and giving them special time to blog more - and giving them extra credit besides. ~ Cory Doctorow

Sometimes I feel that the only concept of fairness in our society is creams like fair & lovely or fair & handsome. ~ Jeroninio Almeida

Oh, yes, his family is all very fine, Miss Summerson," replied Miss Jellyby; "but what comfort is his family to him? His family is nothing but bills, dirt, waste, noise, tumbles downstairs, confusion, and wretchedness. His scrambling home, from week's end to week's end, is like one great washing-day - only nothing's washed! ~ Charles Dickens

It seems to me that a man who can think straight along for forty-seven years without changing a single idea ought to be kept in a cabinet as a curiosity. ~ Jean Webster

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article ~ Charles Dickens

It may sound funny, but I got a thrill when I was pulled into a crowd once. It was like 'How am I going to get out of this?! ~ Nick Carter

I grew up in a family where our mother made our clothing. We didn't have a lot of money, so we learned how to scrimp, and we learned how to invent and to create. And those are learned skills. ~ Marcy Kaptur

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything. ~ Colin Quinn

It is important that a man should feel himself to be, not merely a citizen of a particular nation, but a citizen of a particular part of his country, with local loyalties. These, like loyalty to class, arise out of loyalty to the family. Certainly, an individual may develop the warmest devotion to a place in which he was not born, and to a community with which he has no ancestral ties. But I think we should agree that there would be something artificial, something a little too conscious, about a community of people with strong local feeling, all of whom had come from somewhere else. I think we should say that we must wait for a generation or two for a loyalty which the inhabitants had inherited, and which was not the result of a conscious choice. On the whole, it would appear to be for the best that the great majority of human beings should go on living in the place in which they were born. Family, class and local loyalty all support each other; and if one of these decays, the others will suffer also."

From "Notes Towards the Definition of Culture," in Christianity and Culture, pg. 125. ~ T.S. Eliot

He was a funny guy, and a smart one- and the smartest thing about him, in Frankie's view, was that he never, ever, ever worried. ~ Kate De Goldi

If your team members can run a home, raise a family, and organize their lives, they are fully equipped to run a multimillion-dollar business. ~ Mary Christensen

What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.
[Cosmos, Part 11: The Persistence of Memory (1980)] ~ Carl Sagan

Women tend to have recognition and peer group support - recognition from friends and family that this has to be a big issue in their lives. They're more comfortable expressing the need for support and receiving it. ~ James Levine

Speaking of cold...
I shiver. "Has the temperature dropped, or is it just me?"
"Here." Etienne unwraps the black scarf that had been tied loosely around his neck,and hands it to me. I take it, gently, and wrap it around mine. It makes me dizzy.It smells like freshly scrubbed boy. It smells like him.
"Your hair looks nice," he says. "You bleached it again.
I touch the stripe self-consciously. "Mom helped me."
"That breeze is wicked,I'm going for coffee." Josh snaps his sketchbook closed. I'd forgotten he was here again. "You coming?"
Etienne looks at me, waiting to see how I answer.
Coffee! I'm dying for a real cup. I smile at Josh. "Sounds perfect."
And then I'm heading down the steps of the Pantheon, cool and white and glittering, in the most beautiful city in the world. I'm with two attractive, intelligent,funny boys and I'm grinning ear to ear. If Bridgette could see me now.
I mean,who needs Christopher when Etienne St. Clair is in the world?
But as soon as I think of Toph, I get that same stomach churching I always do when I think about him now.Shame that I ever thought he might wait. That I wasted so much time on him. Ahead of mine,Etienne laughs at something Josh said. And the sound sends me spiraling into panic as the information hits me again and again and again.
What am I going to do? I'm in love with my new best friend. ~ Stephanie Perkins

Some people had all the luck, being born into the right family. ~ Kevin Kwan

I stole a significant amount of money from a family member. I knew I was going to get caught, but I was so desperate I didn't care. It was a cry for help. ~ Cory Monteith

I've actually always started with what feels most natural. Which is, the people who surround me in my daily life. So, the first show I ever wrote, which is called 'Surface Transit,' was based in part on people I knew from my family. Co-workers, ex-boyfriends. All of that kind of thing. ~ Sarah Jones

The key of brotherhood and sisterhood is that brothers and sisters carry the same genetic code. Together, united, they carry the legacy of their forefathers. Our bond (through our shared blood/DNA) as Ba Ga Mohlala family/clan is our insurance for the future.

