Hitchhikers Guide Funny Quotes

Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does. ~ Douglas Adams

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. ~ Douglas Adams

Who is this god person anyway? ~ Douglas Adams

My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first. ~ Anonymous

Life," said Marvin dolefully, "loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. ~ Douglas Adams

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. ~ Douglas Adams

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem. ~ Douglas Adams

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! ~ Douglas Adams

To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem. ~ Douglas Adams

Life! Don't talk to me about life! ~ Douglas Adams

Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. ~ Douglas Adams

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. ~ Douglas Adams

I don't want to die now!" he yelled. "I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it! ~ Douglas Adams

Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with. ~ Douglas Adams

It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane. ~ Douglas Adams

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. ~ Douglas Adams

So, the world is fine. We don't have to save the world - the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about, is whether or not the world we live in, will be capable of sustaining us in it. That's what we need to think about. ~ Douglas Adams

We apologize for the inconvenience - God's Final Message to His Creation ~ Doughlas Adams

Marvin was humming ironically because he hated humans so much. ~ Douglas Adams

I want to make a headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let¡s call it my stomach. ~ Douglas Adams

Guide humbly.
Guide happily.
Guide hopefully.
Guide honorably. ~ Matshona Dhliwayo

I don't know what being an Everest guide means. I am a coach, not a guide. ~ Anatoli Boukreev

Oh, er, well the hatchway in front of us will open in a few moments and we will shoot out into deep space I expect and asphyxiate. If you take a lungful of air with you you can last for up to thirty seconds, of course. ~ Douglas Adams

The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying 'And another thing ... ' twenty minutes after admitting he'd lost the argument. ~ Douglas Adams

The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline. ~ Douglas Adams

Guide valiantly.
Guide venerably.
Guide valiantly.
Guide virtuously. ~ Matshona Dhliwayo

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams's 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.' ~ Terry Pratchett

There was a terribly ghastly silence.
There was a terribly ghastly noise.
There was a terribly ghastly silence. ~ Douglas Adams

Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept you busy. ~ Douglas Adams

Marvin trudged on down the corridor, still moaning. " ... and then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side ... "
"No?" said Arthur grimly as he walked along beside him. "Really?"
"Oh yes," said Marvin, "I mean I've asked for them to be replaced but no one ever listens."
"I can imagine. ~ Douglas Adams

The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch? ~ Douglas Adams

You can't guide someone into adulthood. The experiences are unique to each person. Deanna Troi ~ Star Trek: The Next Generation Episode Guide Team

And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like ... ow ... ound ... round ... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? ~ Douglas Adams

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue, apart from Don't Panic.

Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seem to be more likely, consider yourself lucky that it wouldn't be for much longer. ~ Douglas Adams

She thought that trying to live life according to any plan you actually work out is like trying to buy ingredients for a recipe from the supermarket. You get one of those trolleys which simply will not go in the direction you push it and end up just having to buy completely different stuff. What do you do with it? What do you do with the recipe? She didn't know. ~ Douglas Adams

The guru is a tremendous tradition because is a guide, it's a guide to life, and we can guide energetically, we can guide in our thought, we can have a prayer that travels wonderful things. ~ Maya Tiwari

It is reason, and not passion, which must guide our deliberations, guide our debate, and guide our decision. ~ Barbara Jordan

It was called the Reclaim Guide. It was just a general protest guide that went over security culture and stuff like that. A small portion of that guide dealt with explosives information. ~ Sherman Austin

He would have felt safe if alongside the Dentrassis' underwear, the piles of Sqornshellous mattresses and the man from Betelgeuse holding up a small yellow fish and offering to put it in his ear he had been able to see just a small packet of cornflakes. But he couldn't, and he didn't feel safe. ~ Douglas Adams

This Arthur Dent," comes the cry from the furthest reaches of the galaxy, and has even now been found inscribed on a mysterious deep space probe thought to originate from an alien galaxy at a distance too hideous to contemplate, "what is he, man or mouse? Is he interested in nothing more than tea and the wider issues of life? Has he no spirit? has he no passion? Does he not, to put it in a nutshell, fuck? ~ Douglas Adams

My judgment about what is right for this country will always guide me. ~ Michael Gove

Without the lord to shield you and guide you, you gonna fade away. Jah is your shield and your guide. The wicked man gotta turn aside. No need to fear no wicked guide. Rastafari protect your life! ~ Sizzla

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

In a few months I was a seasoned guide. I had viewed myself as an amateur guide and a professional shopman, but now gradually I began to think of myself as a part-time shop-keeper and a full-time tourist guide. ~ R.K. Narayan

