Quite Funny Quotes

The denizens of Feyland find the absence of magic to be quite funny. I mean no offense. "
"None taken."
"For example – In the Land Over the Crystal River (for that's how we refer to humans), there was once a man and a woman. And the man was in love with the woman, and wanted her for himself. But because he had no magic, he couldn't feel whether or not there was a "pull" towards her or not, so he didn't know whether she loved him or not. So what did he do?"
"What?"
"He had to ASK her!" Kian couldn't help laughing.
"I don't get it!"
"Ask her!" said Kian. "It's funny – because he didn't have magic." His laughter grew louder and less controlled, tinkling like bells in the winter snow. "He had to ask her!"
I realized that there were some cultural barriers Kian and I might never transcend. ~ Kailin Gow

I've seen pretty much all the 'Peter Pan's except for one of the further back ones where the boy had curly hair. I can't remember. I really loved the 2003 version. I really loved that one because that was around the year I was born. That's quite funny. ~ Levi Miller

It's quite funny in that I once won Rear of the Year at my school! I was about 17 in the sixth form and we used to have an end of year celebration and give out different awards. I even got a little trophy! ~ Jessica Ennis

A mate of mine told me recently, 'It's the first time I've seen you work, Worthington.' I thought that was quite funny, but he was right. ~ Sam Worthington

You're a prickly, stubborn, spirited woman."
"Don't forget crude, rude, and vulgar."
"Only when it suits you. You're sly when occasion calls for it, direct to the point of forgetting tact even exists, sarcastic, fierce, I did mention stubborn, didn't I?"
"Yes," she said dryly.
"You're also smart, kind, gentle, beautiful, and always cling to your personal integrity, even when it's in your best interests to abandon it." A little warm feeling spread through her chest, and even her natural suspicion that he was lying couldn't quite extinguish it. Where was he going with this? "You're also quite funny," he said.
"Oh, I amuse you?" He gave her one of his devastating, slightly wicked smiles.
"You have no idea." Arrogant ass.
"And all of that means what?"
"Just that I mean to have you." She frowned at him. "I mean to have you, Rose, you and all of your thorns. I'm a disagreeable and stubborn bastard, but I'm not a fool. You didn't really expect me to pass you up, did you? ~ Ilona Andrews

I could never be cynical, not that I think there's anything wrong with cynicism. I think it can be quite funny at times. But I just feel so grateful to be alive. ~ Drew Barrymore

I remember I autographed it to Mutt Lange, and I may only have put one t on Mutt. I mean, I'd never heard of such a name. I'm sure he must've thought that was quite funny. He must've known from that autograph, right off the bat, that I had no idea who he was. ~ Shania Twain

I guess something that I've noticed from American acts who had success in touring is more of an explanation as to their music. Which is I think quite funny. I think British acts might like to leave more to the imagination - maybe a bit more obscure perhaps - a bit more shy. ~ Ben Lovett

They carried on sniping in the front seat, and Mae turned back to Jamie. "You doing okay?" she murmured. "Yes," said Jamie, a bit too earnestly. "I love you, Mae. Your hair is the color of flamingos! And I love Nick as well." He gazed soulfully in Nick's direction. "Sometimes when you are not being psychotic, you are quite funny. And you!" He regarded Seb for a long moment. "No, I still don't like you," he decided. "Maybe I need another drink." "I don't think so," Nick said. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I really wanted to find a piano for the farm house. There were so many free pianos on Craigslist, I thought, 'Let's get as many free pianos as we can and stick them all in the barn.' I got eight in a short period of time, only six of which were tunable, but it's still quite funny. ~ Neko Case

The extraordinary mystique of hers made you think she lived on rose petals and listened to nothing but Mozart, but it wasn't true. She was quite funny and ribald. She could tell a dirty joke. She played charades with a great sense of fun and vulgarity, and she could be quite bitchy. ~ Andre Previn

I don't mind people putting us down, because if everybody really liked us, it would be a bore. You've got to have people putting you down. It doesn't give any edge to it if everybody just falls flat on their face saying, 'You're great.' We enjoy some of the criticisms as well, they're quite funny; some of the clever criticisms, not the ones that don't know anything, but some of the clever ones are quite fun. ~ John Lennon

Put something on,"she hissed."I'm not some high school cheerleader you can intimidate or make me squirm by showing your penis. I've seen it before.I was the one who changed your diapers."
-fallen crest high ~ Tijan

