Nidge Funny Quotes

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit? ~ Chris Rock

Oh, well, that's not bad, I suppose. I mean, I'd prefer devastatingly sophisticated - but almost endearing is more than I could have hoped for under the circumstances. ~ Jane Costello

Love, a promise delivered already broken. ~ Lisa Unger

Your mother can't hear you here."
"Distance is no match for my mother's eavesdropping and mind-reading skills."

"I had steel anti-mind-reading plates installed this week. Specially designed to be Marilyn-proof. Also sounds an alarm if she gets within two hundred yards of the building, and I sent the guards downstairs to ninja training. You're safe. ~ Jamie Farrell

It's funny what happens to you when part of your heart gets born inside somebody else. ~ Donald Miller

I think it's one of those funny things - sometimes you're not really friends with somebody until you've gotten into a good fight, and I think that's the situation with Superman and Batman. ~ Mark Valley

Military Wives - Sacrificing Months of Sex for the Country. ~ Aditi Mathur Kumar

Kylie stormed into Holiday's office. She dropped down into the seat across from the desk and looked her friend and camp leader right in the eyes. "I hate boys. I'm seriously considering going lesbian."
Holiday's expression was part grin, part groan. "If it was that easy, ninety percent of the women in the world would be gay." She made a funny little face and then asked, "So ... boy problems? ~ C.C. Hunter

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late' ~ Oscar Wilde

When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mourning is assigned to a random human. This is why you sometimes just feel sad. ~ Night Vale Podcast

Ah bet she's a dirty wee minx in the scratcher. Y'see that "butter wouldnae melt" expression she's goat goin on? That's jist a smokescreen – ah guarantee she goes like a train.' Jimmy belched, considerately turning his head away to exhale. ~ Jamie Holoran

You've got a big ego, Fuentes."
"That's not all I've got. ~ Simone Elkeles

Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I wont post it on the internet, it'll just be my screen saver. ~ Jane Harvey-Berrick

You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup. ~ Arjuna Ranatunga

It's interesting with my blog, because it feels to me less like a blog and more like a forum, because my readers are so funny and leave hysterical comments. And I'm not being humble when I say that very often, the comments are so much better than the post originally was. ~ Jenny Lawson

So this is the "smug idiot thinks he's funny" face, Kami observed. Not to be confused with other "smug idiot" variants. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Why should I ignore them? In my own house? Spiteful snobs! I've appalling taste, do I? I'm skeletal, am I? Anyone would look skeletal next to them. They are both starting to look like porkers! As soon as I go down, I'm going to mention it. I'm going to particularly point out Isolde's thunder thighs. I suppose it's appalling good taste to display them in such tight jeans. I'm going to ask how she even got into those pants without splitting the seams. ~ Sonal Panse

A penny for my thoughts oh no i'll sell em for a dollar their worth so much more after im a goner and then maybe you'll hear the words ive been singing funny when your dead how people start listening ~ The Band Perry

I think on 'Third Watch' that I was the comic relief on a lot of that. I mean, I definitely had dark moments, but people tended to think he was funny even if the character himself wasn't having a fun time. ~ Jason Wiles

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. ~ Erma Bombeck

Don't try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you."
"I hate you, too. ~ Simone Elkeles

Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a wonderful wife. ~ Josh Lanyon

As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight. ~ Dave Barry

Not everything is funny or will make you laugh...but what a worthy goal to have. ~ Bobby Darnell

Life. It's a funny thing. Some want it, some throw it away. Some cling, some have it stolen from them. It's terrifying ... which is maybe why I was drawn to Fear in the first place. ~ Kelsey Sutton

Is he about to kiss me? Did he eat garlic too or was I the only one? 'Cause if Ric didn't eat garlic then my breath's gonna stink and he'll think ... Oh for fuck sake, shut up internal dialogue! ~ Zathyn Priest

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

I briefly consider keying her precious BMW, but quite frankly, I don't have the energy to go all Carrie Underwood on her ass. I still have over an hour drive ahead of me.

-Jackson 'Blame It on the Pain ~ Ashley Jade

You're not just doing that to impress her, are you?"
"Everything I do is to impress her. It's my mission in life," he said with a completely serious face, while he squeezed my knee under the table.
Mom burst out laughing. "I like him," she said.
"Me too. I think I'll keep him," I said, taking his hand and twisting my fingers with his.
"Good," he said, giving my hand a squeeze. ~ Chelsea M. Cameron

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it. ~ Josh Billings

Oh you rebel you! ~ Mallory Hopkins

You're a dick," Ellison said. "Or, is it just that you suck it?"

Aaron knew by the stillness in the room that everyone was awaiting Tony's response.

"Both," Tony agreed lightly. "And if you actually had one you might be in trouble, sailor. ~ Terra Laurent

People like light and silly, and they like stuff that's really energetic, and you get a character in a film bouncing around and screaming, people laugh. That's all it takes. I don't find that funny. To me, what's funny is dialogue and nuance of character and performance. ~ Terry Zwigoff

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't. ~ Tony Lema

We told each other every funny story we could think of. One of them stays in my mind. A German citizen wants to commit suicide. He tries to hang himself, but the rope is of such a poor quality that it breaks. He tries to drown himself, but the percentage of wood in the fabric of his pants is so high that he floats on the surface like a raft. Finally he starves to death from eating official government rations. ~ Edith Hahn Beer

I dress like an old woman in my real life. If you're having conversations with people, you don't want them to remember you as the girl with the tits, You want them to pay attention to what you're saying ~ Jennifer Lawrence

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood. ~ Gilbert Gottfried

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home. ~ Louis C.K.

As chemists, we must rename [our] scheme and insert the symbols Ba, La, Ce in place of Ra, Ac, Th. As nuclear chemists closely associated with physics, we cannot yet convince ourselves to make this leap, which contradicts all previous experience in nuclear physics. ~ Otto Hahn