Funny New Resolution Quotes

My new years resolution? I will be less laz ... ~ Jim Gaffigan

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution. ~ Jay Leno

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. ~ John Selden

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy. ~ James Lafferty

Most people have no idea how good their body is designed to feel. ~ Kevin Trudeau

If your new year resolution is to quit smoking, don't forget to also quit
procrastination, and if your new year resolution is to stop womanizing,
don't forget to also stop procrastinating. ~ Bamigboye Olurotimi

Resolution is struggle. Resolution is ego. Resolution is saying, "I cannot live spontaneously. ". ~ Rajneesh

Resolution to repent is a righteous act of Faith. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A New Year brings new grace for new accomplishments. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

My unchanging resolution is to read the Holy Scriptures every year. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Don't be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against, not with, the wind. ~ Hamilton Wright Mabie

Kindness, kindness, kindness.

I want to make a New year's prayer, not a resolution. I'm praying for courage. ~ Susan Sontag

have written my first grateful thanks for a fresh new day in a new year. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

January is always a good month for behavioral economics: Few things illustrate self-control as vividly as New Year's resolutions. February is even better, though, because it lets us study why so many of those resolutions are broken. ~ Sendhil Mullainathan

I like starting off the new year fresh. I'm excited to see how 2013 turns out. Maybe because I'm an actress and I am always on a diet and fitness program, but my New Year's resolution is to let myself be nice to myself about my body. ~ Busy Philipps

New year, same me. I'm just going to get better. ~ Avina Celeste

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

There is nothing magical about the flip of the calendar, but it represents a clean break, a new hope, and a blank canvas. ~ Jason Soroski

We wait for the new year to appear to us like the hopeful sun bringing aspiring light to an eager world ~ Munia Khan

Each year's regrets are envelopes in which messages of hope are found for the New Year. ~ John R. Dallas Jr.

Time is the school in which we learn ~ Joan Didion

Let us do something incredible this New Year: Let us try to see the world from the window of other cultures! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

People will set a New Year's resolution: "I'm gonna get in shape this year." But they don't set a parameter for how they're gonna measure it. Or if they do measure it, they wait until the first day of the next year. You'd never run a business that way. Document your progress. ~ Jack LaLanne

Begin every New Year a year ahead.
End every year three months ahead.
Watch your goals be achieved. ~ Richie Norton

The seminal elements of what makes a story great - challenge, struggle, resolution - are the same whether we're talking about story content for a movie such as 'Rain Man,' or telling a purposeful story to forge new business relationships or conclude a fruitful transaction, such as acquiring an NBA franchise. ~ Peter Guber

New Year is a new morning and a new morning is a new opportunity and a new opportunity is a new path and finally a new path is a new richness! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

My New Year's Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds. ~ Nia Vardalos

A review of studies by physicians found that excessive exercise is bad for your heart. Another study says a daily serving of chocolate is actually good for your heart. That's got to make next year New Year's resolution easier to keep. I'm going to exercise less. Eat a little more chocolate. ~ Jay Leno

There is no creature so contemptible but by resolution may gain his point. ~ Roger L'Estrange

The more specific you are about your resolution, the better your chance of sticking with it. Don't just say, "I want to lose weight." Say, "When my arm jiggles, I want it to look less like a pelican's throat-pouch choking down a bass. ~ Colin Nissan

May every day of the New Year be filled with glorious wonders. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging. ~ James Agate

Information is the resolution of uncertainty. ~ Claude Shannon

The ability to face constructively the tension of opposing ideas and instead of choosing one at the expense of the other, generate a creative resolution of the tension in the form of a new idea that contains elements of the opposing ideas but is superior to each. ~ Roger Martin

Let go of what was and embrace what to be. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Hast thou attempted greatnesse? Then go on; Back-turning slackens resolution. ~ Robert Herrick

O Lord God! What plans do you have for me this year? ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Father, create in us a new beginning. Help us to forget the failures of the past and allow You to write a new resolution for our lives. ~ Various

My New Year's style resolution is to buy and wear more clothing that is handmade by artisans or eco-friendly. ~ Lauren Bush

One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more! ~ LIZ

To read the report of a discussion in which arguments for and against are presented, in which a subject has been covered from different points of view, with new ideas advanced - this is far more instructive than to read a brief account of the resolution passed on the matter. ~ Fredrik Bajer

Again, the opportunity has come to start off with our best. Make sure all the 365 pages of your book are worth the writing; as well publishing for. ~ Kaushal Yadav

Liberation is a constant struggle. And this is a new year. ~ Pearl Cleage

Like most Americans, I hope and wish is that there is a peaceful resolution to the Middle East conflict. Unfortunately, there are extremists on both sides who oppose a peaceful resolution and instead choose violence. ~ Darrell Issa

Conflict and resolution are two sides of the same coin. ~ Haresh Sippy

The greatest man is he who chooses right with the most invincible resolution. ~ Seneca The Younger

Faith's speculations to the worst and hardest, in point of resolution, are sweet. ~ Samuel Rutherford

I think it's fair to have a vote on a resolution for censure. ~ Henry Hyde

Don't I yearn for the days when a draw across the throat made f**king resolution. ~ Al Swearengen

A successful story always offers its audience more than a simple resolution of events. A story offers a dramatic affirmation of human needs that are acted out to resolution and fulfillment. Even when that resolution and fulfillment are dark, the journey can still be vivid, potent and illuminating. ~ Bill Johnson

Try this New Year's resolution: I won't check my phone, my tablet, or my computer until I've first read a chapter in my Bible. ~ Kevin DeYoung

Perhaps there is no more important component of character than steadfast resolution. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar each day after lunch and dinner. This is the only resolution of my youth that I have kept, and the only realized ambition which has not brought disillusion. ~ W. Somerset Maugham

I have never had a NY resolution. While you wait each year to make a resolution you never commit to, I get it done everyday. ~ Behdad Sami

Every year is a chess game. New Year is a new chess game! You make the right moves, you win the game! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

Although there are many trial marriages ... there is no such thing as a trial child. ~ Gail Sheehy

Being at a loss to resolve these questions, I am resolved to leave them without any resolution. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right? ~ Catherine O'Hara

No man can fight his way to the top and stay at the top without exercising the fullest measure of grit, courage, determination, resolution. Every man who gets anywhere does so because he has first firmly resolved to progress in the world and then has enough stick-to-it-tiveness to transform his resolution into reality. Without resolution, no man can win any worthwhile place among his fellow men. ~ B.C. Forbes

Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will. ~ Jonathan Edwards

There may be other reasons for a man's not speaking in publick than want of resolution: he may have nothing to say. ~ Samuel Johnson

We visual communicators have so much good to share: rather than sharing our chemical and style addictions, we could be using our professional skills to help communicate health information, conflict resolution, democracy, technology. ~ David Berman

The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn't taking a 'you against me' stance. The secret is realizing it's 'us against Satan.' He's the real enemy. ~ Lysa TerKeurst

Courage is the resolution to face the unforeseen. ~ Agatha Christie

Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA ~ Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

I'm old enuf to remember when Dems considered a UN resolution and an actual coalition nothing more than Bushy McHitler going it alone. ~ John Nolte

If you flee from the things you fear, there's no resolution. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

WorldView-3 goes into the mid-infrared wavelength, allowing you to see very subtle geological differences on the sites at a 0.4-metre resolution. ~ Sarah Parcak

Resolution demands a sacrifice. ~ Stephen King

If we think about what mystery entails as a genre, certainly a big part of it is a resolution. ~ Matthew Pearl

I do believe that there's going to be a pretty strong consensus for a very strong .. censure resolution. ~ Paul Wellstone

Ben Stiller isn't funny - honest. Ben Stiller is very funny, and smart, and cute, too, in a neurotic, New York kind of way. ~ Manohla Dargis

On New Year's Eve he ould make a resolution to recover some his previous scepticism, but until then he would do as the Romans do, and smile at people even if he disapproved of them ~ Nick Hornby

If you are making a resolution for humanity then every day is your new year celebration ~ Devesh Tamta

My New Years Resolution is to find the calm in the chaos. Practicing yoga is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It's where you connect mind, body and spirit. ~ Donna Karan

This is the new year the new you. You can pass through another year, coasting on cruise control. Or you can step out of your comfort zone, trying things you have never done before, & make 2012 as the year that you elevate from where you are & soar high. Make it happen! ~ Pablo

Our second phase was to develop a school curriculum that teaches tolerance, respect for differences, conflict resolution, anger management, and other attributes of peace. ~ Eddie Bernice Johnson

New Year's Revolving Door [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet}
2015's revolution
commences with the overthrow
of New Year's resolution.
Seek not absolution
for our weak character's
immune to evolution. ~ Beryl Dov

The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. ~ Maureen Johnson

He thought and suffered a good deal but he lacked the resolution to dare
the first requisite of a practitioner. ~ Lawrence Durrell

I shall stick to my resolution of writing always what I think no matter whom it offends. ~ Julia Ward Howe

Determination is power. If the prospect be dark, kindle up the fire of resolution that nothing but death can extinguish. ~ Charles Simmons

The New Year is not a time to think about what you have lost or what you could have achieved but it is a time to plan and realise what you can gain and what you can achieve! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

Meditation is a skilful letting go: gently but with resolution. ~ Ajahn Sumedho

To shirk taking of vows betrays indecision and want of resolution. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do. ~ Jon Stewart

Men should pledge themselves to nothing; for reflection makes a liar of their resolution. ~ Sophocles

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me. ~ Emo Philips

I'm resolving to just wing it and see what happens. ~ Bill Watterson

I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn't be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year's resolution is not to bark back. ~ Tucker Carlson

All wars signify the failure of conflict resolution mechanisms, and they need post-war rebuilding of faith, trust and confidence. ~ A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Every American president, regardless of party, has said that America has an intense interest in a peaceful resolution. And I think it should be left at that. ~ Henry A. Kissinger

Maybe Ferrari's mirrors are excellent & have HD resolution ~ Sebastian Vettel

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, One at a time, please. ~ Jo Brand

It's funny: I kinda still float under the radar. I'm not tall like a New York Knick; I'm not a heavy, strong New York Giant or New York Jet. I blend in pretty well. A lot of people don't recognize me too many places. More men recognize me than women. ~ Curtis Granderson

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. ~ W.C. Fields

Use a mirror in difficult times. You will see both cause and resolution. ~ Ming-Dao Deng

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go. ~ Dave Chappelle

Weakness has many stages. There is a difference between feebleness by the impotency of the will, of the will to the resolution, of the resolution to the choice of means, of the choice of the means to the application. ~ Jean Francois Paul De Gondi

I kept my voice calm. It wasn't hard, I was calm. Anger carries less horror with it, men understand anger. It promises resolution; maybe bloody resolution, but swift. ~ Mark Lawrence