Pun Quotes

Far be it from me to insult the pun! I honor it in proportion to its merits; nothing more. All the most august, the most sublime, the most charming of humanity, and perhaps outside of humanity, have made puns. ~ Victor Hugo

He hit and fatally injured my innocent and unfortunate uncle whose muttered last words in hospital, before his coma became a full stop, were: 'My God, the buggers've learned to fly ... ~ Iain Banks

We do not claim that punning is legitimate wit. Wit consists in combination of ideas, punning in combination of words only. We wonder at the one, but we laugh at the drollery of the other - as the world goes a pun is regarded as an imponderable commodity, all know the rank it holds in the order of pure intellect. ~ Harriet Hosmer

Pick a side, Max. I feel like I'm living through some vampire romance where you can't be near me because my blood smells delicious. ~ Lucy Keating

Once we acquired the power to destroy ourselves, the very notion of human life had been altered; even the air we breathed was contaminated with the stench of death. Sachs was hardly the first person to come up with this idea, but considering what happened to him nine days ago, there's a certain eeriness to the obsession, as if it were a kind of deadly pun, a mixed-up word that took root inside him and proliferated beyond his control. ~ Paul Auster

There is a novella inside every anus; there is a broken heart inside every mind; there is a bisected hug inside every arm; there is a pun inside every belly. "The Great American Novel," thinks the typographer, who at this point is severely constipated. He tries to squeeze out an 'o' but can't. "The Great American Navel," he says, then waits for a laugh. ~ Jimmy Chen

Mephistopheles waved her off as she left. "One more woman running off with another man. I'm losing my touch."

"Have you considered you might be a Thorne in their sides?" Thomas asked. "You certainly can be a pric - "

"Thomas," I whispered harshly, pinching the inside of his elbow.

"How clever," Mephistopheles said blandly. "You've made my name into a pun. What other comedic brilliance will you think of next? I wish I could say I missed this" - he motioned between himself and Thomas - "but that sort of lying doesn't pay my bills."

"Nor do the gemstones on your suits," Thomas muttered.

"Are you still jealous about my jackets?" Mephistopheles grinned.

"For the love of the queen," I said, interrupting before they really got into it. ~ Kerri Maniscalco

Life imitates art and art imitates life until both imitate imitation - Reality TV. ~ Brian Spellman

The greatest irony is that people with Rolodexes are no longer LinkedIn. And if that pun doesn't make sense, don't ask anyone in your Rolodex to explain it. ~ Ryan Lilly

There's a lot of me in Captain Jack and there's a lot of Captain Jack in me. And there is no pun intended. ~ John Barrowman

But I am not discouraged. I do not despair for our country. I believe tonight, as I always have, that the essential decency, compassion and common sense of the American people will prevail. ~ Jimmy Carter

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored. ~ Eoin Colfer

You'd think they'd come up with a better headline. How did they miss a pun about being a gay tight end?"
"At least he isn't a wide receiver. ~ Eden Finley

I love puns. I've been known to turn the car around just to take advantage of a good pun situation. It really is the highest form of humor. ~ Karin Slaughter

I don't want to be considered 'the Latino rapper.' ~ Big Pun

The problem here is that most people who get caught cheating apologize and give the 'It will never happen again' spiel and that's that, as if penises fell into various orifices completely by accident. Many cheatees accept this response at face value, and don't question the values and fucks given by their partner (pun totally intended); they don't ask themselves whether those values and fucks make their partner a good person to stay with. They're so concerned with holding on to their relationship that they fail to recognize that it's become a black hole consuming their self respect.

