Adam Ferrara Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul ... '

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell - I'll never know why!

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it
if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I'm surprised how hot it gets in the Moab Desert. I knew it got hot, but I didn't think it got, like, Mercury-hot.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

I don't have a car in Manhattan because you have to choose between a car and an apartment. It's that expensive.

It fits my ADD, so that's good. Because I really can't focus on anything for too long. And 'Top Gear's really the easiest thing to do because I'm with my pals. It's like coming home with my friends. We're having so much fun making the show.

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking ... ,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

Terrorists convince thousands of people to kill themselves in the name of God. I can't convince two of my friends to help me move.

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

Anytime I get to help the firefighters, I will. I'm real lucky to be in a position to help.

I do stupid stuff like that: I'll call my wife from the road, send her pictures of glaciers.