Witty Marriage Quotes

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison

I often advise young brides who are traveling during their first weeks or months of marriage to start "homemaking" in a hotel, even if they are there for only a night, rather than groaning about having to "wait so long to have a home". How? ... Your own cloth, your own candlestick, just one rose or daffodil is enough to make a difference ... You will be surprised how much difference it makes to have done something to make a room your home, even for one night. ~ Edith Schaeffer

Woman is the crown of all creation, but Man is the head who wears it, and even the servant is master in his house. ~ Franz Grillparzer

The ability to make witty observations is commonly refered to as "cynism" by people who lack it. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Now, you can stand it when your body emits a stench before you realize it, or when it festers and becomes pussy and completely pollutes your skin. You make allowances for all this. In fact, this only increases your concern and love for your body; you wait on it and wash it, and you endure and help in every way you can. Why not do the same with the spouse whom God has given you, who is an even greater treasure and whom you have even more reason to love? ~ Martin Luther

Sex can be such a stark barometer for a marriage. ~ John Eldredge

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage;
1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious. ~ Joe Rogan

This is what marriage is - safe, warm, comfortable. Tom ~ Paula Hawkins

Taking up marriage is a good excuse for taking up cursing.
These is my words ~ Nancey E. Turner

The man who has entered into a beautiful union is sure of at least one person to whom he can give the best that he possesses. ~ Georges Duhamel

My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot. ~ Armistead Maupin

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.) ~ Tina Fey

When someone tells me to pray my regards, I always turn around to ask cash or card? ~ EverSkeptic

The truth is that I'm more afraid of marriage than of death. ~ Shakira

You get what you tolerate. ~ Henry Cloud

Righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave. ~ David A. Bednar

Just as heaven and earth were created to be together - and, indeed, that's how the whole story of the Bible ends - so marriage is to be a symbol of this divine design: two differentiated entities uniquely fitted for one another.7 ~ Kevin DeYoung

In his old life, the answer would have been easy: He'd have just put a gun to Vin's head and dragged the fucker to the altar. Now? He needed to be a little more civilized. ~ J.R. Ward

I'm completely comfortable with gay marriage. ~ Elizabeth Edwards

I feel that heterosexual marriage is the more excellent way, and it surely is approved holy by the Holy Bible, and it holds so many more possibilities: the possibilities of having children of both the mother and father, the male and the female. ~ Robert H. Schuller

As we deprive marriage policy of definite shape, we deprive it of public purpose. ~ Sherif Girgis

There can have been no doubt in Eleanor's mind as to what was expected of her as a wife. In her day, women were supposed to be chaste both inside and outside marriage, virginity and celibacy being highly prized states. When it came to fornication, women were usually apportioned the blame, because they were the descendants of Eve, who had tempted Adam in the Garden of Eden, with such dire consequences. Women, the Church taught, were the weaker vessel, the gateway to the Devil, and therefore the source of all lechery. St. Bernard of Clairvaux wrote: "To live with a woman without danger is more difficult than raising the dead to life." Noblewomen, he felt, were the most dangerous so fall. Women were therefore kept firmly in their place in order to prevent them from luring men away from the paths of righteousness.

Promiscuity--and its often inevitable consequence, illicit pregnancy--brought great shame upon a woman and her family, and was punishable by fines, social ostracism, and even, in the case of aristocratic and royal women, execution. Unmarried women who indulged in fornication devalued themselves on the marriage market. In England, women who were sexually experienced were not permitted to accuse men of rape in the King's court. Female adultery was seen as a particularly serious offence, since it jeopardized the laws of inheritance.

Men, however, often indulged in casual sex and adultery with impunity. Because the virtue of high-born women was jealo ~ Alison Weir

I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting. ~ Mel Brooks

Civil marriage is a very serious problem. I think that even the religious understands that we must look for some kind of a solution because we have some contradictions. I'm sure there are many solutions. ~ Avigdor Lieberman

We are quick to stick labels on others - especially those who don't fit in with the norm. 'Harold Fry' is about a broken marriage; 'Perfect' is about a broken person. They are both about finding kindness where you least expect it. ~ Rachel Joyce

You're good at this," said Ronan.
"What?"
He leaned to touch the baby's head. "Being a mother."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Ronan looked awkward. Then he said glibly, "Nothing, if you don't like it." He glanced at Benix, Faris, and the others, but they were discussing thumbscrews and nooses. "It didn't mean anything. I take it back."
Kestrel set the baby on the grass next to Faris. "You cannot take it back."
"Just this once," he said, echoing her earlier words during the game.
She stood and walked away.
He followed. "Come, Kestrel. I spoke only the truth."
They had entered the shade of thickly grown laran trees, whose leaves were a bloody color. They would soon fall.
"It's not that I wouldn't want to have a child someday," Kestrel told Ronan.
Visibly relieved, he said, "Good. The empire needs new life."
It did. She knew this. As the Valorian empire stretched across the continent, it faced the problem of keeping what it had won. The solutions were military prowess and boosting the Valorian population, so the emperor prohibited any activities that unnecessarily endangered Valorian lives--like dueling and the bull-jumping games that used to mark coming-of-age ceremonies. Marriage became mandatory by the age of twenty for anyone who was not a soldier.
"It's just--" Kestrel tried again: "Ronan, I feel trapped. Between what my father wants and--"
He held up his hands in flat-palmed defense. "I am not trying ~ Marie Rutkoski

Why do ever think about to get married??
Do we dare, all life to get worried, to be curious, to be angry, to think for money like they are gold, to think about what next to buy, to cry and even and more to happen?
Marriage is like the gold, you find it or not, it depends from you but you once lost you can't find the same gold or the same wife, it's in about of luck to find the same. Imaginate that you have gold, but you don't have money, so you go to a pawnshop and what happens the gold becomes money, but reality you have two diffirent stuff. This doesn't mean that by doing that you get the same, why don't you go and give your wife for other person??? Will be the same like your wife will live in this person for which you have replaced her??
Of course, NOT! ~ Deyth Banger

Everything's gonna be fine. Stay optimistic. If there's dark clouds coming, they'll leave again. They always do. The world is round. Everything is round. The biggest invention of all time, the wheel, is round. Things pass, nothing will stay the same forever. No matter how big a pile of shite you've gotten yourself into-be it drugs, financial problems, fucked up relations-you will get over it. It will go away just like the weather. The sun is round, so is the planet we live on, as are marriage rings, and our eyes through which we see the world. ~ Noel Gallagher

Others try to remove guilt by shifting the standards of right and wrong in the name of cultural progression. One of the easiest ways to assuage guilt is to convince ourselves that our moral standards are impractical or outdated. Greed is not wrong; it's necessary in the good of ambition. Promoting ourselves is the only way to be successful. Lust is natural for contemporary men and women, and sex is expected regardless of marriage or gender. We attempt to remove our guilt by redefining right and wrong according to cultural fads. Yet guilt remains. No matter how hard ~ David Platt

A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other ... until death do them join. ~ Elbert Hubbard

pg. 245 ...there probably isn't a marriage or a relationship or a friendship anywhere today that wasn't jump-started by trivia. ~ Ken Jennings

The arguments in favour of offering something to a previously disprivileged group are all very well and they do have weight. But much more important is the effect of this on the institution of marriage. My view is that here we need some serious anthropology. You have to recognise that rites of passage are not personal possessions, they are possessions of the whole community, they are the ways in which the community defines itself and defines its obligation towards the next generation. So you don't make these radical, metaphysical alterations to an institution such as marriage without there being long-term consequences. And nobody seemed to want to talk about the long-term consequences. ~ Roger Scruton

I've always been anti-marriage for men until they become mature. As a species we don't mature until we're in our 60s. ~ Gene Simmons

But a good wife - a good unworldly woman - may really help a man, and keep him more independent. ~ George Eliot

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times
always with the same person. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

She knew him in a way that you can only know someone you love totally. Daily, she forgave his flaws, just as she knew he forgave hers. Maybe that alone was the foundation of a good marriage, an endless willingness to forgive and to love in spite of ourselves, an ability to ride the highs and endure the lows, the decision to always go home. She ~ Lisa Unger

If dysfunction means that a family doesn't work, then every family ambles into some arena in which that happens, where relationships get strained or even break down entirely. We fail each other or disappoint each other. That goes for parents, siblings, kids, marriage partners - the whole enchilada. ~ Mary Karr

I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make my marriage vows mean what they say. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. ~ Anna Quindlen

Love will always keep your heart warm. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

A boundary is not a plea, demand, or rule that your partner must follow... or else. A boundary is a decision that you make about how you're going to lead your own life. ~ Susan Clarke

Marriage like government is a series of compromises. One must give and take, repair and restrain, endure and be patient. ~ Samuel Smiles

Maybe the greatest gift marriage gives us is the chance to fantasize, to imagine that there's more to life than there actually is, and it accomplishes this by assuming responsibility for all the misery and dullness that we would otherwise equate with life itself. ~ John Jeremiah Sullivan

There is some concern among the Brethren that some of you who are still single may not be moving in the direction of preparing yourselves to seek out and commit to an eternal companion. This applies both to young men and to young women. The greater burden, however, rests upon the young men because in our society it is a responsibility of young men to initiate activities that lead to courtship and to marriage.

The doctrine of the Church is very clear and it anticipates that individuals will be married in the temple and rear a righteous family as guided by the inspired document we call "The Proclamation on the Family." . . .

Speaking of the obligation of men to marry, President Joseph Fielding Smith taught as follows:

"Any young man who carelessly neglects this great commandment to marry, or who does not marry because of a selfish desire to avoid the responsibilities which married life will bring, is taking a course which is displeasing in the sight of God. Exaltation means responsibility. There can be no exaltation without it.

"If a man refuses to take upon himself the responsibilities of married life, because he desires to avoid the cares and troubles which naturally will follow, he is taking a course which may bar him forever from the responsibilities which are held in reserve for those who are willing to keep in full the commandments of the Lord. . . .

"According to modern custom, it is the place of the man to take the ~ Earl C. Tingey