Funny Racing Quotes

There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher. ~ Murray Walker

It's basically the same, just darker. (on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, 1991 ~ Alan Kulwicki

The older I get, the faster I was. ~ Charles Barkley

Race cars are neither beautiful nor ugly. They become beautiful when they win. ~ Enzo Ferrari

If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower. ~ Mark Donohue

Schumacher wouldn't have let him past voluntarily. Of course he did it voluntarily, but he had to do it. ~ Murray Walker

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough. ~ Mario Andretti

As far as cheating goes, they'll never stop it. The only way it can be done successfully, only one person can know about it. ~ Smokey Yunick

What's behind you doesn't matter. ~ Enzo Ferrari

The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. ~ Murray Walker

There's Pam watching anxiously. She doesn't look anxious though. ~ Stephen Hadley

It is not always possible to be the best, but it is always possible to improve your own performance. ~ Jackie Stewart

What?" Ryder huffed. "Come on that was funny! That was comic gold right there."
She shrugged, enjoying teasing him. "It was OK. Kind of elementary."
"Elementary? It's an effing joke."
"Whatever."
His groan could probably be heard for five miles. "Aw this is going to be a looong drive home. ~ Samantha Young

Do you like my brother?" And there goes Dan's confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field.
"Uh... yes? I mean... I think everyone likes your brother, don't they?"
She leans over and gives him a little hip check. "No, you know what I mean. Do you /like/ him?" Dan just states out at the horses, hoping that one of them will do something, anything, to distract this girl from her question. But the horses just keep grazing and Tat continues. "'Cause he likes you. I mean, he likes Jeff, too, but... you can like two people at once, right?"
"Uh... yes? I think you can like two people at once."
"Yeah. I know it's none of my business or whatever, but... I just wanted to make sure you know... if you like him, that's cool with me. I mean, I like Jeff too, but... you know."
Dan has a brief moment of wanting to shake her. No, he /doesn't/ know. Is everything really so clear to everyone but him? Is he just adding extra complications where they don't need to be? Then he remembers that he's talking to a fifteen-year-old girl. Maybe she shouldn't be the arbiter of what's simple or complicated.
He realizes that she's still waiting for a response from him. "Okay, well... thanks for letting me know."
"Are you guys going to, like... date?"
"Sweet Jesus, Tat, I don't know!" Possibly that's a bit of an overreaction, but she looks more amused than upset.
"All right, all right...." She gets a mischievous look in her eyes. ~ Kate Sherwood

It's funny, because I'm so associated with digital art and computer art, and yet I spend so little time in front of the computer. ~ Keith Fullerton Whitman

The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life. ~ Seann William Scott

A corner of the night sky, beyond a wall of trees, blooms red. In the lurid, flickering light, he sees that the airplane was not alone, that the sky teems with them, a dozen swooping back and forth, racing in all directions, and in a moment of disorientation, he feels that he's looking not up but down, as though a spotlight has been shined into a wedge of bloodshot water, and the sky has become the sea, and the airplanes are hungry fish, harrying their prey in the dark. ~ Anthony Doerr

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink. ~ Shunryu Suzuki

It's funny, because it's like the fight when you watch it, it's probably going to be like five minutes, but it's taken us like a month to shoot it so I think what was really interesting was that instead of going through an entire fight sequence, you're doing one or two moves over and over and over, so I'd say it's less exhausting than actually training, because you're not really constantly going over the choreography, like the whole entire thing with everybody. You're just doing that one part that they need in the shot. ~ Ellen Wong

No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it. ~ Jessica Day George

Alec shrugged "Look who's talking. 'Oh, I love her. Oh, she's my sister. Oh why,why,why
"
Jace threw a handful of dead leaves at Alec, making him splutter.
Isabelle was laughing. "You know he's right, Jace. ~ Cassandra Clare

Your lost friends are not dead, but gone before, advanced a stage or two upon that road which you must travel in the steps they trod. ~ Aristophanes

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. ~ Dave Barry

Finally, after a glance at Notre Dame and a brisk trot through the Louvre, we sat down at a cafe on the Place de l'Opera and watched the people. They were amazing
never had we seen such costumes, such make-up, such wigs; and, strangest of all, the wearers didn't seem in the least conscious of how funny they looked. Many of them even stared at us and smiled, as though we had been the oddities, and not they. Mr. Holmes no doubt found it amusing to see the pageant of prostitution, poverty and fashion reflected in our callow faces and wide-open eyes. ~ Christopher Isherwood

In a funny way, I like the past, I'm a very nostalgic person. ~ Elle Fanning

It is a responsibility to be who you are and not let this sport [racing] change you and not let the good runs and success or the bad runs change you. You've got to be the same person all the time. ~ Trevor Bayne

