Humor Inspirational Quotes

Words Words Words!!

It's not always what you say but how you say it ~ Bandile Matsenjwa

Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right. ~ Orson Scott Card

There are no normal people, there are just different kinds of weird, all of it is human and all humanity is better than everything inhuman. So I urge you to keep expressing yourself as honestly as you can, and know that the backpedals and second-guesses really aren't necessary - they don't hurt but they're wasting your time - because when you are truly human, as we all are, and when that is your honest message to anyone, you are beyond reproach, there is no way to screw it up. ~ Dan Harmon

Dance after dance after dance, until sweat was running down my back as I worked to keep up, keep that smile on my face, to remember to laugh when my hands were within strangling distance from his throat. ~ Sarah J. Maas

Still I considered the M16 my bestest of besties. Always by my side, even at night, burrowed into my sleeping bag with me, faithful and true. In the 4th Wave, you can't trust that people are still people. But you can trust that your gun is still your gun.
Shhh, Cassie. It's close.
Close ~ Rick Yancey

Life is too short to give a fuck. Jump in the pool butt ass naked and do it up. ~ Richard P. Denney

It's often said when a baby is born so is a grandparent; well, for me it turned out that when I was born it was also the birth of a Ding Dong. ~ Lisa A. Tortorello

There's a reason people say everything happens for a reason, but don't think about that reason too much, because then you'll turn into the unhappy "skeptical one" of the group. ~ Jay Clark

I must go down to the seas again
to find where I
buried the hatchet with Yesterday. ~ Janet Frame

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR. AT LEAST, YOU GET TO READ STUFF THAT'S WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO CAN WRITE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR, YOU DON'T NEED ANY SPECIAL TALENT, YOU JUST HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT SOMEONE WANTS YOU TO SEE - TO WHAT MAKES SOMEONE ANGRIEST, OR THE MOST EXCITED IN SOME OTHER WAY. IT'S SO EASY!; I THINK THAT'S WHY THERE ARE SO MANY ENGLISH MAJORS! ~ John Irving

things you bone, end up boning you ~ Josh Stern

History, Geology, Psychology, Philosophy, Chemistry, Physics, Theology, Mathematics, Technology, Sociology, Biology, and the list goes on and on. If all this body of knowledge exist for human consumption, why would I specialize in only one field? ~ Allan Amanyire

Don't underestimate the power of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself to deliver peace and serenity. ~ Charles F. Glassman

I decided to irritate him, on the premise that it couldn't make my situation any worse. ~ Jeff Somers

...No man is foolish when his friend betrays him because a man's world is most serene when he has people to trust and call friends. After all, is it not often said that a friend is another self? ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

If you wanna live a good life, start thinking positive and start talking positive. Use your brains and mind. ~ Reason Nkosinathi Makhubela

Slaying dragons, melting witches, and banishing demons is all fun and games until someone loses a sidekick - then it's personal. The bad guy isn't just the "bad guy" anymore, he's the BAD GUY! ~ Michael J. Sullivan

We can beat our swords into plowshares, and we can beat our plowshares into swords, but as far as computers go, a hammer can only change the shape of the junk, not it's function. ~ Jury Nel

Only a genius can overlook the chaos ~ Philosopher 'X'

We have to be rid of all paradigms, I mean all, and go to that place where all paradigms dissolve. That's what this certainly is all about; especially the scary paradigms. Do you really think that we are all going to Hell, or even Heaven? This is not about punishment and reward. We already have the reward. It's the grace of this journey into the heart of the Creator and being a part of that creation. ~ Art Hochberg

In a world full of lemmings, I'd rather be the cliff. ~ Cindy Philippe

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live. ~ Shannon L. Alder

... and left decimated. Not for myself, but for all the single women out there trying to date. I wanted to run to the top of the Empire State Building and make an announcement to all of them to let them know they are worth so much more than this. That they don't need to wrangle some warm body to sit next to them just so they aren't alone on holidays. That they should never let a magazine or dating site or matchmaker monster tell them they're in a lower bracket of desirability because of their age or weight or face or sense of humor. ~ Amy Schumer

