Blender Quotes

I'm not really caught up with celebrity women. I think a regular girl that goes to school or works at a Complex or Spin or Blender or whatever, one of those magazines. She'd probably be flyer to me than the person she's writing about. ~ Wale

Just because you can't physically see the presence of love and goodness doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Everything you need is out there in the universe - but it's up to you to believe in it, to find it, and to let it in. ~ Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin

You will find glimpses of my friends, my family, and strangers off the street in everything I write, because I steal from life and then put it in a blender. ~ Catherine Cruzan

There is pain in the body or the heart or the soul or the mind or all of the above. Body pain is obvious. Heart pain is the pain that comes from others, when they love you too much or not enough or the wrong way. Soul pain comes from feel your life is one big waste. Mind pain is what I can't figure out. It's like when you throw body, heart, and soul pain into a blender, then you add a cup of disgust at all that you are, at all that you've become, at all that you will ever be. ~ Francisco X Stork

I hated the term "heartbroken." It was such an understatement. "Broken" typically implied you were talking about something you could put back together. Or replace. My heart didn't feel like it was broken. It felt like it had been tossed into the blender and liquidized at 180 MPH. ~ Rachel K. Burke

A Quarkbeast is a small hyena-shaped creature that is covered in leathery scales and often described as: 'One tenth Labrador, six-tenths velociraptor and three-tenths kitchen food blender. ~ Jasper Fforde

Mr. Smith yelled at the doctor, What have you done to my boy? He's not flesh and blood, he's aluminum alloy! The doctor said gently, What I'm going to say will sound pretty wild. But you're not the father of this strange looking child. You see, there still is some question about the child's gender, but we think that its father is a microwave blender. ~ Tim Burton

At first glance, it looks like some kind of ice cream...
...!
It isn't sweet. I see.
It's salmon ice cream, but made without sweetener."
"He made salmon into ice cream?!
But how?!"
"The Cryogenic Grinder."
"Ah! That's Alice Nakiri for you. Got it in one guess.
I pureed some salmon with a blender and then froze the resulting paste, putting it through the Cryogenic Grinder.
The high-powered blades of the grinder minced the paste into a fluffy and silky soft ice cream. ~ Yuto Tsukuda

Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender. ~ Albert Brooks

A food processor, or even one of those small bowls that fit on a stick blender, is a real treasure. No, that's not an overstatement. ~ Yotam Ottolenghi

It was one thing to wake up feeling like I'd just been put through the puree stage of a blender- it was another to wake up feeling like I'd just been put though the puree stage of a blender to county music. ~ Jus Accardo

Mind you, if we we're talking about regeneration, we could go a step further and take a leaf out of the sponge book. There are sponges you can chop to pieces, whiz up in the blender, and then press through a sieve, but they'll still regenerate."
"Useful, maybe," I replied, "but I think there is a limit to the amount of fun you could have as a sponge. ~ Jasper Fforde

Don't insert your hand inside a wolf's mouth - or a lion's, bear's, alligator's or crocodile's mouth, or in a lawn mower, garbage disposal, snowblower or blender - because, if you do, you're not going to have that hand for much longer! Don't believe me? Ask my good friend Captain Hook how he got his name! - Tyr ~ Rick Riordan

My blender has a more powerful engine than my car, but my car doesn't make smoothies as well. I drive a Toyota Starbucks Limited Edition. ~ Jarod Kintz

Okey dokey, fire up the blender, let's make a furry-flurry smoothie out of that squirrel! ~ Christopher Moore

Her body was spattered with tiny bits of the reverend's flesh and blood, like someone had combined shrimp and tomato soup and then forgot to put the lid on the blender. ~ Chelsea Cain

Black Bean Soup Makes 4 Servings. Ingredients 2 15 oz. cans of black beans, undrained 1 16 oz. can of vegetable broth ½ cup of hot salsa 2 tbsp chili powder 1 tbsp grated Parmesan cheese ¼ cup of sour cream Directions Add 1 can of the beans to a blender and blitz until smooth. Place a pot over a medium heat and add the smooth beans, the whole beans, the broth, the salsa and the chili powder. Bring everything to the boil, stirring occasionally. Cover and let simmer for 5 minutes. Stir in the sour cream and garnish with ~ Sarah Sophia