It's great working with Steve Carell and Jim Carrey. Those guys are really funny. ~ Steve Buscemi

The beauty in being so restless,
Racing minds breed wandering souls ~ Natalie Nascenzi

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? ~ Margaret Smith

There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. ~ John Ciardi

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. ~ Bob Monkhouse

It's not bad enough I am exiled? It's not bad enough you take away the few good heroes I'm allowed to meet? You think it's funny to send me this this ― this charbroiled runt of a boy to ruin my tranquility? This is NOT FUNNY! Take him back! ~ Rick Riordan

Until lunchtime, he'd had no idea, really, what love was, but now he knew.
It made you happy, and it made you want to dance, and it made you feel funny.
But most of all, you knew you had someone you could trust.
Someone you could tell everything to. Absolutely everything. ~ John Saul

Kurt Vonnegut wasn't a chatty guy, but when he spoke, it was always clear and very funny, in the way that he wrote, in a very specific kind of combination of word groupings and expressions that lived somewhere else. ~ Susan Sarandon

Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About:
- Titanic sinking again.
- Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda.
- Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies. ~ Jim Benton

Hey, check this weirdo out." Hi was inspecting a bust on the mantel. "This face is ninety percent eyebrow. What do you want to bet he owned slaves?"
Scowling to match the carving's expression, Hi spoke in a gravelly voice. "In my day, we ate the poor people. We had a giant outdoor grill, and we cooked up peasant steaks every Sunday." ~ Kathy Reichs

I'm a politician, and as you know, politicians are rarely very funny. ~ Nicola Sturgeon

Funny thing, how much weaker boys are than girls. ~ Ari B. Goelman

A woman is always buying something. ~ Ovid

Do you mean that Zane is some kind of bird magnet? ~ C.J. Milbrandt

Well, then, Otter, of course I don't like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don't see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you? ~ T.J. Klune

In a funny way, poems are suited to modern life. They're short, they're intense. Nobody has time to read a 700-page book. People read magazines, and a poem takes less time than an article. ~ Caroline Kennedy

Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right. ~ Orson Scott Card

It's just crazy, isn't it? Here she sits at a table, like butter wouldn't melt, yet in my ear, I'm the one that's melting like butter! ~ Jimmy Tudeski

Knowing Chris was getting married, his fellow Team members decided that they had to send him off with a proper SEAL bachelor party. That meant getting him drunk, of course. It also meant writing all over him with permanent markers-an indelible celebration, to be sure.
Fortunately, they liked him, so his face wasn't marked up-not by them, at least; he'd torn his eyebrow and scratched his lip during training. Under his clothes, he looked quite the sight. And the words wouldn't come off no matter how he, or I scrubbed.
I pretended to be horrified, but honestly, that didn't bother me much. I was just happy to have him with me, and very excited to be spending the rest of my life with the man I loved.
It's funny, the things you get obsessed about. Days before the wedding, I spent forty-five minutes picking out exactly the right shape of lipstick, splurging on expensive cosmetics-then forgot to take it with me the morning of the wedding. My poor sister and mom had to run to Walgreens for a substitute; they came back with five different shades, not one of which matched the one I'd picked out.
Did it matter? Not at all, although I still remember the vivid marks the lipstick made when I kissed him on the cheek-marking my man.
Lipstick, location, time of day-none of that mattered in the end. What did matter were our families and friends, who came in for the ceremony. Chris liked my parents, and vice versa. I truly loved his mom and dad.
I have a photo from ~ Taya Kyle

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable. ~ Bo Burnham

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?"
"Pickles gives me the wind something awful."
"In that case - "
"Oh, I wasn't saying no," Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers. ~ Terry Pratchett

It was a sobering experience. ~ Lindsay Lohan

Being sexy is just one component. It's not a thing I am. It's a thing I can be. It's a side of myself I can tap into, just like I can tap into my funny side, my quirky side or my dramatic side. It's not what I am. ~ Eva Mendes

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. ~ Henny Youngman

It's funny. I met a man once who did a lot of mountain climbing. I asked him which was harder, ascending or descending? He said without a doubt descending, because ascending you were so focused on reaching the top, you avoided mistakes.
The backside of a mountain is a fight against human nature," he said. "You have to care as much about yourself on the way down as you did on the way up. ~ Mitch Albom

How did I prepare for night shifts? When I was a small, anxious kid, I checked my mom in her sleep to make sure she was still breathing. ~ Joyce Rachelle

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. ~ Adam Ferrara

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

We have had three appalling weeks, the kind one hardly believes while one is going through it. And afterwards, as now, it seems quite unbelievable - except for the inexplicable weariness. Written down it sounds merely funny. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh