Victor Borge Quotes

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye ... and that's my reward ... the rest goes to the government.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist
but I found I had nothing to say.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.