You Might Be A Redneck If Quotes

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if ... the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if ... you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police! ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if ... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if ... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Now she understood a few things: that the American academy, which one might have thought the place to defend freedom of speech, had been the seat and soul of abrogating freedom of speech, if the first assault on its freedom can be said to be restricting, or handcuffing speech. The day she heard "redneck" on NPR, she turned NPR off, not because broadcasters were still using the term, but because she knew one day they would not be. In fact, she had a vision of the quiet moment backstage at a Boston studio when a good, surprised correspondent was let go for saying "redneck" the last time it would be said. ~ Padgett Powell

You don't want to stir things up by questioning the specialists.And it's terribly difficult to end something that's already been established.You interfere and you're out of a job.No, worse yet, you might be sent to a forced labor camp for ideological deviation.Even if everyone were against it, no one would say it out loud.That's why nothing changes. ~ Koushun Takami

He was a beautiful man. What more than this need be said? The sort of man who makes you think the movement of foliage might be causing the breeze. ~ Joseph O'Connor

Some things you just have to take on faith and believe in at the risk of getting hurt. It's one of the things that the Fair Folk will never understand, and it's something that sets us apart from them. The fact that each and every time we believe in each other we take a risk. Because we know that it might NOT be the truth. But we also know that it MIGHT be. ~ Lesley Livingston

it doesn't hurt to be alone sometimes. to go out on a cold night and
walk for a while. it might be dangerous, someone could hurt you, there
are sad scenes, passersby who leave a lifetime along the way for you
to pick up and examine, papers blowing in the wind with strange
messages, maybe something hopeful that you save and cherish forever. ~ Sandra Bernhard

My throat raw with emotion, I said, "I thought love was supposed to be weak knees and butterflies in your stomach and a terrible longing that could never be quenched."

Eeny shook her head, chuckled, came over and embraced me. "No, child," she said gently, patting my back. "That's romance. Romance is built on doubt. Love is solid. Constant. If you're not careful, you might mistake it for bein' boring because it's so reliable. Love is warm and deep and comfortable, just right, so you float in it peacefully without ever being scalded or frozen, like a perfect, relaxing bubble bath.

"But it's also fierce and strong and demands all the best parts of you, the parts that are giving and honest and true. Love makes you a better person. It makes you want to be a better person. You know it's love when you feel comfortable just as you are, when you feel seen and understood, when you know you could tell all your darkest truths and they'd be accepted without judgement."

Eeny pulled away and gently smoothed a hand over my hair. "Love isn't butterflies, boo. It isn't weak knees. It's a pride of lions. It's a pack of wolves. It's 'I've got your back even if it costs me my own life,' because unlike romance that fizzles at the first sign of trouble, love will fight to the death. When it's love, you'll go to war to avenge even the slightest offense. And you'll be justified.

"Because of all the marvelous and terrible things we can experience in this lif ~ J.T. Geissinger

I think ghostliness is a good quality. I pretend I'm dead all the time."
"What?" He stopped rummaging through his locker to look at me full in the face a last.
"It helps me go to sleep," I said.
"That shows you don't know anything about death," Jonah said.
"Do you?" I asked.
He hesitated before saying "I'm a g-g-g-ghost, aren't I?"
"I think being dead might be nice. Restful."
"Death is not restful. It's nothing."
"That's what seems restful to me," I said. "The nothing. Not being here. Not being anywhere. ~ Natalie Standiford

Introverts, in contrast, are constitutionally programmed to downplay reward - to kill their buzz, you might say - and scan for problems. "As soon they get excited," says Newman, "they'll put the brakes on and think about peripheral issues that may be more important. Introverts seem to be specifically wired or trained so when they catch themselves getting excited and focused on a goal, their vigilance increases. ~ Susan Cain

I'm going back in," I said as I turned toward the door. Clay sprang to his feet before I reached it and crowded behind me. I looked down at him then back at Rachel, who watched us with an enormous grin. "Looks like another guy who can't take his eyes off you. Living with you is going to be a riot." She laughed and picked up the towels. "Let's all go in. The neighbor's tree is going to shade the deck soon anyway." Having little choice, I opened the door for Clay. His fur brushed my bare thighs as he moved past me into the house. His head came to about my sternum. He really was huge...a huge problem. Sam had warned me Clay had taken my speech as an invitation to live together. At least, Clay had shown up in his fur. However, any relief I might have felt went unnoticed as I contemplated how he'd found me in a completely different state. If Sam told him, I'd have to kill Sam. Since I didn't have the stomach for outright murder, I'd break his coffee maker. I ~ Melissa Haag

Imagine experiencing pervasive and perpetual sensations of dread and shame, the sort of visceral response that you might have when your body reacts to a physical threat. Envision how distressing it would be if you experienced these exact same feelings after viewing yourself in a reflective surface or a photograph. Imagine what it might be like if your body was the source of extreme feelings of anger, disgust, anxiety, fear, and hopelessness. Try to visualize how it might be if viewing your outward appearance triggered a reaction usually associated with a perilous situation, and how disconcerting it would be if every time you looked at yourself you experienced primal feelings of terror. If you have not had such an experience, it is probably quite difficult to comprehend how it is possible to have such a reaction to one's own body. This, though, is the very tormenting reality for individuals who suffer from body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). ~ Winograd Arie M