If people cheat, it's because something other than the relationship is more important to them. It may be power over others. It may be validation through sex. It may be giving in to their own impulses. Whatever it is, it's clear that the cheater's values are not aligned in a way to support a healthy relationship. And if the cheater doesn't admit this or come to terms with it, if he just gives the old 'I don't know what I was thinking; I was stressed out and drunk and she was there' response, then he lacks the serious self-awareness necessary to solve any relationship problems. ~ Mark Manson

...occasionally I like carrying raw steel to remind myself of an important lesson.
The blade's an extension of the hand, the agent--no pun intended--of my will. Most people understand this immediately of edged weapons...
The trick--and few are subtle or sophisticated enough to master it--is to see that this is equally true... by implication, of all machines. ~ L. Neil Smith

Going to the gym at this odd hour didn't 'work out' for me. ~ Abheek Kakkar

Violence existed before our music was even suggested. ~ Big Pun

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun! ~ Ana Claudia Antunes

I like the old wisdom
puns, riddles, spells, proverbs. ~ Mason Cooley

A pun, though despicable in itself, can be the noblest vehicle of an artistic intention by serving as the abbreviation of a wittyview. It can be a social criticism in the form of an epigram. ~ Karl Kraus

But common sense comes too late, because Logan is now moving away from the counter and marching in my direction.

"Hey, gorgeous." He slides in the seat across from me and places a chocolate-chip muffin on the table. "I got you a muffin."

Damn it, I guess he'd noticed me right when he'd walked in.

"Why?" I ask in suspicion, and without saying hi.

"'Cause I wanted to get you something, and you already have coffee. Ergo, muffin."

I raise one eyebrow. "Are you trying to buy your way into my good graces?"

"Yup. And excellent pun, by the way."

"I wasn't punning. My name just happens to be a homonym."

His blue eyes gleam as he downright smolders at me. "I love it when you talk homonyms to me."

"Uh-huh. ~ Elle Kennedy

You know, being bitten by a vampire one week before prom really sucks.
No pun intended. ~ Mari Mancusi

I was supposed to watch you, yeah. They thought it was weird that Atherton would send his own kid to Hecate, so we wanted to keep an eye on you. No pun intended. (Archer) ~ Rachel Hawkins

Human beings are more or less formulas. Pun intended. We are not any one thing that is mathematically provable. We are more or less than we are anything. We are more or less kind, or more or less not. More or less selfish, happy, wise, lonely. ~ Adi Alsaid

My puns are not trivial. They are quadrivial ~ James Joyce

Live like the Kennedy's, above the law. ~ Big Pun

This was inspired by my pediatrician, a relatively young man whom I called Dr. Handsome. I had assumed this was because his name was Dr. Hasen or Dr. Branson, but I recently found out his name was Dr. Ritger, so I guess I should have just died at age four when I decided to call my physician Dr. Handsome without so much as a pun to justify it. ~ Anna Kendrick

You and him are both alpha males and usually that never works because…well, because one ends up destroying the other. But in very rare situations, some alphas actually enjoy that fight. Someone to push them back, challenge them. You're turned on by his assholery and he's turned on by your cockiness. No pun intended ~ Amelia LeFay

I never read Freud. I've never been attracted to anything he has said, and I think he's started a lot of nonsense with psychiatry and that business. I don't think psychiatry can help or has helped anybody. I think it's a big fraud (pun not intended) on the public. ~ Bob Dylan

Images are taking over, and writers are a dying breed. The Norman Mailers of today are reduced to writing pun-filled captions for paparazzi photos. Blogs
which were threatening enough to professional writers
are being replaced by video blogs. We writers need to embraced the Second Commandment as our rallying cry for the importance of words. In a literally biblical world, all publications would look like the front page of the Wall Street Journal. Or the way it used to look, anyway. ~ A. J. Jacobs

God knows why - no pun intended - but every time I write a song, I feel a need to touch on religion. ~ Martin Gore

There is never a bad time for a pun. There's also never really a good time for a pun. You might as well just stay braced for a pun at all times, and ride them when they come with as much grace as you can manage.The fact that you can replace 'pun' with 'disaster' in the last three rules says a lot about the human race. ~ Terry Pratchett