People get starstruck when they meet me, it's quite funny. ~ Roger Lloyd-Pack

Sometimes I can't believe I'm going to be 60. I always say there's no point moaning about getting older, when there's nothing you can do about it. But still, I do find it quite funny. I look at that number, 60, and I think, 'Really? Me?' ~ Twiggy

Delightfully, however, even phrases of world-ending awesome fury, spoken through a split lip, were quite funny. ~ Alan Moore

People in Tibet have an expression. When you reach a certain degree of venerableness and age, and people ask, "How are you?," there is an expression that people use that means, "Just barely not dead." Some people might be frightened by it but I think it's quite funny. ~ Robert Thurman

What's up, sulky bear?"

"I was appreciating the beauty of nature," Jared said. "In a sulky way."

"You might have noticed me giving you odd looks occasionally in the past."

"I assumed you were thinking, 'Three fairies clearly attended that guy's christening, and all three gave him the gift of chiseled,' " said Jared. "Why, were you thinking something else?"

"When I first met you, I thought you were a creep with serious behavioral and emotional issues."

"But once you really got to know me," Jared suggested, "you realized I was a creep with behavioral and emotional issues that were quite funny? ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny. ~ Ryan Stiles

Chekhov, when it's done well and you're ready for it, can actually be quite funny. ~ Vera Farmiga

Tex, you look like a serial killer in this picture!" I shouted.
"Yeah, so?" Tex answered.
I stared.
"You think people wouldn't pay good money to have a serial killer make them coffee?" he boomed. ~ Kristen Ashley

The Photograph is an extended, loaded evidence - as if it caricatured not the figure of what it represents (quite the converse) but its very existence ... The Photograph then becomes a bizarre (i)medium(i), a new form of hallucination: false on the level of perception, true on the level of time: a temporal hallucination, so to speak, a modest (o)shared(i) hallucination (on the one hand 'it is not there,' on the other 'but it has indeed been'): a mad image, chafed by reality. ~ Roland Barthes

Now I'm a pretty lazy person and am prepared to work quite hard in order to avoid work. ~ Martin Fowler

It is experience of ourselves, and finding what we are, that God commonly makes use of as the means of bringing us off from all dependence on ourselves. But men never get acquaintance with themselves so fast, as in the most earnest way of seeking [salvation]. They that are in this way have more to engage them to think of their sins, and strictly to observe themselves, and have much more to do with their own hearts, than others. Such a one has much more experience of his own weakness, than another that does not put forth and try his strength; and will therefore sooner see himself dead in sin. Such a one, though he hath a disposition continually to be flying to his own righteousness, yet finds rest in nothing; he wanders about from one thing to another, seeking something to ease his disquieted conscience; he is driven from one refuge to another, goes from mountain to hill, seeking rest and finding none; and therefore will the sooner prove that there is no rest to be found, nor trust to be put, in any creature whatsoever.

"It is therefore quite a wrong notion that some entertain, that the more they do, the more they shall depend on it. Whereas the reverse is true; the more they do, or the more thorough they are in seeking, the less will they be likely to rest in their doings, and the sooner will they see the vanity of all that they do.

[from "Pressing into the Kingdom of God"] ~ Jonathan Edwards

Galatea never does quite like Pygmalion: his relation to her is too godlike to be altogether agreeable. ~ George Bernard Shaw

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere. ~ Daniel Tosh

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here. ~ Dan Quayle

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint'
-archy the cockroach ~ Don Marquis

In the courtyard there was an angel of black stone, and its angel head rose above giant elephant leaves; the stark glass angel eyes, bright as the bleached blue of sailor eyes, stared upward. One observed the angel from an intricate green balcony - mine, this balcony, for I lived beyond in three old white rooms, rooms with elaborate wedding-cake ceilings, wide sliding doors, tall French windows. On warm evenings, with these windows open, conversation was pleasant there, tuneful, for wind rustled the interior like fan-breeze made by ancient ladies. And on such warm evenings this town is quiet. Only voices: family talk weaving on an ivy-curtained porch; a barefoot woman humming as she rocks a sidewalk chair, lulling to sleep a baby she nurses quite publicly; the complaining foreign tongue of an irritated lady who, sitting on her balcony, plucks a fryer, the loosened feathers floating from her hands, slipping into air, sliding lazily downward. ~ Truman Capote