As Ba Ga Mohlala we can have our own Law firms, Auditing Firms, Doctors's Medical Surgeries, Private School, Private Clinics or Private Hospital, farms and lot of small to medium manufacturing, service, retail and wholesale companies and become self relient.

All it takes to achieve that is unity, willpower and commitment. ~ Pekwa Nicholas Mohlala

If you allow fame to get the better of you, you become nuisance, a public nuisance, a nuisance as a friend, as a member of the family, a nuisance to yourself. ~ Dilip Kumar

Just shut up and talk. - Shella ~ Krista Alasti

You've spent her whole life holding her. Whether cradled in your arms as a baby or wrapped in your embrace as a young woman, she's been yours to have and to hold, Mother of the Bride - until now. Now the time has come to let her go, to let her
begin her own family and pledge her allegiance to another. ~ Cheryl Barker

I'm a librarian in town,' she began.
'You sure about that?'
The words popped out before he could stop them.
Annabelle raised her eyebrows. 'Fairly. It's my job and so far no one has told me to go away when I show up for work.'
smooth, Stryker, he thought, very smooth.
'I was expecting someone wearing glasses. You know. Because librarians read a lot.'
The raised eyebrows turned into a frown. 'You need to get out of the barn more. ~ Susan Mallery

I started a novel right before 'The Imitation Game,' so it's funny now, four years later, to be coming almost back to finishing it. ~ Graham Moore

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! ~ George Carlin

A jealous woman does better Research than the FBI. ~ Aetiyuel Williams

[...]he's a man you'd be proud to bring home to mom.
Gay or straight.
Unfortunately, if your mother is anything like mine, you'd probably never get him back out of her house. ~ Adrienne Wilder

Right." A soft, choked laugh. "Kind of ruins the dramatic effect if I'm storming off in the wrong direction, doesn't it? ~ Kelley Armstrong

Most of the truly kind people of this world show some measure of discomfort when offered kindness. Their gratitude stems not only from their understanding of the depth of the force of kindness, but also from their conviction that kindness should not be taken for granted. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh ... like uh ... like ... uh ... well, I'll think of it later. ~ George Burns

Smooth sailing is what I hope for. No, I'm okay with no big ups, no big downs, it's all right. Just go full steam ahead, all things well and good, yeah. I mean as a family man, all you want is, as a dad, pure happiness for your kids, that's a universal parent thing. Yeah, that's it, that's my dream, happy kids. ~ Johnny Depp

I held in the sneeze, though, by thinking of the word cucumber. It always works. ~ Merrie Haskell

Throughout my life, I happily deferred to family, companions, children. ~ Patti Smith

It is no accident, Ma, that the comma resembles a fetus - that curve of continuation. We were all once inside our mothers, saying with our entire curved and silenced selves, more, more, more. I want to insist that are being alive is beautiful enough to be worthy of replication. And so what? So what if all I ever made of my life was more of it? ~ Ocean Vuong

Pay closer attention to it's ears, the reason it's named the Rabbit. Is it just me, or do those ears also look like someone making a rude V-Sign hand gesture?

Oh, I get it now. Yes, very funny! Those bunny ears are meant to stimulate the clitoris, right? And of course, statistics and studies in bullshit magazines claim that 1 in every 2 men can't find the clitoris, right? Meaning what I think it means and that the sexist female who obviously designed this device is basically sticking two fingers up at crappy men, because her world famous toy can find the users clitoris quicker ~ Jimmy Tudeski