She only modelled for him once,' Max said stubbornly, leaning the canvases back against the wall and replacing the sheet.
'Once, twice or umpteen times, it's proof she knew Spataro ... how shall we put it? ... on terms a man who loved her might resent.'
'There are lots of artists in Montparnasse, Appelby, and lots of artists' models.'
'I wouldn't like it. And I bet Sir Henry didn't like it either.'
'There was nothing between Corinne and Spataro.'
'That's the problem, isn't it?' Appelby pointed with the stem of his pipe at the shrouded paintings. 'There may have been *literally* nothing between them. ~ Robert Goddard

I- I. Sorry. This is what my father would call a fucking unfortunate image. ~ Erin Bow

I will not mention the name (and what bits of it I happen to give here appear in decorous disguise) of that man, that Franco-Hungarian writer... I would rather not dwell upon him at all, but I cannot help it - he is surging up from under my pen. Today one does not hear much about him; and this is good, for it proves that I was right in resisting his evil spell, right in experiencing a creepy chill down my spine whenever this or that new book of his touched my hand. The fame of his likes circulates briskly but soon grows heavy and stale; and as for history it will limit his life story to the dash between two dates. Lean and arrogant, with some poisonous pun ever ready to fork out and quiver at you, and with a strange look of expectancy in his dull brown veiled eyes, this false wag had, I daresay, an irresistible effect on small rodents. Having mastered the art of verbal invention to perfection, he particularly prided himself on being a weaver of words, a title he valued higher than that of a writer; personally, I never could understand what was the good of thinking up books, of penning things that had not really happened in some way or other; and I remember once saying to him as I braved the mockery of his encouraging nods that, were I a writer, I should allow only my heart to have imagination, and for the rest rely upon memory, that long-drawn sunset shadow of one's personal truth.

I had known his books before I knew him; a faint disgust was already replacing the ~ Vladimir Nabokov

Old and frail my ass. There's no more vital sexagenarian, thought Joss, smiling to herself and realizing how much her grandmother would appreciate the pun. ~ Tabou I Jocelyn I

Quote taken from Chapter 1:
A grave matter has just arisen." Etta hadn't intended to make the pun. She went on. "It's a problem right up your alley. ~ Ed Lynskey

There's a magic phone in my childhood bedroom. I unplugged it this morning and hid it in the closet.
Maybe all the phones in the house are magic.
Or maybe I'm magic. Temporary magic. (Ha! Time travel pun!) ~ Rainbow Rowell

It's drier than I thought it would be."

"That isn't saying much," the shape-shifter griped, wrapping the waterlogged coat more securely around her frame. "We've absorbed enough water to be classified as vernal pools. ~ Nenia Campbell

Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun. ~ Teju Cole

John Cusack and I have been friends since childhood, and the fact that we're in so many films together is, no pun intended, serendipitous. ~ Jeremy Piven

In the middle of Little Italy little did we know that we riddled some middleman who didn't do diddily ~ Big Pun

When we were little," the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, "we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle - we used to call him Tortoise -"
"Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?" Alice asked.
"We called him Tortoise because he taught us," said the Mock Turtle angrily: "really you are very dull! ~ Lewis Carroll

I never knew an enemy to puns who was not an ill-natured man. ~ Charles Lamb

I blow my own mind like Nirvana, and go the whole nine like Madonna. ~ Big Pun

Your magic gets me hard," he said, looking like he wished he could be anywhere but where he was. "When you do anything, I get hard, really. Even your ridiculous sex puns. You remember when you wrapped those Dark wizards in stone at the restaurant?"
"Yeah," I managed to say.
"I wanted to tell you that you gave me an e-rock-tion." He bent over and banged his forehead against the table. "Why, why, why did I say that out loud? Please. Someone. Anyone. Kill me."
"Sex puns," I breathed. "Knight Delicious Face said a sex pun. ~ T.J. Klune

