Ryan Stiles Quotes

On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff.

Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it.

We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

Two thongs don't make a right.

Never trust sheep.

The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions ... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.

Back off or the lizard gets it!

I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I did standup for a lot of years, too, but when you come out as a standup, you get the feeling from a crowd - it's a kind of a 'make me laugh' attitude. But when you come out as an improvisor, they realize that they're suggesting everything you do. So they're already invested in the scene, and they actually want it to work.

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.