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er". ~ Mitch Hedberg

I was born in a blender. ~ Lorna Luft

I'm a mess right now I can't eat can't sleep
Bills are piling high ain't worked in three weeks
Ain't bathed can't shave cause my heart is so tender like living in a blender
I'm shaken and I'm stirred ~ Anthony Hamilton

It made a sound," Carl says. "Can you describe it?" "Ever put a harmonica in a blender?" "No." "Then no, I can't describe it," he says. ~ Anonymous

Dear Die-ary, today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with me. ~ Jhonen Vasquez

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. ~ Red Skelton

Their lead guitar sounded like what would happen if someone wedged a traffic accident into a blender. ~ Brenna Yovanoff

But what kind of person makes tea in a blender? ~ Randall Munroe

Politics and friendships are like oil and water, you need a really good blender to make them work. ~ Kush Desai

ORANGE JULIUS 3 cups orange juice 1 envelope dry Dream Whip (the kind that makes 2 cups) 1 package dry vanilla pudding (the kind that makes 2 cups) 3 more cups orange juice Pour the orange juice into a blender. Add the dry Dream Whip and the dry pudding. Blend it for one minute on low and another minute on medium speed. Pour the mixture in a 2-quart pitcher. Add another 3 cups of orange juice and stir well. Serve over ice. Yield: Makes almost 2 quarts. ~ Joanne Fluke

Hey, asshole," Lash said to the sw'old-up one, "your boyfriend give you those p-tats? Or was he too busy fucking you in the ass?" The guy's eyes narrowed. "What'd you say to me?" The gangbanger shook his head. "Gotta be out ya damn mind, white boy." Skinhead laughed like a blender, high and fast. Who knew recruiting would be this easy, Lash thought. * ~ J.R. Ward

When I was your age, I knew nothing. Nothing about myself, nothing about the universe or about heartbreak. I remember being terrified to grow up, afraid of losing my friends, sure I'd lose my mind. Life felt like a blender that wanted to eat me. ~ Emily Henry

Hi, Max," she said, pushing her shades up onto her curls.
"I hope your wearing sunscreen," i said, "your gonna have hella wrinkles by the time your ten."
"Want some daiquiri?" she offered, pointing at a blender.
"Is it traitor flavored?" I asked. ~ James Patterson

Oster blender. I poured that concoction into a griddle of sizzling butter, then sprinkled diced strawberries on the wet side. Three ~ Walter Mosley

Don't you think it's a little sick the way that most of the culture denies death? It's there all the time, and most people act like it's not going to happen to them. ~ Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin

Science fiction is like a blender - you can put in any historical experience and take influences from everything you see, read or experience. ~ Joss Whedon

The way I figured, I was just a kid, and if I could take it apart, they surely could put it back together. Then my mom would walk in the kitchen and see me standing on a chair at the counter, holding a screwdriver with disassembled components all over the place. 'What the heck's going on?' 'I'm intrigued how the blender works. ~ Tim Dorsey

Plus it'll give you a chance to get us a wedding present. We're not registered anywhere, but we could seriously use some china and a blender. ~ Richelle Mead

As Marlboro Man slid open the huge barn doors and flipped on the enormous lights mounted to the beams, my heart began beating quickly. I couldn't wait to smell its puppy breath.
"Happy wedding," he said sweetly, leaning against the wall of the barn and motioning toward the center with his eyes. My eyes adjusted to the light…and slowly focused on what was before me.
It wasn't a pug. It wasn't a diamond or a horse or a shiny gold bangle…or even a blender. It wasn't a love seat. It wasn't a lamp. Sitting before me, surrounded by scattered bunches of hay, was a bright green John Deere riding lawn mower--a very large, very green, very mechanical, and very diesel-fueled John Deere riding lawn mower. Literally and figuratively, crickets chirped in the background of the night. And for the hundredth time since our engagement, the reality of the future for which I'd signed up flashed in front of me. I felt a twinge of panic as I saw the tennis bracelet I thought I didn't want go poof, disappearing completely into the ether. Would this be how presents on the ranch would always be? Does the world of agriculture have a different chart of wedding anniversary presents? Would the first anniversary be paper…or motor oil? Would the second be cotton or Weed Eater string?
I would add this to the growing list of things I still needed to figure out. ~ Ree Drummond