I hate puns. And, I'm tired of pardoning them. ~ Mark Lowry

Can he keep from throwing his hissy fit until he gets to the cauldron?"
"I don't know. You're not impressed by his warp spasm, huh?"
He grimaced. "It's abhorrent. Total loss of control. No beauty to it, no symmetry. His eye was hanging out on his cheek like some piece of snot. No, I'm not impressed."
"I can try to keep a lid on him until we get to the cauldron." I made a pun, but he wasn't in the mood to notice.
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"No, you're not going with him."
I crossed my arms. "Who decided that?"
He put on his "I'm alpha and I'm putting my foot down" expression. "I decided."
"You don't get to decide. I'm not under your authority."
"Yes, you are. Without you the fight will happen, but without me and the Pack, it won't. I command the superior force, therefore I'm in charge. You and your army of one can put yourself under my authority or you can take a walk."
"You don't think I can do it, is that it?"
"No, I want you where I can see you."
"Why?"
His lip quivered with the beginning of a snarl. His face relaxed, as he brought himself under control. "Because that's how I want it," he said, using a slow, patience voice reserved for rowdy children and disagreeable mental patients. It drove me to the edge of reason. I really wanted to punch him. ~ Ilona Andrews

You're just gonna create somebody who is, I was gonna say, 'toying with his sexuality.' Pardon the pun. ~ Christine O'Donnell

There's no longevity, living off of negativity. ~ Big Pun

I'm a living abortion. ~ Big Pun

I think; therefore, I am above average. ~ Michael Walton

According to that book, only one Marx contributed an unforgotten pun to the Round Tablers' vaunted word games. It wasn't Groucho, who must have been furious. Nor was it Harpo, who for all we know sat at the table naked. Nor was it Chico, who had more dangerous games elsewhere. It was Gummo. Evidently Gummo had a seat at that table at least once, and he made it count. Everybody knows that Dorothy Parker, challenged to make a sentence with the word horticulture, quipped as follows: "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think." But who knew that Gummo, taking on euphoria, came up with this: LEFT TO RIGHT: Harpo, Zeppo, Chico, Groucho, and Gummo, 1957. "Go outside and play," Minnie told the brothers. "Which ones?" they asked. And she said: "Euphoria."* ~ Roy Blount, Jr.

I'll see? Really? Did she seriously say that?"
"Qualities of a Good Nurse: Go," I said.
"1. Doesn't pun on your disability," Isaac said.
"2. Gets blood on the first try," I said.
"Seriously, that is huge. I mean is this my freaking arm or a dartboard? 3. No condescending voice."
"How are you doing, sweetie?" I asked, cloying. "I'm going to stick you with a needle now. There might be a little ouchie."
"Is my wittle fuffywump sickywicky?" he answered. ~ John Green

As Tolkien points out, the name is "a pleasantly ingenious pun," referring to those who "dabble in ink." It also suggests people "with vague or half-formed intimations and ideas. ~ Diana Pavlac Glyer

I used to pursue the need for excitement and creativity excessively by sleeping around, drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco and occasionally using drugs. I was in a rock and roll band and I thought I was a real bad boy. I even have the tattoos to prove it. After I told Yogi Hari my story at his ashram, he joked around when he was introducing me and said: He used to be Bad-John, but now he is Good-John. (It's a pun on the pronunciation of my name Gudjon – and if you ever meet me, I'll probably use it to get you to pronounce my name correctly). ~ Gudjon Bergmann

We've arrived," Leo announced. "Time to Split."
Frank groaned. "Can we leave Valdez in Croatia? ~ Rick Riordan

I have to be perfectly honest:
You should have an anniversary to acknowledge the way I work the ebonics. ~ Big Pun

Do what? Come up with a clever pun referencing Jerome's demonic status? The truth is, I usually keep a stash of them on hand and - ~ Richelle Mead

Hmm, I wondered as I knocked on Stephan's door, would you call a mischievous young ghoul? A ghouligan? I snorted at my own pun. I cracked myself up. ~ Elizabeth A. Reeves

In person, if possible, Anubis was even more drop-dead gorgeous. [Oh ... ha, ha. I didn't catch the pun, but thank you, Carter. God of the dead, drop-dead gorgeous. Yes, hilarious. Now, may I continue?] ~ Rick Riordan

