Cricket Funny Quotes

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason. ~ Navjot Singh Sidhu

The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding ~ Ian Chappell

In the game of cricket it has always been customary to accord more adulation to batsman than to bowlers. ~ Ian Peebles

Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand ~ Ian Healy

That's what cricket's all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another ~ Fred Trueman

I bowl so slowly that if I don't like a ball I can run after it and bring it back ~ James M. Barrie

A run is more difficult to make than no save, because batting is in its nature a far less certain and reliable thing than bowling and fielding. ~ Ranjitsinhji

Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen. ~ Robert Mugabe

Cricket is a most precarious profession; it is called a team game but, in fact, no one is so lonely as a batsman facing a bowler supported by ten fieldsmen and observed by two umpires to ensure that his error does not go unpunished. ~ John Arlott

Collectively and individually fielding is largely a matter of thoughts and discipline. ~ Ian Peebles

I'm going to marry Prince William! I'll get all Kate Middleton's cute coats! ~ Claudia Gray

My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.'
'I missed you too, Thurid. ~ Derek Landy

God, Packard! Do you know how hard I worked at
it?" I twist up the napkin and whip it at him.
He deflects it. "There we go; I knew you could do it."
My mouth falls open. "Very funny."
He just laughs.
"I can't believe you! ~ Carolyn Crane

Whatever it is," I said, "the point is moot because as long as I'm on these pills, I can't make contact to ask."
Derek ... snapped, "Then you need to stop taking the pills."
Love to. If I could. But after what happened last night, they're giving me urine tests now."
Ugh. That's harsh." Simon went quiet, then snapped his fingers.
Hey, I've got an idea. It's kinda gross, but what if you take the pills, crush them and mix them with your, you know, urine."
Derek stared at him.
What?"
You did pass chem last year, didn't you?"
Simon flipped him the finger. "Okay, genius, what's your idea?"
I'll think about it. ..."

***

Here," Derek whispered, pressing an empty Mason jar into my hand. He'd pulled me aside after class and we were now standing at the base of the boy's staircase. "Take this up to your room and hide it."
It's a ... jar."
He grunted, exasperated that I was so dense I failed to see the critical importance of hiding an empty Mason jar in my room.
It's for your urine."
My what?"
He rolled his eyes, a growl-like sound sliding through his teeth as
he leaned down, closer to my ear. "Urine. Pee. Whatever. For the testing."
I lifted the jar to eye level. "I think they'll give me something
smaller."
...
You took your meds today, right?" he whispered.
I nodded.
Then use this jar to save it."
Save . . . ?"
Your urine. If you give them some of toda ~ Kelley Armstrong

Cricket is not a rational sport in India, and we go overboard. ~ Harsha Bhogle

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral. ~ George Burns

Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."
"Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment? ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

If you write well, you don't have to dress funny. ~ James Dickey

Letter from Griffith-- "I know it is difficult, but do work harder to control yourself. Mother was beside herself with worry when she found you rolling on the floor laughing over a book you were reading."
The memory brought a curve to Miranda's lips. It had been a very funny book. ~ Kristi Ann Hunter

You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff. ~ Cynthia Hand

The drivers here are horrible. And by horrible, I mean they don't realize I have someplace to be. ~ Maria Semple

I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny. ~ Elmore Leonard

The whimsicalness of our own humor is a thousand times more fickle and unaccountable than what we blame so much in fortune. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

I've knitted myself a hat, it's plum red with an appealing lace pattern, I figured that a few air holes would be nice now that it's spring. I put it on and feel like a cranberry in the snow, and I wonder if they can see me from the moon. Me and the Great Wall. ~ Kjersti Annesdatter Skomsvold

Why is abbreviation such a long word? ~ Teresa Monachino

I remember when I got my first Adam Sandler CD and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my entire life, and continues to be. ~ Seth Rogen

It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it; it's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free. ~ Steve McConnell

Isn't it funny that if God were to reveal and explain Himself, the majority of the world would necessarily be disappointed? ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Funny how people don't really see each other. Men and women. They invent each other in their minds and then they see what they invent.They don't really see each other. Now she was in love with him and she didn't even know his real name, didn't know anything real about him. ~ Andrew Klavan

I'm so proud of you, and so amused at your discomfort in being recognized for you dedication and skill."
"Amused? Here's another funny for you. You're getting a medal, too."
He dropped her hand. "What? I'm a civilian, as you continually remind me."
"The Civilian Medal of Merit, and they don't given them out like candy, pal, especially to shady characters."
"I don't think it's appropriate."
She loved it, just loved when he turned all dignified.
"Oh, it is, and how I get to be amused. You're the one who started sticking his nose in, then his whole body. Now you're going to have to stand up there on Wednesday afternoon - fourteen hundred, so put that in your book - and take what you get. And I'm pretty damn proud of you, too, so suck it up. ~ J.D. Robb

Making movies was a real weird kind of adult experience. In a way it was like MIT, in that it was a great education. The big lesson is, people are people. They're smart, funny, creative people, but they're people. ~ Charlie Korsmo

He's a little more ... psychotic than usual," Tom said quietly.
"How so?"
"He took C-4 to bed with him."
Prophet shrugged. "He's always done that. ~ S.E. Jakes

I wasn't very good at the bike thing. Really, it was just dangerous to trust two skinny little wheels and spindly brakes with the considerably uncoordinated woman that is me. ~ Kathryn Smith

That's the funny thing about life...you don't know you're missing something. Then when you get it, you don't know what you'd do without it. ~ D.K. Hamilton

Besides, if you ever did eat some bad food, I could still find a use for you. I've always wanted a cat-drawn carriage."
Cheshire opened one eye, his pupil slitted and unamused.
"I would dangle balls of yarn and fish bones out in front to keep you moving."
He stopped purring long enough to say, "You are not as cute as you think you are, Lady Pinkerton. ~ Marissa Meyer

Shit," he said as if she were being funny. "I'm not going near that door. Looks like the devil farted pure hell out there. ~ A.R. Wise

funny how our hearts
were designed
to love
so fiercely.

but break
ever so gently. ~ Sanober Khan

On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my day been caught in the palm of a female hand by the crown, have been violently scrubbed from the neck to the roots of the hair as a purification for the Temple, and have then been carried off highly charged with saponaceous electricity, to be steamed like a potato in the unventilated breath of the powerful Boanerges Boiler and his congregation, until what small mind I had, was quite steamed out of me ~ Charles Dickens

Because they're in love. They sing songs and make art and they make plans and they think it's going to last, just as bad as the straights. They think that Greece will pull itself out of the gunk and say 'hey, I'm okay' like the Americans did. But no matter how good it gets, they won't ever stop looking at us funny when we kiss on the subway now, will they? ~ Konstantine Paradias

Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable. ~ Lord Chesterfield

I remember the will said, 'May God thy gold refine.' That must be from the Bible."
"Shakespeare," Turtle said. All quotations were either from the Bible or Shakespeare. ~ Ellen Raskin

They always have good coffee here," Ebenezar said a few moments later. "And they don't call it funny names," I said. "It's just coffee. Not frappalattegrandechino. ~ Jim Butcher

Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up. ~ Frank Zappa

This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says "you like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." So he goes "Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said "did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left. ~ Bill Engvall

If she did not wish to lead a virtuous life, at least she desired to enjoy a character for virtue, and we know that no lady in the genteel world can possess this desideratum, until she has put on a train and feathers and has been presented to her Sovereign at Court. From that august interview they come out stamped as honest women. The Lord Chamberlain gives them a certificate of virtue. ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

When you live in a leading lady's body, which I do, you have to constantly prove that you are funny. ~ Elizabeth Banks

Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks. ~ William Orlando Darby

And when funny things happen, you just have to go along, don't you? Because they might never happen again and you'll have missed the joke of it, missed the fun, and then when you're old and your kittens ask you what you did when the world had its glad rags on, you won't have nothing to say, will you? ~ Catherynne M Valente

Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money ... ~ Fabolous

Very slowly using two fingers, Annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water.
Octavian made a squeaking sound. "What was that for? I didn't say toss it! That could've been evidence. Or spoils of war!"
Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation.
"You other two ... " He pointed his blade a Hazel and Piper. "Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus
"
All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger.
"You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced.
-Heroes of Olympus ~ Rick Riordan

Funny how the stupid shit we do for those we love hardens into legend. ~ Taylor Adams

It's funny, but you never really think much about breathing. Until it's all you ever think about. ~ Tim Winton

It was funny how love could make people believe everything. ~ Sara Shepard

He stood and inhaled, then walked a few more feet, stooped, and prodded a chunk of rabbit fur.
"I'm definitely thinking something with more body parts," I said. "Like a head."
He gave a snort of a laugh. "It's probably around here somewhere, but I suppose you want the parts attached, too. ~ Kelley Armstrong