Smartass Quotes

We'll call ourselves Victorious Secret and our motto will be 'We Live to Spank You.' Duuude. Yes! I'm basically the smartest person in the world. Ever. You in? Of course you're in. Practice begins tomorrow. ~ Gena Showalter

Smartass Disciple: Master, why there was no second chance in garden of eden?
Master of Stupidity: Of course. Perhaps, human can only enjoy one-time virginity. ~ Toba Beta

I'm that annoying?"
"Well, you have pretty sharp mouth."
"I don't want to sound like a smartass, but sir I can't handle my own smartassness for being uncontrollably sparkling from me and mentally hurts you due to its awesomeness. I'm just unbelievably genius. Dummies like you call us 'crazy' but it's such a strong word."
"See? That's why people hates you." "And 'us'?"
"I'm pretty sure I'm not the only living genius. ~ Rea Lidde

Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there. ~ Dennis Sharpe

In the vast game of Darwinian musical chairs, whenever the music stopped there were large numbers of people without a seat - and some smartass had sold them guns. ~ Daniel Suarez

Smartass Disciple: Master, how do I know that I am not dreaming right now ?
Master of Stupidity: You don't. Only those who see you're dreaming can tell it. ~ Toba Beta

My feet took an involuntary step backward as I suddenly envisioned a world where I wasn't a hot tempered smartass. It was a pretty world. ~ Jennifer R. McDonald

Two Smartass Jews Walk into a Bar...
Two smartass Jews walk into a bar
in Hell's Kitchen, New York.
The Irish bartender asks the first Jew,
'What will you have?'
The first Jew points to the second Jew and says,
'I'll have what's he's having.'
The bartender then asks the second Jew,
'So, what will you have?'
The second Jew points to his friend the first Jew and says,
'I'll have what's he's having.'
The bartender becomes so discombobulated,
he drinks himself to death.

This story has no moral ~
all we have is one dead drunken Irish bartender on the floor
and two smartass New York Jews high-fiving each other
on their way to a Broadway show. ~ Beryl Dov

I think I fell in love with you," Rhys murmured, stroking a finger down my arm, "the moment I realized you were cleaving those bones to make a trap for the Middengard Wyrm. Or maybe the moment you flipped me off for mocking you. It reminded me so much of Cassian. For the first time in decades, I wanted to laugh." "You fell in love with me," I said flatly, "because I reminded you of your friend?" He flicked my nose. "I fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us - because you weren't afraid of me, and you decided to end your spectacular victory by throwing that piece of bone at Amarantha like a javelin. I felt Cassian's spirit beside me in that moment, and could have sworn I heard him say, 'If you don't marry her, you stupid prick, I will.' " I huffed a laugh, sliding my paint-covered hand over his tattooed chest. Paint - right. We were both covered in it. So was the bed. Rhys ~ Sarah J. Maas

Are there moments when our brains are not exercising?" I questioned. "That would be almost like being brain dead... ~ Vann Chow

I would rather give full vent to all human loves and disappointments, and take a chance on being corny, than die a smartass. ~ Jim Harrison

I'm totally crazy, I know that. I don't say that to be a smartass, but I know that that's the very essence of what makes my work good. And I know my work is good. Not everybody likes it, that's fine. I don't do it for everybody. Or anybody. I do it because I can't not do it. ~ Maurice Sendak

Smartass Disciple: Three years! I've listened you preaching just for this silly truth?
Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth? ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?
Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind. ~ Toba Beta

Hey, babe, can I sit here?" Elle turned her head and saw Nero standing there, holding a tray.
　　Did he just really ask that, and did he just really call me 'babe'?
　　"Are you serious? Sit here?" Elle pointed to the chair beside her.
　　"Yes, I was talking directly to you, wasn't I?" Nero was definitely a smartass.
　　"No, you clearly weren't because my name isn't 'babe'. I bet you don't even know my name. So, no, you cannot sit here, Nero. ~ Sarah Brianne