(On her son) I've met writer's block. He is short, diapered and keeps unplugging my laptop. Good news: he can be conquered with a bottle and a nap. ~ Cyrese Covelli

You know what i can't understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, i mean endlessly, i've been telling you for years. So why don't you believe it? why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you? ~ David Nicholls

A lifetime in the business had taught her that, apart from the few good people that work along-side you,nobody is to be trusted,ever,because sooner or later they'll let you down,sure as God made little green apples. And, when you came to think of it,hadn't that been the dirtiest trick of them all? ~ Tom Holt

When in doubt, write it out. If that doesn't work, you're screwed. ~ Moniqua Sexton

You can please some of the people some of the time, others you can please once in a while and still others you can't please any of the time, but if you only strive to please yourself all of the time, you have and are a problem. ~ Belva Rae Staples

You know that person on your left shoulder who tells you that you can't do it or that you're not good enough? Tell that person to GET LOST! ~ Dawn M. Plass

There is the only way to change your life and it is to make it better. ~ Sergey Vedenyo

Be afraid of nothing but be aware of everything. ~ Rajan Shrestha

Luffy: "Shanks you arm!"

Shanks: "Its no big deal. Just one arm. I'm glad your safe ~ Eiichiro Oda

Dreams are memories.
Memories are dreams.
But my time with you hasn't become a dream just yet.
Because the sensation of your kisses
keep me from sleep.
I'm in love,
God help me, I'm in love. ~ F.K. Preston

If there is but one pearl of wisdom I have to impart to you, after all my observations here thus far, it is do not take yourself too seriously. Because when you get here, you might just find that you are not exactly who or what you thought you were. ~ Natasha Rendell

So, what have I learned over my long and weird life?
Well, first, that there are two kinds of people, and I don't much care for either of them. Second, when faced with a difficult choice, either way is often best. Third, always leave a party when people begin to play the bongos. ~ Eric Idle

Relationships are not additive, but multiplicative because you connect with his/her childhood experiences, past relationships, thoughts on money and more. ~ Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

The more I know mankind, the more I love mt dogs. ~ Unknown Author 724

If someone wanted to have a grudge against me, or didn't agree with my lifestyle, the way I breathed, the space I took up on this planet, they had an open door to 'report' to the powers that be. ~ Mark Alders

All humans are insane, they exists because insanity exists. ~ Prakhar Bansal

Life is better with a partner. ~ Melissa Mae Palmer

He doesn't teach you what to think, he teaches you how to think ~ Lurlene McDaniel

I will tell you what we shall do: if ever you need to rescue Catherine, or you Berkley, Maximus, I will help you, and you will do as much for me. Then we do not need to worry, I do not suppose anyone could stop all three of us, at least not before we can escape ~ Naomi Novik

I've been single so long that if I hug a brother, he'll get pregnant! ~ Tranea Prosser

All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain. ~ Gasmaskman

He who cannot remember the past is doomed. DOOMED! ~ John Howard

Some people think they have to marry someone just like themselves. Well, if you want to do that, it's ok. It might be more interesting though if you marry someone who is not just like you. Hmmmmmmm. ~ Art Hochberg

There's always less to do than you think. If there's more to do than you think, then do that also. ~ Art Hochberg

If we want less and less, we may in fact receive more and more of what we need. It may work like that. ~ Art Hochberg

The most hilarious person ever is God ~ Alzenati Zenati

If your treated like a puppet find a new ball of string ~ Benny Bellamacina

You have some balls.
Frankie hated that expression, ever since Zada had pointed out to her that it equates courage with the male equipment ... ~ E. Lockhart

Rule #3 - It's okay to believe yourself better than the rest of the planet, so long as you keep it to yourself. ~ Bisco Hatori

I don't want to be a supermodel; I want to be a role model. ~ Queen Latifah

When you make things too easy on someone, you're giving them a discount on your worth; and this causes them to regard you as inferior. ~ K.M.Docherty

God created hunger for our growth. ~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Fuck rational thought ~ George Carlin

Avoid people who hurt from an impulse. I mean people who have this tendency to relish their capacity to hurt the good souls of this world, and who after hurting, wake up the next day without a trace of despondent brooding, and then move on with life never thinking that they should show some remorse or try to repent. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Wow. I'm twenty years old. Rene Descartes invented analytic geometry in his early twenties. Talk about pressure. ~ Anna Kay Akana

Life is good, and there's no reason to think it won't be
right up until the moment when everything explodes into a fireball of tiny, unrecognizable fragments, or it all goes skidding sideways, through the guardrail, over the embankment, and down the mountain. This will happen (and probably more than once). ~ Michael J. Fox

Now, if either of you should think of something, you ring me up. And, Detective Farthering "-he shook his finger at Drew-" you and that young Dennison scamp mind you don't interfere with police business. Do all the clever thinking you want, and when you get an idea, I'll be happy to hear it. But you let the police do the investigating. Do I make myself clear?"
"Why, Inspector, I never - ~ Julianna Deering

When someone is holding a door shut that you're meant to enter, just keep pushing until you get it open. And when you do get the door wide open make sure you actually enter it. ~ Bree Hayes

Of course the dust is building up unseen, but you learn to repress this for as long as it goes unnoticed by guests. And then one day someone moves a piece of furniture without your say-so, and everything comes into plain view. Dirt and scratch marks. Permanent damage to the parquet floor. By then it's too late. ~ Fredrik Backman

First, you scribble. Then, you write. ~ Timi Waters

It is easy to be calm when there is nothing to worry about, Eragon. The true test of your self-control, however, is whether you can remain calm in a trying situation. You cannot allow anger or frustration to cloud your thoughts, not at the moment. Right now, you need your mind to be clear.
Have you always been able to remain calm at times like this?
The old dragon seemed to chuckle. No. I used to growl and bite and knock down trees and tear up the ground. Once, I broke the top off of a mountain in the Spine; the other dragons were rather upset with me for that. But I have had many years to learn that losing my temper rarely helps. You have not, I know, but allow my experience to guide you in this. Let go of your worries and focus on the task at hand. The future will be what is will, and fretting about it will only make your fears more likely to come true.
I know, Eragon sighed, but it's not easy.
Of course not. Few things of worth are. Then Glaedr withdrew and left him to the silence of his own mind. ~ Christopher Paolini

No one ever accomplished anything great sitting down. ~ Chris Hadfield

snow is overused. ~ N.D. Wilson

Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much.
He was talking with his friend Nathan. Where Bryce had the whole tan, blond, hazel-eyed thing going on, Nathan was fair with dark hair and dark eyes. They looked like opposite sides of the same coin. A really hot, totally unreachable coin that a collector would keep in a special locked case, which normal girls like myself were not allowed to touch. ~ Chris Cannon

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. ~ John M. Gottman

Hang together, or hang separately. Benjamin Franklin is a genius. ~ Renay Williams

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that hap­pi­ness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me I didn't under­stand the assign­ment and I told them they didn't under­stand life. ~ Gaius Julius Caesar

To pray with others is good. To pray alone is even better. ~ Art Hochberg

Life like Stew!!! -Gully Dwarf saying (Dragonlance) ~ Margaret Weis

There is not always a light at the end of the tunnel. That is why you must carry a torch. ~ J. Zachary Pike

The great thing about writing fiction is that you can do whatever the fuck you want, go as far as you are willing to go, and laugh at the people who take it seriously. ~ Richard P. Denney

Love everyone. Why not? Give it a try. ~ Art Hochberg

We, humans, have come up with so many superficialities that are completely unnecessary for our existence and happiness on earth. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

There's no set future, only the one we make. ~ Pittacus Lore

Laughing is good. so long as you are not insulting anyone. ~ A Gentlemen

Even Google can't reach God. ~ Brian L. Tucker

Maybe we ought to look at a guy's response to our microwave from now on." Aunt Annie said.
Really." Mom said. "The narcissist looks at his reflection in it. The OCD guy thinks you don't keep it clean enough.The antisocial
"
Puts his fist through it because it reminds him of his father." Annie said. She'd read all of mom's books, too.
And the paranoid one would be jealous of the amount of time you spend cooking." Mom said
Were you using that microwave again? Is something going on between the two of you? I caught you looking right at its clock." Annie said. ~ Deb Caletti

Write what you know," my ass. Now, I'm not suggesting that you write about my ass. But although you do not, in fact, know my ass, I give you permission to write about it. And if you think you need my permission to write about my ass ("What right do I have, as a male, twenty-something, single, childfree, immigrant Indonesian Buddhist, to pretend to understand the ass of an Anglo American middle-aged married female Freethinker?") or about anything, then you lack the courage, curiosity and imagination to write good fiction, so please find something else to do. ~ Robyn Parnell

In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips? ~ Josh Stern

Our mind has a mind of its own. ~ Lauren Handel Zander

They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space. ~ Stephen Colbert

don't drop the soap ~ G.M.

A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none. ~ Santosh Kalwar

Let go of the people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues. ~ Steve Maraboli

I hope you aren't planning to order me back to bed."
"No, you have far too much crockery at your disposal. ~ Rosamund Hodge

Does life really stink or are you sniffing in the wrong places? ~ Kristi Lynn Davis

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can on it. ~ Danny Kaye

I took a little walk outside for a while. I was surprised that I wasn't feeling what I thought people were supposed to feel under the circumstances. May be I was fooling myself. I wasn't delighted, but I didn't feel terribly upset, perhaps because we had known for a long time that it was going to happen.

It's hard to explain. If a Martian(who, we'll imagine never dies except by accident) came to Earth and saw this peculiar race of creatures-these humans who live about seventy or eighty years, knowing that death is going to come--it would look to hi like a terrible problem of psychology to live under those circumstances, knowing that life is only temporary Well, we humans somehow figure out how to live despite this problem: we laugh, we joke, we live.

The only difference for me and Arlene was, instead of fifty years, it was five years. It was only a quantitative difference--the psychological problem was just the same. The only way it would have become any different is if we had said to ourselves, "But those other people have it better, because they might live fifty years." But that's crazy. Why make yourself miserable saying things like, "Why do we have such bad luck? What has God done to us? What have we done to deserve this?"--all of which, if you understand reality and take it completely into your heart, are irrelevant and unsolvable. They are just things that nobody can know. Your situation is just an accident of life..

We had a hell of goo ~ Richard P. Feynman

After tonight I will not date put pen to paper again. A blank page to me is like a drink to an alcoholic. ~ Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey

I visualized myself pulling on my mental thinking cap, jamming it down around my ears as I had taught myself to do. It was a tall, conical wizard's model, covered with chemical equations and formulae: a cornucopia of ideas. ~ Alan Bradley

You kids were all planned, you were just planned really, really quickly. ~ Candace Allan

A full-out rebellion would take a major amount of luck and coordination. The Tech Nos and Domotor looked at me, waiting. No one else would be able to organize both sides. I drew in a deep breath. We had the technology, the intelligence and the people - put enough sheep together and you have a herd, a force to be reckoned with. We needed a leader. ~ Maria V. Snyder

In the world of today, human desires far supersede human needs. Waste, as you can see, is the result of all of those contradictions. That is how we ended up complicating our world. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

People say everybody has a book inside them, so why not make your life a great story? ~ Martha Louise Hunter

On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth was still flat, and people dreamed often of falling over edges. ~ Tom Robbins

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention. ~ Frank Sinatra

I'm fucking done with sadness, and I don't know what's up the ass of the universe lately, but I'VE HAD IT. I AM GOING TO BE FURIOUSLY HAPPY, OUT OF SHEER SPITE.

Can you hear that? That's me smiling, y'all. I'm smiling so loud you can fucking hear it. I'm going to destroy the goddamn universe with my irrational joy and I will spew forth pictures of clumsy kittens and baby puppies adopted by raccoons and MOTHERFUCKING NEWBORN LLAMAS DIPPED IN GLITTER AND THE BLOOD OF SEXY VAMPIRES AND IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME. In fact, I'm starting a whole movement right now. The FURIOUSLY HAPPY movement. And it's going to be awesome because first of all, we're all going to be VEHEMENTLY happy, and secondly because it will freak the shit out of everyone that hates you because those assholes don't want to see you even vaguely amused, much less furiously happy, and it will make their world turn a little sideways and will probably scare the shit out of them. Which will make you even more happy. Legitimately. ~ Jenny Lawson