I'm just a one-instrument player. I have been known to play a blender, but I basically play - just play the violin. ~ Itzhak Perlman

Have that spatula ready when I return," Ian sang out to her.
"I don't even want to know what that means," were my first words when he climbed into the RV.
"You don't? Shame on you, Crispin. Married how long, and you haven't spanked your wife with a metal spatula yet?
"We prefer blender beaters for our kitchen utensil kink," I said with a straight face.
Bones hid his smile behind his hand, but Ian looked intrigued.
"I haven't tried that.....oh, you're lying, aren't you?"
"Ya think?" I asked with a snort. ~ Jeaniene Frost

The Cremulator" sounds like a cartoon villain or the name of a monster truck but is in fact the name of what is essentially a bone blender, roughly the size of a kitchen crockpot. I ~ Caitlin Doughty

The time has come to knock off this religion business in American politics. There's no end to the mischief that can occur. It is like putting nitroglycerine in a Waring blender. ~ Lowell P. Weicker, Jr.

Love isn't a part-time thing, where you get to be around for the easy stuff, the fun stuff, and then completely bail on the hard stuff. Love isn't cheating and hoping you won't get caught. ~ Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin

The lawnmower sounded like bottle caps in a blender. ~ Julie Jaret

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh ... " ~ Steven Wright

last year he managed to disguise himself as an industrial food blender to avoid detection during a recent raid. ~ Ari Bach

Looking to any angry, anxious, or otherwise stressed emotional state to help you sort out the pain you're in is like trying to organize your monthly bills by throwing them into a blender ~ Guy Finley

I've got to get my body back. While I like wearing you, I'd rather wear you as a blanket on top of me and not the skin I'm walking around in. It has this whole Hannibal Lecter aspect that's really creeping me out."Jo
"Hannibal Lecter?" Cadegan
"It's a TV show and book character. Not really important. Like a wombat in a blender." Jo
"I'm not sure what this blender is, but I think I should be feeling bad for that poor wombat." Cadegan ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender! ~ Daniel Nayeri

It's possible to make one's own grape pest disease culture by looking for sick or dead caterpillars. If sick, they will lose color and move slowly, if at all. At death, they often hang limp and darkened from a leaf by a spot of "glue." Several of these are all you need to treat an acre of vines. Whiz them in a blender with a quart of water, strain, and dilute to spray your vines. Use right away, as this mixture will start to putrefy after just twelve hours. It's a bit grisly, but very cheap and very effective. Just don't forget to clean the blender ~ Jeff Cox

without forgiveness, we'd all be walking this Earth angry and alone, and I think that would really suck. ~ Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin

And then she set to work, washing fresh blueberries that sat on the counter, before grabbing a big colander. Sam headed into the backyard, whose lawn backed acres of woods. Blackberries and raspberries grew wild and thick in the brambles that sat at the edge of the woods. Sam carefully navigated her way through the thorny vines, her thin running shirt catching and snagging on a thorn.
"Darn it," she mumbled.
Blackberries are red when they're green, she could hear her grandfather telling her when they used to pick the fruit. But today, a brilliant summer day, the blackberries were deep purple, almost black, and each one resembled a mini beehive.
Sam plucked and popped a fresh blackberry, already warm from the sun, into her mouth, savoring the natural sweetness, and picked until her colander was half full before easing her way through the woods to find a raspberry bush thick with fruit. She navigated her way out of the brambles and headed back to the kitchen, where she preheated the oven and began to wash the blackberries and raspberries.
Sam pulled cold, unsalted butter from the fridge and began to cube it, some flour and sugar from the cupboard, a large bowl, and then she located her grandmother's old pastry blender.
Sam made the crust and then rolled it into a ball, lightly flouring it and wrapping it in plastic before placing it in the refrigerator. Then she started in on the filling, mixing the berries, sugar, flour, and fresh orange juice. ~ Viola Shipman