Kings and such are just as funny as politicians. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

But I was - not quite happy. Pending happy. I knew this was not really my life; it was a borrowed life. One that I was temporarily wearing until I could sort out my own. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

We're quite into graphics that are simultaneously two- and three-dimensional. But I can't really elaborate any further because it's not something - we haven't really perfected it. ~ Sean Booth

You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap. ~ Steven Tyler

So," the woman asks, digging through her purse and emerging with a pair of foam earplugs, "how did you two meet?"
They exchange a quick glance.
"Believe it or not," Oliver says, "it was in an airport."
"Oh how wonderful!" she exclaims, looking positively delighted. "And how did it happen?"
"Well" he begins, sitting up a bit taller, "I was being quite gallant, actually, and offered to help her with her suitcase. And then we started talking and one thing lead to another ... "
Hadley grins "And he's been carrying my suitcase ever since."
"It's what an true gentlemen would do," Oliver says with an exaggerated modesty.
"Especially the really gallant ones. ~ Jennifer E. Smith

Beauty or meaning is not intrinsic too suffering. But if you can take the suffering and find the parts that are funny or profound, you can curate your world into something that might be entertaining for someone for a while. Eventually, maybe, that time will have been useful. More useful than, like, working in a bank. ~ Jade Sharma

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough. ~ Mario Andretti

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. ~ Tom Hanks

And it's funny how when somebody saves you, the first thing you want to do is save other people. All other people. Everybody. The kid never knew the man's name. But he never forgot that smile. "Hero" isn't the first word, but it's the first word that comes to mind. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. ~ Zach Galifianakis

Nicole: You're a funny looking creature.
Larfleeze: Pfft! I'm not the one without a snout!
Nicole: I can sense the empty void within you.
Larfleeze: You must mean my stomach! I haven't eaten in two hours!
Nicole: No. There is a pit inside you that you have been trying to fill for centuries. I am here to give you hope.
Larfleeze: You know where I can find my lantern?!
Nicole: Your parents are still alive. And they still miss you.
Larfleeze: They... do? ~ Larfleeze

I'm not saying I don't ever improvise because I do that quite a lot, especially with other people, but generally I've got an idea in my head and then I'll pursue it 'til I get there. ~ Thighpaulsandra

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything ... .but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco ~ Josh Stern

He nodded."
"He kind-of-halfway-sort-of-nodded-but-it-might-have-been-a-random-twitch. ~ Brandon Sanderson

When one individual inflicts bodily injury upon another such injury that death results, we call the deed manslaughter; when the assailant knew in advance that the injury would be fatal, we call his deed murder. But when society places hundreds of proletarians in such a position that they inevitably meet a too early and an unnatural death, one which is quite as much a death by violence as that by the sword or bullet; when it deprives thousands of the necessaries of life, places them under conditions in which they cannot live – forces them, through the strong arm of the law, to remain in such conditions until that death ensues which is the inevitable consequence – knows that these thousands of victims must perish, and yet permits these conditions to remain, its deed is murder just as surely as the deed of the single individual; disguised, malicious murder, murder against which none can defend himself, which does not seem what it is, because no man sees the murderer, because the death of the victim seems a natural one, since the offence is more one of omission than of commission. But murder it remains. ~ Friedrich Engels

You may do as you wish without fear of retribution. It may serve you, however, to be aware of consequences. Consequences are results. Natural outcomes. These are not at all the same as retributions, or punishments. Outcomes are simply that. They are what results from the natural application of natural laws. They are that which occurs, quite predictably, as a consequence of what has occurred. ~ Neale Donald Walsch

We had always known that ours is a small country and that America is very big. But even as a seven-year-old, I was surprised that so many Americans has never noticed us on the map. Perhaps it's like driving a Yugo and realizing that the eighteen-wheeler can's see you. ~ Firoozeh Dumas

Lane watched her for a moment with mounting irritation. Quite probably, he resented and feared any signs of detachment in a girl he was seriously dating. In any case, he surely was concerned over the possibility that this bug Franny had might bitch up the whole weekend. ~ J.D. Salinger