(Mutters under his breath) Smartass AI. (Louder) Well, we're not dead yet, so it could be worse. I'll let you know if we blow up. (Under breath) Let's see how far we can push before we really do break something critical. ~ Rolf Nelson

You're arrogant, domineering, egotistical, and disdainful of the law."
He lifted one amused brow. "And your point would be? ~ J.D. Robb

Smartass Disciple: Master, what will happen to the men right after their death ?
Master of Stupidity: They live with a same or different part of their consciousness. ~ Toba Beta

I remind myself that if there was anything in the air that would react with my body, it would've reacted with the scanner. What I really want right now is a second scanner to scan this scanner. ~ Hugh Howey

Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?
Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that. ~ Dan Abnett

Smartass Disciple: Where were all things before the time began?
Master of Stupidity: What was the time before all things created? ~ Toba Beta

Our combined IQs wouldn't even be humanly possible," she cuts him off. "Exactly. We defy the impossible," he says with a smartass grin. ~ Krista Ritchie

Smartass Disciple: Master, how could I know that you've told me the whole truth?
Master of Stupidity: Someday. [Never on earth. Otherwise I'd lose you and my job] ~ Toba Beta

There's nothing worse than a smartass who pretends not to understand hyperbole. ~ Steven Brust

It's an expensive place. The cheapest salad is twenty-five dollars."
"I hope that comes with extra croutons and a hand job. ~ Andrea Speed

Smartass Disciple: If you are really a master, then make me see miracles!
Master of Stupidity: Go to sleep and dream, then wake up thirty years later! ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, I don't need a fairytale.I need you to tell me the truth.
Master of Stupidity: It is not funny if you just found it. No drama if no lost at first. ~ Toba Beta

Of Human Bondage?"

Will said quickly, moving just out of sight for a moment and forcing Charlie to move to the edge of the dining area to see him. He tossed one arch look over his shoulder as he reached up to grab that book, and even knowing it was an act, Charlie felt himself tensing. His eyes fell on the leather cuff at Will's wrist, as they were probably meant to.

"Kinky."

Charlie's throat locked. "I'm not..."

"Into Bette Davis? I know, a lot of people find her scary at first, but after awhile you really start to get into her."

The completely reasonable tone was at odds with the wicked light in the kid's eyes, the way his lips were curved up, how he held his breath when Charlie blinked and frowned, replaying the insane words until they made sense. Until he remembered that Bette Davis was in the film version of that novel, until he could finally take his gaze off that wide leather band.

His face was burning.

"Smartass," he muttered, completely mystified when being called a smartass made Will hop in place, since Will had already made it clear that he had a brain under all that hair and glitter. ~ R. Cooper

Smartass Disciple: Master, can you trust this bank to keep your money safe?
Master of Stupidity: Well, I can put a bit less distrust on this bank than others. ~ Toba Beta

It's why we oppose Citizens United from that right-wing Supreme Court. In 2012, I also said the Tea Party "acted like terrorists" and called a donut shop manager in Milwaukee who wanted lower taxes a "smartass." And I said the number one issue is a three-letter word, J-O-B-S." I'm proud of who I am. ~ Joe Biden

Smartass Disciple: If there were two masters, which one should I listen to?
Master of Stupidity: Use the ears to the one who looks so stupid, eyes to else. ~ Toba Beta

Don't be a smart ass!
Smartass die first!! ~ Deyth Banger

I would try being friends with her, but she's too busy being a smartass."

"Now you know how the rest of us feel," Jim said. ~ Ilona Andrews

Smartass Disciple: Master, where is exactly the edge of this universe ?
Master of Stupidity: Edge is wherever the absence of universal gravity. ~ Toba Beta

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. ~ Andrea Speed

I pouted. "Please, just try to put the head in a little more... I really need to feel you, Kane. I'm begging you."