Oh shit did you just dis the feminine gender
I'll pummel your ass then stick you in a blender
You think I like Tori and Ani so I can't rhyme
But I got flow like Ghostbusters got slime
Objectify women and it's fuckin' on
You'll be dead and gone like ancient Babylon. ~ John Green

I'm trying to photosynthesize like a plant. I'm off eating. Although I am making a lot of banana daiquiries in my room in the blender I've got, with lots of powdered vitamins in them. This tour I'm going to get some Afghani hangings and put them in my room, so that my hotel rooms look like mosques. ~ Jimmy Page

Shame on you, Crispin. Married how long, and you haven't spanked your wife with a metal spatula yet?"
I'd gotten used to Ian's assumption that everyone was as perverted as he was, so I didn't miss a beat.
"We prefer blender beaters for our kitchen utensil kink," I said with a straight face.
Bones hid his smile behind his hand, but Ian looked intrigued.
"I haven't tried that ... oh, you're lying, aren't you?"
"Ya think?" I asked with a snort.
Ian gave a sigh of exaggerated patience and glanced at Bones.
"Being related to her through you is a real trial. ~ Jeaniene Frost

Trying to figure some people out would be like trying to put an elephant in a blender. ~ Adam LiVecchi

Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a different animal. People are being served nachos and there's a blender going off in the background. ~ Brian Regan

Robot Boy
Mr. an Mrs. Smith had a wonderful life.
They were a normal, happy husband and wife.
One day they got news that made Mr. Smith glad.
Mrs. Smith would would be a mom
which would make him the dad!
But something was wrong with their bundle of joy.
It wasn't human at all,
it was a robot boy!
He wasn't warm and cuddly
and he didn't have skin.
Instead there was a cold, thin layer of tin.
There were wires and tubes sticking out of his head.
He just lay there and stared,
not living or dead.

The only time he seemed alive at all
was with a long extension cord
plugged into the wall.

Mr. Smith yelled at the doctor,
"What have you done to my boy?
He's not flesh and blood,
he's aluminum alloy!"

The doctor said gently,
"What I'm going to say
will sound pretty wild.
But you're not the father
of this strange looking child.
You see, there still is some question
about the child's gender,
but we think that its father
is a microwave blender."

The Smith's lives were now filled
with misery and strife.
Mrs. Smith hated her husband,
and he hated his wife.
He never forgave her unholy alliance:
a sexual encounter
with a kitchen appliance.

And Robot Boy
grew to be a young man.

Though he was often mistaken
for a garbage can. ~ Tim Burton

The same can't be said for my new client, who appears to have an angry goth porcupine nesting on top of his cranium. "Bed head" doesn't even begin to cover it. It looks like his preferred hair styling method is sticking his head into a blender and setting it to puree. ~ J.T. Geissinger

Ah, my old friend, anxiety-throwing itself into the blender with sheer terror and embarrassment. ~ Myra McEntire

I love to make pies - pot pies, quiches, savory tarts, fruit pies. I use an old-fashioned pastry blender with wires and a wooden handle. I never use a recipe. ~ Ruth Reichl

I don't know how a culture is going to evolve, but I think the way the Internet works now is, people go to the Internet to laugh and have a good time. That's why Tumblr feeds and I Can Has Cheezburger and memes get thrown into the blender with real news and sports news and politics and that stuff. ~ Drew Magary

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

The key to a good relationship is forgiveness, because without it we're all completely screwed. ~ Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin

Wine lovers have known for centuries that decanting wine before serving it often improves its flavor. Whatever the dominant process, the traditional decanter is a rather pathetic tool to accomplish it. A few years ago, I found I could get much better results by using an ordinary kitchen blender. ~ Nathan Myhrvold

He's the kind of guy who might not have an expiration date. Who I could fall for so completely that I might as well put my heart in a blender right now because it would hurt less. Who I could want with the kind of passion that makes you forget important things like the promises you make to yourself. ~ Rachael Allen

The alien was an ugly sight, all angles and corners. Like a pentagram might look if it fell into a mathematical blender. No ports, seam lines or anything. Smooth yellow hull. No markings. And it was too close! ~ Christina Engela

Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep ... in a giant blender. ~ Homer