So the Casnoffs are at Hex Hall. Probably with however many demons they've managed to create. What are they doing there? Throwing a hellacious slumber party? ~ Rachel Hawkins

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. ~ Joseph Gordon-Levitt

LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns. ~ Ambrose Bierce

Sinister is Latin for 'left', making it the sort of enjoyable schoolboy pun that is such an advert for mixed-gender education. ~ Ben Aaronovitch

A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

The Admiral Fell Inn? It's the only hotel nearby that's a pun; of course you headed there. ~ Abigail Roux

Most of my friends like words too well. They set them under the blinding light of the poem and try to extract every possible connotation from each of them, every temporary pun, every direct or indirect connection - as if a word could become an object by mere addition of consequences. Others pick up words from the streets, from their bars, from their offices and display them proudly in their poems as if they were shouting, "See what I have collected from the American language. Look at my butterflies, my stamps, my old shoes!" What does one do with all this crap? ~ Jack Spicer

The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

Biggie and Big Pun were the best storytellers of the '90s. I would get wrapped up in the narrative of what they were talking about. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda

Get naked for me," she whispered in his ear.
Dev used his powers to remove his clothes.
She wrinkled her nose as her eyes twinkled in hungry satisfaction. "There's definitely an advantage to having a Were-Hunter for a lover, eh?"
"Woman, you have no idea."
She gave a low whistle of appreciation as she took him into her hand. "You're even hung like a bear."
He laughed at her pun. "You just don't know, baby. You ain't ever been loved till you're loved by a Were. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

See you when tea is hot. ~ Robert Anton Wilson

Nietzsche had the Latin pun aut liberi, aut libri - either children or books, both information that carries through the centuries. ~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb

A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect. ~ Charles Lamb

A first edition of Peter Pan appeared gift-wrapped on my bed - Lucy admitted that Asher had drafted her to help deliver that present. ~ Corrine Jackson

I think the play actually became bigger than me. No pun intended. ~ Camryn Manheim

They say "doubt everything," but I disagree. Doubt is useful in small amounts, but too much of it leads to apathy and confusion. No, don't doubt everything. QUESTION everything. That's the real trick. Doubt is just a lack of certainty. If you doubt everything, you'll doubt evolution, science, faith, morality, even reality itself - and you'll end up with nothing, because doubt doesn't give anything back. But questions have answers, you see. If you question everything, you'll find that a lot of what we believe is untrue...but you might also discover that some things ARE true. You might discover what your own beliefs are. And then you'll question them again, and again, eliminating flaws, discovering lies, until you get as close to the truth as you can.

Questioning is a lifelong process. That's precisely what makes it so unlike doubt. Questioning engages with reality, interrogating all it sees. Questioning leads to a constant assault on the intellectual status quo, where doubt is far more likely to lead to resigned acceptance. After all, when the possibility of truth is doubtful (excuse the pun), why not simply play along with the most convenient lie?

Questioning is progress, but doubt is stagnation. ~ Tom Jubert / Jonas Kyratzes

Hey," Nick grunted. "Marriage is just a word for some people, but for others it's a fucking sentence, okay?"
Zane was holding his side. "Oh my God, marriage puns! Oh my God ... "
Nick was trying not to grin, but he finally couldn't help himself. "Once we established I was the victim, then we had to find a girl with a ring on her finger to figure out which one I'd fucking married."
Ty leaned against Zane's arm, laughing so hard he could no longer sit up straight. "The look on his face!"
"He made a marriage pun," Zane gasped. ~ Abigail Roux

I feel that I am entitled to trample all other considerations into the dirt in my pursuit of a satisfying pun. ~ Neal Stephenson

This place is the Devil, or at least his principal residence, they call it the University, but any other appellation would have suited it much better, for study is the last pursuit of the society; the Master eats, drinks, and sleeps, the Fellows drink, dispute and pun, the employments of the undergraduates you will probably conjecture without my description. ~ Lord Byron