Don't pick up hitchhikers!"- D. Adams ~ Robert Lynn Asprin

Those who choose to walk on love's path are well served if they have a guide. That guide can enable us to overcome fear if we trust that they will not lead us astray or abandon us along the way. ~ Bell Hooks

A good guide will take you through the more important streets more often than he takes you down side streets; a bad guide will do the opposite. In philosophy I'm a rather bad guide. ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

Ballet was so structured. I'd been craving something that could guide me. ~ Misty Copeland

Everybody knew that men have no morals, that they do not know how to behave, that they do not know how to treat other people. It was why men like laws so much; it was why they had to invent such things-they need a guide. When they are not sure what to do, they consult this guide. If the guide gives them advice they don't like, they change the guide. ~ Jamaica Kincaid

Rob Hall was, without doubt, the most competent guide in mountaineering. ~ Jon Krakauer

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

The Constitution is the guide which I never will abandon. ~ George Washington

Instinct is our guide; a guide that leads to ruin. ~ Raymond Radiguet

Demons loved hitchhiking about as much as they loved picking up hitchhikers. ~ Seth Skorkowsky

You can no longer hide from me. I am your soul ache come to guide you home. ~ Karen Clark

Hope is the light, trusted guide in darkness. ~ Debasish Mridha

Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness. ~ Jacob M. Appel

I have my golden retriever now, Pontiac. He's a career-change guide dog from Guide Dogs for the Blind. ~ Betty White

Representatives of the churches should help guide people in resolving their crisis ~ Sunday Adelaja

Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them. ~ Steve Coogan

I think FoxNews ratings are a reliable guide to the attitudes of the American electorate. ~ Reese Schonfeld

I wouldn't have thought of myself as a person who could guide anybody and then it turned out that I can. ~ Meg Ryan

Custom is the great guide to human life. ~ David Hume

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Any book is a self-help guide if you can take something from it. ~ Kevin Smith

The Rough Guide to Nepal; The Great Sights of Canada; America by Car; Fodor's Guide to the Bahamas; Let's go Bhutan. ~ John Green

When I'm writing, I don't really have much other guide than, 'As a reader, how would I respond to this?' ~ Ann Leckie

Our affections, however laudable, in this transitory world, should never master us; we should guide them, guide them. ~ Charles Dickens

Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

If you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty beach robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly familiar. ~ Douglas Adams

I've read the 'Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy' at least once a year since I was twelve years old. ~ Sean Biggerstaff

When I was at my lowest point, your Word brought me comfort. Your Word guided me. Guide me önce more.
Guide me ~ Na'ima B. Robert

Those are the stars that will guide my path home. ~ Katherine Applegate

The Sufis are unanimous that a Guide (Sheikh) is absolutely essential, though never available on demand: 'the Sufis are not merchants'. ~ Idries Shah

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day

Let the radiance of light be your guide. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway

The Dimwit's Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket. ~ Anne Bishop

Spiritual master is representative of God. Similarly, king is also representative of God. The father is also representative of God. These are the statements of the sastras. Because they will guide. The king will guide. The spiritual master will guide. The father will guide. What is that guidance? That guidance is how one can become Krishna Conscious by education, by culture. ~ A C Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

Lobo: "Hmph! Never figured I'd wind up in heaven...A bad-ass dude like me!

Spirit Guide: "It happens sometimes. The "Infinite Mercy" clause is only used in extreme cases. ~ Keith Giffen

Faith is your guide in the absence of knowledge. ~ Toba Beta

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. ~ Fred Allen

The church must be the critic and guide of the state, and never its tool. ~ Lynn Lavner

I know not the way He leads me, but well do I know my Guide. ~ Henrietta C. Mears

I wanted feeling to guide us in life, and not life to be the guide to feeling. ~ Leo Tolstoy

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

Music is your guide. ~ Billy Corgan

I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

I had kissed her at odd times, in out of the way corners, in the manner of a mountain guide, nothing more. ~ Guy De Maupassant

You will never come up against a greater adversary than your own potential. ~ Star Trekek The Next Generation Episode Guide Team

Deanna's job (as counselor) is to keep us from deluding ourselves. ~ Star Trek: The Next Generation Episode Guide Team

Light is somewhere at the End, to guide you not to blind you! ~ Bradley B. Dalina

Are you dedicated to your patient or your ego? ~ M*A*S*H Episode Guide Team

Do you really understand all this army stuff?

It helps not to be too bright, sir. ~ M*A*S*H Episode Guide Team

I've had a guide dog since 1969. Not the same one, of course: I've had five. ~ David Blunkett

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer