Philosophical Humor Quotes

Collection of famous quotes and sayings about Philosophical Humor.

Quotes About Philosophical Humor

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I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Philosophical Humor quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
Earlier on I said something so lucidly philosophical that my oratory rambled non-stop right into expressing amazement I had just said that. ~ Beth Myrle Rice
Philosophical Humor quotes by Beth Myrle Rice
If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. ~ Yogi Berra
Philosophical Humor quotes by Yogi Berra
Be not afraid life with all its despair, pain and unhappiness is just a crucible wherein your brighter dreams are conceived, shaped and born ~ Rassool Jibraeel Snyman
Philosophical Humor quotes by Rassool Jibraeel Snyman
Not evil. Moronic, which isn't quite the same thing. Evil presupposes a moral decision, intention, and some forethought. A moron or a lout, however, doesn't stop to think or reason. He acts on instinct, like a stable animal, convinced he's doing good, that he's always right, and sanctimoniously proud to go around f***ing up ... anyone he perceives to be different from himself, be it because of skin color, creed, language, nationality, or ... leisure habits. What the world needs is more thoroughly evil people and fewer borderline pigheads. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Philosophical Humor quotes by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
I'm a serious sort of fella. But don't tell me your pal up in the sky exists, and mine does not. Then, my middle finger gets offended! For, my buddy up there nowhere, Mr. NOT, too insists without proof, that he is. Same as your god. Is Mr. NOT nuts? If he is, are you not? ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Philosophical Humor quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
If you have the time to give time some time, won't be a time that you will curse the time. ~ Soman Gouda
Philosophical Humor quotes by Soman Gouda
I am really, truly dead serious when I am just joking. But only if you're a joke would you mind my poking. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Philosophical Humor quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
To be, or not to be: what a question! ~ E.A. Bucchianeri
Philosophical Humor quotes by E.A. Bucchianeri
If they have to drag some of you fucking fuckers out of here in body bags, I will be so fucking stoked. ~ Michael Ian Black
Philosophical Humor quotes by Michael Ian Black
I'm a bug on acting, which distinguishes Second City from a lot of other revues. It comes from the character, the behavior, and not from the jokes. I don't think jokes are funny. Humor comes out of character and out of situations the character is in. ~ Bernard Sahlins
Philosophical Humor quotes by Bernard Sahlins
She knew it! Charlotte just knew it! And now her daughter was boyfriend-less! Yes! Wait-no! Oh no, poor Lu. ~ Shannon Hale
Philosophical Humor quotes by Shannon Hale
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. ~ Steven Wright
Philosophical Humor quotes by Steven Wright
Ah, dear Reader, is there a married man living who hasn't purged his drawers and closets of premarital memorabilia, only to have one more incriminating relic from yester-life rear its lovely head? Kristy contends that old flames never die, not completely. They smolder for years in hidden places. They flare up again just when you think you're over them. They can burn you if you don't deal with them. Such is the price I've had to pay for not rooting out the evidence of my life B.C. (Before Contentment). Or, perhaps, for having planted it too well.
But that, you see, is no longer an issue. Shall I tell you the crux of this argument? A man with a past can be forgiven. A man without one cannot be trusted. If there were no pictures in my drawer for Kirsty to uncover, I would have had to produce some. ~ Ted Gargiulo
Philosophical Humor quotes by Ted Gargiulo
Ellen rose to her feet. Jack thought for a moment she was going to storm out. Instead, she picked up the pitcher of hot fudge and poured the contents onto Leesha Middleton's pink jeans and fuzzy white sweater.
"Oops." Ellen sat down again and went back to eating her ice cream.
Leesha screamed, a sound that could be heard in Canada. Every eye in Corcoran's was on her. She slid out of the booth and swiped ineffectually at her jeans with a napkin.Then she plucked at her ruined sweater with her thumb and forefinger. "You...you...I can't believe you did that!"
Ellen licked whipped cream from the back of her spoon and looked at Leesha calmly.
Leesha was tiny, but she seemed to expand, like an amphibian taking on air, then she drew herself up and retrieved her pink leather purse from the bench next to Jack. It was smeared with fudge too. "You'll pay for that, I promise you," she said to Ellen in a voice that raised the gooseflesh on Jack's neck. Then she turned and left.
For a moment, Corcoran's was totally silent.
Ellen looked across the table at Jack's sundae. "Are you going to finish that? ~ Cinda Williams Chima
Philosophical Humor quotes by Cinda Williams Chima
There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy
Philosophical Humor quotes by Oliver Markus Malloy
I'd better go before Kitty tries to act again. ~ Joss Whedon
Philosophical Humor quotes by Joss Whedon
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post what it feels about dogs.
[Time Magazine, October 31, 1977] ~ John Osborne
Philosophical Humor quotes by John Osborne
I'm honored to assist", Reichen told Lucan and Tegan as the three men loaded the last of the bags and weaponry. "I've often wondered what it might be like to stand among the Order as one of your own."
"Be careful what you wish for", Lucan drawled. "Depending how things go, theres a good chance we could end up knighting you on the field. ~ Lara Adrian
Philosophical Humor quotes by Lara Adrian
I don't think you're supposed to be able to get at that information," said Leslie.
"Don't look," said Goldstein, peering over Charles's shoulder. "We don't know anything about illegal hacking." He whistled cheerily. ~ Patricia Briggs
Philosophical Humor quotes by Patricia Briggs
Unaware that he is only interested in the presumed parched pucker in her pants, she is more than happy to give him her phone number. ~ Curtis Ackie
Philosophical Humor quotes by Curtis Ackie
A wise man once said that any human being is capable of infinite achievement, so long as it's not the work they're supposed to be doing. ~ K.J. Parker
Philosophical Humor quotes by K.J. Parker
After all, if I started confiding my innermost problems to someone, I'd have to do something about them. And I'm not ready for that yet. ~ Kathleen Tessaro
Philosophical Humor quotes by Kathleen Tessaro
Do you think people can be rehabilitated and forgiven?"
"Sure! Look at Ollie North."
"Well, he lost that Senate race. He was not sufficiently forgiven."
"But he got some votes," Jan insisted.
"Yeah, and now what is he doing?"
"Now he's back promoting a line of fire-retardant pajamas. It's a life! ~ Lorrie Moore
Philosophical Humor quotes by Lorrie Moore
On your 60th, here's something philosophical
To give the old grey matter a stir
How old would you be
If you didn't know how old you were? ~ John Walter Bratton
Philosophical Humor quotes by John Walter Bratton
Come on, there's no one there. You want coffee?" Tess asked.
"Yeah, sure, why not? I'm only on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don't imagine why caffeine wouldn't help this situation. ~ Frankie Rose
Philosophical Humor quotes by Frankie Rose
She like imaginary men best of all. ~ Anne Taintor
Philosophical Humor quotes by Anne Taintor
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die. ~ Jimmy Carr
Philosophical Humor quotes by Jimmy Carr
Everything one records contains a grain of hope, no matter how deeply it may come from despair. ~ Elias Canetti
Philosophical Humor quotes by Elias Canetti
You have a mother?"
His mouth quirked with humor.
"Yep, and a father too! Every kid normally has one of each to begin with.
He was teasing me in an affectionate way... ~ Terry Spear
Philosophical Humor quotes by Terry Spear
Well, first I tried just telling her the truth. That if you kiss her, you'll die. She started crying hysterically."
"Oh, good thinking," I say, lifting the cup of hot chocolate to my mouth. Why hadn't I thought of that right off?
"Yeeeah, turns out not so much. I thought that might have worked since, you know, she's supposedly in love with you, but then being a total psychopath and all, she started blubbering, 'I'd rather have one perfect passionate kiss with Haden and lose him forever, than to have never kissed him at all.'"
I almost choke on a sip of hot chocolate. It burns my throat. ~ Bree Despain
Philosophical Humor quotes by Bree Despain
For seven and a half million years, Deep Thought computed and calculated, and in the end announced that the answer was in fact 42- and so another, even bigger, computer had to be built to find out what the actual question was. ~ Douglas Adams
Philosophical Humor quotes by Douglas Adams
She needs tampons. Evidently it helps with this process. We have to secure the location of where they are being sold, acquire them and then get them back to my mate posthaste. ~ Alanea Alder
Philosophical Humor quotes by Alanea Alder
Hey, our hair's the same color," I said, eying us side by side in the mirror.
"Sure is, girlfriend." Eric grinned at me. ~ Charlaine Harris
Philosophical Humor quotes by Charlaine Harris
If someone doesn't understand something twice ,then don't waste time in explaining thrice . They would have already understood that , the first time . ~ Puneet Barman
Philosophical Humor quotes by Puneet Barman
In WASP families, if you don't get along with someone, you have as little to do with them as possible. In Jewish families, you move next door, to make them as miserable as possible. ~ Doreen Orion
Philosophical Humor quotes by Doreen Orion
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! ~ Woody Allen
Philosophical Humor quotes by Woody Allen
Alexander Hamilton Junior High School
-- SEMESTER REPORT --