I am thankful that my name in obnoxious to no pun. ~ William Shenstone

I can be really silly when I'm not actually writing silliness, and I have to rein that in. Pynchon, in my opinion, sometimes tells elaborate shaggy dog stories just to work up to a pun or punch line. My challenge is to use humor and wordplay to reinforce the emotional core of the novel. ~ Mary Kay Zuravleff

Anyway, my writer gang: they kind of did their comedy apprenticeship with me and, during that period, when they were young and impressionable, I think I infected them with my pun virus. They grew to enjoy puns, think puns, just as much as me. The problem is people don't really like puns any more, so I worry I've rendered the poor fuckers virtually unemployable. ~ Frank Skinner

Anyhow, high school is just…The. Worst."

"Funny that you became a high school teacher, then," I say, and she laughs again.

"Something I should talk to my therapist about. Speaking of which, you could speak to the school counselor if you want. We have a psychiatrist on staff. A life coach too."

"Seriously?"

"I know, right? Finding ways to justify the tuition. Anyhow, if not them, feel free to come talk to me anytime. Students like you are the reason I chose to teach."

"Thanks."

"By the way, I look forward to your and Ethan's 'Waste Land' paper. You're two of my brightest students. I have great expectations." Dickens is next on the syllabus. A literary pun. No wonder Mrs. Pollack was destroyed in high school.

"We intend to reach wuthering heights," I say, and as I walk by, she reaches her hand up, and I can't help it - dorks unite! nerd power! - I give her a high five on my way out. ~ Julie Buxbaum

The man [Donald Trump] seems to out-trump himself - no pun intended - every time he speaks in his bid to win the Republican nomination. ~ Corri Wilson

For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life. ~ Tim Vine

One spear to start a war, one spear to prime them. One spear to bring them all and into bloodshed bind them. ~ Alis Franklin

Are you calling for help?" Sophie asked when he had closed the phone.
Saint-Germain shook his head. "Ordering breakfast. I'm famished." He jerked his thumb back in the direction of the Eiffel Tower, which was still erupting fireworks. "Creating something like that- if you pardon the pun- burns a lot of calories. ~ Michael Scott

It requires genius to make a good pun - some men of bright parts can't reach it. ~ Hannah Cowley

Actually touring solo is a little more difficult. It's more demanding than being under the "wing" of the band, no pun intended. It's more intimidating to sing in front of smaller crowds. The buck stops with me. ~ Timothy B. Schmit

The room was rococo. I had a strong sense of gilt. ~ Eric Idle

All he ever wanted was a comfortable chair and a place in history. Well, he was robbed of one and died in the other. ~ Neal Shusterman

We live to produce information, or improve on it. Nietzsche had the Latin pun aut liberi, aut libri - either children or books, both information that caries through the centuries ... I am here to die a heroic death for the sake of the collective, to produce offspring (and prepare them for life and provide for them), or eventually, books, - my information, that is, my genes, the anti-fragile in me, should be the ones seeking immortality, not me. Then say goodbye, have a nice funeral in St. Sergius (Mar Sarkis) in Amioun, and, as the French say, place aux autres - make room for others (p. 370-371). ~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Thus was their relationship born on the swift kiss of a pun. Neither suspected what the other would become to each of them. Like phrases running wild in the Logos, they knew neither who nor by what mechanism nor for what reason they were whistled for (if they understood that they were whistled for at all). They were simply compelled to come together. Sophia was the question, and Blip was the answer. And vice versa. ~ Tony Vigorito

Let me do five of those, and then some slower ones for those kids that can't understand what I'm sayin. ~ Big Pun

One of my favourite things about country music is that, at least until recently, you could always count on a solid story, a punchline and a pun. I think it has that in common with hip hop, where they're not afraid of wordplay and I really appreciate that. ~ St. Vincent

Also not the kind of place to hide a server."
"Is that another pun?" She asked.
"No! I swear! I didn't mean that one."

~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5 ~ Ridley Pearson

They are "sexcellent". That is a pun for you, you will find lots of puns on the internet! Also: blonde jokes. ~ Ryan North