Kane set his jaw, but his eyes fluttered shut when I rubbed back against him.

"Just... just the tip?" he whispered and cracked an eye open.

Hell. No.

I nodded my head to appease him.

"Just the tip, baby," I repeated.

I was spewing bullshit because as soon as I got the chance I would push back and take all of him.
"Oh, fuck," Kane snarled. "This is… God!"

I quivered as goose bumps broke out over my skin. "Yes, just a little more."

Kane's fingers dug into my hips. "You aren't making this… easier. Fuck. How do you feel tighter?"

I licked my lips. "Lack of use, maybe?"

Kane slapped my arse and said, "Smartass. ~ L.A. Casey

Smartass Disciple: I've been searching for so long.I still can't find the truth.
Master of Stupidity: Until you've lost and felt desperate, you won't be found. ~ Toba Beta

You'd be amazed to discover all the tangible things that can come out of dreams." "Like drool? ~ Catherine Lowell

Hey, T-Rex? Remind me next time I want to get smartass with you that it's a really stupid move on my part? (Talon)
Oh, no, you don't, you wuss. You told me the next time you saw Ash you were going to ask him if he'd seen the movie 10,000 BC and if it'd made him homesick. (Wulf) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

And you never struck me as the suicidal type, smartass. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Alcohol is decisiveness juice. It's also bad idea punch, intellect intoxicant, insolence nectar, fighting fluid, boastfulness booze, smartass sauce, injury water, aggressiveness aqua vitae, felony-committin' firewater, and, of course, maybe above all else...depression drink. ~ Aaron Goldfarb

Avoid selling to dumb customers, there aren't enough left! ~ Jasleen Kaur Gumber

Are you talking to her or me, because I just can't tell ~ Jessica Sorensen

Smartass Phones [10w]
If your phone's smarter than you,
you're a fucking idiot. ~ Beryl Dov

Are you having a good time with ... Ash?" "Are you having a good time with Happy Hands?" I bit down on my lip. "Such a constant smartass. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Two of my fav pieces of wisdom from Phoebe:
- Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and those that aren't are inaccessible.
- Remember, it's always better to be the smartass rather than the dumbass. ~ Jill Shalvis

Smartass Disciple: Master, we should not spend our time to low life like them.
Master of Stupidity: If I don't, then how should I lead men like you to be wiser? ~ Toba Beta

Even Christian - the poster child for "smartass" - looked grim. ~ Richelle Mead

Smartass Disciple: Master, why should people love each other ?
Master of Stupidity: Well, orgasm is felt better than kill each other. ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: How the hell do we find the truth ?
Master of Stupidity: Just seek it with hope it'll find you. ~ Toba Beta

Let me give you some free advice. She's a runner for sure- she'll run away every time without saying a word. But here's the thing- you are not a runner. And deep down, I don't think Norah wants to run, either. She's just feels like she has to. Partly because she's a tiresome spoiled-brat smartass with no fashion sense. And partly because she's a fucking human being. ~ David Levithan

Smartass Disciple: Master, I believe that the truth will prevail at the end.
Master of Stupidity: No 'the end' for the truth. 'Prevail' is something else. ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, why do some people so stubborn and unruly ?
Master of Stupidity: Only when you want them do according to your wish. ~ Toba Beta

For God's sake, get down off the cross - someone else needs the wood." He grinned widely. "I always wanted to be able to use that." "Smartass," I retorted. "Well, Christ on the cross didn't groan as much as you are. ~ Andrew Grey

I shopped,"she said
"Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
"Smartass. ~ J.D. Robb

The arresting officer-who I had literally known all my life, you know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down from me in a town of less than 400 people. We've met. Anyway, at the station, he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass and said, "Yeah, they call me ... Tater Salad." Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed to a bench with blood coming out my nose, this cop comes up to me and says, "Are you Ron ... 'Tater Salad' White?" ~ Ron White