STUDENT: Joseph Margolis
TEACHER: Janet Hicks

ENGLISH: A, ARITHMETIC: A, SOCIAL STUDIES: A, SCIENCE: A, NEATNESS: A, PUNCTUALITY: A, PARTICIPATION: A, OBEDIENCE: D

Teacher's Comments:
Joseph remains a challenging student. While I appreciate his creativity, I am sure you will agree that a classroom is an inappropriate forum for a reckless imagination. There is not a shred of evidence to support his claim that Dolley Madison was a Lesbian, and even fewer grounds to explain why he even knows what the word means. Similarly, an analysis of the Constitutional Convention does not generate sufficient cause to initiate a two-hour classroom debate on what types of automobiles the Founding Fathers would have driven were they alive today. When asked on a subsequent examination, "What did Benjamin Franklin use to discover electricity?" eleven children responded "A Packard convertible". I trust you see my problem.
[...]
Janet Hicks

Parent's Comments:
As usual I am very proud of Joey's grades. I too was unaware that Dolley Madison was a Lesbian. I assumed they were all Protestants.
Thank you for writing.
Ida Margolis ~ Steve Kluger
Philosophical Humor quotes by Steve Kluger
Fuck you!" "Right here?" He crossed his arms. "That definitely wouldn't help your getting over me. ~ Stacey Marie Brown
Philosophical Humor quotes by Stacey Marie Brown
I can tell you I've crunched the numbers time and time again; it is always more fun to have eight people with one beer than one man with eight beers. ~ Nick Offerman
Philosophical Humor quotes by Nick Offerman
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