People, he had said, were always being looked at as points, and they ought to be looked at as lines. There weren't any points, it was false to assume that a person ever was anything. He was always becoming something, always changing, always continuous and moving, like the wiggly line on a machine used to measure earthquake shocks. He was always what he was in the beginning, but never quite exactly what he was; he moved along a line dictated by his heritage and his environment, but he was subject to every sort of variation within the narrow limits of his capabilities.
...
She shut her mind on that too. There was danger in looking at people as lines. The past spread backward and you saw things in perspective that you hadn't seen then, and that made the future ominous, more ominous than if you just looked at the point, at the moment. There might be truth in what Bruce said, but there was not much comfort. ~ Wallace Stegner

My phone buzzed in the center console again.
"What's happening with this thing?" Dad grabbed it.
"Dad, really?" I didn't want him to see the texts between Dash and me. Awkward.
"He says he knew it."
The traffic opened up, and I went right on Sunset. "Please don't scroll."
"Knew what?"
"I have no idea, and I'm driving. So forget it for now."
"I'll ask him." - Knew what? - "Dad, really?" I snapped the phone away.
Ding ding.
I couldn't look. I was going thirty on Sunset and the lights were synchronized for a westward trip, so there would be no stopping at a red.
"Let me see," Dad said, hand out.
All I needed was for my father to see something about Dash's tongue on my pussy or the way I sounded when I came. So I pulled over. ~ C.D. Reiss

Books were not quite an escape for me. And they were never my friends. They were so much more than that - utilitarian and unbreakable. They were my armor, my wall against the world. ~ Annika Martin

See, a funny thing happened on the way to space: I learned how to live better and more happily here on Earth. Over time, I learned how to anticipate problems in order to prevent them, and how to respond effectively in critical situations. I learned how to neutralize fear, how to stay focused and how to succeed. ~ Chris Hadfield

A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery. ~ Morris Bender

I love Felicity Jones. It was funny because I went to go see the 'Rogue One' set, and I was like, 'Oh my God, I love you.' And she's so tiny, and elegant, and she's just so small. Everyone's so much smaller than they seem. ~ Daisy Ridley

Are you two you know?" Jacob pointed at us. " Together? Together? "
I didn't get a chance to answer. Cam spun me around and kissed me, right there between the two buildings. It was no friendly peck on the lips. When our tongues touched, my bag slipped off my arm and hit the frosted ground.
"Holy crap," Jacob muttered. "I think they're going to make babies. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. ~ Erma Bombeck

I'm a huge fan of Adam Sandler and used to have Adam Sandler nights when I was younger. And he's so funny on the set. ~ Sophie Monk

Roland was quite possibly the most aggravating, antisocial immortal on the planet. Seeing him cuddle and nurture a black and white kitten that could fit in the palm of his hand was nothing short of bizzare. ~ Dianne Duvall

When I worked with Woody Allen, I only got the parts of the script that I was in. I was able to piece together the narrative from that, but I remember being quite excited to watch the movie - the movie that I was in but didn't know what happened in, like, 65 percent of. ~ Chiwetel Ejiofor

And they certainly wouldn't take you along to a murder. That would be irresponsible parenting. ~ Kelley Armstrong

When I got to the house about an hour ago, James took one look at me and said, "Damn, girl, your parents put out some good product." I think it was a compliment, but I'm not quite sure. ~ Lauren Barnholdt

Dear Josh,
Thank you for giving me the most amazing memories. My life growing up was so full because you were in it. Having your love and loving you was always
just right. It made sense. You were my home. When I was with you I knew everything would be okay.
You dried my tears for me when I was sad. You held my hand when we buried my mother. You made me laugh when the world seemed like it was
falling apart. You were every special memory a girl could have. That first kiss will forever be embedded in my brain. It was as funny as it was sweet.
Our life together molded me into the woman I've become. I understand what it feels like to be loved and cherished because I had that with you. I
never doubted my worth because you taught me I was worthy.
When you said that one day I would heal I didn't believe that was possible. Life couldn't go one without my best friend. There was no room for
another guy in my heart. It turns out you were right. You always were. I found him. He is incredible. He is nothing at all like I would have planned. He
doesn't fit into a perfect package. He managed to wiggle into my heart and take over before I knew what was happening. I found that happiness you told me
would come along. I'm going to go live that life. I'm sure it will be a wilder ride than I ever imagined and I can't wait to live it. He's my home now. I'll
always love you. I'll never forget you. But this is my goodbye. I wasn't ready before to ~ Abbi Glines

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton