Also Funny Quotes

It's funny how you can think you've said something when you never really did."
I giggled, feeling that the words were coming in his very next breath. "It's also funny how you can think you've heard something when you didn't either," he said instead.
All the humor vanished from the moment. "I know what you mean." I swallowed and watched as his hand moved from my cheek to lace his fingers through mine, knowing that he and I were both watching them. "Maybe, for some people, it would be hard to confess that. Like, if they worried they might not make it to the end." He sighed. "Or it would be hard to say if you worried that someone might not want to make it to the end ... maybe never quite gave up on someone else. ~ Kiera Cass

Don't go on thinking poetry's just for sissies. There's mushy love poems, for sure, but there's also funny ones, lots about nature, war even. Whole point of it-they make ya feel something ~ Delia Owens

Love was lazy as hell. Love laid around in bed, warm from the sheets and the sunlight pouring into the room. Love was too lazy to get up to close the blinds. Love was too comfortable to get up and go pee. Love took too many naps, it watched TV, but not really, because it was too busy kissing and napping. Love was also funny, which somehow made the bed more comfortable, the laughter warming the sheets, softening the mattress and the lovers' skin. ~ Adi Alsaid

There is this book, Destroy All the Cars. It's about how caring about something deeply can also make you hate the world, because the world can be really disappointing. But don't worry
it's also funny, too. Because that's how you get through all the disappointment, right? You have to find it all funny. ~ David Levithan

Robert Altman's 'Nashville' is my all-time favorite film because it covers all the bases - it's original, moving, and has something to say, but also funny and incredibly entertaining. ~ Douglas Wood

It's funny how you think you've said something when you never really did.
It's also funny how you can think you've heard something when you never really did. ~ Kiera Cass

Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. ~ Tom Hiddleston

I didn't mean to interupt you if you were looking for your friends Miss
'
'Callihan,' but you can call my Jasmine. Or Jas.' Or Snookums. Honeybunch. Hotsie Totsie Cowgirl. My Little
'It's nice to meet you Jasmine, I'm Jack. ~ Michele Jaffe

If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked. ~ Chelsea Handler

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. ~ David Brenner

Don't buy the toys that make the noise! ~ Denis Leary

It's funny with fiction - once you cut something, it hasn't happened anymore. ~ George Saunders

I found American actors quite scary because they're brilliant actors and brilliantly funny, and they never stopped once you wound them up ... off they went and they just deliver fantastic stuff. ~ Peter Capaldi

If only faces could talk.... ~ Pat Summerall

But Shunt, he thirsted for understanding with obsessive perseverance. It was a pathology in this way, and pathologies aren't hobbies to be entertained through the inclination of the willing. With some assertion, you certainly can't direct a pathology: it directs, contorts, warps, wears you. Shunt walked through school, down his bedroom corridor, high-ceiling'd and close-panelled, over asphalt as hot as holiday sex, in his head, always relegated to a realm of internal mystery, a sphere of indecipherable symbols that were filtered in, held fast to, but never understood. He saw things or deduced things, and they were there for eternity. Once Shunt had them inside, it was impossible to divorce or expunge them, and so there they remained, infecting his peace and placidity of mind, thoughts like foreign bodies entering a gaping, unquenched wound, and after that Shunt's life devolved into the gangrene set in by these unpurged foreign bodies. Shunt suffered from epilepsy and a panic disorder. He didn't know who he was. He was not a funny person, a wise person, a valorous person, a soft person. Shunt was epilepsy and a panic disorder, and that's as encompassing as his personality had ever been. When you suffer a pathology it directs, contorts, warps, wears you. ~ Kirk Marshall

Everyone knows that a man can marry even if he reaches the age of 102, is penniless, and has all his facilities gone. There is always some woman willing to take a chance on him. ~ Amy Vanderbilt

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. ~ Wendy Liebman

I didn't do anything," Scott protested. "Breaking and entering is nothing?" Detective Basso echoed. "Funny, the law disagrees. ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. ~ Greg Giraldo

Because to me, there is no logic of any kind behind misogyny. Therefore, it's funny, because it's so completely random to me. It's senseless. ~ Joss Whedon

It's funny because I've never really been into that before. Eyeliner looks good on you though. Not as though that matters." He shrugged, but it mattered to Rod. He was so incredibly fucked. ~ Riley Hart

I heard Dominic practice Bronagh's breathing tactics, and I wondered if I'd be taking care of him in the delivery ward as well as her.
"I feel like I'm about to pass out."
Yep, I'm definitely going to be looking after him.
"Keep breathing, you'll be fine," I assured him. "Where's me sister?"
"Why're you telling Dominic to breathe?'
Ryder murmured.
"He's freakin' out," I whispered in response making him snicker. ~ L.A. Casey