Smartass Disciple: Master, what do say about the truth itself ?
Master of Stupidity: Like sex, no fun anymore if all is revealed. ~ Toba Beta

I'll be at your place tonight, seven thirty."
"Does seven thirty mean our reservation is at eight?"
"Eight fifteen, in case we hit traffic or weather."
"Will this mean you'll turn into a pumpkin on the way back, considering we'll probably get home past your bedtime?"
Silence then, "Now she gives me smartass and it's still fuckin' cute." ~ Kristen Ashley

I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been. ~ David Letterman

I like my money, and if you mess with it, I fuck with you."
I raised my eyebrow. "You want to fuck with Alec?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant."
"But you said you-"
"I know what I said you smartass, ~ L.A. Casey

So if you're trying to play games with me, I should let you know up front that it's not going to work.
"What?" I frown "what are you talking abou-"
"You can't play hard to get, kid." He raises his eyebrow. "I can't even touch you. Takes 'hard to get' to a whole new level, if you know what I mean." "Oh my god," I mouth, eyes closed, shaking my head. "You are insane." He falls to his knees. "Insane for your sweet, sweet love!" "Kenji" I can't lift my eyes because I'm afraid to look around, but I'm desperate for him to stop talking. To put an entire room between us at all times. I know he's joking, but I might be the only one. "What?" he says, his voice booming around the room. "Does my love embarass you?" "Please-please get up-and lower your voice-"
"Hell no."
"Why not?" I'm pleading now.
"Because if I lower my voice, I won't be able to hear myself speak. And that," He says, "Is my faviorite part."
I can't even look at him.
"Don't deny my Juliette I'm a lonely man."
What is wrong with you?"
"You're breaking my heart." His voice is even louder now, ~ Tahereh Mafi

Smartass Disciple: Master, where will you go after your soul leaves your body?
Master of Stupidity: What makes you think a soul will go elsewhere physically? ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Why do arrogant people like to say complex words ?
Master of Stupidity: Ask them straight! You'll get a simple scary version. ~ Toba Beta

Please, Eve, these public displays of affection must stop. I have a reputation."
"Keep it up, ace, and I'll give you a public display of affection that'll have you limping for a week."
"Now I'm excited. ~ J.D. Robb

Don't. I'm all sweaty and bloody," I protested.
"Heavens, not sweat and blood," he replied mockingly. I managed to smile. Smartass vampire. ~ Jeaniene Frost

A smart terminal is not a smartass terminal, but rather a terminal you can educate. ~ Rob Pike

Emma pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Okay, here's a really bad analogy for you. Aidan is like the Indy 500 of Sex, and I need someone who is more - "
"Bumper cars?" Casey asked.
"I was going to say the slow lane, smartass. ~ Katie Ashley

Smartass Disciple: Master, you should teach people not to do war to each other.
Master of Stupidity: I should teach people how to win their minds of their wars. ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Does stupidity a sin?
Master of Stupidity: No stupidity, no sin. ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Which one was first created, time or things?
Master of Stupidity: No things, no changes. No changes, no time. ~ Toba Beta

She looked into Matt's eyes. 'Even so, I love you.'
Matt smiled at her and winked. 'I know.'
Celeste and Julie both smacked him.
'This would be an appropriate time not to be a dork or a smartass,' Julie said.
Celeste popped her head into the front seat. 'Be the hero, Matty. Come on. You're supposed to be the hero now. The romantic lead.'
'I know that, too,' he said. Matt did not hesitate a moment longer. 'Julie, I love you. I absolutely love you.'
'Good,' Celeste said, satisfied. 'Now it's time to jump. ~ Jessica Park

Smartass Disciple: Master, you keep preaching the truth. They don't listen.
Master of Stupidity: Oh that's not bad. That attitude keeps us in the business. ~ Toba Beta