His soul is talking to mine, and I feel the warmth of his stare heat my skin. "I need to know you're by my side every night. Those three days you were in the hospital and wouldn't wake up made me realize how much I need you to live. If something would have happened to you ... " he takes a trembling breath " ... I wouldn't be strong enough to make it without you. I love you so damn much, Tru, and I know this might be fast for you, but you're my forever. ~ R.D. Cole

When you have to walk further, wherever it might be, I beg you, never to go alone anymore. I think that as a lesson for us all. I believe it was a warning. If Dad had been alone, he surely would have died. ~ Gigi Sedlmayer

If you have read this far in the chronicle of the Baudelaire orphans - and I certainly hope you have not - then you know we have reached the thirteenth chapter of the thirteenth volume in this sad history, and so you know the end is near, even though this chapter is so lengthy that you might never reach the end of it. But perhaps you do not yet know what the end really means. "The end" is a phrase which refers to the completion of a story, or the final moment of some accomplishment, such as a secret errand, or a great deal of research, and indeed this thirteenth volume marks the completion of my investigation into the Baudelaire case, which required much research, a great many secret errands, and the accomplishments of a number of my comrades, from a trolley driver to a botanical hybridization expert, with many, many typewriter repairpeople in between. But it cannot be said that The End contains the end of the Baudelaires' story, any more than The Bad Beginning contained its beginning. The children's story began long before that terrible day on Briny Beach, but there would have to be another volume to chronicle when the Baudelaires were born, and when their parents married, and who was playing the violin in the candlelit restaurant when the Baudelaire parents first laid eyes on one another, and what was hidden inside that violin, and the childhood of the man who orphaned the girl who put it there, and even then it could not be said that the Baudelaires' story had not begun, b ~ Lemony Snicket

We become comfortable saying that there's nothing new, and then something like Malarky comes along, which is new and old and different and familiar, but ultimately itself, comfortable in its own skin, wise and smart and crazy-sexy or maybe sexy-crazy-well, you just have to read it to understand. It's a novel that sets its own course, sure and steady, even when it seems like it might be about to go over the edge of the world. ~ Laura Lippman

Three days later, just as I set off for work, the postman handed me a letter. I opened it on the bus, thinking it might be an early birthday card from some distant cousin. It read, in computer- ized text:
Dear Clark,
This is to show you that I am not an entirely selfish arse. And I do appreciate your efforts.
Thank you.
Will
I laughed so hard the bus driver asked me if my lottery numbers had come up. ~ Jojo Moyes

Why don't you use some sense and try to be more like me? You might live to be a hundred and seven, too."
"Because it's better to die on one's feet than live on one's knees," Nately retorted with triumphant and lofty conviction. "I guess you've heard that saying before."
"Yes, I certainly have," mused the treacherous old man, smiling again. "But I'm afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one's feet than die on one's knees. That is the way the saying goes."
"Are you sure?" Nately asked with sober confusion. "It seems to make more sense my way."
"No, it makes more sense my way. Ask your friends. ~ Joseph Heller

Adara, cease!"

She froze at the sound of a voice she hadn't expected to hear. For a moment she thought she might be dreaming, until she blinked to look up into the most handsome face she'd ever known. She stared at the same blue eyes that made the tenderest of love to her.

Christian.

Her grip went lax and the candlestick in her hand fell to the floor. He was alive!

She threw herself into his arms and held him close as giddy tears replaced her grief-induced ones. At least until her rage took hold again. "Damn you, you worthless, heartless son of a dog!" she snarled, pulling back to strike at his chest. "How dare you make me think you were dead! Don't you ever do such a thing to me again. "

Christian was stunned by her language and actions. "I didn't know you could hear us through the door."

She struck him again on his armor, a blow that no doubt he felt not at all, but it gave her some degree of satisfaction. "Well, think better next time."

Her untoward anger amused him. Wiping the tears from her face, he kissed her tenderly. ~ Kinley MacGregor

I'd hoped the language might come on its own, the way it comes to babies, but people don't talk to foreigners the way they talk to babies. They don't hypnotize you with bright objects and repeat the same words over and over, handing out little treats when you finally say "potty" or "wawa." It got to the point where I'd see a baby in the bakery or grocery store and instinctively ball up my fists, jealous over how easy he had it. I wanted to lie in a French crib and start from scratch, learning the language from the ground floor up. I wanted to be a baby, but instead, I was an adult who talked like one, a spooky man-child demanding more than his fair share of attention.
Rather than admit defeat, I decided to change my goals. I told myself that I'd never really cared about learning the language. My main priority was to get the house in shape. The verbs would come in due time, but until then I needed a comfortable place to hide. ~ David Sedaris

There is a certain kind of man who is forever searching. He wanders from place to place, he looks hard into the eyes of women and men in every town, maybe he scratches the earth or wields a gun, remedies illnesses or writes books, and there is always a vague emptiness within him. It is the emptiness that drives him and he does not know even how to name that thing that might fill it. No idea of home or love or peace comes to him. He does not know, so he cannot stop. On and on he moves. and the emptiness blinds him and pulls at him and he is like a newborn baby searching for the teat, knowing it is there, but where?
And sometimes such a man is handed a gift. A gift of direction. A path that is marked for him and there, yes, this will ease your suffering, it is sure. This will cure you, it will fill you up, at least for a time. There will be a home, and love, there will no longer be the sorrow when you look at a cold night sky, the sorrow as the sun rises and the mist burns away. ~ Tara Conklin