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart. ~ Adam Ferrara

I cranked the volume on the stereo and sang at the top of my lungs to an old Britney Spears song, my possession and enjoyment of which, I hoped, would remain a secret between me and my car. ~ Heather Hildenbrand

As our leader Saddam Hussein said, 'God is grilling their stomachs in hell.' ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. ~ Doug Stanhope

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue. ~ S.J Perelman

The funny thing about life is it moves along without you. Whether you are there or not the earth spins and makes its trek around the sun. You can join the trip or make an exit. ~ Amy Kinzer

The ... the one about Colin Eversea! I learned a new verse from a young lady at school. It's very funny and ... and ... bawdy. That last word was a reckless inspiration. She presented it almost defiantly. Lisbeth blinked as though she'd flicked water into her eyes. Lisbeth and Waterburn eyed her for a silent nonplussed instant. A finch peeped somewhere in the hedgerows. Apparently it wasn't a word anyone associated with her, or particularly wanted to associate with her, judging from the carefully bland expression on Waterburn's face. Next I'll try the word whore in a sentence, she thought wildly. ~ Julie Anne Long

Its funny how we can go from good friends for months to strangers for years and best friends for hours. Plastic world, realistic people. ~ Lik Hock Yap

His name feels like a secret, and now he's wearing it on his wrist. I want to know all about this girl who put it there. What she looks like. If she's got freckles, fair hair or dark, like his. If she's scrappy or etheral, funny or serious, scrape-kneed or ladylike. I know that she loves him, so I want to know everything else. But West doesn't want to share her with me. I shouldn't keep trying to scale these walls he puts up. I'm a terrible climber. ~ Robin York

Someone trying to be funny probably isn't as funny as someone who doesn't want to be funny but is and can't help it. Someone being serious or angry might be funny. If you get angry, the first thing I want to do is laugh because I don't know why you're getting that angry. Pathos makes me laugh, funerals make me laugh. ~ Ricky Gervais

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people. ~ Terry Pratchett

Yeah, why was there a naked doll and fake penis in that store?" she asks. Your response might be something like this: "You know, as crazy as it sounds, there are some adults who buy things like fake penises and naked dolls. I know it sounds nuts, but it's true. Some adults think it's kind of funny to do that; they do it as a joke. But there are some adults who use them as though they were real by touching and holding them. Daddy (or Mommy) and I think that's silly, but if some adults want them, I don't think they'll cause any harm. ~ Fred Kaeser

Let's go. I don't want to keep you from the things you have to do ... like plan the next crime wave with your biker gang."
"Sure. And you don't want to miss your nail appointment."
I cocked my head. "That's tomorrow. ~ Sophie Jordan

Yes, Sept 11th was unfortunate ~ Geri Halliwell

Always keep in mind the existence of those individuals, whether relatives or great friends, who believe that reality must adapt to their immediate impulses and desires. Those who created opportunities to hurt you, and then find it funny to watch your pain, sometimes pointing it out to others, instead of protecting your privacy and helping you comfort yourself. ~ Efrat Cybulkiewicz

Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand ~ Ian Healy

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral. ~ George Burns

Sitting alone in the cafeteria would just scream I'm the new girl. Everyone stare at me while I eat. ~ Kristi Cook

#3 pencils and quadrille pads. ~ Seymour Cray

No comedian's wife thinks he's funny. The first few years of the marriage, maybe. I was funny as hell the first couple of years. ~ Tom Smothers

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case. ~ Carla H. Krueger

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club. ~ Dennis Miller

Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go a natural route and smoke marijuana. ~ Melissa Etheridge

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. ~ Matt Groening

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. ~ Steven Wright

I grew up a really shy kid, but I always surrounded myself with a lot funny people. It depends on the day - if I feel like being quiet, I will be. I'm not a complete goofball, though. ~ Manny Montana

Isn't that funny, that deity is passe but the attributes and implications of deity linger
~ Gregory Maguire

Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one. ~ Mark A. Cooper

We enjoy sailing small boats, two of which I have designed and built myself. ~ Martin Ryle

We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special. ~ Larry The Cable Guy

I believe in a reasonable amount of "right to bear arms". But private citizens of the United States are not allowed to own nuclear weapons. I always wanted a nuclear weapon, if I could have gotten one. I'm every other kind of power, but I'm not a nuclear power. ~ Ted Turner

Mr. Idris Elba is amazing! He happens to be British, but what's funny about him is that when he's speaking in his American dialect, he looks like he's a brother from the 'hood. But as soon as he brings out that English thing, I'm like, 'Woo! You look like you're from London. Oh my God!' It's like everything on him changes. He's so cool! ~ Tasha Smith

I wanted to call you, but I find myself feeling ... awkward when it comes to you."
"'Awkward' is the word du jour," I agreed. "So, I make you nervous?"
"Not quite nervous," he said. "Just unsettled."
I wriggled my eyebrows and inched a little closer to him. "Unsettled, that's even better. ~ Molly Harper