The point is, teleportation is a difficult thing that takes a crap ton of mystic."
"Is 'crap ton' a technical term?" Derek asked.
Smartass. "Yes," I growled. ~ Ilona Andrews

There are also several notes in your file suggesting that you are a world-class smartass." "Really? You mean I made it through the nationals?" "And you apparently think you're hilarious." "You're saying I'm not? ~ Jonathan Maberry

Smartass Disciple: Master, why heaven is up there and hell is down there ?
Master of Stupidity: If otherwise, it wouldn't be celebrated as ascension day. ~ Toba Beta

She glanced down and saw that a glove of blood covered her lower arm from the elbow to the wrist. The arm
was throbbing, stiff, and painful.
"Is this when you start tearing strips off your T-shirt to bind up my wound?" she joked.
She hated the sight of blood, especially her own.
"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have just asked." He dug into his pocket and brought out
his stele. "It would have been a lot less painful. ~ Cassandra Clare

Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to be the better me by forgetting my past.
Master of Stupidity: If you just forget it, how would you measure you're better? ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Please teach me about the truth, master.
Master of Stupidity: Hmmm ... tell me about your sexperience! ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, I feel really really confused about the truth.
Master of Stupidity: Only confused? Walk in my shoes then you tell me. ~ Toba Beta

I don't try to be completely calculating in everything I say and do, but there's no way I'm going to talk. There's no reason to. And that's why I'm such a boring interview, because I don't go for the shock value, or smartass answers. ~ Chris O'Donnell

My reputation had indeed preceded me, and for the millionth time, I told myself I should try to be less of a smartass. ~ Michael Logan

Smartass Disciple: Master, what did you do to earn wisdom ?
Master of Stupidity: Well, I forget. Shit happened, life goes on. ~ Toba Beta

Now how do we know you're really from Edenton?" he said.
"And the point of lying would be?" Gabriel asked. "So we could have a complete stranger chauffeur us to another complete stranger's house for proper English tea at," he looked at a clock on the bookshelf, "two in the morning? Mia, he's discovered our nefarious plan."
Edgar rubbed his black shorn hair and squinted at Gabriel "Smartass teenagers. My favorite. ~ Elisa Nader

Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass. ~ Robyn Peterman

Smartass Disciple : Master, why you keep telling about the truth? Nobody hears.
Master of Stupidity : O Yea. They hear but don't listen. Anyway, no fun in silent. ~ Toba Beta

Don't try dodgin' me again, Gwen," he warned, and I tensed at his tone. "Your friend's man is a cop or not, I'll come and get you. You almost got dead today. That's twice in a week. That shit's gonna stop and it isn't Tack who's gonna make it stop for you. Got me?" "I'll quit being a smartass if you quit being so bossy. ~ Kristen Ashley

Our relationship wasn't easy. It wasn't mellow. It wasn't comfortable and sedate. He was too bossy and I was too much of a smartass. We bantered and sometimes we fought. But I'd learned I was completely unable to endure Hawk being mad at me and then I'd noticed that Hawk felt the same. No grudges were ever held. We created sparks but those sparks never caught the kind of fire that could do damage. Instead, we got over it and moved on. ~ Kristen Ashley

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn't judge others?
Master of Stupidity: Don't! Unless you are paid for it. ~ Toba Beta

Deemed a fool is better than smartass. ~ Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, how do you heal the broken heart?
Master of Stupidity: It isn't a disease need to be healed. It's life. ~ Toba Beta

Idiots are of two kinds: those who try to be smart and those who think they are smart. ~ Raheel Farooq

Always a smartass, I thought, even in the worst situations. I think I kind of loved him just for that. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

You gonna put on your big-girl panties and fight with the boys, now?" He looked over his shoulder as if he expected me to blush or something.
"Who says I wear panties?"
I was certain that he flushed red this time. Laughing, I left him shaking his head and went on inside to find the Kid. We had work to do. ~ Faith Hunter