My Humor Quotes

I wish to be remembered for my humor, and my passion, and above all, my ability to go from angel to asshole in 3.5 seconds, but always for something that I truly believe in. I will be one crazy ass grandma. I want you to picture this, I will have red highlights, I will have fuck me heels, I will have a really nice glass of wine that I will have made in my hand, and I will tell anyone who will listen how a smart ass from Doylsetown, Pennslyvania was gonna be a star, and the Billboard fucking Magazine made her woman of the year. ~ P Nk

I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very funny but ... I have a reputation of - people think of me as a very fundamentalist, humorless fellow. ~ Ian MacKaye

When I started out, it was around the whole 9/11 - Islamophobia was just sort of hitting a second wind. Obviously that informed a lot of my humor, and it influenced a lot of what I was talking about on stage because it was extremely relevant at the time. ~ Riaad Moosa

Also, my humor is really dry-witted, Canadian humor, so some people get it and some people don't. I'd be great on "The Office." I would like to be on that show. And, I could see me doing romantic comedy films, and stuff like that. ~ Tinsel Korey

A lot of my humor does come from anger. It's like, you're not gonna pull one over on me - which is pretty much my motto anyways. ~ Courteney Cox

I was a precocious only child, and then I went through a fat, awkward stage for several years, so I learned to fall back on my humor and personality when I was growing up. It's how you survive, so I think it was more of a natural progression for me, developing into comedy. ~ Ari Graynor

My dad was a big fan of comedy. He wanted to be a stand-up. He loved Lenny [Bruce]. He also loved Lord Buckley and jazz and stuff. He was a hipster. My parents were kind of beatnik-y, you know, for Salt Lake City. But my humor, I think, came from wanting to disarm people before they hit me. ~ Judd Apatow

I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane. ~ Howie Mandel

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. ~ Don Rickles

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. ~ Don Rickles

So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix. ~ Jasper Fforde

I'm discovering there are innumerable ways to package, promote and sell my humor, as long as I reserve a little for myself to keep bouncing back and laughing off the rejections that are also part of the art of cartooning. ~ Mark Evelyn Heath

A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it. ~ Michael Showalter

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. ~ Sarah Silverman

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

A good-humored wife who appreciates most, if not all, of my humor - her price is far above rubies, as the book of Proverbs doesn't quite say. ~ Andrew Hudgins

Being Jewish is a big part of my artistic sensibility and my humor ... I think it gives me a certain take on the world on a literary level. ~ Adam Mansbach

My humor is so dirty I could masturbate to it. ~ Aleksandra Ninkovic

'Big Bang Theory' is not my kind of show. It's not my humor. I don't like multicam comedies. I don't want an audience to tell me when to laugh. ~ Zachary Knighton

My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association. ~ Richard Lewis

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape. ~ Bob Saget

I want to show the world my humor. ~ Tracy Morgan

I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. And when I started having kids, that doesn't work with kids. Kids don't understand sarcasm, and they certainly don't understand my humor. ~ Kurt Fuller

In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes. ~ Sarah Hyland

Life at its best is a series of misadventures with a few sound decisions thrown in just to make it livable. ~ Sebastian Di Mattia

I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on each water molecule and then drink the funniest drink ever. ~ Jarod Kintz

I've been doing stand-up longer than I've been doing anything. It's just learning how to act on camera, trying to get better at that, figuring out how to make my humor translate and bounce off other people. It's not a big challenge, but the main thing is just trying to be on point and be the best I can be on these shows. ~ Hannibal Buress

You do not mind my humor?"
"Not at all. I've not laughed like this ... " His brows drew together. "I think I've never laughed like this."
"Usually I exasperate people. And I jest at inappropriate times. Such as during executions. Freya says 'tis my gift and my bane to frustrate others."
"I like your manner, Reginleit. Life is long without humor. ~ Kresley Cole

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover. ~ Lenny Bruce

My humor had changed from foolishness to making sense. ~ Bernie Mac

My humor came from seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked - just weird hippie stuff, twisted R-rated humor. ~ Shia Labeouf

I failed to fulfill what should have been an interesting role. I couldn't take their formula and bring what I had, my humor, my ideas, and make it my own. ~ Dianne Wiest

I'm Jewish, but my mom's Catholic, so the guilt area is covered. I have the highest expectations, along with the lowest. I tried to put as much of myself as possible in Reality Bites, but in terms of my humor, I'm still trying to figure out what my sensibility is. It's a process, really. I don't feel like I have a very clear idea of what I'm supposed to be, or even of how people perceive me, except that I got put into this Generation X file. ~ Ben Stiller

A college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? ~ William Shakespeare

I love to read (du) okay i love to read about alpha males and gods shadowhunter maze runner half bloods divergent a good romance ~ Gena Showalter

And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food? ~ Bill Bryson

It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer ... a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale. ~ Christopher Moore

Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle. ~ G.K. Chesterton

Why do you think, A.J.," they say in unison, "that you find these boys so attractive?"
I didn't say that this fiery chemical explosion leaps from somewhere inside me. Parents don't want to hear these things. I shrugged and said nothing.
"Maybe you should try sitting on the intensity," Mom suggests, "just until your feelings catch up with reality."
"We could chain you to the water heater," Dad offers, "until these little moments pass."
You see what I'm up against. ~ Joan Bauer

Do what? Come up with a clever pun referencing Jerome's demonic status? The truth is, I usually keep a stash of them on hand and - ~ Richelle Mead

Fake it. We know you can do that. We've seen your sex tape. ~ Bill Maher

Her insides began to roar with a ferocious explosion of sensation and entitlement. For a moment, her thinking mind know this was what male and females were put on earth to do. ~ Lisa McKnight

The happiest people are the ones who can build a firm foundation of awesomeness out of the stones people have thrown at them. ~ Tanya Masse

Humor is the observation of an unprejudiced heart ~ Marsha Boulton

Contemporary poetry is a kind of Reykjavik, a place where accessibility and intelligence have been fighting a Cold War by proxy for the last half-century. ~ Nick Hornby

I think; therefore, I am above average. ~ Michael Walton

There's a library," I said, "and a fine journalist, and several interesting people. That's more than most places have. ~ Lemony Snicket

You made me feel less alone;
you made me feel not quite so
deformed, uninformed and hunchbacked. ~ Morrissey

Rico laughed a little, feeling helpless. "Is your life always this ... I don't know-"
"Tide of chaos washing ashore on the beach of what the fuck? Yesh. ~ Amy Lane

This morning the electricity came on for a few minutes, and when it did, Jonny said, "Hey, it's a black-on." This is what passes for humor around here. ~ Susan Beth Pfeffer

So, it's the ever popular Firstborn Child of Doom prophecy,huh, ice-boy? How very cliche. Why can't it ever be the third nephew twice removed who's fated to destroy the worls?
Iron Prophecy: The Iron Fey~ Puck ~ Julie Kagawa

You know, drinking milk doesn't make your boobs get any bigger. ~ Peach-Pit

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive. ~ Eugene Mirman

Once you realize that the vast majority of people see and know very little, you will rarely be affected when someone speaks ill or well of you. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Hard hands and no sense of humor makes for a bad marriage. ~ George R R Martin

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. ~ Roald Dahl

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing. ~ Jim Gaffigan

Smells like homeless man's crotch. Not that I've ever been up close and personal with a homeless man's crotch, but ... ~ Stacey Jay

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. ~ Howard Nemerov

Sometimes I feel like the punchline of God's favorite joke. ~ Lara McLaughlin

With actors like Steve McQueen, Paul Newman and Harrison Ford, what made them such icons is that even in dramatic movies, their characters had a sense of humor. ~ Patrick Wilson

When The Journal of Words compiled its list of the one hundred best novels written in English, do you know that Pride and Prejudice was number twelve?" She stopped pacing and glared at Jane. "And do you know where Jane Eyre was?" she asked. She looked at the four of them in turn, but nobody answered her. "Number fifty-two!" she shrieked. "Fifty-two! Below that pornographic travesty Lolita!" She spat the title as if it were poison. "Below Huckleberry Finn! Below Ulysses. Have you ever tried to read Ulysses? Have you ever finished it? No, you haven't. No one has. They just carry it around and lie about having read it. ~ Michael Thomas Ford

I don't speak fluent bumpkin... ~ Patrick Rothfuss

See?" I'd whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. "He never argues with her. Isn't that sweet?"
A snort preceded his response. "Keep dreaming, pet. ~ Jeaniene Frost

Many complain of their looks, few of their brains. ~ Sally Koslow

As far as Ahsoka Tano was concerned, the only thing worse than being up to her armpits in battle droids was waiting to find out just how long it would be before she was up to her armpits in battle droids. ~ Karen Miller

I hate the notion of a secret recipe. Recipes are by nature derivative and meant to be shared - that is how they improve, are changed, how new ideas are formed. To stop a recipe in it's tracks, to label it "secret" just seems mean. ~ Molly Wizenberg

Russell's prose has been compared by T.S. Eliot to that of David Hume's. I would rank it higher, for it had more color, juice, and humor. But to be lucid, exciting and profound in the main body of one's work is a combination of virtues given to few philosophers. Bertrand Russell has achieved immortality by his philosophical writings. ~ Sidney Hook

The closest most people have ever come to understanding what an investment banker does may have been on October 24, 1995, when they heard the outrageous special interest story of the day. The wire services released the story first. It was quickly picked up and parroted by almost every major media outlet in the country as a classic example of Wall Street excess. A fifty-eight-year-old frustrated managing director from Trust Company of the West, on an airplane trip from Buenos Aires to New York City, downed an excessive number of cocktails, got out of his seat in the first-class cabin of a United Airlines flight, dropped his pants, and took a crap
on the service cart. There you have it. That's what bankers do: consume, process, and disseminate. ~ Peter Troob

A misunderstanding?" Elizabeth echoed. "With an anvil?"
"Oh, stop," Harriet admonished her. "I think he looks very dashing."
"As if he dashed into an anvil. ~ Julia Quinn

I feel like I was just one pair of insanely high heels away from getting propositioned on the street. ~ B.B. Hamel